Am I an asshole for refusing to give my roommate rides? Long

>>18511286
He's your roommate, not your buddy.

>>18511297
This. Its not your problem.

>>18511297
We've been good friends since we were 10. (Though I've been noticing myself growing apart from him shortly after moving in together).

as somebody who had 3 other roommates in college and was the only one with a car, i might be able to help you.

just follow the basic ride guidelines (ridelines?):

1. there are two types of rides: hitch rides and courtesy rides. a hitch ride is when the rider tags along with you somewhere you were already going. a courtesy ride is when you take the rider somewhere at their request.

2. as soon as the rider dictates some aspect of the ride, it is no longer a hitch ride. ie if you normally drive to the grocery store at 5pm, and the rider asks if you can go at 7pm instead. any time you make changes or accommodations for the rider, you are giving a courtesy ride, NOT a hitch ride.

those two guidelines are fundamental. its your discretion whether you get gas money from your rider, how much gas money you receive(50%, 100%, etc), how much notice you need for a ride

to answer your question: no. a courtesy ride is a courtesy ride, and you're never obligated to give them (especially if you're not given proper notice -- youre not a chauffer!). if you're denying your buddy hitch rides though, eh, idk. it depends on the relationship. when i was giving out rides, i was only giving them to people who were giving me something in exchange. whether they were just a good person who i know would do the same for me, or maybe they let me use their computer when i needed to, etc.

just develop boundaries with your roommate and respect yourself and your time. it would be kind of you to help your roommate out from time to time, but you're not really obligated, especially if he expects to ride for free.

>>18511424
You got a great reply there.

Not necessarily. But I think point blank refusing at all is a bit of a dick move. You've got no obligation to cart him around but giving him a lift when you can, maybe for a bit of petrol money or something, couldn't hurt

>>18511414
Very good post.

>>18511497
Refusing completely is much better than giving his roommate a ride because his roommate will eventually fall into the habit of depending on the OP for rides.

Good on you, OP.

>>18511286
You're an asshole, but only a small one. If he expected you to drive him everywhere (like Sheldon on Big Bang), you could tell him to fuck off. But an occasional favor comes under the heading of roommate-ness.

And the example you cite suggests he was a bit desperate because his Plan A had fallen through, and was turning to you because there was no one else.

It doesn't sound to me like he's abusing your friendship.

>>18511286
Reminds me of a saying I heard a number of years ago that has stuck with me:
>You are responsible TO people, you are not responsible FOR people.

So, no, you don't owe him rides, though it sounds like you could be nicer in declining his requests, since he is your friend and all.

>>18512951
But let's be honest here. There is a deeper issue in your relationship with this person. Maybe try sitting them down and trying to talk it out? Or at least the money/rides thing? Maybe there is more to it than you are aware of? If you never have the opportunity than ironically you can arrange the perfect instance for it. Next time, agree to give him a ride, take the long way back home, and try and talk it out. If he gives you shit or refuses to communicate then you always have the option to calmly stop the car and ask him to exit the vehicle. At worst, you'll be out of a few minutes and a couple dollars of gas and at best you will right a sinking boat of a friendship and maybe even permentally stregthen it in the process. Take this as an opportunity for growth and not an inpediment to living.