Thinking about killing myself. Life for me has been shit, ever

I don't know what to tell you. Sadly, this thread will get way less attention than the "ask the opposite gender anything", "get it off your chest" and "i'm a girl xd wat do?" threads, and those who respond will most likely not know what you've been through.

I really want you to find the answer, and to live a fulfilled life. Have you tried meditating at all?

>>18497701
Move to a different city, start a new name and life for yourself.

>>18497701
Get a dog dude.
Start going for walks.
Keep your circle real fucking tight.
Meet some new friends.

Don't kill yourself.
How old are you? Early 20s?

>>18497726
I don't know what you might consider meditating, but I am hugely into philosophy. I do think about the human condition a lot, my place in the world, and I came to the conclusion that all life is equally valuable not because life is sacred, but because the human legacy is about everything we as individuals contribute to it. Even as a failure, I might not be happy with myself, but there's some comfort knowing that in the masterpiece that is the human condition, I contribute a brushstroke or a color that is unique.

Despite this outlook, I cannot personally find myself to be happy or satisfied. I feel like I put in a lot towards people and the world around me and if I got nothing back from the world in return it would still be better than the constant misfortunes I have had to convince myself are just a phase. I'm starting to think that after 22 years of what I consider to be constant disappointment and misery that perhaps it's more than just a phase.

>>18497701

no point in dying. at the very least you can go on some heathen binge.

>>18497734
I have met some new friends at work, which helps, but I feel like at the moment it's mostly just superficial. I don't want to be reliant on other people for my own happiness, as it's never been my style and I pride myself in being independent, but right now is a time where I wish I had friendships that were more than superficial.

Maybe I'll get a dog. Everyone loves dogs.

You should know best what to do. You've given us a glimpse of your situation and your concerns are justified, that's for sure. But there's nobody who can change you but yourself and your life.

I'd suggest reflecting on your self. You might see that you've been to open to the world. Too kind. If that's the case you should try your best to become independent as possible on a few subjects if you havn't already: house, income, daily life activities.

In the end a relationship of any kind is always a gamble. But it's better to miss, than never having fired a shot, so give life another shot and you might hit your desired target.

>>18497743

having friendships and letting them bring you happiness does not make you reliant on friendships for happiness.

the same way a woman can still be a 'stronk independunt woman' and still date. as long as you do not define your self by the hopeful permanence of your relationships than you will be fine in life.

enjoy what you have while you have it and let the rivers run as deep as they can, just don't convince your self that there is any sort of permanence to it. a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts.

>>18497736
Do you exercise or take cold showers? Those can boost your mood, though I realise you are existentially unsatisfied so this will not resolve that.

Are you a NEET, or are you working? Also what city/state?

>>18497753
I am a bartender. I haven't attended university (I've just never been able to afford it given financial responsibilities I have), but I do consider myself educated and I do have a trade in bartending and I have worked as an electrician with my friend on jobs of his before he recently moved out to Cali from time-to-time.

I live in Colorado. Don't want to give my city away but it's relative to the Denver area.

May I ask how old are you OP?

>>18497765
22.

>>18497764
Sorry for all these questions, but what do you mean by "a trade"? And what sort of financial responsibilities?

If you were to attend university, would you go in a STEM direction or something else?

Have you considered moving somewhere more isolated and closer to nature, like a cabin in the woods?

>>18497786
Think he means grade? As in: he's trained to be qualified for bartending.

You try to constantly please others and you forget about yourself. It exhausts you. People are taking advantage of you. Try to be more kind to yourself. It's okay to say NO sometimes.

>>18497786
Well, bartending is something that, despite peaks and troughs in the economy, will always be in demand. I can't say I'm a Michelin star chef, but the opportunity to work at nice cocktail bars or even dive bars where my skills aren't really put to use mean good money (potentially).

Right now my responsibilities are the ordinary pay rent, pay car insurance, all the things normal people do, but I also help my mom with her financial responsibilities. I have been saving up gradually for college, but I've recently had some medical issues that have put me behind and I've had to dig into my savings as a means to get by, which was something I had allocated specifically for college.

My aspirations for university was to double major in math and computer science and eventually work on a graduates for something relative to getting into the field of artificial intelligence, which has been a long-time dream for me. Just seems like it gets more and more out of reach as things pile on.

And no, I haven't considered moving to somewhere more isolated. I like the wilderness and I do rock climb, hike, all those things, but I couldn't see myself living in the boonies.

>>18497701
Always look forward to tomorrow you will never know what might happen. It may be different it may be the same. But if it starts to look ordinary look at something and try to find the difference in that one thing that makes it so unique to everything else.

>>18497803
I don't know what specific advice to give you but if you want someone to talk to, drop an email to [email protected]

You seem like an awesome guy that I can relate to a lot

>>18497865
Thanks. I really appreciate that.

>>18497865
I think your email was typed incorrectly.

convert to islam and god will give you back hopefully

>>18497701
Take some with you.

>>18497954
Polnischspeaker234

>>18498119
>polnisch
Could it be? Another Pole on 4chin?

>>18497701
The real point to life is to know the ultimate truth anon. Your life may seem miserable but the reality is all material life is miserable. The fruits produced by karma are not satisfying and never will be, only Moksha will ever bring about satisfaction.

i feel the same way in this very moment anon
and i dont know where to go from here

people will always disappoint and betray
but i cant convince myself that i dont need people

>>18497701
The real point to life is to know the ultimate truth anon. Your life may seem miserable but the reality is all material life is miserable. The fruits produced by karma are not satisfying and never will be, only Moksha will ever bring about satisfaction.