Help with relationship

>>18539155
On the flip side I cant ask her to do anything. If I do, she gets mad at me for "directing her" and stays mad until we spend a whole day talking about how I am a bad person and should never have asked it from her. This can be anything from "can you take out the trash" to "can you wear X tonight". That last one is actually a tension point right now. She does not take care of herself, at least not in my eyes. And she gets upset when I ask her to put in a little more effort. Like when I asked her to where a cute form fitting shirt she freaked out about how I am being unreasonable for demanding she wears clothes that are strangling her.

The next big fight was about porn, which she is apparently appalled that I watch. I never hid it, and when she finally asked I of course said yes. She flipped her shit. This happened in January, and it has been a problem ever sense. I agreed to not watch porn anymore, but after she pissed me off with some other stupid shit I looking at porn out of spite (and by "looking at porn" I mean in general not masturbating but I suppose that is irrelevant.) Anyways she suspected I was and caught me doing it.

We have a pretty good overlap in interests, and would play games together all the time. But a lot of the things we used to play we don't anymore. We don't play any of our board games anymore, because I am "to competitive". She holds a grudge very badly. This is directly impacting what we can do together. Every time we get into a fight while doing some activity, that activity never happens again. One by one the things I used to do with her are being crossed off the list.

continued...

>>18539155
She sounds manipulative and controlling

Tell her to fucking deal with it. You're trying your best to give her attention, but it's not healthy to be putting all your focus on a single person. If she can't deal with that, even though like you said you talk to her every day and see her every week, leave

>>18539168
So she brought up the porn thing again yesterday, which killed my entire night. Im actually trying not to watch it anymore cause it hurts her and I care about her. After we were done she fell asleep on the couch behind me and I played video games with my friends till 3AM. She is now pissed again that I stayed up late, and I know im going to have to listen to her all again tonight in an hour when she gets home.


Im fucking bored. I cant play games with my friends (can only happen at late night cause of time difference), she wont do anything with me anymore.

Porn is what I did when I was bored. Like my go to solution. Now I cant do that, I have been filling my time with stupid shit like youtube.

I feel like I give and give but I never get anything back. I still love her, but this just wears me down. I have to say reading this back I can tell that the tension im under is showing.

What the fuck do I do?

>>18539177
Wow if she controls you watching porn or doing things you enjoy doing like play videogames or hang with your friends, you need to leave this girl

She won't give anything and she's constantly taking from you. Your relationship is unhealthy as fuck. A successful relationship needs to be 2-sided, it can't just be one person manipulating the other

I don;t know about manipulative and controlling, I'd say it's a factor of her being bored, lonely, and a bit unfulfilled. Look into the overall lifestyle/relationship issues instead of nitpicking her shittests like a beta.

If you're both serious about the relationship, you'll get couples counselling before it gets any worse.

You failed. You should never be "regulated" by your partner. Be it porn or video games. ESPECIALLY if you're not even appropriately rewarded.

Bro... She's banging someone else already. You're too much of a beta guy to realize that. Do yourself a favor and kick her out of your life before it's too late.

>>18539182
>Your relationship is unhealthy as fuck

Yes I am aware. But what should I do about it?

>>18539189
Counseling feels a little premature as we are not married. Everytime a problem comes up, we do a good job of communicating, but I do always end up on the bad person side and it makes me feel like shit. Its felt like 2 steps forward 2 steps back for a while now though. Everytime I feel like things are finally improving some new (or even old and past) shit comes up.

>>18539193
Any advice on how to go forward?

>>18539201
lol thanks /adv i can always count on you.

>>18539219
Leave her or at least tell her the issues your having and if she can't deal with that or help give her part in the relationship then leave her

>>18539155
Send her home - don't break up with her but send home. She misses her family and is taking it out on you.

She needs friends!
I'm dealing with this a bit from your girlfriend's perspective. I've just moved from my home town in with my boyfriend, in his home town. I've dealt with some loneliness. But I understand that that is a symptom of circumstance. I'm working on it by making more friends and taking a lot of phone calls with my old friends and family. It's not my boyfriend's responsibility to make me not lonely.

Relationships are great when you can trust each other to help each other in reasonable ways. Sometimes my boyfriend will come home from work and be obviously worn out. I'll save a difficult financial conversation for the next day, let him unwind even though I want to cuddle and talk, and I'll cook him a great dinner. Sometimes I'll have an awful day myself, and my boyfriend will hold me while I cry, give me a pep talk, and leads me to do things that he knows I'll enjoy.

Part of what makes this work is that we know our efforts will be reciprocated. Another aspect is that we are careful not to over-promise ourselves. We say no. Say, there are times where I've asked if I could vent about something, and he's told me that he's not in a very good headspace for it. I know that if I ask my boyfriend something, that he's not going to do it begrudgingly. Because if he did, then I would need to second guess myself before I even asked him a question. I would have to guess if he didn't actually want to do it, so I just shouldn't ask. My last relationship was like this. Whenever he said yes, I never believed him! I would say, "You really don't have to." He thought that I just felt obligated to say that, but that I really did want him to do the thing, so he would feel obligated to do the thing.

Having boundaries isn't only important for yourself, it's important for her! It's important for your relationship.

It's very frustrating that she doesn't respect the boundaries you've tried to make. Calling you a 'bad person' is unproductive and mean. That isn't communication.

>>18539418

Boundaries sounds like a good idea. I will try. Thanks.

>>18539509
You're welcome!
It's hard for us to see what's going on, but she doesn't really seem very sympathetic to you.
I would suggest that you suggest to her to have hobbies that don't involve you. She needs to get out of the house and do things on her own.

>>18539576
I'll give it a shot. I'm at whits end here.

>>18539688
But do keep in mind, this relationship will only work if you're BOTH willing to make it work. If she doesn't feel happy about helping you, if she doesn't think that your needs should be on the priority list, if she doesn't want to compromise, if she's unable to admit fault- this isn't going to work.