Help! I've fallen and I cant get up

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I always do things WRONG. People always get tired of me. I am very sensitive and defensive. I think i have good points but I DONT, just incoherent ones. I am almost 26 years old and have never been in a serious romantic relationship. Im just not that appealling apparently. I never had a lot of friends. Just a couple that I know have my back. My family never had the most money. We have struggled my entire life. I just dont know when itll be better. You know maybe in my next life I'll be reincarnated as a chad who has a rich family, many friends, and who the ladies love. Can this happen? It could. I may also be reincarnated as a damn frog but maybe my frog life would be better than the depressive suicidal life I live now. I try to do right and think positive but for some reason that never works for too long. I have thought about ending things since I was 8. Sometimes life is too much for the brain to take. I wonder how people are able to have everything. The cars, clothes, women, job, personality, etc. How do they do it? Maybe it is just genetic. Some of us are predisposed to be that way while others are the peasants in life who serve the better people. Sometimes i try to pretend to be an elevated person but perhaps I'm just a peasant who needs to work in the fields and stop pretending. My daydreams of how my life should be arent going to happen. I'm stuck and dont k ow how to get out from where I'm at. I thought I was doing well at mt job with taking on so many responsibilities with the limited time frame per day I had to finish them but I see that helping out is not the best course of action. Its better to be selfish in life because thats the only way you will make it. The problem with that is Im not a selfish person. I like helping people out and wish I was a billionaire so I could help out more people. Buy off houses, cars, offer tuition, build parks, etc. I'd do those things if I could. Instead Im always scraping for money. Trying to get by. When will this stop?