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People keep telling me, even my Councillor, to "Stop paying attention to what people say", "Stop trying to be perfect", "It's okay to make mistakes" , but when I do fuck up on things, I'll always get backlash for it and I can't stand it. I get so worried being careful and try to do what Im told because I can't stand people telling me Im a fuck up. When I do hear them telling me that, I can't help but agreeing with it. If I do the wrong thing, how can I get mad for them to tell me why I fucked up? For example
1) Driving: I have YET to try to get a licences because I scared of taking the test & failing. Even if I did succeed, too scared to drive. I don't wanna either getting into car accidents then I'll die, kill/injure someone, smash into someones property, cause traffic, Or be sued or yelled at by someone if I did something wrong on the road. That's too much responsibility.
2: No Gf: I have probably asked out like 8 women in my life, all rejected me. Most of the women I crush on I can't even look in the face because how weird/beta I get when Im around them. I try my best to understand women, but I feel like it's just better to stay single because I don't see what I can offer. Why should I try hard to find a partner? Women always get unwanted attention from men all day. In a way I sympathize with them because I used to be like that.
My job: I work as a prep cook at a restaurant, Once in a while I get told be quick. I can be quick but it isn't all the time for me. Sometimes Ill be in the zone or get tired in the mornings. I do have fears of being fired for not being a good employee. been fired in 5 places last year. It's been long & dreadful finding new ones. It differently harder when my family gets mad at me for not having money to pay bills.
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>>18515690
Did your parents encourage you or shame you when you fucked up? Also rejection always sucks.
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When people tell me to cheer up & believe in myself, I'd always believe it's just something just make me feel better. Not something that can help me or whatever. I just don't understand being confident or sufficient if my surroundings is negative.
I really don't know how to flip my thinking around so that's why Im asking Yall for help.
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>>18515693
>Did your parents encourage you or shame you when you fucked up?
Shame me. I remember when my dad got mad at me for dropping out of college because I didn't know what to do with my life. When I was broke and relied on loans to feed myself and pay bills, he still got mad at me and told me I was doing dumb shit. I hate asking him for money.
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>>18515702
That is the source my child. Realize your perception of failer was a learned behaviors from your caregivers but there bullshit. Don't listen to people who just shit on you. You need a positive support group to uplift you. Also I recommend meditation. when you are told your a fuck up. Get angry. Use that anger as motivation anon. Also about being tired at work. Try to figure out what gets you in the zone and replicate it. Practice being faster. Also look for better paying jobs.
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>>18515747
>Get angry. Use that anger as motivation anon.
If I get angry, what should I be angry at? Other people? It's either I fuck up or don't have it in me to stand up for myself.
>Also look for better paying jobs
Im scared of screwing up there and get fired
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>>18515785
Get angry about being called a fuck up and show those cunts your not.
Anger can really help you stand up for yourself.
If you get fired get up and apply for a new job. Or when you do get that new job. Do everything in your power to do your best. Don't worry about fucking up. Control where you put your focus.
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>>18515690
Bear with me if I seem to be off the subject. A point WILL become clear.
You know that babies and little kids can't comprehend some things because they haven't developed the mental capacity. A baby loves peekaboo because daddy really disappears when his face is covered and then reappears magically. A toddler is convinced that a tall thin glass holds more than a short fat one, and no amount of pouring back and forth will convince him otherwise.
And one of the things that pre-teens, and many teenagers, and even some adults have trouble comprehending is that there is a difference between "You made a mistake there" and "You are a worthless human being."
It sounds like you are one of those who still haven't quite grasped that distinction. (It has nothing to do with being retarded or stupid - it is just something you have to internalize and fully understand)
EVERYBODY makes mistakes. Everybody is afraid of making mistakes. Everybody is embarrassed when they do make mistakes But you have to understand and really believe that they are just that - incidental mistakes - and not measures of your value as a human being.
The proper response to a mistake is NOT "I'm reatarded and no one will ever love me" It is "Ooops. I'd better be careful not to do that again" and then get on with life.
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>>18516189
Not OP, but what if we continue to fail in the same way continuously. What if our failing is not something that can be corrected, but is intrinsic to our being. Doesn't that mark someone as worthless?
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>>18516232
No. Just as looking in the wrong places.
I personally have absolutely no athletic ability. If I tried to play baseball I'd fail. If I tried to play football I'd fail. If I tried to play basketball. . . .
But I CAN do other things, and so I don't bother trying to play basketball and I don't define myself by my inability to play basketball.
I looked around until I found the things I was good at and built a life, a career and a sense of my self-worth around them.
Find yours - EVERYONE is good at SOMETHING - and define yourself as a good whatever-it-is and not as a bad basketball player
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you got it wrong, ofcourse you get backlash, justified or not
thats the point, your actions have consequences, you can choose to do something or not to do it
you want to have no consequences, thats not pessimism, thats being a child or elderly
you will fail sometimes, and thats ok, learn to understand that
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