24[M] seemingly choosing between gf [22]F of 2.5 years and mom

So I always planned on living 5 min away from my mom, no big deal. With my GF wanting to live in another city, this would be a crushing blow to my mom. She still has my dad, but their relationship isn't good at all and hes also sick (had a severe heart attack 2 years ago) so just generally it would be best if I could stay with my plan. But alas, my gf whom I love greatly wants to move to another city. Our relationship is pretty good, the anxiety she has is tough to deal with but we get through it. We talk about our future and we're just super serious about the whole thing, We're perfect when shes feeling okay, we're not as great when shes going crazy because its just like every little thing is a disaster. I absolutely want to spend my life with her and she has shown me that she also wants that. Our convos about staying in City A lead essentially to this point from her: "I hate it here, I stayed here to be with you and you are with your family, I am homesick for my family, I don't want to raise kids here, I have to go to whatever school accepts me and its probably going to be City C or D, please move with me there".
So I'm gonna list out a few reasons why this stuff frustrates me:

2/4

1. She moved away from her family in city B and still never plans on living there, she wants city C or D. So the homesick thing is ridiculous, this is really mind boggling to me because she is going to stay homesick, and now I'm also going to be homesick and we are going to lose out on all the benefits of living in a place with people we know. She already did it once before she met me, and she was lonely, but I get that now its a new adventure for us together but it just seems like we'd both still have times of homesick, and there is so much we'd lose out on. Her car breaks down, I know where to get it fixed. If we need money and I'm not getting enough work, I can head into a number of locations because city A is the mecca and city C and D would be very difficult for me to find in house work. I make a lot of money from home right now but its smart to have that back up plan, have those connections. Id be at home with no one, shed be in school making friends. We both have friends here though.

2. The pressure of moving to another city and supporting us while having nothing to fall back on and no connections unless I like literally switch careers is daunting and not something she is willing to understand. She simply says she believes that ill continue to have work because im good etc etc and its very likely that I will, but its scary to me. Having family in the city you're in is like, you can never be homeless. I currently pay a large portion of her rent and her expenses, I don't notice the hit but I feel like right now its something I'm doing to help my girlfriend out, in another city it feels more like an obligation and that feels so very one sided. I would also feel very upset if she went and realized other slightly smaller cities also have triggers to her anxiety, and we'd be in the same place, except now we have no friends and no help. BUT, she hates this city. She just hates it and that should be acknowledged. No one should have to live somewhere they hate.

3/5

3. It hurts my feelings that she knows about the promises I made to my mom and while they aren't her problem at all, it just hurts my feelings to know that she wants me to make that sacrifice. She clearly made a sacrifice in staying in city A and missing her family dearly, but i just feel like she was gonna go there for a year and leave anyways.. I just can't see her side of this argument and she cannot see mine. So for me to have to now leave everything, and then work to support us while shes in med school just feels like a lot. Same kind of point though, she doesn't wanna live here. But its very tough to understand how she could know what I'd be doing to my mother and still want me to go through with it. She doesn't get it.

4. The situation with my mom and with my gf anxiety and illness wise etc are for all intents and purposes, unfixable. Ive spent enough time asking them to get help. They are both on medication.


So what are the ways this can go down realistically?


A. We move and I break my moms heart and support us till she can make money. I really think my mom would die immediately

B. I don't move and break my own heart. We don't think long distance is gonna work, she feels that the pain of her staying in city A to be with me the year and a half not being reciprocated by me following her would be too much eventually. I get it. Theres been too many fights about this moment for it go like that and us make it through.

4/5

C. I move my entire family to whatever city she has to go to for school. My parents are going to look at me like im retarded, but they'll go. Its the closest thing to a compromise, but i don't feel like my girlfriend actually wants this. She listened to me about how my mom is but she "doesn't get it" and just wants to have a normal grown up life. I think she just wants us to be together without parents or anything involved, even though she says she likes my mom and they get along great and no one butts in to the relationship or anything.

I am pretty happy with our relationship and its ups and downs in its current stage.

So thats that, I want to hear from the wiser, older, experienced people about some new ways to look at this, some questions to ask myself, some advice to heed. I really appreciate any words, this is such a tough situation for me and its a shame that I am in it.


5/5

Thank you if you read my novella. Im sorry i posted so much, i dont have anyone to discuss this with really. No one gets it.

I'm confused. If you have the ability to move your entire family in order to be with her, then go for it. I just wouldn't recommend leaving your entire family who's been there for you since day 1, behind in order to be with a girl. No matter how much you like her, she's going to a new place with a bunch of new people and that is going to be a challenge already. The amount of girls and guys who've been burned by throwing away what they want for their partners is insane. If you can move your family and they want to, then do just that. And while LDR are hard, they can work if people really like each other. Good luck.

>>18507203
I have that ability but its also not an easy thing to do. Its going to create lots of problems too.

I get the idea of not leavin the family though, she just says she made that sacrifice for me. And its bullshit, it wasnt the same situation, but its what she thinks.

>>18507240
You're angry and you're frustrated. This is the time where she should be working with you to try and make you guys work or compromise in some way and vie-versa. By the sounds of it you feel like she's not being reasonable and that her sacrifice wasn't as much as what you're being asked to do. That alone is going to create resentment and strife if not dealt with right away. I wish I could tell you something to help, but you have to talk to her and just be blunt about how you feel.

>>18507261
In the past we have had discussions about this but there does not seem to be a compromise. Its like she doesnt want to live here, I dont want to move. Shes spent time living here regardless and thus feels like I should go and live somewhere else too.

You hit the nail on the head with how i feel though