TOO CHILL FOR LIFE

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I haven't gotten mad for any reason in the past FIVE years.

When people hear this, they make a surprised face, ask me to tell about that last time and then somehow they take it up as a challenge to one up it.

How do I stop people from trying to grind my gears? They won't get there anyway, but I'd very much rather prefer normal interaction.

For curious anons, that last time I got mad went like this:
>Have dick coworker
>Everyone secretly or openly despises his dickishness
>Apparently my chillness upsets him so he goes double ham on me
>One day this goes too far
>Stab him in the arm with a pencil
>He's the one scolded for "managing to upset me so bad"
>mfw