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Hello /adv/
I broke with my gf this saturday in the morning. We have been together for 1 and a half yers.
3months in, my gut told me something wasnt right. I confronted her and she told me nothing was going on. i was right (i found she was talking to her last ex,random shit, and not in the regular).I supposed she got the attention touch and continued the relationship, telling her "if u want to talk with your exes, do it. But you will not be at my side".
This friday night, we called for a pizza. She brings me her phone and i see in last calls her ex name. I ask her and she replied he called to wish her happy birthday (this is true) but it was a fuking 27min phone call. She denies me she has had any more contact with him, I pressure her and she finally admits to talk to him a few times, nothing srs tada tada tada. Im tired enough of her bs so I decided to break up.
I told some friends, sister..and basically all of them told me to "give it a few days" and then talk to her again and try to solve the problem.
From my point of view, trust has been broken, and yeah, we could work this out but I dont think the RS would be the same, and i feel like my word wouldnt have any value anynore (and i have lost good friends because of that; what i say, is what i do).
I value the opinion of my friends and family, and thats why Im confused. I think I did the right thing.
Did I overreact? They didnt see each other and all was soft talk (how are your parents? how is your new job? And again, maybe once a month or two). But I know for a fact they planned on meeting to "play padel" (basically reading text on her phone, which she doesnt know i read)
She asked me to not leave her, that she didnt expect this reaction, she knows she did an error, that she wants us to keep together..If I overreacted, do you think that now she has seen the teeths of the wolf, will she stop?
Thanks for any advice and sorry for any grammar error
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When you build a relationship on trust and someone breaks it, it can mean the end for some. Others can work it out. It really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. It's up to you what is tolerable and what isn't. I would be more concerned with why she felt the need to hide it as well as why is she contacting him. Sometimes people remain friends after a relationship but that friendship should be in the up and up and not hidden. Everything happens for a reason and I would be concerned about the reason.
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>>18538876
You did the right thing anon. Do not go back or you'll become a toy in her eyes. Just think this relationship through. Why did she had the urge to keep in contact with jer ex? Haven't you two done some active stuff togheter? Haven't you gave her enough attention. Only you would know that. If that is so then keep that in mind for your next relationship and make it better. But this one is over!
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She's acting behind your back after you had a straight talk to her about it. This is not the behaviour you change in a person, and it can be done about pretty much anything, from money management in a marriage to cheating. Not sorting out her shit with her ex before getting in a new relationship is also a huge red flag.
Dump and don't look back, better now than wasting time trying to fix it and having to dump for the same reason a few years down the line
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>>18538876
Relationships are about mutual trust and respect. If you cant trust your gf, why would you stay with her in the first place? Let her go.
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I probably would have acted the same. I'm very similar to you OP. Once someone lies to me such an elaborate lie, the trust is broken and I even feel some disgust towards them.
So yeah, I believe you did the right thing.
And yes, of course it was fix-able. But I don't think it would have been the same (at least for the short term)
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>>18538953
we did active stuff, from short trips to parties, music festivals, playing sports, playing videogames in her house together..dunno, from my point of view, it was a healthy RS and im not an hermit.
as far as i know she basically didnt close her last RS (the guy cheated on her). maybe she wanted some revenge or maybe she still loves him, dunno.
>>18538960
yh thats what worries me. she knew that talking to him would fuk the RS, and she still did. then she must think her RS or the opinion of her ex is more important than mine.
thanks to all you guys for your advice.
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Or she thinks she can get away with it and in some way she sees you weak...or too nice in her eyes to be treated seriously in that field...in other way she seems to not have real reasons/fears of not doing it. She is playing with you. Sorry to say, leave and never look back...ah and fuck her friends and let her know about it.
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>>18538997
The girl must fix it for you, not you for her, she is the one who screwed up the reltionship. You wouldnt done what she did, but she is allowed because she is a girl and she is stupid? She know what she has done.
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>>18538876
>>>18538997
>she is allowed because she is a girl and she is stupid? She know what she has done.
The biggest trick from women is to make you think she is dumb/stupid. She know what she is doing.
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