What do i do about this?

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My child hood wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either mainly because when i was kid I always went to my grandmas house after school and it wasn't the best of times since i always got grounded or worse punish with a belt while my brother got to play, truth is whenever i left her house is always ended up crying. Every day it was the same crap throwing my toys out an on occasion locking me in the closest for a indecent amount of time while my brother the "golden boy" got to do what he wants. When i went to school i dint have many friend because my dad made me insecure telling me that my "friends" used me just so they can color and draw together in my coloring book, as if i wasn't insecure enough, the i started pushing my only "friends" away. I got to 5 grade and that same year my grandma got stoke, so I got spent more time with my parents it was good at first but it all changed mainly because 8th and 9th grade fucked me emotionally in the ass with out lubed. In 8th grade i went on a school trip for the summer I started hanging out with people i knew but after a few days told me that they dint want me around, i cried myself to sleep that night, I had no one I was complacently alone that trip. In the 3rd semester of 9th grade I had may breakdowns mainly because of the teenage anx. 10th to -11th became more mellow even thou my brother had left for college and i knew my mom and dad were depress, dad took antidepressants mom cried each night around 3 am, I was okay i just didn't get enough sleep each night so i sleep at 6 pm that is until my mom decided to take me one night to a mental ward she almost put me there. Never the less 11th and 12th grade past i left and i went to college ,but i realize that i never truly had a "normal" relationship since my friends always insulted each other and insulted each other it was our way of telling each other that we care about each other. College passes i got myself a job and i find myself remembering all the bad memories.