Erection Problems

I'm fully aware that successful romantic relationships need sex - it's just that I really cared about her and I would have appreciated maybe a second chance or some support. Once again though, I can understand things from her point of view. By the way, for context, I am 19 years old. I'm healthy and physically fit. My apologies for neglecting to mention this earlier. Anyway...

So after her and I break up, I begin exploring different possibilities that could have caused the issue - because as you can imagine I was terrified of it happening again. The first thing I decide to address is my phimosis. (Foreksin too tight to retract over the head of my penis.) Because of this, I'd never been able to ejaculate from intercourse before. There was just never really any sensation for me. So, I try some stretching exercises initially, but because I had such a severe case, I eventually opted to get a circumcision. After the operation and after the healing process was complete, I wanted to see if I could finally achieve an orgasm through sex. I didn't have anyone to copulate with at the time, so I decided to simply hire a hooker. Anyway, I meet up with this hooker, we get down to it, and I get a boner, I have sex with her, and for the first time in my life I cum during penetration. (I could finally feel my cock being stimulated.

Fast forward, to the last few months of my life, I meet this girl I really really like, and we're hitting things off, and she asks me if I want to sleep with her. I make up an excuse as to why I can't, (even though I really do, I'm just scared that I won't be able to perform.). In the midst of this dilemma, I decide to consult my ex-girlfriend for some advice. (Please note, this is NOT the girl that broke up with me after I couldn't get it up - this is a different ex-girlfriend.). Anyway, back when I dated my ex-girlfriend, nothing bad ever happened in regards to my dick, and she's just a really lovely and understanding girl. So, I tell her that there's this girl I want to sleep with, but how I'm nervous about not being able to get hard. (This all came as a surprise to her, seeing her and I had such a good sex life in our past relationship.) Anyway, after I pour my heart out to her about how conflicted I am and how much it's all bothering me, she offers to let me practice with her to gain confidence for this girl I like. I tell her I think this would probably be a lot of help, considering I feel comfortable with her. (Legitimately so kind of her, I was absolutely touched that she would be willing to do that for me.)

Anyway, her and I get down to business, and everything goes fine. After we made out, I got a semi, and I did have to get her to blow me for a few seconds to get fully hard, but after that everything went completely smoothly. Despite this, I still just couldn't bring myself to try things with the girl I really liked. I was just absolutely mortified at the thought of me failing again. I just think about how I felt when it happened with my ex-girlfriend (the one that broke up with me over it) and it just kills me inside. I never want to experience that feeling again.

Thanks for reading through my huge monologue, I really appreciate it. Anyway - fast forward to now. My theory on my erections is a mixture of performance anxiety and penile conditioning. I do not think that it is physiological as I wake up with erections and am otherwise young and very healthy. I started masturbating from a very young age, and developed unhealthy habits. For one, I have jerked off typically around three times a day, every day, from the time I was about 14 until just recently. Secondly, I have been watching increasingly deviant porn - obviously because I need to escalate to get the same rush. (Classic addiction pattern of behaviour.) Thirdly, I masturbated without lube all my life, and obviously this doesn't simulate natural sex. Fourth, I aggressively beat up my dick until I cum (death grip). Fifth and final, I never want to wait until I naturally get hard to masturbate, I always rub my dick while it's flaccid in order to get hard so I can jerk off.

I have tried no-fap for about a month, but I ended up lapsing and falling back into my old bad habits. Recently I have quit porn again, and stopped masturbation, but it just seems like a tunnel I will never be able to escape from.

I'm getting pretty desperate and honestly just looking for some perspective and advice. I'm in the prime of my life, and I should be able to enjoy relationships, but I find myself running away from things and turning down opportunities out of fear. It's deeply and severely ruining my life, and I just really want help.Thanks for your time, I sincerely appreciate it.

>>18502803
First of all, it all sounds like a psychological problem you've developed after this one time you couldn't perform. If it's such a big problem for you, you should probably visit psychologist, the problem is in your head, not your body.

And second of all, did you cheated on a girl with your ex? You sound like a horrible person. Would you be ok with a girl you like sleeping around because she wanted to check if she can still perform? It's disguting.

>>18502792
>wall of text requiring 3 posts to got it in
I can see why she broke up with you OP

literal stage fright

its in your mind
good news: your willy is alright
bad news: you will need someone who you feel comfy with and no pressure on captain willy

you can try cialis but it will only have placebo effect

>>18502821
No, as specified in my post, I was single at the time I had sex with my ex-girlfriend. Seems a bit unjustified to call me a horrible person, I think you misread my recollection of events.

Regardless, thank you for your input. I definitely agree with you - it was a very traumatic experience and I don't doubt that it left a lingering impact on me. However, I do think that there is more to the pictures - i.e the other factors I mentioned.

>>18502827
I apologise if it was verbose, I tried be as concise as possible, but I didn't want to omit any potentially crucial information.

>>18502831
Is it possible that if I abstain from porn and masturbation long enough that my lust will overcome my fear?

Once again, I concur with your assessment, but I am also of the opinion that there are other variables at play. (My porn and masturbation habits)

Nofap doesn't work. Masturbation is natural. Porn is the problem. If you try to abstain from both, you'll always eventually "lapse," and start jacking off to porn again.

Instead, quit porn, but keep masturbating with moderation. Block all porn websites on your phone and computer. Obviously, you could unblock them, but the fact that they're blocked will remind you every time you try to look at porn and will serve as a good deterrent.

With masturbation, keep yourself on a schedule. I know it sounds strange, but do it. Use the notebook in your phone to keep a tally, and only masturbate after around 7-10 days of not masturbating. Pick an exact number, so you have something concrete to work with.

This way, you won't "lapse." You'll avoid porn, and only masturbate. And you'll have a masturbation goal to work toward, so you'll get some sexual release.

Also, if performance anxiety is a problem, make your masturbation schedule every eighth day. That way you'll constantly keep yourself at peak testosterone levels (which peak every seventh day after organism). This will increase your confidence and make your erections more hard and make you more aggressive in bed.

>>18503084
What kind of porn?
All of it?
Or just videos?
I mean, just pictures of naked chicks are good to go or what?

>>18503093
I would say all of it, at least for a while. I speak from experience. Because I've tried just quitting certain types of porn, like videos or hardcore. Eventually, I get used to jacking off to images and start craving a video. So I move on to maybe some sexy music videos. Nothing hardcore. Just some mainstream music video with a lot of sexual imagery. But then that's not enough. I need to see more, so I just watch a video of a girl stripteasing or eventually masturbating her pussy. Then I'm already on pornhub, so I see recommended videos, and eventually just click on one of them and watch a hardcore video. Eventually, I'm back where I started, watching fast-paced PMV compilations of girls orgasming in quick succession.

If you give yourself a little, you're giving yourself a window into relapsing into full porn use. So I'd say quit all porn and use your imagination. Just visualize girls you know and would like to fuck. And use some kind of lube, so it's more like real sex, even if it's just lotion or olive oil (I've actually done this).

It's the condom. A condom really takes the spontaneous lust out of sex. If you would of just rolled over and stuck it in her it wouldn't of been a problem guaranteed. Hell I would of lost my erection too.
Having to get out of the bed, get coordinated, find the condom, fumble with it, it's why I've always hated them.