Intimacy issues/masculinity

>>18511577
>If a guy admits he had intimacy issues, would that make him appear less masculine?

No

>>18511597

Really?

Because I already get judged for never having a girlfriend.

>>18511577
>>18511599
any time you have an issue that you cant work through yourself, you should not settle for just being okay with it. go out and seek some professional help if theres something holding you back in life.

if you need a quick reply for your friends, just say 'i havent found the right one yet' or something to that effect.

If anything the chicks will want you more knowing that.
My inner cynic is telling me you knew that through..

>>18511599
I'm talking from girl's perspective. People are complicated, we all have our issues. I don't think intimacy issues is something shameful or abnormal. I know people who struggled with that for various reasons, the guy I'm crushing on has them too. If anything, it makes me want to be more supportive and helpful towards him, make him feel safe and show him that he can trust me. Does it mean that it's making him less masculine? Not in my books. He's very assertive and charismatic, he has strong character traits and is definitely not an effeminate guy.

>Because I already get judged for never having a girlfriend.

Some people will always judge, some won't care, some will understand.

>>18511609

Well, the reason I said "it's okay", is because I don't really see the point in trying to fix it. I mean, I never want to have kids, and can't imagine myself getting married. So I almost feel like I'm doing myself a favor by avoiding the whole thing entirely.

>>18511620

I didn't know they'd like intimacy problems... I know they get curious when I've said "I'm just not looking for anything right now".

>>18511622

I'm curious. If your boyfriend has issues with this. Then how are you dating?

>>18511650
>I'm curious. If your boyfriend has issues with this. Then how are you dating?

We are not dating yet. At the moment we are friends and although he never explicitly told me about his intimacy issues, I can easily see he has them, both relying on my observation of his behaviour and bits and pieces of things he's ever said about sex and emotional closeness.

We are talking a lot and he's opening up to me more and more. And that's basically all I do, I'm trying to "tame" him and, like I said earlier, make him feel safe and loved. He is clearly not ready for serious (ie involving sex and emotional intimacy) dating so I'm nor pressuring him into it.

My girl-friends criticise me for waiting for him, but I really don't mind. Normally I'm horribly impatient, but he is worth the wait.

>>18511676

Yeah, see I can't get to that point. I never developed in the whole dating/sex world when I was a teenager. I "forced" myself into it when I was 20, which was a big regret and probably just fucked me up more Tbh. Then, a few years ago, I met a girl who I liked, and I decided to open up and go with it... but she really fucked me up. So, since then. I'm not even going to scrap the top of that lid. Fuck that. I just got my life on a solid, positive track during the past year and I'm not trying to fuck that up. Hell, just a few weeks ago I was in a different country, I became friends with a QT there, and one day we went to her apartment to make dessert. After dessert, I noticed when we were cleaning up she'd intentionally bump into me and get physically close to me. I knew what she wanted. But I just kept my spacing and after cleaning, told her I needed to leave

>>18511703
>I met a girl who I liked, and I decided to open up and go with it... but she really fucked me up.

I'm sorry to hear this, anon. I understand that you find it hard to trust someone again and that you feel like it's not worth giving a try, but I als think that you're denying yourself a chance for something good. Not all girls are bad. Maybe before even considering plunging into sexual aspect of a relationship try to get emotionally close with the girl and see how compatible you are. If ypu two click on mental and emotional levels, overcoming sexual intimacy issues will be absolutely doable.

>>18511734

>Maybe before even considering plunging into sexual aspect of a relationship try to get emotionally close with the girl

Well that's sort of what happened. I never had sex with her. I decided I was going to fix my problem by just opening up and letting things happen naturally as everyone says. emotionally for the first time, I really opened up and she crushed me. It's a lot of my fault tho, because she told me she cared a lot about me, and that she had feelings for me. BUT, she also told me that she didn't want anything at the time, because she wanted to focus on herself. Well, that fucking changed when Chad came along. There is a lot more to this story, but I don't feel like typing it all.

But even still, I don't really see the point of trying to fix this issue. As I said earlier. I never want kids, and I can not see myself ever getting married. Maybe this issue is just a blessing in a way, because it protects me from getting hurt and/or getting someone pregnant?

>>18511762
Ask yourself this anon: do you really feel happy with the way things are? If yes, then it's not a problem, but if no - maybe it would be better to address it.

Sexual and emotional intimacy is not only about marriage or even having children. It's something most people naturally crave and need in their lives. So yes, by being abstinent you avoid the risk of pregnancy but also deny yourself a chance of getting close with someone you like (or love) and connecting with them on a deeper level. Plus, sex is fun.

And like I said earlier, I'm fairly sure that it's absolutely possible for you to find a girl whom you'll like, who will like you back and who will understand your problem and help you overcome it. I just has to be a right, high quality girl.

>>18511786

Well, I can't exactly use the words "happy". But I genuinely think it's better if I stay alone.

>Sexual and emotional intimacy is not only about marriage or even having children. It's something most people naturally crave and need in their lives.

Well, being a physically healthy male, instinctively I think about sex sometimes. But I also know it's much much less stressful to not even go near that thing. So, I can't really call it a "need".

>possible for you to find a girl whom you'll like, who will like you back and who will understand your problem and help you overcome it. I just has to be a right, high quality girl

but with my issues, that's not something I would even allow to happen. Here an example. I have a bunch of female friends. I get along with them great. Well, about a year ago. I became friends with a girl who I shared the same passions with. It was cool because we liked the same things. Well, after a few months I could tell she was starting to act different around me. She ended up telling me she really liked me, and she wanted to be my girlfriend. I told her that wasn't a good idea. She kept inquiring and I told her that I shouldn't have a girlfriend. She told me the whole "it's ok, I want to help you. We can work through whatever problems you have". I still told her no. She ended up getting hurt and stopped talking to me. That kind of pissed me off, because I had been a good friend to her.

>>18511577

It does