How do you deal with toxic parents?

I have similar parents. I would imagine they are within a degree or two of normal. I can only think of a few friends with parents that seem to be "superparents".

While they may be normal, they're human, it doesn't necessarily excuse their behavior. Tbh, I simply don't like my parents. I can't say I hate them, but they also cut me down and condescended whenever they felt I was considering a direction for myself that was outside what they wanted. They held me back and that's that. I could have been a much better person if they had been more supportive of the things I was naturally drawn to. So fuck them. I didn't have the worst hand dealt, I had a pretty good one, but if I can get away from people I don't like then I'm going to. While they didn't abuse me and provided for me, I left at eighteen, I see them once a year for twenty four hours, and that's it. As far as I'm concerned I have no obligation toward them and owe them nothing regardless of how they and society make me feel.

that shit sounds genetic. the only thing they did wrong was make you, so kill yourself or shut the fuck up

>>18511305
I'm considering doing that as well. I will be moving out soon and the thought of visiting them makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Our family reunions are always the same, all my cousins are social butterfies while me and my siblings we're awkward and shy. It's sad actually.

>>18511321
One thing is that I waited for them to change and to be about me as opposed to what they wanted me to be, or to at least compromise with me, and I realized that wasn't going to happen...if you think deep down that you can change two egotistical 45+ somethings then you need to let go of that right...its never going to happen, ever.

>>18511331
*right now

>>18511331
That's true, I've given up on that but I feel bad sometimes about thinking of never returning because I resent them for turning me and my siblings into depressed individuals. ( sister sleeps all day and doesn't eat and doesn't care about her future despite being the smartest in the family, her teachers say she never speaks). This shit breaks my heart.

>>18511337
Maybe strike out on your own, become independent and happy, then bring your siblings in one at a time? Not returning home is not mutually exclusive to having them in your lives.

File: heretical.jpg (150KB, 1024x889px) Image search: [Google]

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If you use the word "toxic" to describe people, let alone your parents, you are the problem. Show some filial piety or kill yourself.

>>18511342
Yep I will do that when I can branch out myself (still one year of college to go).

>>18511371
Triggered?

>>18511371
This is beyond stupid. Blind loyalty is retarded.

>>18511389
>*tips fedora*

>>18511371
A little empty maxim disguised as being self evidently true, said with the assurance that only one of dead average intelligence could muster.

>>18511441
Utterly euphoric.

>>18511455
*tips fedora*

>>18511371
>blind loyalty to anybody who has come into my life, be it accidentally or on purpose, is the only option
This poster is definitely the type of person to get walked all over in a relationship. And I say that as someone who comes from a loving family.

>>18511371
I'll bite. How would you describe people who are negative influences in your life?

Once you get older you'll realise that there's really no point in sticking around people who doesn't make you happy. It's common that children, as they grow older, get a different relationship with their parents. If the parents have been shitty then there's a high risk that the relationship will end up being strictly formal.

Who hasn't heard about old people complaining about how their children never call them. Ever wondered why that is?

So no, I do not think you're overreacting.

>>18511455
>>18511441
You should be friends

>>18511224

>brother molests me when im four
>tell my parents
>mother claims to sympathize because same thing happened to her
>dad doesn't believe me
>both end up saying i need to pretend it didn't happen cuz otherwise were a 'broken family'
>brother spends the rest of my childhood spying on me in the shower and physically abusing me
>dad spends the rest of my childhood disappearing, and then force feeding me til i vomit when hes in town
>mother wants the perfect family but can't deal with the issues so she just throws a plate at a wall anytime someone argues about something like which actor appeared in a movie and then claims we all ruind christmas
>after moving out my older brother threatened me with violence so i had to pull a gun on him
>found out mother was the one who told him to threaten me because i 'ruined christmas' again
>spends the next 4 years pretending to try and kill her self
>keeps insisting that im the reason she hasnt done it and im the reason shes alive
>last time her blood alcohol level was 3.7
>we keep trying to get her in to AA but she keeps quitting

finally it dawned on me that it was just tim eto go. no reason to stick around. nothing good came of this family.

>>18511224
My mom is like that too. My dad, has his own issues, but with me, he has a very inflated perception of me and my siblings, and feels frustrated when we don't achieve on the level he expects us to. I know that comes from a good place, but the pressure feels insane.

My mom, on the other hand, has never agreed with anything I want to do. She doesn't think I am smart despite how hard I have proved to be a great student growing up and in college. I was asked to skip grades as a young child. My mom said no simply because she didn't think I could. I was invited into the IB program in high school for having straight A's and cakewalking through general classes. I forged my mother's signature on the parent consent forms because she said no and we argued.

I got kicked out at 18 for wanting to go to college. I don't know what my mom's thought process on this was. I don't know if it was about money or just because I was defying her. Whenever we talk she sneaks in how I should just drop out of college and just find work.

I think it's gotten to the point where it's not about whether I can or I can't, it's that I'm not doing what she said and still succeeding.

If I ever tell anyone about the qualms I have with my mother about attending school, they think my mom is assbackwards and just can't believe people with those ideas still exist.

Honestly, I've just completely cut myself off emotionally from my mom. We talk, but it's empty and not about anything personal. I won't reconsider my relationship with her until I am where I want to be.

>>18514092
>I think it's gotten to the point where it's not about whether I can or I can't, it's that I'm not doing what she said and still succeeding

My dad is exactly like that. Sometimes I feel like he wants to see me fail, just so he can tell me that I should've listened to him. My sister went through the same thing you described, she had the opportunity to attend an elite school because she was naturally smart, mother sent her to catholic school because i went to an elite school and sometimes i would get drunk. As a result, sister is depressed all the time and I fear for her mental health.
Can't wait to get out of this shithole.

>>18511224
Your parents are dysfunctional, shitty people. They've internalized the poison the world dumped on them, and now they poison those they know. Your experience isn't average, it's common among the bottom 16% of parents. Sever ties when it's convenient for you, just not with your siblings. You won't regret it.

>>18514058
gtfo of there

>>18511567
>friends

>>18511224
Yes, their attitude is normal, however, that doesn't mean it's correct. Parents often pour their complexes into their offspring. Sadly, there in not alot that you can do. You can just straightforward ask them about their behavior. Try to understand their point of view and possibly, try to convince them that their behavior is inappropriate. However, it's hard to change others. If it won't work, then you can have second option. You know that you and your siblings have low self esteem, do the work, that your parents should do, and support your siblings. Sooner or later they will probably support you back. Low self esteem is often portrayed as something bad, when in reality it can be a blessing. Due to my low self esteem, I manage to learn programming and graphic design at very young age, i just always felt that i still have a lot to learn, and that i know nothing, and as result, I had more knowledge than most Mid-developers in the industry. This allowed me to impress some guys during my practices in middle school and in result, I got my first job as Java Developer even without getting to collage. So low self esteem can basically work like alternative for motivation, with is harder to achieve.

>>18514274

i did. ive been living on my own for 7 years but my mother is this kind of controlling person who calls me every fucking day and if i dont respond by day three she says 'call me now or ill get on a plane to go make sure you're okay.

finally last week i just got on my boss' cell phone plan, told them im disappearing and to not look for me, and changed my number.

feels nice.

well the best thing u can do is ignore them, find a job and move out

Check out /r/raisedbynarcissists

>>18511313
>that shit sounds genetic

You sound like an idiot honestly