Attracted to my stepfather

I have no idea if this is the place for this type of question but I guess I'll find out.

Both my parents are divorced and remarried. I was living with my dad and stepmom but I ended up fighting with my stepmom once to often and at 8 years old I was given a choice of going to a foster home or moving into my mom and stepfather's ( if they would take me ). My mom has a drug problem but has been clean for a few years. I listened to them discussing what they were going to do with me. My mom said she didn't want me but her new husband said they had a extra bedroom and I could move in anytime. That was just about four years ago.

Since I moved in my life and attitude has changed. My stepfather treated me like I was his child. He helped me with my school work and now I am on school Honour Roll! We have family night once a week. He always tells mom and me that he loves us and how lucky he is to have two beautiful girls like us! This is the first time I actually believe that someone loves me and it is a great feeling!

My mother has never showed me much effection and that hasn't changed. My Stepdad has tried to come up with activities that we could do together and bond but my mom reacted to the last one by telling my Stepdad to quit telling her how to raise her daughter. Since then most the family nights my mom finds a reason not be there.

I should also mention that about two years ago I saw my mom and stepfather having sex. I got home early from a sleep over and their bedroom door was open and I saw my stepfather giving my mom oral sex. I hid behind the laundry hamper and watched my mom moaning and grinding herself into my stepfathers face. I started to get excited and after watching my mom have a wild orgasm I snuck back to my bedroom and masterbated thinking of my stepfather doing that to me. I have never cum so hard! After that I have watched them as often as I can and I can't stop thinking about him and I want him to do it to me even though it's illegal.