when you meet the One, how to fight for them?

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So I thought for 2-3 weeks I'd never hear from her again. She naturally didn't let me know when she has time for our common hobby, which she had promised before my setup.
I had a trip to another country, and I came back. Can't describe how surprised I was when she messaged me some days later asking about my trip and how I was doing. Before I could tell about myself and ask back, she disappeared like often times she does. She is very rarely available on instant messaging, all related to her mindset of a full life I believe.
So what do I do? Had feelings no other woman ever gave me. I gave it some time, knowing her and all, and invited her to hangout without much reason. She figured out how to find time between events. Went great again, connected so well no matter what we talked about.
Two weeks later invited her to do a day trip in nature, and she was all interested and found a whole day during weekend, something she always claimed is hard because of family things she does during weekends. Went great again, fun activity, fun talk, no weird moments.
After each of those meetings I would be so puzzled, how it went great for both of us apparently. And how still wouldn't hear from her. No sign that she wants to sit in a calm moment/silence/whatever else setup to get somewhere with us. Didn't give me any opening.

Next time I asked, she said she's too stressed and can't. Fucking died again.
>kinda TL;DR:
So this is where I decided I need to take some fucking action. Took pen and paper, wrote her a letter. About all the respect, feeling understood, feelings for her, all the great things. And how I can't stand not knowing how she's doing for such long periods of time, yadda yadda.

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Response hit me like a truck. She had a major medical condition around the time (not sure if before or after) she declined my invitation. That part of her response made me sick, for two days severely, for weeks to come still heavily. I realised I cared about her more than about myself. Beautiful and bitter.
The rest of her long response kept explaining how there is no space in her life for more trust. How she got to know me and value me. How nobody has understood her as well as I do. How she truly enjoys her time with me. How those moments together in nature also mean a lot to her.
And yet she couldn't figure out "what's wrong". Is it her daily troubles or whatever. Can't imagine planing a life with somebody, currently.

That fucking small word, "currently". Fucking destroyed me again. I was hoping she wouldn't get me, and I can give up, she wasn't who I thought she is. Or something positive, I don't even know what COULD have happened. But I didn't expect her appreciation letter tied to a rejection.

We met. Talked about her sickness, teared up together, laughed again together. Didnt dare talk about anything else really. And in following meeting too, which was also very much squeezed between appointments.

>actual advice part

Now I sit here, alone for days and weeks, nobody to talk to. Grown man who began to regularly feel like crying, never able to however. I'm leaving the country for 3-4 months in one week. Haven't heard of her for a week again because I also didn't message her. She will probably want to meet me or at least message me before I leave. I am scared and I am clueless.
I am 100% convinced, for a person with my character, this is the top priority thing to fight for in life and make sacrifices for. I want to fight until the very end for her, whatever it takes.

Dear Anon, I need advice on how to fight, before I leave and after I come back from that seasonal stay at the other end of the world. Or am I delusional and there is nothing left to fight for?

>So this is where I decided I need to take some fucking action. Took pen and paper, wrote her a letter. About all the respect, feeling understood, feelings for her, all the great things. And how I can't stand not knowing how she's doing for such long periods of time, yadda yadda.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
CLINGY ALERT SHUT DOWN
D E L E T E

>>18514636
Stay in contact with her, be more patient, try to spend time together when you can. You can't force her to trust you, let it grow on its own. And don't give her the impression that everything in your life revolves around her. Be your own person too, otherwise she will lose respect for you/become uncomfortable with having someone depend on her. And you will become a worse person for it.

You're over-dramatizing this. There's no fight, this isn't a movie, calm down and let it grow or die on its own.

>>18514654
I definitely am over-dramatizing it. But I also know myself and a chance like that may never come back. I simply don't trust people easily, at all.

Couldn't get myself to calm down because of my departure date drawing ever closer. Got the impression it's all over if nothing happens until then.

>>18514674
So "make something happen". Or don't leave. Maybe it's time for some grand romantic gesture. If it works, great; if not, it's also progress.

>>18514696
Basically I don't trust myself to be stable enough to find the fine balance of what's too much and what's too little to do as a whatever type of gesture.

What do you mean it is also progress if it doesn't work? Sounds like it'll become awkward quickly if it fails.

Not leaving is a rough option, it could change nothing or even make it worse by pressuring her.

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>>18514624
Stop being clingy. Stop rushing that shit

To be honest my gut feeling was also telling me best shot is to just sit tight for the 3 months and maybe there will be a new fresh chance after. But won't she forget anything positive she may have felt during that time?

>>18514714
It'll force you to move on if it fails. If you don't trust yourself, why should she? Stop hanging yourself up on this and questioning what is right or wrong, move on, in literally any way.

>>18514624
Yeah, you are being an obsessive idiot, OP. You don't "fight" for someone to like you, if she doesn't want a relationship, there is nothing you can do. Asking for how to "fight" for her is just asking about how you could ignore her wishes and get her to be with you despite the fact that she clearly doesn't want to.

You confesed yourself plenty of times, and everytime she said no, you are on denial at this point. And you will probably end up hurting her by being so clingy.

"Fighting" can very well be just waiting something out despite not enjoying it. I am just trying to figure out what course of action - or no action - can even lead to gaining her trust. Of course you can't force feelings, I may be clingy and deep down the hole, but I am not an idiot. She already likes me and she finds it important that I told her how I feel, literally said that.

But if there is never an opportunity for said trust to grow, it won't. I am trying to make the opportunity happen somehow, despite my absence.

>>18514636
I can relate a bit to the sickness part and I can say I chose the wrong path. I chose to stay where I am while she flew away to get treated. Long story short I regret not being with her fighting. She understood that by inviting me to go with her, when the time came I'd be crushed so she made ways to make me feel angry at her. I found out everything through letters she left her mom. Now I'm not saying the pain of losing someone you care about to death wouldn't hurt (I can honestly say I moved on a bit when it happened but it still hit me strong), its the pain of not knowing what could have been done differently. The "what ifs" would eat you up. If you go down this path, be prepared to lose someone you love (maybe not romantically anymore). Like losing a best friend that her wish is for you to live and at times just be happy you met someone like her, kind of like a soulmate not meant to be.

>>18514624
why so clingy? sounds like you've known her for maybe a month

>>18514624
Tbh I was in the exact same position and I fucked a girl she knew and then she found out and long story short she's in bed next to me eight months later.

So what I'm saying is fuck a girl she knows.

>>18515674
OP here.

I'm sorry to hear. The "what ifs" are on my mind indeed, even if indeed it wouldn't have been as great as you think it will be, not knowing is a regret you can potentially keep for life.

That's why I want to keep trying.

>>18515740

Known casually for like 9 months, asked out like 5 months ago. Usually we write each other for 2 weeks, then some small exchange happens with an appointment to meet somewhere.
Is it really that clingy to want to find out how she is doing more often? I get that there are boundaries, but feels wrong to not know if she says I am important to her and I get her better than all other people.


Are three months without any contact a fatal blow? Or a chance to give her space?
Knowing how stressed and full her daily schedule is, there isn't a huge risk that she will find somebody else.

Best you can do is show that her illness doesn't scare you away. But she has to decide whether or not to pursue you back.

Have you kissed her yet? Given everything she's said about you in her letter I think she would be receptive and is just shy. That would be the most clear and concise gesture.

If she doesn't take it well then just move on my man.