Argument with a female friend

Okay some things. First of all you are not obliged to be anyone's friend, fuck pressure, you can't live your life like that. It matters a lot what she lied about, to what extent (lying by omission or telling you stuff that's flat out wrong). And obviously you are both blaming each other.

Having said that OP. I'm assuming for the moment that you are reasonably pissed off concerning the lying. Still, you sound like your standards are sky high - friends don't necessarily include one another in everything going on. Not every friend will lie about stuff either, but it's not exactly uncommon especially as an exception to the rule.
I am less reacting to you being pissed off that you feel lied to, and more to your wording and how incredibly strong you come on in the first part. You'd think she was your girlfriend if not your wife by how much you seem to feel she owes you. It is a more normal/common response for a friendship to break it off right away if you feel she went too far, and otherwise move on with life, not go above and beyond to let her see how unforgivable what she did was including WWII references.

>>18509393
I phrase it strongly because, again, I have trust issues. It took me over two years to trust her.
And I wouldn't mind if she flat out told me "I can't tell you", "I don't want to tell you" instead of leading me on like she did.
She doesn't owe me anything, that's true, but it doesn't mean I can't feel hurt or pissed at her lies (or dishonesty).

And I did wanted to move on straight away, I even tried, but the other friend I mentioned tries to get me make up with her.

>>18509401
Also, about the trust issues -
I told them A LOT I hate dishonesty and lies because of my trust issues and autistic tendencies, and I feel like they completely ignored it which I take as lack of respect towards me. I went out of my way to trust them and tell them the do's and don'ts with me, yet the disregarded it all. I never did shit like that to them and I followed my principles which I set up for myself. When I couldn't tell them, I said "I can't tell you", when I could and I thought they needed to know, I told hem right away.

>>18509401
I read that and of course it's a factor, but you've gotta realize that this is your issue to overcome and while you can explain it to people to help them understand you better and hopefully adjust their behavior sometimes, you cannot expect everyone to walk on tiptoes for you to avoid any chance of triggering. Or well, I guess you can, but that would leave very few people interested in being a friend. It's a give and take of them accepting that you will react more intense and will have less tolerance and you accepting that they will likely not meet your standards all the time.

You still did not include what she lied about. If it was something relatively innocuous like having gone on a date with some guy, and you 100% cannot handle that and wish that you could undo the friendship because it wasn't worth it - don't have female friends in the future because apparently you can't deal with it. Yes of course people can say they don't want to tell something but white lies are a huge part of social life because it reduces/avoids confrontation. Like how everyone says "good" when you ask them how they are. For me whether it falls in this category or that she should indeed have absolutely told you no depends on whether this lie had to do with her own life or with you(r life).

>>18509404
I can't judge whether they completely ignored it or not. If this was a habitual thing even though you went above and beyond explaining what treatment you want, then they did, but you also should've drawn your lesson earlier that apparently these people don't want or cannot meet your expectations and to find others.
If this girl and others usually did adhere to what you said and now one time did not, give them a break. They are already watching their own behavior and weighing their words in ways that most people would never ask of them. It's nice that you take the effort to live by your own rules as well but it's not fair to use that as equivalent because it's not something they care about nearly as much. They would probably like a friend who's more relaxed about what they choose to keep to themselves, and you can't provide that for them. You cannot say "it's fair because I also give them what I would want". People want the treatment that they themselves want. And you are not on the same wavelength there so by definition there's some friction here and there.

>>18509385
Shes probably a bigger part of your life and thought proccess than you are hers and your afformentioned issues are making you voice some things you shouldnt.

>>18509409
I don't mind small white lies. The problem is they lied about something I see as BIG. Something that caused anxiety, depression, and repression. What it was doesn't matter to me, but the fact they lied about it despite having the chance to save me from this.
The knew I was suffering.
And I don't mean "NEVER LIE!!!! NEVER BE DISHONEST" But never lie and be dishonest about BIG and IMPORTANT things because I can't UNDERSTAND the situation if people are being dishonest. I only fuck it up more.

And I tried explaining calmly my position, but she just "not my problem" "not my issue" "not my responsibility" etc etc. She also tried to blame me for fucking the situation up and my other friend agreed she was being a cunt yet he still wants me to make up with her.

>>18509419
She COMPLETELY ignored it. It was literally the only think I asked of them to do for me.
I always ask them "when I cross the line?" "When I'm saying too much?" so I'll never fuck with them, but it feels as it's not mutual. I give them the treatment they want and I asked them for the treatment I want.
I didn't have high expectations aside of "tell me the truth, I don't care if it hurts or not."

But I see your points and I already taken them into account. I'm not an irrational person, I'm rational (too rational.) which is why i chose to ask them for the truth because I can't understand emotions so good nor I can understand social situations.

tl;dr
took your points into account beforehand, I'm relatively a rational person and they know that but this time they fucked me up.

>>18509425
Jesus nigger just tell us what it is so we can accurately judge whether or not you're over-reacting. We're a bunch of random strangers on the internet that you won't ever recognize again outside of this thread.

>>18509552
I asked a girl out and they lied/were dishonest about her liking me back. They lead me on for over a week, in said week I felt intense anxiety, fear, depression and had to repress any hope I had for this because I figured right off the bat it won't end good.
>BUT ANON, ITS SO STUPID. SO YOU GOT REJECTED WHO CARES
No one cares. I don't care too. That's not my issue.
>SO WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT??
That they lied to me and lead me on to a false hope instead of telling me the truth. It's beyond the lie itself, it's the principle I have described in the posts before.
Plus, they knew I was having somewhat of a mental breakdown recently, and this only further fucked me up.

>>18509619
How do you know they were intentionally lying? You realize it's anyone's best guess as to who someone likes?

>>18509623
Because one of the people told me they were lying/dishonest on purpose right from the beginning. He didn't mean to tell me that either, he was sure she (the girl I argue with) told me already.

>>18509628
When he told me I went BOOM.

>>18509628
And did you ask them why they were lying?

You have problems.

The girl is a shitty friend.

Neither is the cause of the other, but they don't play nice together.

You can't make her a better friend. You can get help for your emotional issues. Go to therapy.

>>18509640
Yes.
"We didn't want to intervene"
"We thought you should work it out with her without our help"
"I didn't know she wasn't going to tell you the truth so I just waited"
"We didn't want you to get hurt"
and so on.
But I do not care for the intent so much. I care for what they have actually done.

>>18509643
Thanks.
I will soon enough.

>>18509645
>We didn't want to interfere
Well from what it sounds like they didn't lie to you, they simply didn't tell you something they likely assumed you already knew. Which is completely different from them lying and saying, "She definitely likes you anon."

>>18509645
>you like girl A
>girl B tells you girl A likes you back
>after a week you find out this isn't the case

I'd tell girl B she's a dumb cunt for lying to you. Not "I have trust problems" or "I am so hurt right now because of you". Just "jeez, you damn retard should've told me the truth about A not liking me and I wouldn't have wasted so much energy on her". I'd say it to her face and then leave it be. You're blowing it out of proportion big time.

>>18509656
They knew for a fact I didn't know and they enforced my belief she was interested to me by:
1. "She seemed uninterested in the conversation. How should I continue?"
"make her laugh or something" (They already knew)
2. "Do you think she understood what I meant when I asked her out?"
"Yeah yeah don't worry" (I'm not sure they knew by this point, but I'm positive at least she did)
3. The guy friend literally made a toast for me and a salute despite KNOWING that it won't work out. He ASSUMED the girls will tell me so he didn't worry about it.

>>18509658
Perhaps you're right. At first that's kinda what I did (just deleted her off), but the guy friend kept complicating it and wanted us to "make up".

>>18509660
Sounds more like they were encouraging you. Sounds like you don't have a whole lot of experience with women and your friends just wanted you to take the risk.

>>18509664
How they were encouraging me if they KNEW for a FACT she wasn't interested?
I wanted to take the risk as well.
"So anon, why don't you?"
Because THEY CAME OUT CLEAN SHE NEVER DID LIKE ME and she didn't even mean to give me a chance, it was just a mistake of miscommunication.

>>18509660
Something feels off about your story. It seems to me like you're trying to find a reason to be hurt. You're trying to reinforce your perceived trust issues by making them a reality. I highly doubt that your friends intentionally were misleading you and making you think you had a shot with this woman when you didn't. If anything maybe they were trying to get you to be confident and more assertive. You may disagree or think I'm being unfair but I'm simply presenting the argument for your friends because clearly you're not willing to have this conversation with them without trying to push your, "I can't trust anyone" agenda on their actions.

>>18509661
You shouldn't have deleted her off. Burning bridges for that kind of stuff is not what a person who can have stable friendships and relationships does.

>>18509671
I see your point, but the problem is that:
>>18509668

In other words, they weren't trying to give me fake confidence. They were stalling for time 'till I stop being interested or she'll have the courage to tell me the truth. I meant to drop it and suddenly my female friend told me "drop it she's not interested". Then the guy friend accidentally told me she wasn't interested since day 1.

>>18509668
Well some girls change their opinion when you show interest in them and take steps

>>18509675
No my dude, she didn't change her opinion. It was miscommunication. She thought I meant to hang out as friends. Later on she realized what I meant and didn't inform me and they created a weird bundle of dishonesty and half truths to make me less interested in her.

>>18509674
Let's assume you're right. Why exactly are they lying to you again?

>>18509682
>She is interested (she isn't)
>You're doing good (I wasn't)
>Don't drop it (I should have)

>>18509684
Not how, but WHY?

>>18509684
That happened over the course of a week, I've been led on for months several times bro. The thing I've learned
>make your intentions clearer, that means you ask her to hang out one on one, you are more assertive with her
>if she texts you disinterested you drop it. If she wants you she'll take some steps towards you herself and make you a priority
>if she treats you like a buddy and not like a date or potential lover you drop it, you shouldn't have patience for that

>>18509698
I know man. I was going to drop it after the second day if it weren't for our mutual female friend who gave me the "AOK" sign, which was false and more false signs. Next time I should trust my instincts more :/
Thanks

You don't have to forgive her if you don't want to.

But in friendships and other relationships people make mistakes. Forgiveness and moving on is a normal part of s healthy friendship. In fact, you might end up having a stronger relationship now.

Not to minimize your feelings of hurt and betrayal-you ate absolutely entitled to them--but this doesn't strike me as an outrageous lie. She chose to show you kindness by not telling you something. Kindness it good. It means she actually cared about your well being. That is a very normal and common situation. I don't she expected it to hurt you as bad as it did.

From your original post I expected some shockingly evil, but really it is just an average every day situation. Try to put that into perspective.

And then decide what you want to do. Expressing your hurt, then forgiving and continuing the friendship is the healthy thing to do. But if you don't want to you absolutely don't have to.

>>18509719
Again, it's not about the content of the lie as much as how much it affected me and they knew about EVERYTHING that was going on. Including how I felt through the "ordeal".

But I get your point. I tried making up with her saying "I guess it comes down to our differing views about 'trust' and 'truth'.", I tried finding compromise in which she wouldn't even have to apologize.
No response yet. Few hours since the convo. If she won't respond by the end of the day, I guess it's really a goodbye. (which isn't a bad thing...)

>>18509728
You're trying to make your friends wrong constantly. They don't need to be wrong. You expressed your frustration and it's time to move on. You don't need to drive it into them that they fucked up and it's the end of the world if they don't admit how much of a bad person they are.

You can pretend it's about principle of them lying as much as you like but we all know it's not that at all, evident in the fact they haven't seemed to have even lied to you, at most they withheld truth.

Assuming what you're saying is true I would hazard the bet that they tried to get you off their back by admitting fault because you were sperging out about trust issues and betrayal. One things for certain, they're never going to encourage you to pursue a woman again lest they incur you wroth.

In conclusion, this is a great way to foster a friendship of resentment and fear. Keep acting this way if you don't value friendship and want to distance yourself from your friends (not just your current ones, all possible future ones as well).

>>18509749
I disagree with everything you said, but I'll take notice.
>Trying to make my friends wrong constantly
At first? Perhaps. Then I just wanted to find out what actually went on, on a chronological order so I can sort things out completely, but the female friend went "I DONT OWN YOU CRAP"
"ok but I just wanna kno-"
"KEEP DWELLING ON THE WHY AND WHEN. DOESNT MATTER TO ME."
"Fine but i j-"
and so on.

Plus, I did try to make a compromise where no one is right or wrong (Which is the reply you replied to).

I assume you assume I've never been in a fight before with close friends. Well, that assumption is wrong. I forgive and forget a lot. On this specific case, I just got ticked off.
I guess I did blow it out of proportions tho.

I guess I needed a therapist a looooong time ago

>>18509773
>I assume you assume I've never been in a fight before with close friends. Well, that assumption is wrong. I forgive and forget a lot. On this specific case, I just got ticked off.

My dude, if your friends lying about a girl being interested in you (>inb4 "muh principles") made you spill your spaghetti like that, I can only imagine what would happen if a girl cheated on you.
You're blowing this WAY out of proportion, and with each post, it just seems to me that you're really being egocentric.
Obviously I don't know anything about you or what you've been through, but that's how you're coming across.

Also, stop constantly reminding yourself and everyone around you that you have issues and problems. Everyone does.
All that does is make you and the people around you feel annoyed and unable to act normally, which is exactly what you don't want.
You should be trying to "minimalize" as much as you possibly can your autism and trust issues instead of using them as trump cards in a discussion.

>>18509848
I stopped reminding I have issues?

>>18509619 (The last post where I said I have issues)
You dwell on earlier things I said instead of replying to current things.

I feel like you're taking things I said out of context in order to make me look silly and minimize it all.
The only one who reminds me and everyone I have issues right now is you niBBa. I barely talk/ed about my issues with them or even mentioned them in a serious manner.

And I'm probably am very egocentric. You got that right.

>them as trump cards in a discussion.
I don't, I just want that taken in factor.

If it'll calm you down or make you happy, I wrote her an apology message (half heatedly, because I don't believe most of what I wrote) just for minimizing the damage and because I don't want this to get back to me like a boomerang later on (For selfish reasons. You are right about me being selfish.)

Hope you learned why female friends are shit