fucking tired of feeling like shit all the time

>>18494689
For some reason or...?

>>18494715
do you enjoy feeling like shit?

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>>18494717
What does that have to do with anything?

I asked why do you feel like shit?

>>18494730
sorry
i feel like shit becuse im in a shitty situation

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>>18494733
It's fine. I try not to take internet personally.

Wanna tell us at least something about your situation?

>>18494744
i was born into a really bad place full of bad people and spent my entire life hiding
im an adult now and im still hiding because hiding is a pathology for me
and i can get over how much i lost and how much of my life was robbed by these people

>>18494744
i want to start over because i never got a chance to live my life

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>>18494752
Realizing your problem is first step towards fixing it. You are going in a good direction.

>life robbed by these people
Life happens to you all the time and people can't take it away from you. Also no one succeeds at everything right away. At some point everyone looks back at something and says "wow I wasted a lot of time there". But there's plenty of time to work through it.

Now what did they do to you exactly?

>>18494784
>Realizing your problem is first step towards fixing it
i cant fix a wasted life
the more time passes the worse i feel about it
>Life happens to you all the time and people can't take it away from you
it doesnt when you are alone all the time and you dont speak to anyone or do anything
>Now what did they do to you exactly?
abuse, never ending abuse, pretty messed up at some points, things i couldnt cope with
up until i started living alone i never felt safe anywhere

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>>18494798
>i cant fix a wasted life the more time passes the worse i feel about it
The problem isn't that you lost time. As stated you have that plenty. You are basically also wasting it now. To me the problem sounds to be that you "keep hiding" (what ever that means) and you keep telling yourself that you shouldn't have gotten that problem in the first place instead of dealing with it.

>life doesnt happen when you are alone all the time and you dont speak to anyone or do anything
You think you aren't alive if you aren't doing something all the time? Try sitting in one place for like 10 minutes at first and see for yourself. It's relaxing.

>they did things i couldnt cope with up until i started living alone
So now you are coping?

>>18494846
>As stated you have that plenty
i will never get to be a kid or a teenager or a young adult again, those things are gone forever now
old frail people look back at these experiences and remember doing fun things, living experiences. What do i have? nothing i can only look bad and see myself in pain
>what ever that means
im alone all the time, i dont go outside or talk to people or do anything im just alone at home like i was alone hiding in my room because leaving my room meant getting beaten
>you keep telling yourself that you shouldn't have gotten that problem in the first place instead of dealing with it
nobody should bo through that, nobody should feel in danger all the time
>You think you aren't alive if you aren't doing something all the time
i never do anyhthing, when i try i feel miserable, doing things just reminds me of how inadecuate i am and how different i am from everyone else, how could i ever relate to them?
i meant it as i never felt safe until i started living alone, of course i cant cope with anything, i got my life ruined for no reason at all by people who never cared about me

>>18494846
sure i have time
time by itself is a completely meaningless thing

welp
i guess im not getting any advice today

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>>18494863
>i will never get to be a kid or a teenager or a young adult again, those things are gone forever now
>old frail people look back at these experiences and remember doing fun things, living experiences. What do i have? nothing i can only look bad and see myself in pain
You can do that or you can remember how you survived that and grew as a person.

>im alone all the time, i dont go outside or talk to people or do anything im just alone at home
That's a problem many people have even when they weren't abused as a kid. It's something you can work with.

>nobody should go through that, nobody should feel in danger all the time
"Life shouldn't be that way" according to who? The universe can be whatever it wants to be. I am sorry for you but stop telling the world how it should have gone and start living in it as it is. Stop seeing your problems as something you should already have ready and start working towards them.

>I never do anyhthing, when i try i feel miserable,
I bet you are doing lots of stuff. You are reading this and you have written a lot already.
Why do you feel you need to do stuff?

>doing things just reminds me of different i am from everyone else
What do you have that no one else in the world has never had?

>of course i cant cope with anything, i got my life ruined for no reason at all by people who never cared about me
They didn't ruin your life. How do I know? You aren't retarded. You have grown to be a person with at least basic mental skills as you can apparently live on your own, have a civilized conversation with me and even think your own weaknesses. I'd say that last one could be even more than most people have.

No one has a perfect childhood. At some point everyone has to look back and really think what things they have to change in their life. Some parents have fat kids. Some are shy or antisocial. Some can't take responsibility and so on. And I don't know if you have it harder than average but your life isn't ruined.

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>>18494880

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>>18494951
Nothing I can say will instantly change your mind. I could be completely wrong to. But I'm encouraging you to think what I said for yourself.

>>18494960
you took my post completely wrong
a prisoner has time, years of time decades even
ask a prisoner how he feels
>>18494969
its not like i just sit around and complain, i have tried too many things too man times, they didnt work, they always fail in the exact same way

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>>18494976
>ask a prisoner how he feels
Aren't people in prisons alive? How can people come out of the prisons changed if they aren't living?

And aren't you a free man according to this analogy? Don't you believe people can turn their lifes around after prison?

>i have tried too many things too man times, they didnt work, they always fail in the exact same way
What have you tried? How do you always fail?

>>18494954
there is no good reason for everything that happenned to me
why couldnt things have been different?, a normal life isnt asking for much, thats what most people get
>What do you have that no one else in the world has never had?
my own personal trauma
0 life experience
>apparently live on your own
i get money from someone else, i dont even pay my own taxes
>No one has a perfect childhood
i got the worst childhood i could have gotten
people think abuse and hardship are the same thing
abuse is something that should never happen from wich nothing positive could be taken from, it just leaves people broken
hardship can be horrible too, but if you survive hardship you are better because of it, all you learn from abuse is to be weaker, to trust people less and to hope for nothing
>your life isn't ruined.
it could very well be
i will never get over what have been through anyways and even if i can in a decade of therapy and hard work how much life would i have left? im not an elf, my life expectancy is short and the last part barely counts

>>18494992
>Aren't people in prisons alive?
some people dont
some people come out broken enough that all they can do is go back to it
nobody regards their time in prison as something positive, its something you survive
>What have you tried? How do you always fail?
work, education, firendships, uninformal education, etc
i feel miserable and i give up and cope with the misery for weeks until its gone
i tried to force myself to keep trying until the misery is gone but there doesnt seem to be a limit to how miserable i can get

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>>18494993
>abuse is something that should never happen
>there is no good reason for everything that happenned to me why couldnt things have been different?
There is no good reason for them to be different. There is no reason why life has to be one way and not the other.

>no one else in the world has never had my own personal trauma 0 life experience
No one in the world has never gone through the same kind of things you have?

>i got the worst childhood i could have gotten
>from wich nothing positive could be taken from
>i get money from someone else, i dont even pay my own taxes
You still aren't chained into a bed and force-fed. You can use a toilet and cloth yourself on your own and aren't at least directly killing yourself every chance you have. That shows you are at least normal enough to stand in a crowd and that's not a bad start.

>I will never get over what have been through anyways and even if i can in a decade of therapy and hard work how much life would i have left?
Getting through it is life.
How long should you have to feel ready to die?

>>18495008
>nobody regards their time in prison as something positive, its something you survive
I'm not telling you to love what you've gone through. I'm precisely telling you to survive. And true some people can't live a normal life after prison. They are still living.

>work, education, firendships, uninformal education, etc
>i feel miserable and i give up and cope with the misery
What in these things makes you feel miserable?

>>18495056
>No one in the world has never gone through the same kind of things you have?
not the exact same
tiny differences can make an experience completely different
im not the first victim of abuse but there are infinite forms of abuse and there are infinite ways of being harmed
>You still aren't chained into a bed and force-fed. You can use a toilet and cloth yourself on your own and aren't at least directly killing yourself every chance you have. That shows you are at least normal enough to stand in a crowd and that's not a bad start
i never said i have the worst life in the world
i dont umderstand how other people with worse lives manage to do better than me, i see them as futher proof that i cant really understand other people no matter how hard i try
>What in these things makes you feel miserable?
i experience pain and anxiety, i feel like i shouldnt be there, i feel like i cant stand doing it again and i feel pressure to do so wich makes it worse, all i want is to be back at home where i can be completely alone

I was abused as well. By my father and my brother.
Eventually i got a gaming addiction, and would game all night so that during the day i would be asleep when they were awake, i mean: i'd be in a coma. But.. an effect of this isolatement made me talk very few words. I must have spoken 10 times less than an avarege person, and nowadays i feel like i can't really communicate with people. Like i'm already not the sharpest tool in the shed, but y childhood made me even more broken. I'm not the person i wish i was.

>>18495084
>Eventually i got a gaming addiction, and would game all night so that during the day i would be asleep
i did aswell, i ended up with a massive depression too, i was always tired and my head always hurt and i hated going to sleep to the point that i barely slept because i hated waking up
man i bet i went an entire year not speaking, not that i spoke a lot anyways, nobody really cared or wanted to listen and it got me yelled at and beaten
i can talk to people i just dont feel any emotions or attachments to them
i can lose an old friend and feel nothing of it
i will never be the version of myself i would have become if i had a normal life, i know i could have done some great things because the tiny portion of my spirit that still remains
i know better now tho, hope only vrings you pain
im not suicidal but if my 15 year old self could see how my life played out he would jump infront pf a train

>>18495111
>i know i could have done some great things
It's what i used to believe. That i had the potential to do great things, and relatively soeaking compared to my life now i still think i can. They say once you've hit rock bottom, you can only climb up... But according to your story it could be said it would've been easier not to fall in that agonising pit of sorrow. Hell, that pit shouldn't exist. I feel ya man, but i sometimes still have some hope for the future, hope you do too.

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>>18495075
>i never said i have the worst life in the world
Yes you did...?
>>18494993
>i got the worst childhood i could have gotten

>tiny differences can make an experience completely different
>there are infinite forms of abuse and there are infinite ways of being harmed
Everyone has unique life and still people can relate to one another. Even though your experience is unique there are people who can relate and you can relate to.

>i see people who have it worse and still manage as further proof that i cant really understand other people
What you are seeing is the result of long process. Accept that changing yourself will take time and that you will still take steps back after you decide to change. Give yourself permission to fail sometimes. Again don't think of this as something you should have already but as a goal you would like to work for.

>i feel like i cant stand doing it again
>>18494976
>its not like i just sit around and complain, i have tried too many things too man times
So you feel like you can't do it again even once even tho you've done it multiple times before?

>i feel like i shouldn't be there
>and i feel pressure to do so which makes it worse
Good observations! Keep going: Why do you feel you shouldn't be there? Who pressures you to do these things?

And you don't have to write answers here. Really answering things can take some time. Just keep really working with your thoughts and don't distract yourself from them forever.

From somebody without this exact problems. Creating a healthy life style will makes you feel good. Go to bed on time, wake up on time and eat healthy!!

>>18495084
>>18495111
There you go

You're rolling trips and everything

>>18495147
i know i could have done great things because i liked difficult ideas and i liked challenges, i still like hearing people explain things i dont understand, im very curious too and there is a lot of things i would have loved to try aswell.
i think thats part of the reason my family hated me so much, mix a curious kid who always wants a good explanation for things and to understand why you do the things you do with a miserable drunk with hatred for the world and everyone around it, with violence issues and outright paranoia who you never know when you are going to offend and how because he can take absolutely anything the wrong way and sulk on it for weeks

>>18495156
>Yes you did...?
i didnt
i had the worst childhood i could had, not the worst childhood anyone could had just the worst way thingss could have played out and i reacted the worst way possible to it
>Everyone has unique life and still people can relate to one another
thats an ilusion, you relate to a fictional construct of people you build in your head, you could spend your entire life with someone and still not have an accurate idea of them
>What you are seeing is the result of long process
thats not always true ad thats not always possible for everyone, i tried terapy multiple times, i dont respond to it no matter how much i try
therapy is for people with high empathy with the capacity to listen to things at face value without processing them and judging them first
the more times i try the faster i give up
i learned a lot from failing, my understanding of things and my own limitations is bigger now, i tried many approaches and none worked
>why do you feel you shouldnt be there
depends on what we are talking about
>who pressures you?
myself mostly, failing is losing even more time
if i fail i wont try again in months

>>18495160
>Go to bed on time, wake up on time
i do
>eat healthy
i dont but at least i cook my own unhealthy food

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>>18495196
>i had the worst childhood i could had, not the worst childhood anyone could had
It was the only childhood you could have had. Anyway my original point was you didn't have the worst childhood anyone could have had so we agree on that after all.

I feel like you think there are a lot of things you need to do to be "living" even though living is actually pretty simple. You don't have to have a job to be living. You don't ever have to be in a relationship and have kids. You don't have to have a group of quirky friends. You don't have to travel and have experiences.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9190758

>people can't really relate to one another
Why does it bother you then that you can't do it?

>i tried therapy multiple times, i don't respond to it no matter how much i try
How much have you tried?

>therapy is for people with the capacity to listen to things at face value without judging them first
So you feel like therapy can't be used to work with judging? Isn't paranoia treated with therapy? and that's like the ultimate reading-into-things and judging syndrome.

>i learned a lot from failing, my understanding of things and my own limitations is bigger now
That sounds like a progress to me

>why do you feel you shouldn't be there?
>depends on what we are talking about
I think you should try asking this everywhere you feel this way
>work, education, friendships, informal education, etc

>I pressure myself mostly
Why do you pressure yourself to try these things if you feel miserable? I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record or nosy kid but I feel like questioning your thinking helps. No pressure answer right away. Just ask yourself these sometimes.

>if i fail i wont try again in months
That's completely fine. Give yourself permission to take breaks and celebrate small steps.

>>18495399
>It was the only childhood you could have had
well in some ways you are right because its a roll of dice
but what i mean is because of the conditions i was born in i was never at risk of starvation or slavement or even poverty or disease
the worst things i could have stadistically experienced i did
>I feel like you think there are a lot of things you need to do to be "living"
im not fufilling my potential, not even close
its in fact to late to fufill even close to it, you are born into the right path to be the perfect you and every mistake in your life (yours or others) takes away from that
because of what i experienced my potential was massively diminished and thats unfixable
im never opening a link yo huffington post
>Why does it bother you then that you can't do it?
it bothers every single human, its a big problem because everyone wants to understand and be understood
>How much have you tried?
400, maybe 500
>Isn't paranoia treated with therapy?
not everyything can be cured, not everyone can be treated, there are no two paranoid people who are the same
it was a generalization btw, thats the biggest factor why it doesnt work, you cant convince someone he thinks wrong if they dont belive they think wrong, hell i dont really belive in therapy because it doesnt help people, it just makes them functional but it doesnt give them what they want, thats impossible
>That sounds like a progress to me
i learned that since it is impossuble to explain whats wrong with me its impossible to ask for help
at work because the first one i was there because people ad expectations of me i couldnt fufill, second one nobody wanted me there
education i was too old, it wasnt my kind of enviroment, too many people, too inpersonal, too fast, too generic, you where supposed to be one step ahead without knowing what they where going to teach
friennds i just cant connect with other people emotionally, im just pretending
informal education because everyone was better than me

>>18495399
>Why do you pressure yourself to try these things if you feel miserable?
because i cant achieve anything by remaining stoic
>That's completely fine. Give yourself permission to take breaks and celebrate small steps
becoming completely negative and obsessing over how horrible life is and how unlucky and damned i am is hardly a celebration