Cheated, Should I Tell?

so the only reason to come clean is to get rid of guilt?
ok

Tell her

>>18513084
Would just breaking up without telling her be as emotionally damaging for me?

>>18513076
This isn't guilt but being selfish, you want to fuck other people but don't want to be fair and allow her to go do the same or leave.

>>18513109
I don't though. It came from resentment over her having been with more people than me before the relationship began. This manifested itself in me being blind drunk and bringing this other girl home. As soon as I woke up I regretted it immediately.

>>18513076
Die with that secret

>>18513126
Okay cool, so you cheated on your girlfriend not out of lust but to get even with her. Great.

Either way OP, break the relationship off without fessing up. This way you don't have to deal with the guilt and you don't burden her with the grief from your actions. Alternatively tell her and instantly break up so it's a big hurt but a clean break for her - more painful but knowing you cheated will make it much easier to move on for her.

Accept that you killed the relationship and learn a lesson from all of this.

>>18513126
Ok, its still not guilt. The underlying issue is your insecurity and resentment so you punished her. You shouldn't be with her anyway and find someone you don't hate almost as much as yourself for settling.

>>18513136
Which would you personally advise?

I'm thinking about anheroing. Been very depressed for a long time over a number of issues. Wildcard option?

>>18513143
I accept that, but it is still guilt. I've spent the last few days crying my eyes out thinking about it. I broke down at work yesterday. I feel horrendous. It's the worst thing I could have done to her.

>>18513147
Are there enough other reasons to break it off that would be legitimate enough for her to buy? In that case I'd break it off without telling her. Only tell her if otherwise she'll be forever wondering what did it for you or have a hard time letting go. If you can plausibly say that x and y issues have become too much for you and the desire to work on the relationship is gone, that seems the best.

If you tell her you cheated and/or leave her you will hurt her badly and at worse break her heart. If you kill yourself you will literally traumatize her. If you don't tell her why, but also if you do because then whether you want to take full blame or not she's going to feel partially responsible.

Suicide is also messy and painful and there aren't that many methods that ensure a quick death with no risk of becoming handicapped or worse.

>>18513151
Push it deep, deep down and never ever speak of it again.
You will learn to suppress it.
The next time you cheat will be less guilty then eventually it will be guilt free and ok and you will be completely comfortable with with being a piece of shit..
trust me.. I know

>>18513157
There are enough reasons, but she'd still be wondering. I feel like I have to tell her, but it will hurt her so much.

>>18513171
So you're saying tell her?

>>18513175
If you can't kill the guilt in you..
tell her
> you'll instantly regret it
> your world will implode
> lose her
> lose friends
> lose respect
> always be known as a cheater.
Suppress it and it business as usual, life goes on, lesson learnt, no harm no foul, what goes on tour stays on tour.,

>>18513199
Thanks, I appreciate that. I really don't know if I can live with the guilt, but I really just have to.

>>18513207
It'll pass.. take the lesson in the fact your conscience is kicking your ass right now and learn.. see it as a sign you are a good person because it hurts.. focus on her and making it better for you both.

>>18513175
You want to tell her so you can hurt her as punishment. You are the one that stayed with someone you don't respect and hate yourself for that but hate her more.

I'll make it simple Op, the truth will eventually come out. Either now or in a few years, I knew a couple where the guy cheated, I never said anything because it's not my business, but I knew if he didn't tell her it will still eventually hit daylight. After 3 years she found out, left him and kicked him out etc... It was pretty messy.

I'm not your moral compass, but it's on you how/when or if you're going to tell her. Yes it hurts both of you, but it's better to do the right thing.

i'd say this >>18513199, if you want to stay with her
how long have you been together, op?
what kind of plans do you have together?

Being drunk is just an excuse you are giving yourself. It doesnt count. Stop being a pussy and take responsibility for your actions, even if you dont tell her.

You are in a pickle for sure.

>>18513257
Oh completely. I just acted out on built up bitterness.

Been together two years. Broke up a few months back but recently got back together. I wasn't fully convinced, and haven't been fully committed to the relationship since.

Maybe this could be a watershed moment, where I make it right, or maybe it's the end, I just don't know.