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Anonymous
Welcome to my shit show 2017-07-07 07:15:11 Post No. 18492685
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Welcome to my shit show 2017-07-07 07:15:11 Post No. 18492685
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Hello /adv/
I've had a rough couple of months, and my relationship has been really rocky. Need to get this out of my system.
I have been in a relationship with this girl for about 2 1/2 years. Everything was fine and dandy until the semester rolled around again. I fell into a real deep depression. I had no friends, lived in a single, and hated my classes. I never ate with anyone. Every single day I would walk into the food hall and eat alone. Every single fucking day. I thought about suicide a lot, and sometimes still do. I knew I needed help at the time so I reached out to my parents, couple discord buddies, a counselor, and my girlfriend. This is the part where the shit show happens.
I was told over and over again, my classes weren't for me. Asked myself every day, why the fuck am I paying for this? I broke down multiple times, usually alone, and then my girlfriend basically said let's break up for a couple months. It's not like I could have done anything, because relationships aren't one sided. I was always there for her, and I mean, I would do anything for her. I felt abandoned, depressed, and emotional as hell. I've never cried that much or intense in my life. I can remember still waking up in the dorm every day, thinking about just opening the window and falling out.
I did everything you probably shouldn't do. I mean fucking everything. I had her media up when I was bored, messaged her mom and asked for help through it, and even apologized for being such a burden. A couple heart wrenching things stay in the back of my mind, but that's a bit too personal. Eventually, I did stop doing those things, and I saw a counselor, went to the gym, etc. It was just a depressing ride I never want admission into again.
Anyways, things had not been good. I barely made it through finals. I wrote what I thought down on a blog no one would see. However, she could see it too, and broke down after reading trying to apologize to me.
cont.
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>>18492685
Why did you fall into depression OP? Sounds like you are having a rough time, couldn't be just a random thing.
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>>18492685
You need to put Jesus Christ first in your life. When was the last time your mind had a Holy Spirit bath? Get in the Spirit and Seek God. You may be alone, but you will never be lonely. God Bless.
I have spoken these things to you while I am still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you. Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (John 14:25-27)
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>>18492685
Cont.
Ever since we got back from university, she's been distant and not affectionate at all. I took her with my family on vacation because I wanted to cheer her up. We slept in the same bed for a week. I found out the hard way she doesn't want to be touched. She told me that she just couldn't handle anyone right now. Okay.jpeg I gave her space, but also became a shoulder if she needed it. Never really took it.
Yesterday, I had a long talk with her. The past week every day I thought to myself we should just break up. I am constantly in conflict with myself because I'm extremely hung up on this girl. I know for sure that I love her down to the bottom of my fucking heart, but I'm also broke as hell and barely standing. This is some that I want in my life, and I wish we had it figured out. I told her everything I thought. I learned that she failed two classes and got D's in the other two. It's not like her, because I know she is extremely intelligent. I don't know if it's selfish to want to stay together, however, if everything is such a burden, I have to lighten her load. Sometime today, I'm going over there to discuss whether or not we should stay together. This is one of the biggest life decisions I've ever fucking made.
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>>18492718
I have felt some burden over me since I had to choose what I college I wanted in high school. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. But, answering your question, I had never felt so lonely in my life. I suppose my outlook was so bad that suicide sounded better.
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>>18492723
I lost my faith a long time ago. The last time I went to church was with my grandmother, in her hometown, while she was alive. Until something miraculous occurs, I cannot forcefully make myself believe in any religion.
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>>18492757
try submitting your mind and body (especially body) to Cheezus and the Holy Pretzel instead
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>>18492725
Such a mess you've gotten yourself into, I don't really know what to say.
You sound too fragile to handle any relationships right now. I think it's best for you to become single, even if it's painful, and just take time for yourself and sort out who you are and what do you want to become. I can add that I have been in relationships too with girls, about 4-5 years ago, and I was also an emotional trainwreck who listened to lots of sad music, cried alone in his room etc. but now at 24 and working full-time as graphic designer, I can say that despite some residue depression and anxiety (was diagnosed by psychiatrist a little while back), I have healed a great deal, and I feel so much better. Yes there is some pain in my heart from the past, but that has only helped to really put things in perspective, of how good it is to just be alive, not suicidal. I don't even mean happy, I mean, appreciate the fact that I am alive and not fucking dead from suiciding.
I suggest you something that helped me so much in the past, watch this guy's videos on Youtube. He is a fitness youtuber but he has extremely honest and good advice for spiritual stuff, relationships, depression and such. Please do me a favor and give those videos a look. Here's one playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJonATH_53vGZDX_Uh7qIsHXxNDOYBGUj
I hope you recover, you seem like a nice person, OP.
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>>18492765
Actually used to watch his videos in high school, believe it or not. I will give them another go. Tks anon.
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>>18492762
Well if Cheezus and the Holy Pretzel feed their followers, I could go for some free food.
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>>18492757
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth. (John 4:24)
The Israelites once worshipped God at Solomon's Temple in Jerusalem. The Samaritans would go up on Mt. Gerizim to worship God. So-called Christians today go to a physical church building to worship God, but that's not the exact purpose of a church.
Jesus Christ said to the Samaritan woman, there is coming a time when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship God (Jehovah, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit). You are the temple of the Lord. This is why we need to get in the Spirit and Seek God (Jehovah, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit). That time is now my friend. Faith without works is dead. You need to start praying to God and repenting of your sins. Read the Bible cover-to-cover in the Spirit. Remember to pray, pray, and pray. God is real, even faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain my friend. It doesn't matter how little faith you have, you need to try. Turn your heart, your life over to Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God who came in the flesh and paid the price for all our sins. Seek and you will find.
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>>18492823
Even as you spread the word of Christ board to board, I will listen to your advice. My mind, as well as my own being is the strongest obstacle I've been given. Again, forcing my consciousness to truly believe in God is not an easy feat. I will try not for you or another, but myself.
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