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I think I fell in love for the first time last year during a summer fling. I guess. I don't know. I only knew her for about 3 months. The 3 months were pretty great. In the end we had to leave for different colleges. We fought. We had a horrible breakup.
For about 2 months after this I was horribly depressed. Like "I can't get out of my bed" depressed. I nearly dropped out of school. I've since recovered and now I'm mostly back to normal.
But, to this day, over a YEAR later, I can't shake the thought of her. I just can't stop thinking of her. I sometimes stay up late at night thinking about the way that she just drank coffee on our first date because she was too nervous to eat, or about the sundress she loved to wear, or about how she used to ride her bike next to me when I would go on my morning runs, or about how she didn't like the music I listened to, or about how I would do the dishes for her and I after we ate lunch in her backyard and I'd come out and she'd surprise me and jump on me and kiss me.
I used to see her on social media with new guys she met at college. I'd hear about her from our mutual friend. She's been partying and getting blackout drunk 5 nights out of the week. She's been fucking every guy in her dorms like a rabbit. I think I'm going crazy. She doesn't care about me, that makes sense. We didn't have something special. She hates me now. That makes /sense/. I understand that.
I know this is an essay post, but I really need some help here. I can't love her, right? That would make no sense. That would be crazy. So what is this? What can I do?
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>>18530266
You literally can not love her, no. 3 months isn't enough time to fall in real love. Also, it sounds like you dodged a bullet by breaking up with her.
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>>18530268
I agree, of course I can't love her. I'm just really confused.
And about dodging a bullet-- I've heard that a lot. She's a nympho. She got that from being cute and popular in high school.
What steps can I take? I've started using tinder to get hookups with random girls and it just makes me feel even worse. I don't know how to move on.
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>>18530280
Assuming you were successful, how have you come to the conclusion that sex does not equal love? Sure, sex is a piece of the pie that is love, but it isn't love.
Maybe get some actual dates and try entering a relationship, instead of just fucking a wet hole that's willing to give it up to a stranger.
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>>18530283
>how have you come to the conclusion
Meant to say, "How have you NOT come to the conclusion.
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>>18530287
I've come to that conclusion. I just got... well, get really lonely. I though that fucking someone else would make me forget about her.
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>>18530305
No. Getting into a healthy relationship will help you forget about her - unless you are ignoring the bad, and focusing on the good.
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>>18530307
There was so much bad about her but there was so much good too. I think I have trouble focusing on the big picture, the good memories just won't get out of my head.
I think you're right. I need to find someone else. I just hope it happens soon.
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>>18530311
>Need
That's a problem. You're not going to attract many people with the mentality of NEEDING to find someone. Women can sense desperation, and its a huge turnoff.
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>>18530315
You're right. I'm just really lost. I guess when I say need I don't mean /need/. I mean to say that I "need" to find someone else to get over her. Not that I need someone else in general.
But what should I do?
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>>18530323
Realize that while you may have fucked up, it's not the end of the world. You're young and learning. Learn from the mistakes you made, and don't make them again.
Then get comfortable with yourself. Learn to be content being alone. You will never have more success than when you can honestly say, "I want someone to spend my life with, but if it doesn't happen, then that's ok, too."
You'll learn not to tolerate bullshit beyond a very finite amount. When you're not willing to tolerate that, then chicks learn really quickly what your limits are, and that dancing around your limits is gonna get them a boot out the door.
But yeah, pick up hobbies. Maybe playing music. Maybe cooking. Woodworking, Reading philosophy. Don't just consume video games and TV. Make yourself better doing something you enjoy. These are perks not just for you, but for any woman who shows interests. "Wow, he can cook?" or "Holy crap! He made his own coffee table? That's so cool!" Shit like that.
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>>18530266
>a summer fling
Hard to understand it is the male that attaches so easily and cannot see casual, temporary, meaningless sex as casual, temporary, meaningless sex. Fun in the sun for her is clingy, possessive, the perfect girl that got away for him. Because she moved on doesn't mean she hates you, only that she did that and who's next and who's next after that.
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>>18530337
I'll try focusing more on myself and my hobbies. I'm in such a rut right now. I need to climb out and become happy with my life again.
>>18530405
I hear this a lot. It makes me sad. And she really does hate me-- at least she did. She called me pathetic. Told me I was a pussy when I texted her in a depressive episode 2 months after we broke up (definitely a bad call).
Even if she doesn't hate me, I'm sure she doesn't like me. She doesn't ever want to see me again. I never cross her mind. In her eyes I might as well live in another universe. And I think that might be worse. Extreme indifference seems much worse than disdain.
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>>18530457
>indifference
True. To her it was a temporary fling and never anything more and it is not her fault you wanted something more. I imagine the fit you threw along with the begging changed that indifference to disgust. You had polar opposite expectations and an overactive romantic imagination.
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>>18530483
How can I stop hating myself for that?
How can I stop thinking about her?
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