Damaged

>>18507205
you think that the problem is your past and the way you feel about things, but the problem is your behavior obviously

>will any sane man do anything with me
not until you change your behavior

How fit?

I want to stop my current behavior, and I think simply having someone to talk to would help a lot. But anytime I start talking with someone I like, they eventually notice the awful things about me and run for the hills, which makes me relapse harder. I've been in and out of rehab, and have talked to men when I have been clean with a straight head, but heartbreak kills me and I relapse. I know its pathetic. I don't think that my past is the problem and I know its my behavior, I only mentioned my past because it is a main factor as to why I get anxious when talking to good men. I guess I should have left it at " i get anxious when talking to men".

>>18507238
>Every time I try to get help for with what's going on, people run for the hills.
That's because there is no traditional sense of community anymore. Everyone thinks they're in a friend gallery, and that they get to pick and choose who is in their life like it's a toy store.

That being said, you've gotta understand that most people who use heroin are not worth being around at all. If you really are a casual user, and not an addict, I would consider doing some *less* destructive behavior. These people who run away from you are just protecting themselves from the emotional manipulation and theft associated with people who cut and do heroin, even if you personally don't emotionally manipulate or steal. How are they supposed to gamble that you might be part of the minority of addicts who is not dangerous to be around?

While I agree it does suck when people run away from signs of trouble, you *have* to realize the irony of doing heroin and then complaining about when folks who have the ability to help go running. Again, this just reinforces what I said about the problem being behavioral.

The solution to this, especially in today's world, is to find a professional counselor. Their incentive is to help other people and pay their bills, and there are several layers of protection for them so that they don't have much reason to be afraid of you. It's pretty much a match made in heaven for these sorts of situations. Again, you *have* to realize that a professional is better to speak to about heroin use and so on than a personal friend or family member.

>which makes me relapse harder
This is going to sound like I'm playing semantics, but you have to realize that nothing leads to you to relapse harder. Technically, it sets of a chain reaction in your life and your mind that eventually leads to you relapsing harder. Your job is to at least relapse less hard hard until you can avoid relapsing at all. I know that is very ahrd, but

(part 1)

>>18507238

most people do not do heroin or cut themselves, and in modern society you have to fit the role and keep up with your competition. This isn't a band of kids from the punk era or whatever, where doing dope and cutting is just accepted. The average person these days has lofty goals they will never achieve, and having a friend who holds them back in life is just not going to be accepted, whether that's right or not.

>the heartbreak kills me and I relapse
I can't really comment on this, because it's complicated and I don't know you, but I might relate a bit here.

I've had some shit happen to me too, and I've started very important relationships that didn't work.

>I know it's pathetic
That's not what we're talking about here, who's pathetic and who isn't. That's not going to be helpful.

>I don't think my past is my problem
It is, but your behavior is your problem and other people's problem. You made the thread because you know your behavior is scaring people away, not my feedback is like a mirror and it's unpleasant to hear.

>I guess I should have left it at, I get anxious when talking to men.
You're perfectly fine. I think your post is very good. It gets the point across.

I don't think that the focus of the problem should be men. Men, or ideally *a man* (right?), should be a goal on the horizon. Finding a date should be pretty easy compared to shaking PTSD and maybe Borderline or whatever the hell they decide to call it. Finding a date should be a piece of cake by comparison.

And finding a date is not going to matter if your arm is sliced up and you are suffering constant hypervigilance and flashbacks. Don't you understand that?

So the best thing to do here is to assume that you're alright enough to have the whole courtship thing in the pocket (because you and all your ancestors before you did), and to start actually solving your problems.

Actually solving your problems.

>>18507205
>Heroin casually

Yeah just wait a few weeks

>>18507331
Thanks for the thought out replies. I just wish I had more motivation to see and keep seeing a therapist. They never seem to work. This is where I just kinda wish I had someone I was interested in (and vice versa). I probably only deserve shitty men in the current state I'm in.

>>18507598
It has been a few weeks. I've only used it a total of three times but I know its fucked and I know that no decent man wants someone who has used even once.

>>18507606
>motivation to fix my life
you're presenting plenty of motivation to fuck it up, inadvertently I assume

>they never seem to work
a lot of them are bad, but if you aren't ready to be receptive to help then none are going to do any good

>kinda wish I had someone cuddle and confide in and have sex with and be emotionally intimate with who would become biased and think I'm awesome and vice versa
yup. me too.

also

>rehab
>casual user
>>18507598

op you're fuckin up

>>18507610
>>18507611
its not a matter of who deserves what. that's just more stuff people on the bottom say.

it's a matter of who does things that will benefit them and who does things that fuck their shit up

>>18507610
You know you'll probably end up addicted to it, and that will ruin your life indefinitely

>>18507611
Wasn't in rehab for heroin. I mentioned pill abuse but you seem to have ignored that in favor of OMGHEROINLOL. You realize these things can escalate right?

You've made your points. I agree I need to fix shit. But at this point you're beating a dead horse.

>>18507623
>I wasn't in the hospital for *heroin*
>I was in the hospital for PILLS, dumbass
>PILLS
>get it *right*
my mistake

>OMGHEROINLOL
alright have fun

>you've made your points
you already made a strong case about why all this shit is self-destructive. you're right. we are beating a dead horse.

>>18507629
I told you you made good points, and thanked you for your advice. You could have stopped posting there. I'm not here to have an argument with someone over semantics on an advice board like you seem so intent on.

Let this thread die already, for the love of god

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>>18507642
oqwjtioqwjijw4iqtojw

It seems like an incomplete conversation. Do you still want boyfriend more than sobriety? Do you have any other things to share?

Anyway, sure. I replied with sage. Good luck in your endeavors. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things become easier for you in life.

>>18507205
You're a lovely human being and you'll get everything you've wanted to. Just ditch the self-destruction and the rest will sort itself out. I know I'm hardly providing any practical advise, but just know, the world is not that bad and there's place for everyone