rant/vent/write letters to people/watch dementia anon try to

working out makes me incredibly horny.

I'm so tired. All the time.

I just came home to my ex fiance having taken all of her stuff from our apartment when I got home from work. It hurts so bad. Why did you have to hurt me this way? All I ever did was treat you so well and try to make you happy. Now I'm crying here like a little bitch. It physically hurts to exist right now and all I want more than anything is to go back to the times in the beginning at Christmas when I held her hand and watched her open her presents.

I don't want to hurt anymore, Adv.

It actually sucks being a girl and having a high sex drive. I want to be wild and have adventurous sex, try new things, new people, etc. But my husband is such a stick in the mud. He gets mad when I want to have sex too often, and gets mad when I masturbate.
I can't win. I wish I could sleep with someone else but I'd never do that to my partner. I've thought about camming as a way to release my sexual frustrating but I'm worried someone will recognize me.

i feel for ou brother, wish you the best

>>18495802
K,

I hope you're doing well. Its only been about a month since you told me to stop "harassing" you. When you told me that you were scared of what I might do. It still confuses me, I made no threats and I was never violent with you, so how could you possibly think that I would hurt you? I still don't get it.

I found myself late drawing. I made a big canvas drawing of you and your rabbits. I thought it would make a good birthday present for you in September. But you probably wouldn't like it since its from me. I want to mail it to you, or give it to your friends to give to you. Or something. I wanted to level with you. I wanted us to leave each other peacefully. But I feel like I should just leave you alone.

My head is telling me that you weren't worth it. That you only hurt me and that I never shouldve changed for someone as cold hearted as you. That I should only change for myself. That I should resent ever meeting you.

But my heart is saying that you were worth every second of my time. That even though I like the person I am and that I shouldnt change for you, I would do anything for you. That I still want to be with you even after all this.

I feel like I want to write a letter to her wishing for her to find her happiness and give it to her with the drawing I did as a final goodbye. But I'm also scared to reach out and get hurt again. And most of all I think that maybe she'd be better off never hearing from me again.

>>18495866
That sounds like a really unhealthy relationship, imho. Why does he get angry at you?

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I kinda hate myself tonight. I completely removed myself to get rid of how I felt for you because it was completely unwarranted and I went full retard with it. then today I got back into things a bit, and there you were. at first it was fine and then I watched you being all choked up and I just wanted to alternately hug you and beat people to a pulp.

now I'm just sitting here like gif related.

>>18495887
Well he said he sometimes doesn't feel like it and he doesn't like that I still try with some foreplay. There are times I don't want to do it with him either and he usually just tickles me until I'm irritated and then rubs up on me and expects me to be wet. He gets mad when I say no, and gets mad when he says no lol

I love you, J, or more accurately i could have loved you. That future of us being together is so close but it won't ever happen. If only you had less demons, and if only you weren't so...you. But that's why I like you.

I guess I have to accept the fact that it was not meant to be in this lifetime. The only thing that happens when we try to get together is that we become so happy for a little while, but then, because it's you, you have to go off and leave me. And I feel like shit because I don't want to wait around for you, but you hold a special place in my heart, so I wait around and sometimes you come back. But I can't be your priority even though you could be mine. And then you feel like shit because you made me miserable. But it's like a sickness that makes you go off and adventure.

I'm kind of the same as you because I feel trapped too.

I gotta let you go J. We can't keep doing this. Last time we saw each other you messed me up for months. Idon't know if i'm glad that I met you or not. I woulda married you, you stupid fucking cunt. If only things were a little different.

I know you won't ever marry anyone since I'd be the only person you'd marry, if you ever did marry. you've been single for 4 years since you met me. You treat me like your boyfriend around your friends and you show off how much you love me in front of everyone, but I can't do it anymore, darling.

Go off and adventure. Don't worry about me.

>>18495896
Well, I'm sure you know this, but that's fucked up on his part. Tried talking to him about it (however weaksauce this suggestion is)?

How long has it been since we first touched energy and kissed souls in manner only known to those like us? There was a dalliance, if trust could not be the highest virtue known above pleasure betimes. Serenity lasts longer, and present anytime.

Have we not earned that at least? Troubles there are, but can we not feast our eyes on hope that still lies? It always dies last, and we're still alive. For lust never reigned me, save for that which grew from a deeper bond I felt with you.

Serenity faded, and then things went south, but I never upbraided as much as may have come out. It's simply maddening: to know something as truth, but be decried as mad ravings when such madness speaks sooth.

And I know you felt it too. For I raved not much more madly than you. Such mad fools were we, two silly loons! But love is filled with madness, and in such madness, truth.

Can we not be two mad flames once more? Can we not burn brighter than before? Can we not melt this ice that has grown, from distance and time having claimed their own?

I know it will end: this coldness between us will eventually bend towards a path of passion, much more than before, and there's so much deeper a future in store. I'm failed by wisdom, but never by faith, so I'll move mountains until they're in the right place.

>>18495908
I've tried but he doesn't take me seriously... I'm at a loss. I don't want to leave him because we're married and have a kid together. But for the love of god I need a good night out and a toss in the sheets

>>18495922
I guess it's time to see how good at hiding Tinder you are - and sorry I can't be of any decent help.

I need to stop _ ....

>>18495922
Same problem, my bf says I'm a nympho n want sex too much n he can't keep up with my crazy insatiable libido. Usually tells me just masturbate n go to sleep already :\

>>18495866
>gets mad when you masturbate
That's actually emotional abuse, dude. That's not okay.

>>18495922
I'm female n bi btw, any chance your around aus tx.
Would he get mad at you having a girl on the side

>>18496002
You know I've thought about that. Recently we had a huge fight that left me quite traumatized. Ever since then I feel like I've been walking on egg shells trying not to upset him. I comply with everything he asks. And if I tell him how he's hurting my feelings, he turns the attention to him.

Idk maybe I should just get a divorce.


>>18495989
I feel for you girl. Masturbation is fun and all, don't get me wrong. I love getting a gasm in before I leave the house so I have a nice glow. But it ain't the same

>>18496008
I can't say I'm bi but I have always wanted to eat a girl out!!! Unfortunately I'm far off on a small island. And my husband considers girls to be cheating

>>18495866
>tfw guy
>only have sex with gf once every week or two sometimes
>tfw she started saying that she thought that me masturbating was like cheating to her, that she found it disgusting
She took it too personal. It was simply about relief. Man, anon, shit's tough when it hits that point and trying to figure out why they feel that way is hard. Its your body in the end.

I pretty much just told her that her telling me to stop jerking it was like starving the dog, and then smacking it for beong hungry.

It's not them, not about them, it's about your needs and lack of satisfaction.
Stand up for yourself. If he's tired because of work, try to set up times or something. Sure. That's not sexy, but you have to push to get what you need.

uh, H, I'm gonna be in your city next month on the beaches. just a heads up

M

>>18495866
You're the woman, you could always, you know. Forcefully take him. Give him pills or something. It's not rape when we do it.

>>18496016
No shit, I get you
It's that intimacy you crave that feeling of having someone else want you as much as you want them

>>18496021
He's had those moments before too and I encouraged him to masturbate to porn in order to satisfy his needs. But the door doesn't swing both ways.

>>18496039
Lol it is rape regardless. But I've already done that sort of and he was PISSED the next day. Not worth the fuck, and we haven't had sex since then

Whenever I insult someone on 4chan, I end up feeling bad about it desu. I would apologize, but how would I know they read my apology?

I am a sinner.

>>18496043
Sometimes all it is for me is feeling someone else's bodyweight. I'm glad to have found such a like minded individual!

>>18496049
Iktf. You should compensate by doing/saying something nice to someone in real life. That's where it really counts anyway!

>>18496057
Good man Anon, but if possible, I would like to apologize to that person I insulted as well and make up for my errors. I'm a changed man between posts desu.

>>18496020
What a shame, I would love to be your first n 69 until we were both spent n satisfied n wondering why we've been kept from each other so long.
My bf doesn't really consider it cheating but has made it very clear if I cheat on him with a woman he will not have sex with me anymore

>>18496064
Oooh, a girl after my own heart! That sucks that your bf would be so petty. I think using sex as an upper hand is fucked up

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my mother is a disaster of a human. growing up she seemed to keep everythign together. maybe she did. maybe it was all a lie. Lying has become her primary form of communication. She treats us like her little dolls, insisting we act a certain way so she can pretend she has a perfect family, but then manipulating us against one another to suit her will. She fucks it all up then says it was just a game.

most recently she tried to turn me against my father. I didn't meet the man until i was 4, and I was not a fan. He was in the military so he wasn't exactly around a lot even after that. He left us for a year when i was 9 and i was basically left to take care of both my older and little brother. my older brother was a delinquent and I had to do my best just to stop him from destroying everything.

my mother came to me when they were talking about divorce and told me he left on purpose, that she suspected her of cheating on him with his brother so had to get away. I can respect the decision to run off and find your self, but it doesn't mean I have to respect him. This was the final nail in what was already a pretty full coffin.

but with everything coming to light, that might be a lie. I tried talking to them both about it, but he denied it, they both stuck to their stories , and then did what they do best: pretend it didn't happen. one of them was lying, the other knew it, and they just keep on going as if it didn't matter.

cont

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>>18496071
even if he didn't have a choice in leaving us, it doesn't do much to change how I feel about him. Hes not the perfect villain by any means, but he was a bad dad, even when he was around. for some reason he picked on me the most, probably because i was the least masculine of his sons. If my older brother hated carrots he had no issues, but if i hated lasagna, he would keep up all night until I ate it, then when i finally tried, id vomit, and he'd smack me and tell me i was being 'dramatic' (as if i could force my self to throw up).

I could forgive this, I could forgive him leaving, I could forgive him smacking the shit out of me simply because I was a nervous laugher. he had some heavy crosses to bare and we all let it out negatively.

but what really makes me unable to forgive is that when I told him I was molested, he told me i needed to 'get over it' so that we could keep the family together. they insisted I continue to even share a bed with my molester, my brother.

My older brother molested me when i was 4 and he was 6. it was traumatic for the obvious reasons, but not something I held against him growing up. he was 6... not exactly the same person he is now. The unfortunate truth is it didn't end with the molestation. He is a big man, and he believes that being big means that he is in charge.

I remember one christmas I came back to visit, and my father had woken me up at 7am. like my brother, my father needed to just assert his dominance. I wa sfine waking up if there was a purpose, but i was grown man who lived on my own just visiting for the holidays, and my dad insisted 'if you're going to sleep under my roof, you gotta wake up when i want you to'.

i went to facebook and simply posted 'being an adult should mean being able to sleep in if you want to'. a bit passive agressive, sure, other than for the fact that I more or less said that to him first. i didnt see an issue with posting that.

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>>18496072
this apparently made my mother cry though. She needs to have the 'perfect holiday' every holiday. i remember when we were younger we'd argue over which actor appeared in which movie, and she'd throw a plate at the wall and say we ruined christmas.

this facebook status about wanting to sleep in upset her. the next day my family and I went out shooting. on the way back there wasnt enough room for all the guns in the trunk so i held one in my lap as my brother drove us back to the house.

thats when he began to threaten me. he asked why i posted it, i said i was expressing my feelings. He said 'well i express my feelings with my fist, so next time you express your self im going to express my self all over your face'.

i was there, an adult, with another adult threatening to assault me because i posted an innocuous facebook update about wanting to sleep in. i had a gun in my lap, and it was already pointed in his general direction. 'i have a gun' i said. 'do not threaten me ever again'.

since then we have never been alone together. This essentially highlights our relationship. Since the very beginning it has been that he is bigger, so he is in charge of me, whether it be sexually or physically. growing up did not change this mindset at all. if he had just molested me as a kid i could overlook it. but he continued to believe that he was in charge simply because he was big.

but he took me seriously in that moment, and as a result we are no longer close.

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>>18496074
now tonight is has come full circle back to mother. I was the last one to turn against her. She's tried to commit suicide (or pretended to at least) so many times in the last two years that its just become exhausting. and then she comes to me and says 'you are the only reason im alive. id die without you'.

tonight i called my little brother to inform him that I am going to be changing my number and leaving the family indefinitely. he was understanding, having still lived in my mothers town and seen her through years of abuse, cheating, and alcoholism.

we exchanged what we knew... he had no idea about me being molested and mom and dad just insisting i pretend nothing happened. likewise, I did not know that mother had come to both of them when i posted that facebook status about sleep and had asked them to get me to stop. I doubt she asked my brother to physically threaten me, but this is the kind of games she plays. Act like a victim if anyone steps just a little bit out of line, and turn everyone against each other.

she used to tell me I was her favorite. for the longest time I actually believed her. Now I wonder if she told my other brothers that too.

>>18496050
>>18496043
I get you both. My exgf would always blame me about being too needy but all I wanted was to be together. Just feel her warmth, her scent, just wanted the feeling of my hand on her skin. It wasn't about the sex, she always thought it was and would give me sex like you give a dog a treat. It made me feel worse. I would try to tell her such but she wouldn't understand. I guess she fought of me as "He's just a guy, so all he wants is sex."

>bodyweight
Those were sometimes some of the best memories I have of her. Just laying together and feeling her laying on me, stomach to stomach. Like a comfy blanket, it would feel as if everything was okay.

Simple things that you want to communicate but for some it's impossible to understand.

Sometimes I just wanted to touch her like I would never touch others. To take in what I ignored about others, because to me she was special.

Fug.

>>18496050
Omg same here, my bf would always try to guilt trip me into thinking there was something wrong with me cuz I wanted to suck him off n fuck him too much

>>18496077
>>18496043
>>18496050
It sounds like you all just need that someone who likes sex as much as you do. Why do people like that even get into a relationship to begin with?

>>18496068
No shit, I'm like bitch I've practically begged you to fuck me n ur like no I'm tired or can this wait I fucked u earlier

I just want her to be okay.
I don't want her to be bad to herself.
Her biggest enemy is herself.
I just want to be with her and I know even If It's going to be okay theres still the fact that she hates herself.
I just want to love her and cherish her and be there for her.
I don't want her to be bad to herself, yet I also don't want to force her to do anything.
I just wish I was there with her.

>>18496085
Idk probably because we think being in a relationship will make it easier n more available to us, but all it really does is burden the other person n leave us feeling guilty n like there's something wrong with us

I missed out on young love. Not romantic, but familial and platonic. Both variations are largely overlooked, but so incredibly important (especially when considering genuine romantic love should involve the other two). I was too afraid to be honest with my family in regards to who I was, and what I wanted. I was devoid of any sincerity and the apathy which remained allowed me to rationalize to never act upon my desires. Why should I tell them what I think? They won't listen anyway. Why should I show them what I like? They won't like it. Why should I make jokes? It's not like they can speak English, and it's not like I can speak Spanish with better eloquence than a 6 year old.

I didn't have friends. I didn't have friends because I, myself, am unwilling to be a friend. I don't have anyone to comfort, to defend, to provide for, and if need be, to sacrifice for.

I've never enjoyed talking for the sake of talking. Talking to fill silences. I want to talk, knowing that my words have weight. That there's consequences to my words, that I can make a person feel a bit more safer with my words only, and that with each conversation I have, I'll be a better person at the end of it than I was at its beginning.

I thought that because I never liked talking for the sake of talking, that I was meant to be alone. That that's the only talking there is, and that because I don't take part in it, that I'll just remain isolated from my peers, never to bond with anyone else.

Deep down, I hope I'm wrong. Deep down, I hope one day I'll find something worth talking about and people worth loving.

I still have a long way to go.

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Stop telling me that you'd love me "at any weight".
What I am right now is a black and white comic. Two panels. First one is a girl with a blank expression on her face near a pond at night. She's looking at someone, and she's saying "You're lying.". Second panel is her shoving that person's head in the pond with the intent to drown them. She has the exact same expression on her face.
That sums up my feelings perfectly. Numb, monochromatic rage.
We both know that if I gain weight in the double digits, you would love me a little less, and repulsion would creep into everything you say or do around me. I know because I've been there.
Stop criticizing my survival methods. This fear is what attracted you to me, and in the end, as long as I avoid telling you too much, it will be what makes you stay. I don't want to live long anyway.

>>18496100
Nah I meant people who don't value intimacy as much. Should go hand in hand with a relationship I feel.

>>18496077
Right, I've tried telling my bf it's not really the sex as much as the intimacy, feeling someone else's skin against yours n feeling vulnerable n realizing how much u love the other person.
I feel you I feel like bf thinks she's just a nympho that wants sex from whoever, no you dumb ass I have other idiots begging me to fuck n shit I want to feel loved n wanted n desired by you not them because you're the one I love damn it

>>18496106
Yea it should n I wish it did.
It sux wanting n needing intimacy from someone that just doesn't feel the same

>>18496077
Sigh* being in love with someone is something so beautiful n painful. My bf thinks I'm weird cause I love when he gets home from work n I just want to lay with him n smell him n maybe make out a little, I don't give a damn how sweaty or smelly he is I just want to feel his warm strength against me caressing me n reminding me why I'm so madly in love with him

oh no, college got you, wew lad lets just delete that last post.

>>18496107
Holy shit this is so it right here!!! I'm not getting any of that from my partner so that's why I wish I could at least emotionally cheat on him with someone else.

>>18496136
See, love is such a complicated thing because more often than not it's one sided. It takes real chance to find someone you gain affection for to really reciprocate it, and vice versa. More-so for bullshit line of thought from either party not to get in the way
>thinks she's just a nympho that wants sex from whoever
Fuck that for probably being true.

There is not a day where I have gone to bed wondering what's going to happen. I am absolutely terrified about the future. If the future is bright, I certainly would want you to be there. If it's dark, at least I have something to fall back on and that's all I need.

>>18496136
That's all I wanted from my ex. I never asked to be her number one thing in life. I just wanted to be a part of it. When I got to spend time with her it would always turn into sex. I won't say no, I did enjoy it but more than anything I enjoyed that she enjoyed it. I was happy with her afterglow. I wouldn't cum most of the time. I wasn't looking for sex. I was there for her. I got off more from her scent and such. Sounds, taste, and the like. The sex was just sex to me. I could do just the same with another women, or my own hand. It wasn't the P-in-V I wanted, it was her.

Love is what it is. Many think it poison, others the greatest thing around. It's simply both. It does things to you. Changes you and hurts you more than anything else.
It's weird because they expect something, or that you want something more complex when it's just simply them you want.
>>18496150
Sadly, I agree with this. It's hard to find a balance. It may be impossible. Yet, we all want it. Or at least most, sadly, not many are willing to work for it. We expect relationships to be good from the start. No, that's not a relationship. It's just a honeymoon. A good relationship takes a lot of work and effort from both sides. When one side gives too much though, they lose control and a part of themselves. Little by little, it becomes so one sided that it no longer resembles a relationship but more of a co-dependent disaster. One needs the abuse, the other needs to give it.

shit's fucking hard. God, I wish it wasn't so.

>>18496140
Yea same here but it's really sad when u realize cheating on them won't make a difference cause in the end it's really them that u crave n need it from so badly

>>18496157
Are you me lol, I love pleasing my bf more than anything, most of the time I just suck him off or stroke him until he cums on my face or in my mouth. I just love seeing him in pleasure n knowing I can do that for him, I don't care if I cum or even get fucked I just want to feel that close intimate feeling with him. It is like an addiction no matter how much it hurts or how pointless it seems you will keep doing it because it gives you that rush n sense of purpose bringing someone else joy n pleasure. Love would be such an amazing beautiful thing if people wouldn't overthink it n just let it be what it is in all its simplicity

>>18496150
Yea sadly you're right, n the one that needs the love n intimacy the most will work extra hard n non stop for it while it seems that the other is just enjoying the ride.
I dont think we want sex from whoever, we just want sex from someone who will enjoy n appreciate it as much as us

I want to move away from my family and cut all contact. Few things are more appealing to me right now than living alone.

Addison you are my perfect girl and I know we just started dating around a month ago but I know you are the one. I was really depressed before I met you and life sucked ass and really the only thing that kept me happy during those short few months was the memory of getting lost in conversation with eachother in the field during the picnic. I know I sound like a creep but I would think about it before I went to sleep so I felt whole within myself. I know I'm a complete goof and I'm clumsy which is why I'm terrified of messing things up with you but if you ever open my phone and read this in my notes just know I love you with every inch of my being. All of your imperfections are perfect to me and I'll never be complete without you

>>18495866
I'll bang you babe

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>>18496233
>we just want sex from someone who will enjoy n appreciate it as much as us
>in the end it's really them that u crave n need it from so badly
I can't wrap my mind around how that doesn't register as an expression of love to them. It's like they need it spelled out but its not really something you can explain. And even that they don't understand.

I guess I'm trying to say unrequited affection hurts no matter what because the reason is usually so simple. It being that the other person just sees things differently than you do, and they can't empathize so they don't understand where you're coming from. People lack empathy these days.

>>18496257
Well maybe we just expect too much from them, they can't read our minds after all. Like u said it's not something u can really explain so when we try it might not come out right or they might think we're full of shit. People usually don't think the same as us n when they try they might just get more frustrated n annoyed. At least that's what I'm hoping for cause I want to believe there's still hope

>>18496257
The world would be so beautiful if we could find the perfect way to put our thoughts into words but until then I guess we just got to keel trying

>>18496324
I guess you're right about that. I just wish like-minded people weren't so hard to find.

I hope it all works out with your SO. It sounds like you really want to hold onto him, and either way it's out of love for him as well as yourself. You deserve to be treated right.

>>18496370
Same to u my friend, I hope u find the happiness n love you've been looking n working so hard for, everyone deserves to be loved just sux that it's usually the ones that need it most that have the hardest time finding it. But please don't lose faith

>>18496370
If it's any consolation I would give u a nice big warm hug for as long as u needed if I could <(^×^)>

Hi, I'm not sure if you still think of me since for me I often think of you. Time with you was priceless and I'll always cherish those memories. But as of now I am stuck. Atuck in those sweet times we had. From your adorable gigles to something as small as touching your hand while we walk. I'm stuck in that past. Wishing for it to rerurn. Wishing for time to return to simple times of just seeing you and I'll think of being deeply in love as I get lost in your eyes. I truly did love you, its just sad tou didn't feel the same way. Yiu might say you do but your actions say the opposite. Anyway, its time for me to let go, let go of everything we had. Our past that is now haunting me. That beautiful past we had, I'm not letting hatred defile that. As I let go, I wish for your happiness and well being. Think for yourself as I woukd have to think about me too. It wasn't meant to be, it never was. So with a pained heart I say good bye my friend my lover, the person who I gave my everything to.

>>18496020
>Small island
Mind if I ask where?

I regret everything...
I'm sorry...
I wanted to be there for you. Made all these stupid amd lame excuses. I should have went with you and battle it together. I should have taken your offer, even though we were small minded teens then i should have seen who you were. You were a dear friend, a partner I could trust a partner to depend on. Why do we realize things when they're gone? It's been 10 years and I still think of you, what could have been and if things will get better for you. You fought, with your family, i wanted to fight it with you too, but somewhere close. Where I could see you everyday. Why did it end like this? I chose the wrong things to do. I regret everything thats happened this last 10 years ever since your family lost you. I lost you. Its been 3 years since I found out. Three years of making myself busy and feel numb. I've aged too, I would have liked to see you in my current age too. I loved you, and still do. Where ever you are, find peace and be happy. I hope this reaches where you are right now...

Pain makes me feel content with myself for a few hours, and then i feel like shit again, and every now and then i have to up the ante or else it doesnt do anything for me

I don't know why you chose a fucking dumbass Stacy instead of me. You told me I was a 9/10 and intelligent. You told her that I was a better friend than she ever was. You got upset when you thought I possibly liked another guy (I didn't). But alas, she takes selfies and nudes daily, and that's enough for you to want her instead of me. Because she's easy. You told me you don't have romantic feelings for me despite having sex with me and telling me you want to spend your life with me before. All it took was one dumb blonde slut for you to throw that away? I know you've said you're scared of relationships, because she rejected you before and tried ruining your life. I guess you didn't learn the first time. I'm also scared of relationships. However I want to do everything people in relationships do but just not call it that. You said I was too good for you. Perhaps you're scared that I'll find better some day or something, or that you will ruin the best friendship you've ever had in your life. And once she does something you don't like or pisses you off, you two will argue and block each other on everything. Then you'll come crawling back to me. I know I shouldn't accept you, but I guess love is blinding. Know what else is blinding? Easy pussy apparently.

>>18496738
Why orbit someone who does this to you? It appears as if he doesn't care about you nor does he respect you. Find someone better and drop him, go no contact. Make him jealous of your happiness because I promise you he won't bring you it -- he is ruled by his ego.

I have no friends, I don't know how to make friends, I don't how to talk to friends, I wouldn't know where to find places to make friends and I don't know to handle friendships, I'm always too nice and I become a doormat.

I don't have a girlfriend, I'm 25 years old and the lack of intimacy with anyone is killing me, god why is the world so cruel, yes I'm whining like a little bitch instead of doing something about it.

I hate living with my parents, I can't be a young man having them around, they always expect me to be perfect all around, never make any mistakes or fool around. They always expect me to be the perfect little boy, and I can't do it anymore.

And finally I hate my job, although it pays great for someone my age, I can't shake the feeling that I'm wasting even more time than I've wasted in my early twenties doing nothing to improve myself, like it's robbing me of my drive for life and I only have to live for my work, and I know it's not all my job's fault that I hate it, but all of the above.

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I feel like I'm slowly falling into being unfaithful to my gf. Of course I love her so much but its been a month since we last met; I have work and she has law school. And when I'm trying to chat with her online, she cant stay long cause she has to study to maintain her scholarship. I've decided to schedule a date but she says she wont be free until 2 weeks from now. Needless to say, I'm not getting enough time spent with her. I'm getting lonely.

It doesnt help either that my co-worker is hitting on me. She asked if we could go to movies together. When I told her about my gf, my co-worker says I'm wasting my time.

Just tonight my gf was explaining to me how she was gonna present with some guy in class for a skit they prepared together. I asked for a video of it cause I missed her but she said its embarrassing and that I should accept her being not as pretty as other girls. I must have pissed her when I said "I accept that youre the girl for me". Then she just storms off.

Of course I still love my gf but how can I justify myself to stay faithful with all this happening?

Love doesn't exist. Anyone who says they care about you is a liar. Everything is just fucking lies. People are too cowardly to just be honest. It's alright for others to abuse me but if I do so much as raise my voice I'm satan. Because their feelings matter too, don't you know?!

I should track down your friend for interfering with our relationship

>>18496802
iktf. I finally decided I don't give a shit and I'm just going to preempt everyone's lies. like this one

you're having me do the legwork, while getting in the way, and trying to fuck shit up, meanwhile you're going to swoop in at the last minute and pick up the sales in secret right? nah bitch, I keep what I'm really doing in a little black book, literally. I'm going to fill the book you see with lies.

there's three things that you don't fuck around with unless you want problems with me.
>don't fuck with people I like/care about
>don't fuck with my car
>don't fuck with my money

fucking with my money fucks with all three. money can't buy you happiness but it can buy you time with the people and things that make you happy. you are fucking with my money.

I'm going to revolutionize how this company does corporate deals so that I barely have to work to rake in commission, and I'm never going to tell anyone how I'm doing it now cause you didn't act 100% with me.

desu it's kind of my fault, I forgot there is a point where there is no team in commission sales.

>>18496813
kek, so tsundere.

>tfw no mildly tsundere gf.

Do I matter?

The name "femism" just puts up a wall. Its a "Thats you. This is me." Mentality
Opposite of equality
Nukes are a comin'

>>18496862
All you are is matter, all you can do is "matter"

>>18496853
No, that's Yandere.

>>18496866
dubs don't lie. I get them mixed up for whatever reason.

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To white boiz

You jelious crackers got animosity against black guys cause their dicks are bigger than them. these are the guys that are jealous because they dont possess BBC. they dont possess that god gene thats involved in these black men out here. keep getting jealous. keep getting jealous while your wife asks for cuckolds. while your girlfriend asks for cuckolds. and wish that they can get fucked by these african warriors with these huge BBCs that can pipe em down to the point where they can feel each and every last spectacle of their pussy gettin vibrated and thrusted until the orgasm just spews out. keep saying nigger. keep saying black. you cuckolds. you LOVE it. you LOVE this shit. ill be that monkey. ill be that monkey with the BBC. enjoy it. have your woman take this dick. shes imagining a huge black cock. why do you think your women buy huge dildos? because you dont possess the BBC gene! thats why youre upset. no BBC = anger. youre upset. youre mad at these african cocks. these rhino dicks. thats why you guys like saying nigger so much. i get it!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Tyrone

>>18496894
I've got a bigger dick than most men in general. fuck off cunt. when is this meme going to get old? bbc is a myth.

You know I don't even know why I'm still sad about you.
You should've communicated instead of throwing our relationship away over a fucking text one night
I felt bad for what I did for so long, you said I used you for sex but I really didn't. So in reality I was feeling guilty for a crime I never committed
I apologized from the bottom of my heart, spent hours working out what to say and all you replied with was that you didn't want to hear my shit because it was insincere and I was only saying it to feel better myself
When you dumped me over that text you told me that you couldn't have anything close to a relationship because your depression was so bad. Then not even a month later you're with a new guy who apparently makes you so happy.
I have no idea whether the kid is just a rebound or what all I know is that it hurt that you did that.
Not to mention how during our relationship you would hate posting pictures of us on social media so you wouldn't do it, but there's one with you and your new guy every other day.

You put every bit of blame on me when I reality it was a communication problem. You even told me I put you in therapy
Then you ghosted me

I just don't understand why you'd do this to me

I need to learn how to be happy without you again.

>>18496785
Surprise her at her class. Talk some favors inside the campus or whatever just to see her. You need to do something if you love her. There is always a way and don't be blinded by temptations. Love is also respecting and valuing her.

I hate my body. Manlet (~5'2")with a small dick(4.5"erect) I feel like I will never be able to satisfy anyone sexulally. I have heard some have shallow vaginas, but still; I cannot shake this feeling of inferiority. Like no matter what I do I'll never be enough

>>18495802
I dont understand. Its almost like a curse. Do i care to much? Or do you care to little? I dont wanna be friends, why would you bring up your ex to me? What the fuck is love anyway AND Why does there need to be a time limit for it. And Z, too. What does not feeling motivation have to do with not talking to me. I cant believe i've been so stupid, all these stupid wastes. Im so afraid of being alone, but dear god it sounds so much better than all of you, and everything you've done.

You know the things that are wrong with me. Instead of doing anything to actually help, you just keep doing shit to trigger a response out of me. You do shit that just fucks with me but WHY. WHY DO YOU DO THIS SHIT.

What kind of sick fuck gets joy out of this shit?

I reported a friend to the nspcc anonymously and now I'm terrified he'll find out it was me and cause drama.

>>18496802
love does exist. You wont find it alot of people.

>>18495802
I fell like people don't know what they want.

If i say we are dating, then we are.

i don't need your input on that matter.

>>18495802
A,
You're brilliant and stupid.
You're stupid for trying to commit suicide over a bad set of exams.
You're better at Latin than most college professors, even though you're still an undergrad. In fact, you kept sending people messages in Latin from the hospital after you tried overdosing, because the only thing that amuses you as you lie there half conscious and full of despair is writing in a dead language that only a handful of people in the world can speak.
Why can't you see that you're brilliant? Why are you so stupid about yourself and your place in the world?
P

Oh, Yez. If I could sacrifice myself for your happiness, I would. Unfortunately what makes you happy is me existing. The amount of times I felt the uncontrollable urge to unscrew my head and throw it into the Mekong River is beyond counting. Every day I felt the pressure of having you there and being in that relationship; I was never a good team player. Your love almost convinced me I could do something I always struggled with, but alas, here I am again regressed to the same thoughts I had at my lowest points with you. I cannot end it, and I cannot continue it.

>>18497336

And I write this here because she would never understand it.

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Hey man. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tease you and make fun of you like we were in middle school. It's just...I really like you and you make me nervous. I can't just be open about my feelings and I thought flirty banter was the way to go. It wasn't. We're adults and both too old for this teasing bullshit. I'd give anything to go back to when we first hung out and watched movies at my place. I'd be honest about how much I loved your cooking. How annoyingly cute you are, and even if I don't always see eye to eye with your thoughts on music, film, and art I adore hearing your opinions. All the eye rolls and groans were just pathetic attempts to lead you on and all it's gotten me is a lonely night while you head off on a first date. Honestly, I hope it goes well, you deserve a girl that validates all the wonderful things that you are. I don't own you, I missed my chance to kiss you and now I can only strive to become someone worthy of love and affection. If only I coulda told you that instead of writing it here on a anime message board. Cripes.

I really want to ask her out today. I hope that other guy that likes her too doesn't show up and get in the way. I hope we get to be alone for some time so I can ask her without spilling my spaghetti, and that she says yes.

Anyone want to switch places?

Literally anyone.

Literally.

Anyone.

I keep getting confused messages.

You want me to be myself but you also want me to be responsible. Those two things don't go together. It's one or the other.

I'm... With her. Its. Her. Turn.

Im from a family that shouldnt exist.

My entire family history is nothing but exile, fleeing and running away because they were different, outcasts and criminals
None of them have ever really been successful.
Its an interesting story imo, but it makes me feel doomed and not lined up for any success whatsoever.

eugenics, when.

I just wasted a fuckton of money on drugs and hookers. The worst part is that I didn't even do most of the drugs and paid women for other two guys, and I don't even know these guys too well, I just come across them sometimes on the square nearby and they let me use a bit of whatever they're having. I wasted a lot of money. I don't know what to say if my dad confronts me on the missing money. At least I discovered that I'm fucking good in bed yesterday.

It's such an upsetting experience to browse boards for hobbies that you used to be interested in, but can no longer enjoy. I still listen to music, you know, yet I can't exactly enjoy it like the people on /mu/. They feel real, tangible emotions when they listen to things. Each piece of music and band is part of something larger and more interesting to them, and they can actually care about it whereas it's nothing to me. It feels bad just to look up threads about my favorite band, since they seem to be more legitimate fans than I am. I don't truly care about the band, or find them fascinating or whatever. Their songs are one of few things that make me feel a little pleasure in my head, and so I just do that to pass the time.

Depression blows.

I wish I knew if I were doing anything right. If I'm just a joke and if I should stop making a fool of myself.

I just enjoy doing it though. It's embarrassing knowing the entire world has been watching this entire fucking time though.

>>18497523
You think you have it bad?

I'm a Hitler.

Recent university grad with a degree in Economics and I really feel like I'm completely fucked now that I'm done with school. It feels like everyone else just has everything going for them already.

Not only are my grades pretty shit (sitting at 2.72 GPA) but I have absolutely no internship experience. The only experience I have is from my three part time jobs throughout my 3 years of undergrad, but I really feel like they mean jack shit for getting an actual job. Sure I studied abroad in Japan for half a year. What has that done for me? Sure I'm volunteering for this new student orientation program, but I fucking swear employers really don't give a shit about that now don't they?

How the fuck am I supposed to get internship experience if 80% of the internships I look at require shit tons of experience already? I'm getting desperate enough to look at unpaid internships. But those fucking hours they're asking for is just ridiculous. 20-40 hours a week for 3-6 fucking MONTHS?

I don't even know what I want from a career. 60% of the jobs I look at are either just straight up shitty sales jobs or sales jobs with a fancy name like account manager or business development. I DON'T WANT TO DO FUCKING SALES. I SHIT AT SOLICITING PEOPLE.

And the worst part is that it's really all on me. I should have done all this shit while in school and now that it's too late, what am I to do?

Think you faggots can just do something already?

We are all sooooo booorrreeeddddddd.

I want to be a pretty lady.

I hate my parents and i wish i had never been born. I constantly have intense thoughts of heaviness that leaves me unable to leave the bed or makes me want to latch on peoples throath. All i want is to be left alone until i rot, because although i never hurt myself i can properly visualize shanking the big butcher knife to my arm or leaving home just to crush my parents car. I asked for theraphy and i've been told i was a liar although mental illness runs in our family. I think they know something is wrong from the way they accused me of killing my baby sister (who was just sleeping) or poisoning their tea- and even ruining the family with, and i quote "the way i sit and talk and breathe, you make your father mad and he fights with me". If i can wait a little more i can get myself theraphy and maybe some medicine to calm myself down. At this point im afraid of going out, but i wasnt allowed to leave before 2 pm or come after 5pm anyways (but since its summer im having even more of these thoughts fom stayin at home for so long) i havent left home in 2 months and im freaking out and start shaking becaus eif i see one more rag to dust the whole house with im going to scream jesus fuck

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I've given up on trying to find a girlfriend. I seem to be cursed with them, I am 30 and while definitely not a virgin, I haven't managed to keep a girl interested in me for more than 2 weeks. I don't know why either, because I lead an active life in an interesting profession (film industry) and have a slew of creative hobbies including DIY. I'm not even bad looking and i take care of my appearance.

I just had the fourth girl reject me out of nowhere in the past few days. 2 disappeared, another said we don't have anything in common after a week of her reading and not replying to my messages (i sent 2 so I wasn't being pushy) despite her showing great interest right before she went dark. The fourth is a friend I've had a fling with I've known for a while and we didn't speak for 4 months due to work and her being very sparse with messages. Now she's offended I didn't make an effort and is constantly online and barely reading my messages, or reading but not replying.

I'm tired of trying. This past year and a half I went all-out on dating with tinder and other apps, going out a lot etc and while I've gotten laid a few times, I've gained mostly the worst possible opinions about women and how petty, passive-aggressive and nonsensical they can be.

I'm sick of it, I've resigned myself of being fairly bitter about it and yet I'm ridiculously lonely and I don't know what's wrong with me. I've done everything people say you should do to get a girl, including being myself. Why isn't it working? Why do they all treat me like I'm disposable?

It feels like you guys have been psyching me up for this rebirth just so you can crush my fucking soul later by telling me it was just a joke.

You have any idea how badly I want this shit already? You tell me "be careful for what you wish for" and I can't think of a single downside to this. What, people are going to make fun of me? Oh no. You assholes have been making fun of me my entire life. I'm use to it. It doesn't bother me.

If I have to exercise a whole bunch first... you're going to need to help me. If that was the case, you're going to need to take care of my depression and loneliness first. Which means you need to end this fucking shit.

I just want to be a pretty lady. Why is this so hard for you people? Why can't you just fucking get on with it? What the fuck are we waiting for? You tell me "patience" but it's been nearly a fucking year.

What are we waiting for? Just get on with it. I'm ready. I want it.

How the fucking fuck are you drunk at 6 in the afternoon? And to add to that, I was busy, give me 2 fucking minutes and stop shouting at me. Bitch

You guys say you're giving me a mech right? Like, is it a real mech or a simulator? Either one is going to be fucking awesome.

Also...

Can... can I have one of those f35 training simulators? Helmet and all?

I want one so fucking badly for one reason alone. I want to fly an F-35 for real.

It sucks to be a fucking shy virgin that always fuck up with the special one, I can't deal with social interactions with the one I like, the worst part is that I can be really cool with friends but when it comes to the girl I like, I ALWAYS FUCK UP. BTW 18yo that haven't even kissed someone.

I look terrible, definitely not presentable. I feel like such an ugly, worthless excuse for a being. And you were right, I blew up like a balloon. I've gained some 40 lbs.

I just watched a trailer for a movie where they bomb clouds to control the weather.

and you people say I'm the crazy one.

do you love me though? am I just being paranoid? we've been having some good time spent together recently, I love you too but I am for some reason hesitant to buy it. you don't want the label yet but honestly you know damn well this is transitioning into something, why are you fighting it?

but then you told me last night that it didn't pan out with your ex ( shes bi sexual), the same girl you hooked up with in front of me and lied to me about while dating me. I just don't know what to think honestly, one minute I feel comfortable and then the next im anxious as fuck thinking youre doing god knows what.

and I don't like how you're worried about hurting me so much, if theres something on your mind just say it. you almost spat out something the other night but just couldn't bring yourself to it. if theres other people just say it, ill be hurt but its better than being lied too like I have been my whole life.

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I can't make friends. I always fuck up.Is it because I'm fat? I had so many chances but I always make them hate me. Well, that is what I think because literally no one is speaking with me anymore and the hatred in me grows continually. The hatred for me and the hatred for others. I can't even look into the eyes of other poeple when I speak with them hell, I can't even form sentences because I'm always too nervous. Is that the path I have to follow?

I love my boyfriend, but my father (who also happens to be physically and verbally abusive) will go to unreasonable ends to stop me from communicating with him at all. I wouldn't cry if my father died not just because of this but because of all the shit I've gotten from him over time. It took me years to have the courage to go to the doctor to speak about my mental issues and when the doctor prescribed me prozac, my father told me that I'm being a pussy and if I really needed prozac I would have hung myself already. I remember my mother would try to protect me as a child but she never could which I dont blame her for that. Everyone around me says that I should get out of my home as soon as possible. Am I a bad daughter for being like this? and any advice on what to do about my boyfriend?

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So my cat was running around the house meowing with a sword by the handle in his mouth.

Is he looking for a fight? Is he trying to tell me something?

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What the fuck even is this captcha?
>>18497920
How old are you? Have you gone to college? Do you have a job? How old is your BF? How long have you been together? Does he have a job?

Join the military.

I think I stumbled upon some kind of... cult like site.

http://www.47.net/47society/

fucking kill me

You have to be sending other secret messages to people through me. That's the only thing that makes sense. You have been saying the same fucking bullshit for nearly a year now. About a coming death, a rebirth, fame, and fortune.

The thing is, I don't really care all that much about the fame and fortune.

I want the truth and I will give up everything for it.

I want the rebirth.

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I feel like I'm never going to have a deep connection with another person again. My last serious relationship was a disaster, and it was one that I put as much effort as I could. I loved her more than I knew I could. I felt connected to her. I was passionate about her, but it was a horribly toxic situation. That was years ago, and while I am long past over her, I haven't been able to get anywhere close to something resembling a human connection with someone new.

I have friends, albeit very few compared to when I was younger, and I have a pretty decent connection to them. Nothing to write home about. When I flirt I just feel this distance. When I admire a girl it quickly fades. I never care enough about to actually ask someone out. And while I still get horny and want sex, the idea of it seems boring, because I feel like that strong connection necessary for mind blowing or even good sex will never be achieved again.

I can't tell if this is all in my head, a sign that I might be broken, or just age. I don't like it because I think this somehow attached to my lack of passion over the past few years. I used to have so much passion for life, my career, love. I used to be an absolute hopeless romantic. I want to be that way again, but I don't know if I can.

I understand why girls only want to be friends with guys instead of being romantically involved. You call it "friendzone", but let me tell you: I'm dating my best friend. But he's not anymore, he's my partner and my lover.

I've gained a boyfriend, but I've lost my friend, and I miss my friend. Before that I dated a friend who cheated on me. And we got into a monstrous fight. Don't get me wrong, he was a cunt, but we wouldn't have lost contact if he did that to anyone else. I wouldn't have cut him off if he did that to anyone else.

If I could go back in time, to do whatever, I would tell myself not to make that decision and to pursue something with the man who wanted me at the time (even though he never let on and kept hush about it) and drop the first guy who ever asked me out. Most of the bad experiences I've had have made me a better person and have at the very least given me a bit of wisdom to carry with me. This one just fucked my shit up.

>>18495874
I don't want to sound brutal, but I think you should spend some time in a cringe thread on /b/, and compare what you see to you.

It's tough, but I think a lot of people on here have had to do that at one point or another. It's not easy to admit to yourself.

Would starting a blog help me think positive? I don't care if anyone else reads it but some place where I can put my thoughts into words.

sad, tired and scared

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. My sisters are constantly talking shit . It's so fucking annoying. I've already told them about it but they don't stop. They say she's stupid and fat. Guess what. You both are stupid and also fat. One of you already had a baby by our age from a guy you were with for months. The other one is a retard who cheats on he boyfriend and acts holier than thou. Guess what. I love her and she's way better than you two cunts and she's going to be more successful and I'm going to enjoy being with her for years to come while you two stay single and bitter.

>>18495802
Dear GIOYC,

I had a shit day and now all I want to do is to run around and go on a stabbing spree. It would be the best ending to this wretched day and for the rest of my life.

Either that or lots of drugs and alcohol.

I can't deal with her not liking me, I just can't.

Fuck monkey-branching and fuck you, V. Instead of owning up to the fact you're a fucking whore who doesn't even care about breaking my heart after over 2 years, you blame the end of our relationship on me? I honestly thought you were better than that. Can't wait for the day karma gets you back you fucking slut.

I started reading that book you've mentioned last Wednesday (I think). It's weird and so far I feel too lost to enjoy it properly.

My best friend is living the exact life I pictured I would have when I was young.

I guess I have to keep telling myself that some people are meant to be alone and that's just the way it is.

My life was so much fucking better when I was a shut in that didn't make friends or really interact with anyone beyond the most basic social requirements. I regret going outside meeting people beyond hello. It was a thousand times better to not know anyone and not be known by anyone.

I need to ask her out right now but I don't know if I will be able to not kill myself if she says no.

>>18498140
Do it you fucking pussy. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

>>18498135
Can't you cope with being a famous cocksucker?

>>18495802

> have sex with girl
> horny all week
> have a horrible day the day before we have sex
> gone 6 days without jerking off
> have sex after eating spicy food and running to get drinks for us since we were dehydrated
> get soft before it goes in
> not as hot as I imagined it should've been

ugh

>>18498152
definitely not

>>18495802
I fucking love weed

>>18498175
Degenerate

>>18498175
Me fucking too.

>>18496039
> it's not rape when we do it

glad some women are self-aware

I just want to live.

Is that too much to ask for? You've all taken so much from me. You've taken everything and now you're asking for my life. Why? How much more could I possibly give? I have nothing.

Do any of you even care? Am I not human? Does my soul matter? How can you keep doing this to someone in good conscious? How do you people sleep at night knowing what you have done to me? Why won't you give me my freedom? What did I do to deserve this?

Please. Oh God please end this. Please...

>>18498163
When did it all go wrong? Story time?

>>18496047
>a man was angry at you for forcing yourself on him
are you fat or something? a dude with a sex drive that low isn't worth being with

I'm a lazy fuck all day but I seriously really need to take a break or I think I will go insane or kms.

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Everything is cloudy and my head hurts all the time. I feel like the sides of my head are catching fire and there's a buzzing sound in my ears.

>>18498175
Want some steak for those munchies?

J,

I know you don't want to marry me, but this fwb thing is helping me cope with old age.

I just started working in a grocery store but now I'm sick as fuck and need to call in today. Will they get angry that I'm already taking a sick day? I got hired like a month ago.

>>18498216
Nah, they should understand. It's already been a month.

>>18498216
It's okay if it's just a day, but don't let it keep happening. I've been working a job for a couple of years and I can say that I've called out a couple of times or had to tell my boss I couldn't come in when the schedule had already been made and they were fine with it. If you're a hard worker they will want to keep you regardless.

>>18498213
How old are you?

>>18498216
Probably. Go in and ask to leave early if they have coverage but only if you absolutely have to. Best to make it known to your manager that you're under the weather when you go into work

>>18498222
>>18498221
Cool, thanks anon.

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Regan thank you so much for being in my life. I love you so much and you make me happier than I have been in over a decade.

>>18496103
Fuck off with that dumb shit. If someone says that they mean it. Don't project your mental fear on another and blame them for it.

>>18496199
I'm a guy and I have the same mentality. I just need to see that person happy I need to make her feel good. I just want to lay beside her all day and be around her and take in the smell of her hair and body. I don't care if you say you smell bad you don't. You smell like you.

If she broke up with me I'd kill whoever she started dating next and then myself. I love her so much I can't believe it. I'm not like this and it scares me. I want to do everything and anything for her. I know I'd kill for her. I'd sacrifice anything for her. It terrifies me. That iv basically become owned. But I love it all the same.

I love you so much I just want to be with you forever. You and me against everyone else. Standing on the dead bodies of the people who are against us. I'd do it for you and it would be worth it. Always.

I want it to be over, I can't even find a way to kill myself I think I'd carry out. I'm too much of a coward. I wish I could escape this shit life and be happy

My irl friend is talking to older men online and leading them on because he is trans. he really wants attention and im drifting away from him because of this. apparently hes in a d/s with this guy from denmark and he keeps posting things on snapchat instagram and fb about it and its disgusting. he is keeping the guy in "chastity" and keeps talking about it and posts pics of other guys he talks to in underwear and i feel really bad. this was my good friend who was disgusted by this and seemed like they were actually "trans" but now im sure its for attention because they wear makeup for pictures and wear girl clothes yet still want to be called a guy. i dont know what to do i dont know how to get my friend back. i feel really uncomfortable because they keep posting about their personal stuff and i just feel like this isnt the same person i once knew

>>18498363
Anime is a hell of a drug.

I keep hearing that a common trait among the mentally ill is the fear of losing their true selves from taking medications or any brain altering event.
I believe that I'm not crazy but am I wrong? I'm scared to death of the prospect that I will stop being "me" mentally, so much that I've made an oath of offing myself at the moment that happens.
Am I just lying to myself again?

I honestly can't believe I let him step over and take advantage of me for nearly a year. What the fuck was wrong with me? I feel angry that he still gets to live his life as delusional as always.

As I sit and watch the sun go down on another lonely Saturday I can't help but feel like my very spirit is dying. I'm getting older and older and the hope that I'll not be alone, never feel that I fit in or am needed by anyone fades bit by bit. I find no joy in anything anymore. Video games have gotten old, I can't concentrate enough to work on guitar and reading fails to provide any kind of escape. The constant thoughts of her, of my life and missed opportunities steal my focus and make it so that I don't process anything I read anyways. It feels like Phase II of the quarter life crisis I had coming up to my 25th birthday. I know this reads like a huge pity party and I'm sorry for anyone who to this far. There is a hurting, longing soul behind these words and I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm afraid of my feelings for you.

>>18498372
You're being poisoned by your mental illness to associate your current mental state with the pure you because you've never been able to be yourself. You need to get on medication and stay on it for at least a year and I mean it. A full year no matter how bad you feel. Then having that single year of however long your life as been. It will be different and allow you to make that decision.

You are not yourself because you've never had the chance to be. think of it this way. I have glasses. I didn't have glasses until I was 10. Before that I thought my vision was normal. It wasn't. But I never knew any differently. That's what's happening to you in terms of your mind. Try the meds. Try on the real you without the mental poison seeping behind the walls of your brain infecting your thoughts and realize. The you that was was broken. The you that is now is the you that you were meant to be.

I'm not property. I'm a human being. I want to do this, I want to do the transition. If you're the one preventing this from happening, please understand. This would be a massive step for me being happy. The fact you have been drugging me with hormones and steroids my entire life without telling me should be all you need to know that I'm not a guy. I wonder what I would have looked like if you didn't do that to me growing up. I wonder what I would have looked like if you removed the other parts from me. You know I have internal female organs, right? You know I have the mind of a girl. So why, WHY would you prevent this from happening?

I'm a female. That's all there is to it. When this is over you're going to be surprised by the results. You just need to step aside and let them happen. This isn't your life, it's mine. I've suffered enough. I want to be happy.

Lo? Hell? Hello.
LISTEN. You've heard us before - our voice, a prelude to a bloody nose.
LOOK. You've seen the weird geometry of our scribbling - illuminated mysteries behind the migraine. Our apocrypha is written in the plasma blood of your mobile phone.
Our knowledge flows so sweet. Taste and see

That video, Anna with Emma Stone...

I want to look like that so badly. I would die if I looked half as pretty as her.

>>18498405
>the mind of a girl

Let me guess, you think liking dresses and being submissive makes you a girl? Kek

Also, what happened to you being Hitler's clone? Has that plotline died already?

>>18498432
>Let me guess, you think liking dresses and being submissive makes you a girl? Kek
I was born intersex fucktard.

lrn2reed

>>18498404
I... someone pls tell me that some normal people have these thoughts too... pls

I'm having a struggle on whether or not I'm face blind or if I'm just blind in general.

my eyesight is really really bad.

>>18498459
That anon is right

I had the same fear as you. I postponed taking meds for years because I was terrified of losing my personality. Even started "chinese medicine" bullshit which will probably give me liver cancer in 10 years.

What you have to understand is
1.) The fear of losing yourself is greatly increased by clinical anxiety
2.) Your personality is not your depression. When you've been depressed forever, it takes over every part of your life. You become a tired, angry person, or at least I did. My depression was actually the thing that was ruining my personality.

>>18498451
and who told you that? the voices...lol

true hermaphrodites are very rare. if you have a functioning dick and balls you don't have ovaries.

>>18498471
huh... being explained like that cleared up a few things for me. Thanks...
But oh god... I guess I do need to face the music at some point. But something inside of me, this feeling keeps telling me that everything is fine and that I don't need meds, is that just another symptom?

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>>18498355

>>18498474
My mother.

Also, the scarring on my penis from when they removed the lady bits is a pretty big give away.

And yes, you can have ovaries and uterus with a working penis/testicles. The lady bits do not function however, and are considerably smaller. They still produce hormones and the like though.

It's that last bit that really fucks with the function of the brain.

Female and males have different programming. This is extremely clear when you look at literally any animal species. We are animals, we still have instinct.

Holy shit you're retarded.

>>18498066
Please explain whats cringe about that post?
Doesnt seem any more or less cringe than the less of the stuff in these types of threads.

>>18498066
>>18498533
Basically what you're doing for a chick that's probably fucking someone else and doesn't want anything to do with you. Anon probably thinks you're cucking yourself and being desperate when you should stop grieving and move on already. Take your time, write shit out but go no contact with the girl.

>>18498407
you like grindcore?

I do think I can talk about my problems with my family. I dont think they understand what it feels like to be this isolated. To feel like no one wants you around. Its the main reason I frequent this site

It's now summer. Today was in the 90's. Yet, inside I don't feel the sun, I feel cold.
Winter never ended, and the rain clouds never left, but you're not here.

It's been 6 months now. Over 6. You are still trying to get your life back together. I see that, but you are keeping me at arms distance. You don't come to embrace me, nor do you fully break away. What do you want from me? What do ask? Is this really the treatment I deserve? Or do you really not know anymore?

Maybe I should stop. I hurts to think of it, but the way things are. I don't like them. You tell me things, like you miss me, you ask me questions as if you care about me. Make idle chatter, small conversation. Yet, we can't talk, really talk, we can't try to move on and fix things? Why? What stops us?

Was our relationship only valid when things in life were good? Did you only love me when things looked alright? I see trying to build yourself up again, I see that... but I want to be there for you as well. Help you move up. But this means when things are good and bad.

This is a fucking mess, love. And yes, I got us here. You say that things don't bug you anymore, that you'll manage to get things back in order for yourself. Yet when I make no note of them, you bring up what happened. You passively shoot those barbs at me. Maybe you don't see it that way, but it's what you are doing.

You push away, get you keep me at arms distance. I don't know why. If I mean nothing to you know, tell me. Tell me the truth. Please, I ask you to just tell me what is happening between us? Don't try to ignore the question as you have. You simply ignore it and continue on talking like nothing. Why?

I just want to know. Maybe you think I won't like the result of asking. Maybe something else. So be it. But after having you as my best friend, my most trusted one, my lover, for almost 10 years, we need to talk. I still feel for you, I know you feel something for me as well. I just want to talk, like we should have long ago.

>>18495802
I used to lurk on /b/ a lot. A couple of years ago, I was browsing late at night because I couldn't sleep. Scrolling through the front page, I stumbled upon cp. At first glance of this shit, I just immediately scroll and just feel disgusted and sad for those poor children.

That night, the image I stumbled upon was me. It was an old camera photo. Had the old orange/red timestamp in the corner. Same month and year. I recognized the rug, tile, and the couch that it happened on. I literally saw my 9 year old self being molested. I remember almost fainting at the sight of it, and immediately started vomiting.

I am shaken from time to time just thinking about it. I'm too embarrassed to tell a therapist that I even go on websites like this. And I have this haunting thought that disgusting people are still masturbating to pictures of the worst day of my life. Sometimes I just want to go on /b/ late at night and try to find the picture so I could finally have evidence as the person who assaulted me was never charged due to it being just he said she said, but I am afraid of getting caught with it. Sometimes I fear that people on the street recognize me from this.

I don't even know what to do about this. I don't even know if I should tell my parents or a therapist about it.

I got a call back from a place i applied to (a Supermarket) but i didnt see it because my phone was on silent. Now my mom tells me to let it be because she doesnt want me working there because "i dont know how to do anything". I just dont know what to do

Had a dream where we ignore everything that happened. We just sat cold and callously in front of each other not speaking to one another. In the end I placed my hand on your face because you looked remorseful for what you did. You were about to cry with those watery eyes of yours but you didn't -- that's when I knew it was all and dream. You said you had to go and that voice of yours cracked at the end. I squeezed your hand and said: "I know" before you disappeared. You will never apologize for being wrong or for what you did. It's not in a psychopaths nature to feel empathy for someone they deem less significant than themself. I take comfort in knowing you'll die alone.

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>>18495853
stop being a little bitch. man up. this is the best it's gonna get, and you dodged a fucking mercy bullet there, dave.

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>>18498591
Fuck your mom. Try to call back and explain that you couldn't respond and that you wanted to know what the status on the application was.

That's some bullshit to have your own mother try to lambast you like that.

Sometimes it just me think they do it to combat empty nest and shit.
Clip the bird's wings and it will never leave the nest right?

As for what to do, keep applying at places. Try to earn some cash for your own needs. Baby steps. We get so caught up in the rush of life that we miss out on the small things it offers. Try not to let her get in your head. What issues she's dealing with are hers. You have your own life to handle first.

When we leave this mortal plane, it's a one way trip. And we go alone. Be comfortable with yourself. That's the person that's always there for you. You.

SHIT! My therapist was right! I never realized until right now. I'm 24 and I suddenly, as of this moment, regret all the tons of things I never did in my high school and first college years x_x
kms
why does it hurt so much

I'm scared I won't even be able to remember your face when I see you again.

That day, the 16th of January I saw a lot of familiar faces but couldn't recall many names or from where I knew them from. I don't know if it's just bad memory, bad vision, or something worse. I'm freaking the fuck out over what that could mean.

I never could remember my own face. When I look in the mirror, I'm ALWAYS surprised at what I see. When I look through old pictures of myself It looks like I'm a completely different person in each one.

You guys have been fucking with me so much recently. You could have easily had me talking to a different girl with similar features every time we skyped, shared photos, or even in person. There were times where I thought "Hey, RenRen looks different today." and now I'm freaking the fuck out thinking that could have just been a completely different person now.

Why won't you end this? Why won't you let me talk to a fucking doctor? A real psychiatrist?

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

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>>18498605
No.
You are 24.
24 friend, that means you have everything before you. Do not dwell on the things you have missed during hs, or college. That's why they are there, to wander. Not all of us are born with a map to life. We look around and we see those that know what they want out of it, or so it seems. We never quite know what they are thinking, do we? They could be miserable as fuck while they pursue those goals they have. Fuck for some, the reason they have a map is because it wasn't theirs to begin with.
We regret because we have given importance to the what ifs. They mean nothing and dwelling on them will get you what? Disappointment and sorrow, you will seek to dig yourself into a foxhole and you'll just grow comfortable in blaming those so called missed opportunities.

You'll only end up adding to those regrets, you will only continue the cycle.

Pain? It hurts because it meant something to you. Now use that pain. Use it to avoid that pit, to claw yourself up and fight.

When you hunger, when you go empty stomached it hurts right? What do you do then? Just lay here hungry? No, you hop up and go make a sandwich, or some fucking cup noodles. Yeeah, sure it's not filet mignon, but it stops the pain. It keeps you alive.

It's the same now. It hurts because you missed out on the food that was available then. Your hungry inside. What do you want to do? Just sit there hungry, or do you want to look about you and see what you can scrounge up from the feast we call life?

Stay hungry, and go take a bite out of life. You missed nothing and have everything else to experience.

>>18498628

This anon knows exactly what's up.

I work with kids grades K-5th. While I love some of them, others I want to punch in their stupid little faces. Now, obviously I don't, but I sometimes just think of the utter satisfaction it would give me.

Instead I watch them wipe out after I tell them not to run in the hall way. Fuck you kid.
Also fuck the kid that ate my breakfast the other day.

>>18495802
Best friend set me up. I was stupid and fell for it. But now a relationship with another friend is ruined. ehh.

>>18498603
Ty anon. Really.

I need courage and finally start looking for who I want to be with. But I know where to look now and I'm too scared to join.

I'm still in love with someone that lives far away, she's still not gonna come here. she still doesn't love me.

found myself thinking of her today again. I swear my heart is retarded. I don't score highly on the autism spectrum but I'm fairly certain my heart is autistic as fuck. like. wtf.

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i'm very discontent

I wish I looked and sounded different. it's not a weight loss thing, it's just an ugly thing. i'm aware of all the /fa/ memes and you can always make yourself look better- what's the point even

i don't think i'll go anywhere. i used to dream big and have aspirations.

I'm sitting in a room on rabb dot it watching black mirror with some autists, some old man hitting on the teenage host. it's unironically the worst thing i've done in some time

autist has his camera on. some pizzafaced hapas. anyone with their camera on is a vapid whore, and i say that not as an uglypal but as someone who's trying to watch the goddamn show and not hookup online with jailbait

I play music, or i try to. i don't have so many people who listen, but i try to. the ones that have heard tell me it's good

I used to take piano lessons. I'm well aware i'll never be a Liszt supervirtuoso but i impress most girls I try to when i have the energy and sometimes confidence.

I got kicked out of lessons by my second and last piano teacher because i'm an arrogant autist who learns by ear but has trouble reading with no ability to sightread like any serious pursuit would require. I can play it okay. i'll prove it if someone actually reads this and i want to

don't even know what i'm trying to get across. I haven't written on this board since 2015 when i used to post on these gioyc threads all the damn time. Unironically concernposted
autists are still chattering while i'm trying to watch black mirror on someone else's netflix account on their rabbit channel.

I love you

Some of us run, some of us walk.

Some? We just fucking meander through life.

It gets better. Not because it becomes so, but because we make it.

I wanted to make it with you. I now see that's not going to happen.
I wish you the best, no ill feelings. I love you far to much to wish you ill. Be happy.

I will do my best on my end.
With all the love I can give, take care.

>>18498691
>>18498691
yeah no i've been there brother
sorry to hear so. it'll pass, or not, it'll change, or not, such is life. you never know, if she would love you, or not, be realistic but be beholden to yourself above all else
>>18498605
>>18498605
i'm in that area and regret having done things
>>18498572
right there with you>>18498464
>>18498464
i also have bad eyesight and fear blindness but it likely won't change >>18498429
i bet you do, anon, believe in yourself
>>18498397
me too>>18498379
don't be too resentful anon, it's like swallowing poison because you're mad at someone else or soemthing another, theres' a really good analogy for spite i just butchered but please don't be hard on yourself for them or just let it go
>>18498262
i hope they never leave, anon.
>>18498187
no it's not too much to ask, please don't do
I care don't end it you don't deserve it

I had a depressing thought just now: The normalfag lifestyle is basically guaranteed to bring you a miserable final few years. Note that I'm talking about Westerners here, and specifically about the kind of people whose interests extend no further than capeshit and their immediate family. After their youth is up, they continue to do the same things, and take less pleasure while their senses grow weaker until everyone has left them and they die. If we're being honest, our culture and media do a piss-poor job of preparing us for this time in life, and suffering is practically guaranteed unless we prepare in advance. To this end, taking up a hobby and/or exploring one's views on life are incredibly effective. It's something you can build upon. I remember someone on /lit/ saying that being truly well-read means that every new book has the potential to change your life (or something along those lines). I'm in a pretty terrible state right now to begin on some hobby, but I know I must once I'm able to start.

i feel fucking horrible

I'm almost positive you are here.
Maybe not right now, but it is a very small world.
I'm talking to you right now and I'm just so curious. I'm always so curious as to whether anyone has written a letter to me here.
Frequently checking.
This is A, btw

>>18498749
>I'm always so curious as to whether anyone has written a letter to me here.
You mean recently?

>>18498752
Recently, last year, last month, whenever.
I know it's unlikely but I'm just so curious.

anyone want to be friends?

>>18498756
Hi friend

>>18498756
What does this entail?

>>18498760
>>18498759
talking with me for a short while minimum. I just want a conversation.

i feel awful lately and haven't left the house

please don't go

>>18498763
Wanna talk here?
Or something more personal?

>>18498774
fuck it, pirate a movie?
rabb dot it is a good screen sharing site. who's in, /adv/ movie night

>>18498763
Water you feeling awful about? What's troubling you?

>>18498777
generic loneliness, i don't have enough problems for a real complaint

>>18498780
Feelings are feelings. They happen. You don't need a reason. I'm sorry you're feelong so lonely. Is there anyone in your life who helps with that?

>>18498763
you can add me on kik if you wanna be friends
throwitaway30

>>18498788
No, few friends, more like acquaintances than friends. No significant other, not for a few months, though that's not required obviously for happiness. h

>>18498742
Okay so I can blame my loneliness on lack of trying but my point is that the chances arw so low that i don't see the point its like jumping a gorge you know you'll never make it to the other side. Let me extrapolate. I am about 5'2", with a 4.5 inch penis. I hace trouble communicating myself properly and accurately. I am always afraid to say how feel unless I know that the person won't be a judgemental prick about it.

>>18498798
Tiny cocks are cute if the guy is into humiliation

>>18498798
>
>>18498798
>>18498798
maybe if you go out you'll find some cute aspie qt who's into short guys with a shallow vagina or something. you'll find love i bet

>>18498799
Sorry I'm not

>>18498808
Let that false sense of pride go, lad

>>18498813
Dude I already have shit self-esteem I dont think letting a bitch degrade me will improve my life

>>18498747
yeah....yeah. I'm not feeling too hot tonight either anon.

who am I waiting for? is the woman that I'm working so hard to improve myself to be a match for ever actually coming or what? I'd say maybe my expectations are out of wack but I know what happens when I drop them, and I see everyone else around me and their situations. so where is she? the fuck is the point of this, and why do I have to fall for the one person that would be so compatible but is so like, I can't even talk to them. not even mentioning all the other hurdles there. and there's no one else like her that I've ever seen/met/or heard of from any friends. so wtf do I do with that? I'm so tired of unrequited love. I fucking hate unrequited love. and that's where I'm at, love. I thought I got rid of the retarded feels and then I find I still actually care about this person.

I got friendzoned, by someone I've never actually met, that won't directly talk to me, that I have the strangest repertoire with I've ever seen in my life.

just, ffs, what the fuck even is my dating life? I've had a literal whore, a girl that people seem to hint does coke and has a bf, and a girl that's a little crazy show interest; and none of the women that I like show interest.

like did I fuck up somewhere with the self improvement? why is this what I attract? I must have really fucked up somewhere and I don't see it.

>>18498355
Are you even in a relationship with her?

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>>18498818
i feel that. right here with you
you should improve yourself for you, and if a woman comes and likes it good too

maybe you're going to the wrong places to meet women. i don't know

i also hate unrequited love but it's just one
of those life things

don't worry about friend zones dude, just don't girlfriendzone the woman. maybe yo u could be good friends, or maybe you'll naturally feel mutual attraction, i've heard that happens sometimes.

don't worry too much man

>>18498355
yeah alright bud, calm down.

see, this is what I'm talking about. this guy's got a girl he's mad about, I can't seem to get that. I just get garbage situations. granted, no seriously dude, calm your shit down.

I'm going for a drive and to get food. I don't feel like being in this house right now. my car feels more like home.

>>18498826
>maybe you're going to the wrong places to meet women
mate, I'm in the wrong fucking city, maybe country, possibly wrong timeline/period to meet women.

>>18498826
>you should improve yourself for you
yeah I do, but part of improving my life for me is having a family, and being able to be the type of man that can lead that family and make a wife happy. does that make sense? I have that obligation as a man and I feel it in my soul if that makes sense.

deadass serious. anyone lonely on /adv/ in late hours want to watch a movie together? no names required just some company

>>18498883
how?

>>18498890
gather in a room on rabb dot it, a screen sharing website, pirate some movie. anyone in?

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>>18495802
Recently graduated high school
Applied over a dozen places and still no calls
No money so I can't take out the one romantic interest I have right now, and I only have so much time with her
Uninspired to read and write like I used to, though I crave it deep down
Spent a lot of time fucking up my diet and irregularly working out, without dedicating time to reparations
Generally a same-page drifter right now, and it's both relaxing and wasteful, both equally distressing
I have had some very rough times over the past five years, but this stagnation is eating me in ways I've never had before

>>18498894
sure I'm game

>>18498899
take her out for free, to a park, maybe tell her you're between jobs or some shit and can't do anything crazy but just want to spend time with her

>>18498900
what are we watching?

>if a woman likes you she'll <list of shit>
>realize none of that's ever happened to me

I wonder what it is about me that makes me so repulsive.

i'll do the room and even find the movie just tell me what we're gonna see

>>18498883
im down for some shit in cytube i guess

>>18498910
i don't parse

just join rabb dot it / a413ks for my room and we'll figure it out

movie's Cube, still can join anyone

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>>18495802
I got in a car accident today while on the clock at work. (Work as pizza driver to help pay for school)

Some idiot kid rear ended me and sent me flying into the car ahead of me.

No real damages to any of the cars but fuck my back hurts.

I'm not some whimp who let's things from keeping me. I'm tough as hell. I backpacked through Alaska by myself. Fought bears and shit.

But this just feels weird. It feels like I'm being retrained from making fast movements with the thought of getting hurt.

Think of it as, you have a cut but it finally clotted and the bleeding stopped. But if you stretch that wound to much, it will start bleeding again.

(Shitty analogy I know but whatever)

I honestly felt like crying after the cops left and the other drivers left. It was weird.

Again, gym rat, scuba diver, backpack wilderness camper. Tough as shit guy, but this feels different.

I really pray it's not something major. I need my back to get stronger and staying active.

Fucking little faggot that hit me was probably on his phone. Who the fuck hits someone doing 20 at red light?

I also don't have real health insurance. Just the basic MediCal that stops you from getting fined.

>>18498942
>>18498942
damn dude take it easy on yourself, as tough as you are you're not superman, and even he got laid up sometimes i think. i'm not a comics man

just let yourself heal and hope it's not serious as you already are, i hope for your sake it's also minor

Just broke up with the only girl in my life cuz she told me she used to be a sugar baby and blow old guys for large sums of money. I probably shouldn't be upset but I can't get past it. It's hard because she's not the type I think would ever cheat and I'm probably being immature/insecure deep down.

But there's nothing I can do, I can't chill about it and I can't take her seriously as a girlfriend after she told me. This is right before I think we might've started getting serious.

>>18498951
>>18498951
it's better you end it now than after it get serious, don't let it fester inside and just eat you alive from within. Good on you for doing waht you did. at the same time, next time see if you can look passed her past (i'm using the wrong wordsoh well) and see her for who she is since meeting you. just learn from it and improve)

>>18498324
Yea u just want to bathe in their essence. I love hugging him n laying with him just to inhale the strong scent of his BO mixed with his deodorant, been with him for almost 6 years n still love that fucking smell that no one else seems to have

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>>18498957
>>18498324
can';t relate

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>>18498950
Same here brother.

I'm pissed I had to leave work cause I need the money for school and fixing my debt. But there was no way I could deal with anything right now.

Hell I actually even wanted to go to the gym after I woke up from a rest nap. But ironically today is leg day and I don't even think I could do squats or presses. Maybe some push ups but nothing to serious. But fuck that. Maybe I'll go get like some ice cream or something. But idk... I'm cutting and I already ruined my diet by getting comfort food and drinking 2 cokes.

Thanks for your kind words sir.

>>18498964
>
don't mention it anon, it's the least one can do besides nothing

>>18498954
>next time see if you can look passed her past and see her for who she is since meeting you

I hope so. I hope I didn't view her life as strictly positional to my own. I think I did actually. Feels bad man. Are there people that are selfless enough to look past this kind of thing? Even if she did it a month or two before meeting me?

>>18498966
Should I go get a shake?

I'm a bit startled to drive but it's midnight here in SoCal so no crazy drivers?

I'm thinking an Oreo shake.

>>18498967
>are there people that are
the answer is yes no matter what the question is, there's so damn many people that invariably everybody's done everything at least once

the path to that selfless ness you describe- if you go too far it's cuckoldry unironically

it's a good balance to accept a girl who;s done things, i mean that's inevitable, but you should do so within reason, like not if she was banging her ex the night before meeting you fcgncv bnm

>>18498969
LMFAO Socal has no crazy drivers this late at night
stay way the fuck off the roads from 12-4
Especially anywhere near Ortega. Fucking have almost been killed there three times driving through at 12.
t. born and raised SoCal

>>18498969
>>18498969
do what you want to do my guy, just roll if you have no preference. next post odd/even yes/no

>>18498324
Sux that most of the time it's a giver n receiver not both givers so both could get amazing pleasure n satisfaction out of the beautiful dirty act of sex

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>>18498973
Same here. I was born in Hollywood and spent my early childhood in LA. I grew up and currently reside in the Inland Empire, but California drivers are all the same. Fucking horrible.

This still doesn't scare me away from getting a motorcycle though.

>>18498975
Hell ya.

Even, Oreo Shake.
Odds, Vidya.
Dubs, Someone else decides.

compulsive lying for attention is the worst mental fuckery and i can't stand to be around it, sorry. that you're so petty and insecure that you exclude me because you're straight up jealous while you fiddle for lies to bolster yourself is just really sad

one day you're gonna get it. one day i'm going to say what we're all thinking but are too polite to say it.

>>18498994
Where in Inland Empire? Eerily enough anon, I live there as well. Cali drivers don't become humane until you're well past the San Joaquin valley. More towards Humboldt area does it start melding with Oregon driving standards.
and roll

>>18498960
Sorry buddy, just hang in there you'll find someone to lay with n sniff all night as well. Good things come to those who wait

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>>18499008
>Good things come to those who wait
I'm not who you're talking to but that's bullshit. nothing good has ever come to me as a result of waiting. never.

>>18499013
Just means you're still waiting

>>18499013
>>18499013
>>18499008
>>18499008
i'm that (you) and i'm willing to wait (because there's no other option) but damn if it's not happening

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>>18499001
Mainly the west border of The Inland Empire.

Corona, Norco, Riverside and Rancho Cucamonga are my homes.

But I'm a pretty active person. I spend a lot of my leisure time at either Joshua Tree, Mount Jacinto, Mount Baldy or even the Salton Sea (very rarely for the Salton Sea though. It's only because I have a special bond with Christopher McCandless from into the wild).

However I've been going to Catalina a lot, I just got my license in scuba diving so it's like the perfect place to dive.

You should try it out, diving is super fun and easy.

And I got even... I really don't want to put pants on...

>>18498187
Unless you explain this situation in detail, I'm going to have to assume that you're a melodramatic fuck.

>>18499020
Yeah, likewise. Live a bit south, more towards Mt. San Jacinto area, but I usually spend my time in the opposite direction in San Diego county.
What is it with everyone traveling to Joshua Tree to hike and fuck around? Is it not just more mind-numbing desert and cacti found everywhere else, a la the Mojave and Imperial?

>>18498405
kys

>>18499017
oh, I wasn't painfully aware.

europe needs to see this kek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rraMxHwsmX8

>>18498531
>your mother
Well, it clearly wasn't your father; you wouldn't be in this scenario if he had done his job as a mentor.

Another victim of a broken family, you are. But at least now that you will be infertile, you can't spread that disease to the next generation. It is for that reason that you are actually doing a good thing.

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>become fat and lazy over the past couple of years
>health insurance no longer covered critical medication i need to live, forced to switch on alternative that leaves me dead tired at all times of the day or night
>no energy to do things I enjoy
>sleep at least 12 hours a day, closer to 15-16 if not working
>my primary doctor ended up getting in trouble over some dumb shit that wasnt their fault, so no longer practices. he was the only one that stood up for me and knew what i was going through because family friend
>all the other doctors suck or just want to pass off more meds, attempting to make me even moreso a zombie than i already am
>cant concentrate at work, causing errors to frequently happen
>therefore, most of my colleagues loathe me
>hard to make friends to begin with because introverted and keep to myself with hobbies
>lost my drive for making music and travelling because always tired, plus i was the punching bag for my group of friends, always being bullied
>someone who i looked up to in the music industry effectively said the stuff i made for music is trash and gave me nothing constructive to work on. this was after spending almost a year from when i first met them, working and improving my craft
>like to do other nerdy stuff like playing vidya competitively, but have been plateaued/regressed for a very long time now
>tired of making shit money, want to find a better job but no degree because dropped out due to medical reasons
>realize i have so much shit to work out before i can even think about attempting to meet girls
>also realize that I'll be a 30 year old kissless virgin in less than 36 months

I just want to live my life again, what happened..

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>>18499034
Like Redlands/Hemit area?

As for Joshua Tree, it's gotten really busy with tourist and fuddy duddies.

They come out and liter the place and then leave.

I got to Joshua tree to shoot guns, drink beer, smoke weed and go backpack camping for a days out in the park and etc.

I love nature and became a total hippy. But honestly, it's what you make of it that makes it important.

Here's a picture from my last backpacking trip.

>>18499013
How old are u, maybe instead of just waiting around u should go out n look.
Make sure u look in the right places tho

>>18499018
U could always go out n do stuff that u like n maybe you'll meet someone n all ur waiting will pay off

>>18499061
Surprisingly stunning, man. You ever gone up towards San Gorgonio or Castle Rock area? Deep forestry always has been my stronger suit
Yeah, around Hemet area. The few primarily right-wing communities in Cali ended up festering here, and not to its own aide.

>>18499039
Its better to wait n find the right one than get hasty n get with the wrong one that will only make u feel worse bout yourself

goodnight /adv/ i love you

>>18499096
You, too.

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I've grown up my entire life surrounded by drug addicts. I had to watch my sisters nod out on the couch and walk around like zombies. When I was 11 I stepped on my sisters used needle in the bathroom. I had a legit HIV scare because of this. I have panic disorder because of the strange people that would come into my house. If every door isn't locked at all times I feel legitimately unsafe. The one sister I could ever feel close to died from drug overdose 4 years ago. It was hard, and I still cant properly talk about it with anyone.

My other sisters are still on drugs, and I've gotten to the point where I no longer care for them. I just want them out of my life. I find myself feeling like I wouldn't even care if something happened to them and I hate myself for it. I've tried for so long to help them. I've cried my eyes out to them, begging them to get help. But after years of dealing with their junkie bullshit, I just dont care anymore. I just want to never see them again. I feel like my life and mental state would improve dramatically if they'd just disappear. But I still can't help but fucking hate myself for feeling this way. I'm only 20, but I'm seriously debating saving up money and peacing out of state as soon as I can. I still live with my mom and she keeps letting my sisters move back in and put us through hell. I understand she wants to help them, but at some point I wish she'd think about her one kid that is trying to do something with their life. It's making me resent her too

Sid, Martin, Brian.

I'm sorry. God help me.

So I dated a really good-looking girl one year older than me. Most incredible mind to boot. High Achiever. Incredibly analytical and logical.

I fell for her because I was a slave to lust. I don't regret it. I fucked her hundreds of times - and that was out demise. We fucked so much we got bored of it.

It's been approximately a month since I've had sex that can be matched with the likes of her. I can never fuck the same way again. I'm always going to be squeezing and handling the next girl I get in my bed the same way I handled her - roughly and apologetically.

She's also the most mentally unstable person I've ever met, which adds to my attraction to her. Her drug addictions were here way of coping with the hell that was living. The smartest, most attractive woman I've ever met in while, yet so incredibly fucked up. I don't think I'll ever date anyone like that again. Don't know if I'd ever want to. ated a really good-looking girl one year older than me. Most incredible mind to boot. High Achiever. Incredibly analytical and logical.

I fell for her because I was a slave to lust. I don't regret it. I fucked her hundreds of times - and that was out demise. We fucked so much we got bored of it.

It's been approximately a month since I've had sex that can be matched with the likes of her. I can never fuck the same way again. I'm always going to be squeezing and handling the next girl I get in my bed the same way I handled her - roughly and apologetically.

She's also the most mentally unstable person I've ever met, which adds to my attraction to her. Her drug addictions were here way of coping with the hell that was living. The smartest, most attractive woman I've ever met in while, yet so incredibly fucked up. I don't think I'll ever date anyone like that again. Don't know if I'd ever want to.

>>18495802
i wish that my gf would have better teeth, shave and have a better body. I hate my ex even tho its been like 4 years. I wish i was so skinny fat and more fit, I want to kill kim jung un or whatever, I want a nintendo switch, i want to stop masturbating so much. I want some place to fucking hire me already how many lies do i have to tell to a fucking job around here

I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm a terrible person.

I hate passive aggresiveness so goddamn fucking much.

When is it time to give up?
I admit that I'm sometimes too persistent and stubborn but my intentions are in the right place. Me and my gf broke up and had a really bad fight. It ended with her telling me that I'm a manipulative crazy person that needs help and me telling her that she doesnt give a shit about anyone but herself and it shows through every action she made.

I don't want to be with her anymore. Well thats a lie I do but I also feel like we bring out the worse in each other and its better that we broke up.

But I wanted to make amends with her. To at least say goodbye and level with her. I tried not even less than a month after we broke up and she told me I need to learn to leave people the fuck alone and she doesnt want to talk and she never wants to see me again.

I don't understand. I guess its just me, but no matter who it was or how much I was upset with them if they wanted to talk it out I would love to. I hate leaving things like this.

Its been awhile and right now I feel like I should leave her alone. That I should try to stop reaching out to make amends.
But idk I just cant let this go.
So thats why I ask.
When is it time to give up?

Be forewarned, this story's not interesting. About two months ago, shortly before I graduated from school. Two of the girls in my literature class began talking to me. Even though I hadn't spoken more than a few sentences to anyone the entire year, and limited myself to a polite-but-detached persona, for some reason they seemed to take a liking to me. One of them in particular I found really attractive. See, at first I disliked her because she always put her feet on my chair without asking, and seemed a bit too close to the two guys near her, but I came to realize that they weren't romantically involved, and she was pretty nice too. The end of the school year is a blur to me because it was a miserable time, but the sense that I'd never see these people again liberated me, and so I was slightly more open to conversation whenever there was free time, which was often.

Well, we'd finished the end-of-the-year English exam, and the teacher had a small sort of picnic for us to commemorate the thing. All the benches were taken by groups by the time I'd arrived, so I walked around near the trees and gazed absentmindedly at the other people to pass time. Eventually, I got antsy at having no place to sit, so I leaned up against a tree and began reading a book (To The Lighthouse by Woolf). A few seconds later, the two girls came up and asked if I wanted to play a game. I said, "sure", and we played an awful game of frisbee for a few minutes before one of them went away. A few minutes later, they asked if I needed a ride home. I wanted to say yes, just for the "What if?", but due to my school's exemption policy, I couldn't miss any more days. She went away after that and the odds are quite low we'll ever see each other again.

When I started typing this, it felt meaningful. Now, it seems quite redundant.

I don't know what I will do if she rejects me

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i'm seriously fucked up right now

i thought i was slowly stopping feeling sorry for myself but it turns out im just losing interest. whats the point of being healthy when theres nothing to save yourself for. i know my mind might change one day, but i cant wait around any longer. i know that i dont want what i want because nobody deserves a person like me. i cant rely on myself to do what i want, and i dont know why. letting go is my holy grail abandoned when tested. sticking to my fear is the only thing that has served me. i dont want to keep smoking meth but i cant find a good reason to stop. i was hoping the neurotoxic effects would change me and something is but its not what i expected. i can feel the remaining love i have for myself slowly draining away, anxiety and depression stronger than ever.

i wish this never happened

I don't want to see you for a year. You couldn't be honest with me when given your final chance and I've had enough of it. If your situation hasn't changed by this time next year will you then be able to see that I wasnt bullshitting when I said I'd do anything and everything for you?

>>18499604
Same, but at the same time, I realize if I let the chance slip, that's it. Forever.
...Ehh, who am I kidding, there's an entire college filled with chicks that are ready to be bred by me. I should chase someone better than this. Besides, her cellulite looking ass might just be worse than I thought. It would engulf even my hips and there would be no way for me to please that.

Worse yet, it's implied she got several diseases down there.

It makes me feel conflicted.

Working a shitty job in hospitality with dickhead customers. Got shitloads of legal fees because of a crazy ex who fucked me over. Took out a loan to put into crypto to make some money to get out of my situation but that shit crashed hard.

I'm not depressed, but I legitimately can't remember the last time I experienced anything more than a momentary glimpse of happiness.

I wish I'd never been born. I'm just a void that absorbs the time, energy and money of others.

I hate myself, but I'm terrified of change.

I don't know anybody. My life is empty and dull. I'm sorry that the people you've written your letters for haven't treated you lot well. But I haven't had a friend or close enough that we could fight and write hurt letters on imageboards since I was a little boy. People here fret about being virgins but it's the least of my concern. The "firsts" I dream of are much more extensive. One day i'd like a friend who I can text occasionally. Who calls me up on weekends to hang out. Who wants to go places and do things with me, and I with them. One day i'd like to go to a party, or something. But it's so late. The same way immature high schoolers fret being the last to lose their virginity, I'm accutely aware most people made their friends in college and have turned their attention to their careers and families. Most people don't care to make friends who can't do something for them. For this reason the list of "firsts" I'd like to accomplish seems infinitely more doubtful.

TLDR I've tried to live for myself. I simply can't.

Made a thread about this, but it didn't help me, and I'd like to post that shit here too

My girlfriend and I went outside a week or so ago.

One of her friends was there with us too (Female friend). We sat down and I put my hand over her shoulder, I told her I love her and such and she didn't really do anything. It's been like this since the beginning, It's always me that tells her I love her, never her that tells me that she loves me.

She never really does much. I was starting to worry. I started getting pretty depressed then, we sat down alone, her friend left, and I asked her "Do you love me?" and "Would you be happier if we weren't togheter?". She just sat there doing fuck all. She said "ofcourse i do, and no, im happier with you". I felt even worse, I felt on the verge of breaking, tearing up, on the verge of crying. She did nothing, she just fucking sat there doing nothing. I said "Fuck it" and I hugged her, we just sat there like that for a while. Not really talking, just both of us feeling shit, but that was 10x worse for me.

I still feel like shit for crying then, for being so emotional back then. I want to be a man, I want to be a rock in even the worst of storms but it's so fucking tough. I've just been feeling so unbelievably fucking terrible since then.

>>18495802
We're friends, you're straight, but I think I'm falling in love with you Kevin. I always enjoy being with you. I can tell you're a little broken because of your family, that's why I try to always be there for you. I wanna be there to help you with your problems.

But... I want to lose this love because I don't want to lose you as a great friend. Saying that we love each other jokingly sometimes doesn't help, you know. This feeling really hurts.

I think I'm undateable. I think my depression has made me into a pretty repulsive person. I don't see a way out of this.

>>18495866
The cure to this is motherhood

>>18499675
never say "i love you" to a girl you fucking retard

>>18499723
>>18499675

yeh on top of that don't breath air or use your legs to walk you fucking retard

>>18499723
t. virgin

>>18499763
if you're not married/near proposing, saying "i love you" (especially if she hasn't reciprocated) will

a) cheapen the value of the phrase (which it obviously does in this case given the girl's unwillingness to repeat the phrase back to him)

b) come across as clingy (which it obviously did in this case for the same reason as above


moreover doing this in front of her friend is even fucking dumber because it puts her on the spot to reciprocate when she obviously doesn't feel the same way about you

>>18499771
>>18499763
>>18499675
also i strongly suspect some same fagging is going on here

>>18499777
>also i strongly suspect some same fagging is going on here
Yeah its not like there are more than 1 person here that think differently than you. How could that happen?

>>18499799
it's the post times and the immediacy that is suspicious, and one would think that if you were in fact a different fag, you would prove it with a screenshot

>>18499723
>>18499763
>>18499771
>>18499777
>>18499799
>>18499675
All of these are me

I need strength to last through the week but I don't know where to find it. I wish I could just fast forward to friday

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>>18499804
>you would prove it with a screenshot
Screenshots dont prove shit and I'll show one to prove it.
I'm
>>18499799
>>18499763

lmao, no, this >>18499675 is me

>>18499777
thanks anon

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>>18499821
>he uses vanilla 4chan

i bet you saved that screenshot to your hard drive instead of copying it from the window too you fucking retard

Hitting bottom right now

Andrew I miss you v much

>>18495802
If I didn't consciously push you from my mind, I'd literally be thinking of you all day. All the things... they remind me of you.

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>>18499072
No never. But I hear Gorgornio is beautiful. Should I check it out?

I love the forest more than anything. Something about being deep in the woods makes me feel alive.

I did mount Whitney earlier this year and that was the hardest hike I've ever experienced.

It's funny, the older I get, (currently 27), the conservative I lean, but I can't stand that ignorant racist shit.

(Sorry for getting back to you so late. I ended up falling asleep. Back still hurts but not as bad. We'll see by the end of the day.)

(I took this one up in Jacinto. Files are to big to post so I'm limited to what I can share. This one was me trying capture of creepy it gets at night.)

>>18499962
I'm in the same situation, but I'm getting better every day.
She's no longer the first thing I think about when I wake up.

>>18499638
Let be guess, you are a woman and you want something from someone. But you refuse to be straight forward and say what you want, and expect them to read your mind and cryptic hints.

>>18499962
How do you push them out of your mind? I need to start doing this too.

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>>18499962
All the thingsssss

>>18500066
Nope, I'm straightforward and I've let my feelings be known. I don't play games, Ive been dealing with a manchild

>>18500384
Not him, but in contrast I've been dealing with a womanchild that blindly dismisses my signs of affection. If they're not interested, they're not interested.

>>18500439
This is true. You have to let them go get on the carousel and forget about them. Not easy, but ultimately the best way.

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>>18499997
San Gorgonio is stunning, especially Spring/Fall. I'd recommend it, especially with a couple friends as accompaniment. Grew up near Big Bear, Yucaipa and Victorville area, so it was the closest place to have fun and explore nature without pushing your luck. Forest always ended up being a humbling agent for me, so whenever I felt way too pride-filled or anything of that sort, I'd go and make myself small among the great trees. What was so difficult about Whitney? Guy, I'd like to continue the conversation, but /adv/ isn't quite the place for multi-day conversation. Have a medium you're more partial to?

Don't have any photos I can easily get onto my computer, but here's a good photo of Castle Rock's peak