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Sailing the red sea

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Hi /adv/

I've been in a very good relationship for well over two years now. We met in college and have loved each other ever since, and we've never had any real bumps.

Yet there's one issue that keeps on coming back: I don't want to have sex when she's on her period, and she finds that hurtful.

The issue for me personally is just a matter of preference, which comes down to me not liking the idea of doing it in a bloody mess. I can handle blood generally, but when it comes to sex I think I would simply be too uncomfortable to really focus on her.

For her, the issue resolves around the fact that she doesn't understand why it makes me uncomfortable. She does sometimes (once every 2-3 months) give me blowjobs, which she doesn't like either--yet she says that she does it for me. Similarly, she wants me to cross my boundary as well. But somehow this comparison feels off. I'd never force her to do anything she wouldn't want to do, and yet I feel very forced in this situation.

Every time the issue comes up (when she's on her period) she gets very emotional and often cries when I refuse to have sex. She doesn't take rejection well, and I feel very powerless when it happens.

Finally, I don't usually like to be pushed to do things, and I'll stand my ground. I want her to respect my boundaries in the same way I would respect hers. Is there anything I could do to avoid this situation every month that wouldn't involve me "giving in"? Any ways in which I can show my love for her when she's on her period? I'd like to hear any words of advice.

Thank you for reading.
Period sex isn't a big deal.
Gotta stand your ground mate.
If she's using the bjs as leverage, then tell her flat out she can't pull that card. Tell her under no circumstance are you ever expecting her to do shit, and if she chooses to do so out of her own free will that's on her and she cannot expect anything in exchange.

You can tell her to get on the pill so she doesn't even have periods anymore. Thats what the fuck I do because getting a period every month is so fucking inconvenient.

Anyway, I think your gf is being an immature baby. You are never expected to do anything you dont want to do, even if she willingly does shit she doesn't like to do for you that you never explicitly asked her to do.

I'd tell her firmly once and for all, no is no. You will not EVER fuck her on her period and if that is really a dealbreaking thing for her then so be it. Thats where you draw the line, its not happening, and you expect her to respect that.
For what it's worth, I can sympathize with her feelings to an extent. I think given the severity of her reaction it is less about missing out on sex for part of the time, and more about your rejection making her feel gross about herself and her body. Periods are kind of a sore point for many men - it's not really an exception for them to turn up their nose at a mere mention of periods, even if they think that graphic diarrhea stories are funny. Chances are that she has some level of discomfort/shame or embarrassing memories herself that play up now that her own boyfriend also does not want to be intimate with her when it's her time of the month.

Having said that, you are not obliged to do anything at all and she shouldn't even want to hold anything over your head to get you to do a sex act. You reluctantly doing stuff with her isn't going to make her feel better to begin with, no doubt.
If you don't want to do sexual things to her when she's menstruating then I do think you're not in the right place to expect her to compensate you for it ("shark week is blowjob week") but it doesn't sound like you do to begin with.

As for a compromise, do you still do sexual things together without penetration? I think even just a steamy make out session could help a bit with feeling unattractive, but I would also recommend something like mutual masturbation. It will drive the point home that you still find her attractive without you doing anything with the blood.

I hope this gives you an idea.
It's not a big deal honestly. Let her go to the bathroom and prepare herself, follow when she's ready, fuck standing under the shower. My ex didn't bleed while she was covered in water so there was never a mess and even then, you're under a shower so it doesn't matter
I'm a woman and even I agree periods are fucking disgusting. The fact that they're disgusting is nothing to feel insecure about though, is what I don't understand from other women.
We all know and agree taking a shit is disgusting. It's a fact of life though, can't do anything about it. Human beings have bodily processes that are gross. Doesn't make us inherently gross for it. Why do other women take it so hard, I just do not understand it.
You're at higher risk for bloodborne diseases though.
Better be real confident she's not cheating or lying about her sexual history.

Plus the smell. Good god the smell is horrific.
I don't have such strong feelings about it myself. Sure they're not sexy or anything like that but lots of bodily things aren't in particular. I don't care about men not finding them a turn on. I would be bummed out by a man not wanting to fuck me during (because the hormones make me so horny, primarily) but not more than that. It's acting like periods are so out of this world disgusting that they cannot even be mentioned without making faces that irks me. Mostly because this coming from men kind of has that
>eww, women with their gross vaginas
vibe and I like to fuck men who are into pussies and not too put off by their occasional weirdness.

Still though it differs from woman to woman, like anything else. Eg some women feel disgusting with arrmpit hair, others can feel sexy with it. I'm pretty sure that it's not uncommon to give zero fucks and I don't think the strong reaction of OP's girl is the norm, it's just that her actual repeated crying to me is a big sign that this issue goes deeper than feeling like she misses out on dick.
Yeah I'll give you that.
Like I get bummed out knowing I can't fuck for a week too, especially when you're so horny. But I never once though to blame a guy for that lol.

Agreed this is a deeper issue on the gf though. Weird that it manifests in this way.
Yeah I think that's the issue to her, she cannot happily agree to disagree because she for herself doesn't feel completely comfortable with it. I think it also depends on how OP acts otherwise, if he just doesn't want to touch the blood that's (to me at least) a whole other deal than being so turned off remembering she's on her period that he doesn't even want to give her more than a chaste kiss. Friend of mine dated a guy like that, I can imagine that's tough because at that point it goes from "he doesn't want to stick his dick in a bloody hole" to "I put him off in general by being on my period".

Still though trying to bargain about doing stuff they actually don't want is a path no one should want to head down.
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