Girlfriend wants time to figure things out

>>18493117
I don't understand, what is your complaint here? sounds like you are doing fine and the relationship is a-OK.

Cont.
Let's skip some time back again to October last year, I somehow got across her facebook profile and started talking to her. After a day or two I started feeling some things for her again, I talked to her about it and she felt the same, so we decided to go on a date.

Best
Day
Of
My
Life

We saw eachother after all these years and in a couple of hours we had connected again, all the magic and the love and the passion was still there, and the best part is that we are adults now! There's nothing to hold us back this time!

But... I have to confess that we made a really big mistake, something that if I would have known, it could have changed everything.

Remember when I told you that her previous relationships didn't really last that much? Well, that's kind of true...

... Except for one (Some of you might already know where this is going).

Let's call this guy "Dick", they were together for 4 years! and she confessed me in our date that she was actually cheating on him with me. I was in shock and I have never felt so wrong in my entire life, I didn't know how to react. She told me that they were having some problems lately and by the time she told me all of this I had already asked her to be with me again and she acceded and we had already done some "stuff". So I told her that if she didn't love him anymore and if she wanted to be with me, the decision was hers to make. She was not sure, but after a couple of minutes she decided to call him to break up with him. That day went from the happiest I've been in a very long time, to be one of the most disturbing of my life.

But it gets darker, trust me.

I don't really see where you want advice...

>>18493131
>But it gets darker, trust me.
it always does when women are involved.

Cont.
A couple of days passed and I asked her about the relationship with Dick, she told me that he didn't treat her badly, but he didn't really do anything special for her either, she got attached to him overtime. She also confessed me that they have had sex, and she was sorry that she couldn't wait for me (I don't know how that worked for them because she and her family are very christian, she believes in fornication as a sin and virginity is still very appreciated in our culture. I was agnostic at the time), of course I told her that it was not a problem for me, I wasn't there after all.

Another thing she told me was that the day we went on our date she was supposed to go along with him to the doctor because he was getting very sick for a long time and refused to see a doctor until that day. As she wasn't there with him, he didn't go that day, buy days after he went and...

He...
... He was diagnosed with cancer.

> mfw I stole the girlfriend of a cancer patient

so she was cheating on you while you guys were together?

>>18493141
She was cheating on Dick while being with me

Cont.
I felt like the worst piece of shit that ever existed. By that time the damage was done. She asked me for permission to go see him, I felt so guilty that even knowing that something would happen I acceded. And it happened, as far as she told me, they only kissed, but that was it. I didn't have a problem with that, this was all so messed up.

Some time passed and I started going to the church where she goes, and there I met her family. I actually like them very much, at first her mother didn't trust me, but overtime they got to know me and now her mother even want's us to get married, even the other members of the church approve of me.

I have done all I can to be the best I can be for her, I really love her like I've never loved before. And from the bottom of my heart all I wish for her is to be happy and to find peace in her life.

But after all of this, after all this time and effort...
... she still thinks about him.

Cont.
This has been an ongoing thing, almost once every 3 or 4 months she gets really depressed and cold and distant and when I try to be there with her to support her, she tells me that she doesn't want to hurt me, that I don't deserve to be with someone who thinks about somebody else. Those are very difficult times, but we have overcome it with a lot of effort every time.

But this time it was different, it was all going well and suddenly from one day to the next I could notice something was wrong and when i asked her about it, she told me that she needed some time apart to figure things out, that she doesn't want to hurt me.

... that we better be just friends ...

I have talked to her since then (this happened last Sunday), she tells me that she is not asking for time to be with other people, and that she needs to clear her mind to think what she really feels.

I just don't know what to do and I'm so confused.

Thank you, /adv/, I know it is a lot but just writing about it makes me feel a little bit better.

Any words of advice I would really appreciate it.

This is very simple IMO; she's a disgusting human being and you shouldn't expect lifelong devotion from her at all
She's upgraded due to circumstances and I bet she'll do it again if the opportunity presents herself
She's not a true religious person either
I am certain about her type

>>18493117
What the fuck that's way too long to read. Greentext the bullet points asshole.

So basically she was with a guy with cancer and she cheated on him with you. She then left him for you, but she feels guilty about it. Now, she wants some time apart.

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets back together with him or at least sleeps with him.

You should just move on, no man needs this type of drama in his life. You do what you want, but I wouldn't trust her. She didn't cheat on you, but from my experience a woman willing to cheat or who has cheated is willing to cheat again and probably will.

She is unsure, young and stupid and was never really Inlove with either of you. Just wants a BF but doesn't want to commit or stay committed if that makes sense.

You have to make the decision. Relationships shouldn't stand on the edge of a needle because of 1 person who is uncertain, chances of a successful relationship with such a person is futile unless she stands her ground with a firm decision, knowing and willingly staying committed.

My advice for you would be to be friends, you two will probably continue trying to get back together but I still stand firmly about what I said above.

This won't last.

for you it's your highschool sweetheart coming back
not for her.
She's been with this guy for 4 years, it's serious. She's probably having problems in that relationship so she feels like she has to try other things since she's been so commited. Look at it from her point of view: would you chose your 4year boyfrind who just got diagnosed with a serious illness and needs you, or your highschool crush who you just sometimes think about and who is okay with you cheating on another man and with you cheating on him currently?
In my opinion she's confused, she wanted to get really serious with the guy and get rid of her last uncertainty, and that's why she seeked closure with you. she'll go steady with the guy.
You sound like a good guy OP, but you gotta make your stance clear and have a clear view on the situation: this will not be sustainable. Take a stand, tell her you can't do this, and move on.

so she cheated on some guy with cancer who she was seeing for 4 years and broke up with over the phone?

what kind of person does that sound like to you?

>>18493149
Yo're her alpha; she just hadn't figured that out and is feeling guilty for how she treated Dick. Tell her you want her: nothing more or less than that. She is your choice, so let her come around to choosing you. Then marry her and make many healthy, well-adjusted San Salvadorean babies.

OP here.

Thank you all guys, I really appreciate what you have told me.

This is not the whole story, there's more messed up stuff that has happened between us that will affect my decision.

I'm opening my heart to you guys, you can ask me anything if you need to know more. I will tell you if anything happens.

>>18493355
You may have just opened my eyes. I chose to be so blind and perceive things only from my point of view. And you are right Anon, the same events happened to both of us, but we were living two completely different stories.

She did tell me that she never forgot about me, maybe she thought that if she tried me, I would not meet her expectations so she could finally forget me and live without that uncertainty. But that's not what happened, and now we are here.

Even after all of this, I do not see her as a bad person. Yes, she made horrible mistakes and take very bad decisions, but I was there as well, those were also my mistakes and my decisions. And she has never done anything with bad intentions towards me. I just didn't tell you the full story, the good stuff between us I mean. And no matter what happens I will come out as a better man than I was before and that will be thanks to her, and to all the things she helped me go through. I chose her as my wife after all. I just wish she could forgive herself for all those mistakes and learn from them. It is not like she's enjoying this, I have seen the sadness in her eyes, and when you see that in a person you love as much I love her, it hurts. I do want and have the will to save our relationship if I can. Sorry if this is disappointing to you guys.

I'm probably going to see her this weekend, got any advice for the encounter?
Thank you all again.

>>18493560
There is nothing more idiotic than loving someone else more than yourself. Remember that.