chose job over love

>>18524835

What's there to help at this point? You should have consulted him a lot sooner.

>>18524841
I can't say sorry enough.

>>18524835
>He is saying I have chosen a job that pays well over him and our relationship.

You did, and should had talk to him before but you already know this.

What do you want adv for Op?You want forget about him fast?Want to reevaluate your choices?Want to know if should try a LDR(you shouldn't by the way)?Are you just venting?

>>18524870
I've suggested LDR and he's not having it.

>>18524870
I'm just very emotional, sorry /adv/

>>18524845

You thought you were doing what's best for you. To be sure, you were selfish, and the fact that you only told him recently doesn't reflect well on you.

But what's done is done. Learn from your mistake and move on.

>>18524874
Well it's not really a good option for both of you

Tell more about your history with him, the job and how it's affecting you, will make you feel better and think straight.

>>18524835

Relationships end over pursuing opportunities all the time. There's nothing wrong with you prioritizing your career over a relationship. What you did wrong was not talk to him about it. After 4 years you owed him more respect and consideration than that. You owed him an honest, face to face conversation.

So, in summary, despite how he may or may not feel about the relationship ending you didn't fuck up by making the decision, you fucked up with the way you made it.

>>18524835
Why didn't you give him advance warning so that he could have searched for a job and moved with you?

Wow, I hope you feel horrible for a long time OP. Not telling him earlier is such a scummy move.

There is no saving from this. Please learn to take the consequences of your actions.

>>18524899
Wow man, you could have had both but you squandered that chance being a self obsessed asshole.

>>18524917
feel v shitty. Thanks!

>>18524899
I didn't expect to hear from the job, I just did it and heard back sooner than I'd expected. I told him as soon as I heard.

>>18524939
You've been with him for four years and didn't even discuss applying for the job?

>>18524835
most I've fucked my life.

>>18524937
Fix it like this:

1) Tell him you're a fucking idiot.
2) Tell him you're not taking the job.
3) Tell him it would be hugely beneficial if you did.
4) Work together to find a job for both of you.
5) If you find one, move together and never be so stupid again.

>>18524958
Wait, how do you think that's the right outcome?

She chose the job over him, maybe it's a better move for them to break up.

>>18524958
Won't have me back.

>>18524962
For him, sure. But I'm helping her get what she wants because it would make for a good Disney movie. If she can't find a job and stays with him the sacrifice is a good enough redemption and the lesson should stick. If she finds one their relationship should get stronger.

For him, forgiveness is optional.

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Maybe it's for the best?

>applied for job without telling him
>accepted job without telling him immediately
>was ok with the thought of just moving away and leaving him where he was

So maybe you chose the job over him for a reason?

>>18524979
not the anon you were responding to

that reply isn't even coherent. there's no reason to abandon a career (or to just stop its advancement completely) over a relationship partner. a spouse is one thing, but a "boyfriend" is another

>>18524958
You're a fucking idiot.

Op put yourself first. This is a great opportunity for you and you should take it. Relationships come and go but life changing decisions happen and have consequences.
You made the right decision. It's not about what feels right it's about doing what you need to do to make sure you succeed. Unless you want to live like a parasitic house wife whose only purpose is to warm your husbands cock when he comes home go and pursue your career.

I hope you have good luck in your new job.

>>18524986
The label is meaningless. These days marriages are just relationships with legal liability. What's more, people have gotten married in fewer than four years.

>>18524994
>Op put yourself first.
OPs problem is that she put herself second and capitalist value first.

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>>18524835
You should have given him notice and stuff, but some part of you really wanted to go abroad to work and for that well paying job. Your own happiness comes first. You could have dropped him easier, but fuck it, move on and enjoy your new life. You're literally moving into a new world. Enjoy it.

>>18525009
Whoops thought that was the og pic and not the tinder screen cap. Oh well lol.

>>18525006

>OPs problem is that she put herself second and capitalist value first.

Come the fuck on. For real?

>>18525026
Yep. Notice she only mentioned it was a job that pays we'll. Not like it was some intrinsically valuable dream career. Moreover she took it upon herself to exclude the dude from the picture when she could have had both.

Money got the better of her.

>>18525063
I couldnt write it better. I wonder how will op feel like 10 years in the future. If she will find new bf and forget about this one or keep regretting it.

>>18525077
prop keep regretting it.

You're awful and you deserve everything coming your way. Be an adult this time and own it.

>>18525087
thanks

>>18525063

Ok, so you seem to be at least a semi-well spoken person so I'm assuming you're not an idiot. That being said, you have to realize that characterizing OP's decision as money based is a bit of a stretch, even for the information she provided.

Its a job overseas and, obviously a good enough opportunity to rethink a 4 year relationship. On top of that, completely characterizing the factor that money plays into one's quality of life and plans for the future as greed is also disingenuous, at best. What if she wants to have children in the future and just doesn't have a job where she makes enough to do so? What if she has some other dream or passion that the money will help her achieve?

That is not even including the fact that you don't know anything about their current situation. You have no idea whether he was able to just pick up and move on. You don't know what her long term goals are or whether or not money was the sole factor for ending the relationship.

I don't know any of these hypothetical things for sure but my point is neither do you. You characterized OP as a selfish, money hungry bitch because you wanted to not because the evidence was there to support it. Neither of us know not even remotely enough information about this situation to make a claim like that.

>>18525093
I'm the anon you replied to.
I concede you're correct but I'm deliberately filling in the blanks to elicit responses from her. My intention is to get her to either agree or disagree strongly so she can move forward confident in her reasoning.

>>18525113
I think you've missed the point.

>>18524835
What kind of job is it?

>>18525264
It's working with clinical population, hard to come by.

>>18524835
Yeah, you fucked up something awful. You could have at least told him you were looking to apply to these positions when you started, but you didn't -- which means you'd already made the decision completely without him and you were going to fuck him and leave regardless. The relationship ended at that point. It cannot be redeemed. Maybe saying you wanted to take him with you back when you first started applying in the "haha, if I get one of these!" type discussions, but no...

Enjoy your career and your cats.

>the job pays well

If you were willing to take it over him, then he wasn't the one. Enjoy your money and freedom

>>18524835
He should have proposed last year. It's his fault not yours. You need to only worry about yourself until you get married. What if you stayed then two weeks later he dumps you for another qt. You'd be fucked. Nothing is stopping him from buying a ring planning a romantic date and FIGHTING FOR YOU. He's a pussy. You doged a bullet. Find a real mam.

>>18525448
I didn't plan this.

>>18524835
I feel for you, but really if you didn't even tell him about when you first applied let alone accepted the job, you had already made up your mind about leaving him. Even if it wasn't intentional and you didn't mean to you've already left him. I think all you're feeling now is loss, not regret. Maybe learn from this and live your life differently in the future. That's all you can do. Take the job and make the best out of a shit situation. Don't spare your own feelings by trying to be nice, tell him it's over. Make it a clean break for him. That's the least you can do. In time maybe he will forgive you, and maybe you can forgive yourself as well

>>18526102
I've fucked up big time I know this. I can't change it and I'm not going to go back to him because our relationship is gone now. I thought we could have a ldr but of course I've misjudged and looked at everything naively.

Most people I've spoken to are encouraging for me to take this on and i'm more confused than ever.
Then again I've had someone close to me die recently and it's just what i'd like to do to get away for a bit.

>>18524942
This, No matter how you put it or try to justify it to yourself OP, you should have discussed it with him and try to find the solution together.
I am probably moving to the other side of the planet with my gf in a year or two, and that is only because we sat down, she told me she is considering it, we talked like adults, and i was down with it(i don't really care where on the globe i am to be honest). Gave us both time to prepare for it together.

Sad thing that you couldn't do that with your bf OP. Maybe this is for the best

remember kids, never trust womenfolk

>>18526345
I know and I've fucked up. I haven't accepted the offer of course, and I am not certain I will get it anyhow. This is still discussion with us two and I have owned up to not talking to him beforehand about it. I didn't preplan this to the t.

>>18526367
Oh get off it.

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>>18526378

What do you really want help with? You messed up. It's alright. Everyone does.

All you can do is apologize, which you've already done. Go after whatever it is you really want.

Sounds like your relationship is already over, so take control your own life. That job sounds like a great opportunity for you.

>>18524835
I remember you. You did the right thing, money trumps dick or pussy any day of the week.

Just have some casual sex to feel better (you're a woman so it should be no problem) and then hunt for a boyfriend. If you have a decent paying job it should be no problem.