How do you deal with not being liked?

I'm starting to think it takes a really fucked up person to "make" it socially these days, but to think otherwise would be idealistic.

You don't like yourself so you rely on outside validation to confirm that you aren't completely shit. When people don't give you that, your self esteem crumbles. Gain self esteem and start loving yourself.

>>18517537
This is bullshit. I fucking hate myself and have managed to make lots of friends over the years.

>>18517554
How was that a contradiction?

>>18517537
This is true. I have been abused since childhood and told that I'm worthless. I've developed anxiety and ocd and been in and out of jobs since I graduated high school. I just don't know how to love myself or gain proper self esteem. I'm going through therapy but it's very slow going.

>>18517530
>Any advice on how to overcome this would be greatly appreciated, thanks

>I know that not everyone is going to like me

You already have the answer.

>>18517595
You need to realize, there are no requirements to love yourself. Not justifications you need. I've met some shitty people and they were all accepting themselves. Once you like yourself it's so much easier to be charismatic and likable.

>>18517599
There is a difference between knowing something and feeling it.

>>18517612
>There is a difference between knowing something and feeling it.

Here's the thing: You know you can be a nice person and still be disliked, right? So you know your feelings right now are irrational. Stewon that for a while until it sinks in.

I wrote that and then realized you are not OP. Well, I'm not gonna delete it now.

>>18517530

Read up OP.

>>18517612
Thanks for replying. I know I can be a lot harsher on myself and think pretty negatively if I make a mistake. I treat other people better, I should be able to treat myself better too. I used to like myself when I was younger and had an easier time socializing with people and friends, but as I get older all I care about is if I'm doing something wrong and have become someone I don't recognize anymore.

>>18517636
You may be right I could just be paranoid too about what others think. I do tend to over think things which can be irrational. But I will also try and love myself like the other anon suggested.

>>18517657
It will be a forceful process. Just to warn you. You have to actively suppress negative thoughts and think positively. After weeks and months you will naturally think positively like someone healthy.

>>18517678
I have been trying to do this since the beginning of this year, but the negative thoughts can be incredibly strong. Instead of my dad saying all these negative things to me, it's now become my own voice after all these years and I believe evruthing it says. I will try and challenge the negative thoughts more it's just hard to know what's real and what is my insecurities. Thanks for the help.

>>18517698
*everything

Sorry I'm phoneposting

>>18517698
Hm, very interesting that you say that. That actually might be the source of your negative thoughts in general. You should try to improve the relationship to your father

>>18517769
We have an okay relationship in my adult life. He is now very kind and loving, yet growing up and even at 21, I'm now 26, he has done nothing but scream at me , thrown me around, humilitated me in front of friends and family, said I would die alone and be eaten by my dog, trapped me in the house, abused my brother and I physically. Now that we aren't living with him he is nice. But all that stuff he has said to me has ruined my life, my confidence and self worth. I've just taken up the mantle and have started putting myself down in his abscence.

>>18517903
There are a couple of things you need to realize in order to feel like you "belong":

Some people are not going to like you. Accept it, and move the fuck on. You can't make everybody happy. In fact, you don't want to make everyone happy because many people just aren't good people.

Stop trying to belong in the first place. The whole social rat race just isn't worth it man. You start trying to cater yourself to others just so that you'll be accepted and it's a recipie for disaster. Follow what you really want to be.

Realize that self pity and condemnation don't fix social issues, constantly placing yourself in social situations does. Your father isn't responsible for your behavior, you are. Think about the heroes in your life. Every one of them faces challenges knowing they may fail and be a laughing stock but they face them anyways. That's the mentality you must obtain. It's called learning though loss.

Your family doesn't bear all the responsibility for your success, you do.

I see being disliked by bad people as a good thing. That's how I deal with it.

>>18517903
Interesting. I read a study that when people have constant negative thoughts it's because of parents or other family members that regularly talked negatively to them. You will probably not do it, but sitting down with your father and talking about what happened could shut up all of your bad thoughts for good.

>>18517997
yeah that makes sense, I bet that's where the anxiety comes from, since it was a constant stream of negativity. I've always wanted to sit down with him and lay it all bare, but have been told by friends who had similar problems with their parents that I will not get the closure I want because they don't believe what they did was wrong, denial, or something like that. I have a friend whose dad made them fight other kids since they were like 4 and we're abused but could never get closure because of this reason.
I mostly feel pity for my dad because he has also been abused and is borderline from an alcoholic mother, no father, and siblings abandoned him. Of course it doesn't excuse his behavior, but I just feel bad for him now. Maybe in the future I will tell him how I truly feel but he is estranged from the family and all alone and I want him to be somewhat happy and not shit on him like he did to me.

Sorry for the long paragraph and thanks for listening m8

>>18517944
Thanks for the advice. I have been able to socialize more now that I have a less stressful job and am starting to get used to being around people again. I did begin to isolate myself for a few years but now I'm trying to be more social.
I will try to lessen the self pity thing.