Moved out a year ago for uni, about eight hours away with the

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Moved out a year ago for uni, about eight hours away with the train from where my parents live. I am super anxious and terribly distressed by phone calls and never really call anybody. My parents are divorced and have got new kids with their new partners. I have a minimum of contact with my mother (like two text message per month or so) and I kinda stopped answering my dad's calls three months ago and now he frequently calls me about four times a day and I never answer his calls or listen to the countless voicemails. My parents have no contact to each other and I think my father is very concerned about me. I guess he doesn't think I am dead or so as he can see I changed my profile picture on whatsapp. Of course I feel very guilty but I slowly start losing my mind and feel totally unable to answer any call or write a message or so. I have horrible nightmares and grow more uneasy by each call. Haven't talked to anyone about this and started putting my phone on mute in the drawer. At first I wanted to put it off as some oddity I have and general problems with my parents to continue with my somewhat functional life here, but I feel I am on the verge of mental breakdown now. I developed problems with my sleep and indulge in selth-loathing almost daily with the thought of never being able to turn into somthing even resembling a man. I have never been in psychotherapy or so, as my stepmother works in that field and I always became furious and resisted when she made any remarks concerning that. I started to randomly quiver ocassionally and I don't know how to get help without having to talk with somebody. I feel like a total cry baby.