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Hi /adv/
so ive been through counselling and meds for depression/anxiety none of which worked and ive come to realise recently that my issue is more likely a personality disorder eg
>go outside
>everybody close to me is carrying a knife, going to stab me in the stomach
>go inside
> everybody in the rooms next to me is listening to my every move
i am very very aware of trying to distinguish fact and fiction but this constant analysis and skepticism doesn't help me feel better and i think actually comes from the same place as my anxiety, trying to constantly find flaws in my thought and criticise myself
So i've been trying to get help but all i've been offered is cbt which ive done before and hasn't worked. the doctor didn't take me seriously and said she didn't agree with personality disorder diagnoses so now im stuck on the same clinical conveyer belt as emotional teenagers and 30 year olds that drink too much coffee at 6am.
basically what do i do to get help for something that is tearing out my insides and making life impossible when the healthcare system seems totally antagonistic?
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>>18515199
ITS YOUR PARENTS THEY ARE THE SOURCE OF YOU PAIN. they shaped and reacted to you in such away you felt the need to constantly question yourself and the depression comes from a lack of control in your life. They feed off of you anon. There emotion vampires.
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>>18515212
is this coming from personal experience? but yeah im most ill when im home definitely bc of my parents
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>>18515212
& what the heck can i do about it anyway like i cant just wallow in pity that my parents suck but im not gonna get them to change
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>>18515219
Yes i had intense anxiety and depression. Once I got away from my mom it wasn't as bad but there were after effects I had to fix. Also everytime I did go home to visit, it all came back. She also treated me like shit growing up.
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>>18515229
It's a sad fact. You can't make them change. But they are the source. Unpack your childhood and get a support system. Also if livening at home get the fuck out as fast as possible it will only eat at you more.
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>>18515245
wym by unpacking my childhood? i mean i know the causes pretty well, it's more complex than just i h8 my parents but ive had to learn to sympathise w them until the point that confronting them now makes me hate myself, like genuinely suicidal
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>>18515326
That's what they want anon. Do not sympathize with your abusers. What do abusers want? They want the victim to blame themselves. Do you want that? I always get pissed when I start feeling like I'm in the wrong or feel guilty because I might hurt there feelings. Well fuck them they were adults and I was a kid at the time and they showed me no sympathy. Don't extend them the courtesy anon. You deserve better.
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