I need professional psychologist advice So, I’ve went through

File: IMG_1536.jpg (4MB, 4032x3024px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 4032x3024px

I need professional psychologist advice

So, I’ve went through a bad night as a child, right as my mom was leaving the country and I was bullied in school, juggled between parents and different schools. After that night I’ve had flashbacks and every night was the most terrifying experience of my life, repeated. I vomited that night, and eve though I vomited before, and I remember these times, they don’t instill, or at least didn’t instill fear in me and I didn’t ever think about them anymore. Until that night that changed my life. Traveling anywhere was out of the question. Years have passed, the fear lessened but horrible nights were still common especially on sundays. I still remember the night that my dad went to sleep, completely sober, and he’s just told me to “turn down the ps3”
I was right there, at night, feeling as safe as ever. It was incredible. But throughout the years many things have happened to slowly get to that point. Eventually I met my online friends, talking on skype for the first time, and spending nights, with them. My logic was that, I’m within dads reach, and I can drift off. It was really cool, wherever I went, I was never alone again. Next month I got my pc, and for the first time in years, I went to bed on my own. “If something goes wrong, I can go back”

I lied down, tingling, expecting it to come, and 1..2..3.. it didn’t. And then I realized im free.

Except turns out that was just one thing. Of course not eating the food that I ate the night before, etc etc.just after I got my pc my mom took me on vacation to England (didn’t want to go but dad would restrict me from my pc) and I was still 5 times as anxious as I was when I would wake up alone on my own in the muddle of the night. Basically you feel like you’re about to die. So, I get back after 2 weeks, but something was off. It wore off after 4 weeks though.
Going abroad was no no.