Nearly 32 years old, wife, 2 kids, over weight, drink every night,

what lead you into this situation?
do you feel like you have enough energy to get out of this on your own or would you need help?

>>18513897
I honestly don't know what the turning point was, ive been sad a lot in my childhood and worried a lot about my parents (divorced), but as I got older I got over it I guess, 10 years ago I started dating my wife we moved in together and I was focused on that then and happy, I started a new business and lost about 30,000 in 2 years and closed down...I was sad during that time tho...as far as over coming it myself if I knew the right direction to move in I could possibly..

>>18513914
how did you "get over it as you got older"? have you actually resolved the issues that made you sad then or have you just pushed them away?
how is your realtionship with your wife?
what about the kids? how old are they?

itßs understandable that you have a low when you experience stuff like losing a business. but hey, good for you to even start one. that´t not something a lot of people can say about themselfes. now you would need to pick up the pieces and start again, now with more knkowledge and experiene.

actually the first advice will be to get a job. once you and your gf are more stable economically you can begin to deal with your vices.

OP you don't need motivation (at least for the fitness part) you need persistence. Read the >>>/fit/ sticky, it's really helpful.
I wish you success!

>>18513938
I got over it in the fact that I got older and realized why they divorced, my dad wasn't always a nice guy and was pretty verbally tough on me I guess (his dad died when he was young he didn't know how a dad was supposed to act maybe), im close with him now and consider him a friend but I still very much crave his approval

my relationship with wife and children are very good, other than the fact im a sad bastard.

kids are 7 and 1

I was actually sad whilst starting the business and during its operation, I did have a glimmer of hope that it was going to be a turning point in my life when I was first starting out...buuuut it wasn't

I realize that's what normal people do, start over and try again ect ect but I cant seem to do that...I don't know how..

>>18513947
I wouldn't mind a job, I've worked factories before and if I must do that again I will in all honesty probably kill myself, I applied for a job a couple weeks ago and was narrowed down to the final 2 candidates and the guy in charge of hiring picked an old friend with 0 experience over me... that hurt..

>>18513969
that´s good. do you think it still bothers you?
do you feel like you don´t deserve your dads approval yet?

atleast that´s something.

why were you sad before the business failed?

no, normal people give up. getting back up again is what brave people do.

>>18513985
atleast you know it was only because he knew that other guy, not because you didn´t qualify for the job. take that as a good thing. hey, you got very far. only thing you couldn´t provide was sentimental value.

>>18514013
I don't have a lot of vivid memories as a kid or even from 5 or 6 years ago or really even 1 year ago, the drinking may in part be why...but anyway the majority of my thoughts as a kid in relation to my dad is just feeling sad or scared he didn't love me anymore...fucked up...anyway this shit shouldn't have anything to do with my current situation im a grown man with kids of my own.

I absolutely don't deserve his approval...ive done nothing to gain his or anyone's approval

I honestly cant remember why I was sad then I just know I was...

>>18514015
that's the same thing my wife said, but god damn it really makes a person question their worth or lack of, and of course I critique it to death "maybe if I wasn't such a fat bastard, maybe I didn't talk enough, maybe I didn't non in the right places"

>>18514041
since you are a father yourself, do you think your dad did something that made you feel like you had to earn his love?

i have kids myself an i love them unconditionally. they could fail at school all they wanted, they could end up being drug addicts, it wouldn´t change a thing about my love for them. ofc i would wish for them to be sucessfull, but not so i could boast about my oh so perfect kids, but because seeing them happy makes me happy in turn.
you see, some parents fail to make a distinction between what they wish their kids would do and what they expect them to do. you can always wish for others to be a certain way or do what you want, but if you expect it, you will inevitably get dissapointed. somehow i feel like that´s what your dad did. atleast in traces.
my family was highly disfunctional too. and in hindsight, the only thing that probably got me trough was that i never doubted that my parents would love me no matter what. and the fact that you´re grown up now doesn´t change the reality of you still lacking that sense of "being good enough to desere love" even if you aren´t perfect.

>>18514069
Not exactly earn his love but, before the days of cell phones for example after they split up I remember one weekend my mom took us somewhere, that evening my dad called and said "i was going to come pick you up and spend the day with you but you weren't home" so I would raise hell and refused to go anywhere with my mom from then on out because I wanted to be near the phone incase dad called...I haven't thought about that in years until just now lol...he is a diabetic and sometimes when he was asleep I would come over and make sure he was still breathing seems one time I woke him up and he got really mad at me so then next day I didn't go wake him up before school and tell him goodbye because I didn't want him to be mad at me, so that evening he asked why I didn't tell him goodbye and I explained to him why so he said I was a pussy and he didn't speak to me for about 4 days he jus acted like I wasn't there..i got of topic but that's a little insight into it


I also love my kids unconditionally, sometimes with my oldest im afraid im acting like my dad moderately and I hate that about myself


the thought of that looming day when they realize what a failure I am, really fucking gnaws at me

>>18514100
like every parent. your dad failed over and over again. so am i and so are you.
kids don´t need perfect parents. it´s part of growing up to realize that your parents aren´t invincible. sure it is a bitter pill to swallow, but it´s necessary. if you don´t realize it, you will always feel like a failure since you hold yourself up to unrealistic standarts you think your parents fullfil, even thought they might have just put on a huge show for you because they were affraid of the same thing you are, the moment their kids find out they aren´t as perfect as they thought they are.

what things do yu do that remind you of your dad?

i feel like there´s something fundamental you need to realize or learn, here. but i can´t exactly put my finger on it just yet.

maybe it is that you are worthy even if you are overweight, currently unemployed and drink too much.

>>18514112
I just get short tempered some times and curse and raise my voice and shit sometimes... it doesn't have any effect anyway my son isn't scared of me like I was of my dad lol

>>18514118
kek
you´re probably just stressed out of your mind. i get short tempered too if it´s all getting over my head. then i feel bad about it.

that might again be because your kids don´t doubt your unconditional love. it´s scary to get cursed and yelled at by an adult you don´t know how they feel about you. on the other side, it´s not as threatening if you feel secure about their love. so take it as a good sign your son isn´t scared of you.

>>18514123
Ive got to find a way to overcome thins shit seriously though, I've considered getting a large life insurance policy on myself and having and accident so at least they will have something of value in there lives...a couple hundred thousand dollars vs. a sorry sack of shit dad... looks like a pretty easy choice sometimes...but I really don't want to die I want to live not just be alive but live and live contently and happily...I just cant get started I don't know what to do

Definitely not what I imagined for myself as a young person

>>18513890
Life isn't easy OP but your making harder on yourself. Quit drinking every night. Apply to a lot of jobs, you'll get something decent don't worry. You got a family that probably loves you, you should be a happy man.

Also I recommend adding a few positives in your life. Start doing some pushups, throw the ball around outside with your kids, cook dinner sometimes for your family (good for you and your wife will appreciate it)

You can do it OP!

>>18513890
Nope OP, you are wrong. You don't need to find a tolerable middle ground before you have motivation to get healthier. I was depressed as fuck, overweight and hated my life too. That was 2 years ago. Just tell yourself what else do I have to lose if I go for a walk or use a treadmill? You have to start when you are feeling like crap or you never will. Also, try music, an audiobook, or even a tv show while you exercise. You will fail often but eventually you will get into the swing of things and then you will start to feel better. Also eat 2 bananas a day. Those help with depression, google it.

>>18514317
I probably should have mentioned I live in a small town maybe 10,000 population in he south poverty level is high here and worth while jobs are few and far between...

I will cut way back on the drinking when my life changes

thanks for the words of encouragement I hope it gets better sooner than later

>>18514338
I only drink water and beer I eat very little really, im guessing the beer is the cause of most of the weight, once I don't need it to deafen down my sadness I believe the weight will change, the key is being happy first

>>18514123
How old are you? how old are the kids?

There was a thread already... i was looking for help and a mod deleted it... thanks. maybe i could get advice here. please.
I like your idea, to let another anon decide. I'll tell you my story, i'll make it short.
I have surfer from serve migraine, seen enough doctors to put myself in debt over half a million. Still nothing really works. I wake up with one, and sleep with one, and still have to do daily things like other people. This is my biggest issue. Second, debt. Half a million already from just medical, plus i have credit cards due to the fact, sometime i can't work. I have a good stable job, get paid ok. (18 an hour) Recently, fiancee just left me, because she felt that I made her feel unwanted. She would stay out all night, drinking, then driving home, I explain to her that i'm worried and no other guy would put up with it. Now shes leaving. I always seem to get the shit end of the stick. I always help out no matter what and i get punished. My best from was addicted to hard core drugs, moved him from ohio to NV to get him away from it, got him a job, he stayed at my place for free, good five months. He found drugs again, and went retard. He put my dog in the oven. I had to kick him out, I tried to help him. When he moved out about a week later, he was walking home drunk and on drugs, got hit by a car and died. His entire family hates me and blames me because he moved out here. I dont' have any friends, other than who is here willing to read this and give me advice. I am just tired of it all... it always feels like a uphill battle. My head is always hurting, and doctors for me are useless.

Your advice is very very much appreciated and thank you. truly thank you.

>>18514493
OP here I certainty don't have any advice for you but maybe someone else will

>>18514514
Thanks for your reply. I do hope someone could help. I just feel like i'm at my breaking point. Ive been on 4chan for a long time, and this is my first time posting... ever.
I always think, it will get better, and it can only go up from here, your already at the bottom, can't get any lower. Ive already had it hard, and it keeps getting harder. losing hope.

Cold showers! It is fucking amazing what our bodies and minds are capable of. I was depressed. Got some treatment. Nothing really worked perfectly. Its more like combination of many things, you have to learn yourself to think differently, to unlock things that are screwd in your mind from your childhood, to be someone else, but fuck all thit bullshit... Cold showers! Go to the bathroom, start with normal water and then hit it with coldest fucking water you can survive it takes 5 minutes so you can do it few times a day. Worst case scenario you will be more alert for few minutes, best case scenario, after few days you will feel better physiclly and mentally.

>>18514565
I appreciate the advice, but I can say with 100% certainty cold showers wont fix what ive got, but I will certainty give it a try next shower

Few times a day ask yourself how do you feel. Is it comfortable? Are you stressed out right now? Are you happy? This helps to keep your mind clear and sets it on "concerned with yourself" mode. Our brains need emotions. As life goes we learn ourselves not to feel them, especialy men. Especialy men whoes father was a dick. You dont have to meditate or do yoga all of a sudden. But try to stay focused on your emotions, because if you ignore them, they will come out in shape of miserable feelings.

>>18514785
Well said, thank you so very much for that. I just need help. Thank you.