Loneliness

Do what would make them proud.

>>18525703
I mean people I've been estranged from, not those who have died, sorry.

Drink. A lot.
It's been working for me and I spend 95% of my free time by myself.
Alternatively you could go out and make new friends but that takes effort and usually costs more than a bottle of vodka.

I understand your problem, and had a very similar dilemma quite recently. I was estranging my friends and started realizing that I had built an image that most people, and myself didn't like. I made a turn-around, and have been slowly working to kind of "rebrand myself". A good strategy I used was to start being more nice towards people I have scorned, and to show them that I'm not really a bad person. Try to make peace with your enemies, and reach out to others you wouldn't normally reach out to. It has helped me immensely.

I hope this helps you.

>>18525727
It's illegal to drink until you're 21 in the United States.

Also I hate the taste of most alcoholic drinks.
Also I don't want to rely on a drug to help my problems, I want to internally sort myself.

>>18525744
I don't really have enemies, as most people I've had falling outs with are away and out of my life. But this does help somewhat, thanks.

Meet new people.

>>18525775
How do you meet new people
Even if you do how do you become friends with them

>>18525773
>>18525798
I have no idea, which is why I drink.
You didn't specify you were under 21 so I just figured you were around my age.

>>18525798
I've been asking myself the same thing lately.
It used to be so easy back in school, but now I have no idea how to do it.

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>>18525672
It's hard to say, I'm only 25 but I've lost a lot of people in my life, high school was very rough, lots of suicides, lost my best friend to bullying when I was 15, hung himself in the closet, lost a close friend when I was 18, shot himself in the head, college was nothing but death, lost 8 friends in total, drinking and driving, overdosing, suicides, it was awful

I've met and lost a lot of amazing people in my life, and honestly the thing that keeps me going is knowing I have at least ONE person out there that cares about me, family or friend, loneliness can be cured pretty easily with the internet, join a random group and just talk to the first person you meet, I've met a lot of great friends that way

Being alone sucks, being stabbed in the back sucks, life itself can really suck sometimes, and it's hard not to think of those you lost when you're laying in bed hoping to fall asleep, it's why I wait until I'm so tired I can't stay awake any longer is when I lay down, just so I won't be alone with my thoughts

You're loved OP, everyone is loved at one point in their life, and that love never truly dies, as corny as that sounds, just do anything and everything you enjoy doing (as long as it's not hurting anyone) and people will come to you

The fact that you're seeking help in this matter just shows that you're amazing.