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>Recently forgetting a lot of important dates, conversations, etc.
>Today I had planned to do something with my dad, who is the most important person in my world
>I forget and completely blow him off for bowling, probably hurting his feelings in the process.
>I stayed up all night trying to figure out what was missing, because something felt off. Once I figured it out, I lost it
>I called and texted my dad apologizing repeatedly, it's 3am so of course no response
>I start belittling myself, saying I'm horrible, I'm not as great as my father thinks I am, I'm a waste, etc.
>Thought about killing myself and told my own dad that in a voicemail
>Practically bawling my eyes out and knowing I won't get any sleep tonight, and it dawned on me that this isn't healthy and it's happened before.
Something is obviously wrong, but I'm not sure if it's depression, or something far worse. Or maybe I'm overreacting. I'm financially stable and able to get help, but I don't want to ruin my reputation or looked at as mentally unwell over something that I can probably handle myself. What should I do?
(P.S. I would never try to commit suicide. I've thought about it, but it's just something I wouldn't do.)
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A lot of people receive counseling, even "normal" people. Everyone hits a rut in their life eventually, and if your financially stable, you should think about investing in someone who's professionally trained to help you out of it. Even if your not in a rut, they're someone you can talk to about your feelings and problems that won't judge you. The reason they became counselors is to help people like you have confidence in themselves, and lead good lives.
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Blowing off people is pretty shitty even if it's because you're forgetful, but frankly it's easy to avoid.
In all seriousness, do you know how to set a reminder on your phone?
Feeling bad because you blew someone off does not mean you are mentally unstable or something, because in reality you should feel bad.
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I know, I'm just not sure if it's really worth it. I've been taken to counseling when I was younger, but I was taken out soon after for unknown reasons. I know what I'm doing is unhealthy right now, but what I'm scared of is if I'm just unhealthy in general.
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