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Anonymous
choosing between love and happiness 2017-07-20 12:25:17 Post No. 18536339
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choosing between love and happiness 2017-07-20 12:25:17 Post No. 18536339
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Okay so I've kinda found myself between a rock and a hard place, I'm very much in love with my boyfriend and things are rather serious, we've discussed marriage and buying a house together, you know, shit like that.
But the catch here is that I absolutely hate, like completely detest the city we live in.
I'm not from here, I'm a bit of a nomad and have lived all across my country (Canada, so I've lived quite a few different places) and I've never felt so much despair because of where I live.
I'm not just being a whiny cunt, I actually just can't find any redeeming qualities about this place, everywhere I've ever lived I've been able to find at least a few friends and stuff I enjoy but here I can't find shit.
I've lived here for about 2.5 years and I have no friends, I've had countless dead end jobs that I end up leaving because they're all owned by stingy immigrants who don't follow labour laws, I've almost been homeless here countless times, this is THE most expensive city to live in (in Canada) which causes me a great deal of stress all the time because I usually have to choose between rent and food, I've been raped here, assaulted here, I'm an independent person and I feel trapped because I don't feel safe enough here to go outside most of the time, I've been hospitalized because of my poor mental condition due to anxiety and stress and having a complete emotional break down about a year ago after attempting suicide.
The problem here is, my boyfriend's from here and doesn't plan on moving any time soon. I've brought it up before and all the times I have the conversation goes from "us" to "me"
I really don't know what to do, everyday is a battle for me because the only thing keeping me here is him, but by staying here I'm loosing my sanity and fear I'm not going to make it out of here alive.
this is a long shot but, any advice? Even if it's just how to endure something you hate, I just don't know what to do.
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>>18536339
Make it clear he is going to have to choose between you or living there, and link him this thread so he knows how bad it is for you.
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>>18536355
see I don't want to put him in that situation since that's pretty much how I ended up here in the first place and I resent the person I came here with a little bit because they pretty much threw me out in the when they made it and I couldn't integrate.
He has friends here, he has a good job here and stuff, granted things aren't like amazing for him either and I'm sure one day he'll realize this city isn't that great either bit I guess it's harder for him to understand since that's all he knows and I actually have experiences to compare it to.
I also think the idea kinda scares him and I don't want him to feel like he made a bad decision because of me
I also don't think he really understands what I'm going through though, he thinks he can make me feel better if he loves me enough; but I isolate myself constantly and I'm about to be hospitalized again in about a week because of my major depressive episodes.
He tries to help me fit in and gets upset when I turn down every invitation to go out with him and his friends; I've tried to explain to him that I'm a recovering alcoholic that goes through withdrawal every time I drink (it also launches me into a sever depressive episode) and I turn him down because all him and his friends ever do when they get together is drink and when I'm around it I just want to drink too. He finally got that I'm not just blowing him off or not trying to help myself get better, I genuinely have a problem. But the rest is still kind of hard for him to understand I guess.
I don't blame him though, if you've never lived this then it's hard to understand but, I just don't know what to do. :(
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