Struggling to shake break-up shock

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I'm thirty years old. I got left behind by a twenty four year old ex of sorts who was my “friend”. That was nearly seven months ago and I still have nightmares about it from time to time. She was very much a partier and a party is where she threw it all away.

I admit I cried when I confronted her about it, she blamed it on me, compared me to the other guy and said he was doing more for her. I didn't know love was based on simply doing stuff all the time? And if it is, how could she forget all the big things I did for her? Anyway, I don't have anyone to talk to. My friends don't seem to care anymore and I feel like a burden to them. I tried setting up a therapist but it's expensive in my area, so I often go to church and just chill there by myself. I feel horrible, I tried to make things work but she just asked me what I was willing to do for her.

I asked her to give me one day you take her out, cook her favourite meal and give her all my time. But she said it wasn't enough and the other guy was taking her out to fancy restaurants all the time and buying her flowers. I...I just stopped because all her “I love you’s’ seemed to be based on what I did and not me. Anyway, I'm so lost guys. Usually I hit the gym in such cases, but her new bf goes to the same gym that I do and...I honestly scared? I'm terrified of seeing her or him and struggle to sleep/eat a lot. I just don't know why she was so mean and tore me down instead of just letting me go. It's like I never mattered to her at all. I feel stupid, used, dejected and worse off all? I hate myself for giving her a chance when all she ever did was party and drink till wee hours of the morning. And that's the worst part, for how angry I am at her, I'm angrier at myself.