I'm fucked...

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Hi anons,

I am a 30 year old neet and I am looking for advice.

Here is a rundown:
>be me back in the day, a 16 year old popular dude in HS
>lots of friends
>great girlfriend
>stay together 8 years
>she cheats and we break up when I'm 24
>devestated.jpg
>fucks up my brain bad
>spend the next 8 years as a complete and total hermit
>make very small amount of money online
>living with parents
>only good thing is that I am going to the gym
>extreme depression and social anxiety
>tried prescription drugs, tried therapy, tried motivational speakers, etc...
>confidence level = zero
>have posted to reddit and 4chan hundreds of times about this same issue

I feel like I cannot be me, as if people always see me as depressed. I am somewhat socially retarded but I can talk with friends and family. My days for many years have consisted of: waking up, making coffee, eating breakfast, maybe going to the gym, sitting around at home playing games, doing a small amount of work, smoking some weed, and going to bed. I haven't have a relationship or been sexual with somebody for 7 years. I can't relate to family members because they don't undetstand depression and social anxiety.

What the fuck do I do? I want to kill myself and I think about it everyday but I am too much of a pussy. I am super fucked but I could never kill anybody else. Do I get up and leave my country (Canada)? Do I move away from everybody and cut contact? It feels like everyone I know will always see me as depressed. I feel like I am still here somewhere but I seriosuly have no clue what to do. This is not a troll post or a ruse- I am seriously looking for advice.