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Hello fellow /adv/isors, I come to you with a somewhat unique situation that has me at a bit of a loss. It's a long story, but I'll give you the gist of things and hopefully I can get some helpful advice about what I should do.
>be me, 24m
>met qt 3.14 at work several years ago, dated for 6 months and broke up
>reconnected a year later, began dating again despite the fact that she was getting ready to move 1k miles away
>accidentally fall head over heels for each other, talk about marriage and kids and shit
>she moves, I save money for 2 more months and move to be with her
>things turn to shit shortly after I move in, she becomes entirely different person, bitchy and selfish af
>knew after about a month that I was going to have to move into my own place once I get a job and a steady paycheck
>things continue getting worse, takes me another month to find job and begin working
>work for two weeks, about to get my first paycheck and start looking for places (haven't told gf about any of this)
>out of the blue, gf decides it's not working out, we split up
>kind of upset due to her shit timing as I don't have money to move out right away and I don't have anywhere else to stay in the meantime
>in the following week she becomes the biggest cunt I've ever had the displeasure of spending time with
>selfish as fuck, always asking me for money when she knows I still haven't gotten paid
>fight about shit constantly, can't be in a room with her without it being painfully awkward
>This goes on for about a week until I decide I'm moving back to hometown for fear of her kicking me out without notice and having to be homeless until I can make plans to move back home or find place of my own
>Kind of butthurt about the entire situation, just because her timing and attitude after we broke up was absolute shit
>Move home and begin moving on, easy not to miss her since she turned into a cunt, but still think of her fondly sometimes and wonder what things could have been like
(cont.)
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>>18490157
(cont.)
>been a little longer than 2 months since I've moved back
>been pretty depressed, moreso about life than about losing my ex
>No contact with ex since the day I left, deleted her on social media, deleted pics of us etc, seemed to help a lot
>Kept ex's phone number and kept her sister on social media as sister has always been nice to me
>Overall, i'm doing pretty well, getting ready to get back out of my parent's house, got a decent job that I don't hate and pays well enough to live on
Now this is where I start having problems:
>see post on ex's sister's instagram 2 days ago
>ex is in hospital, bandaged nearly from head to toe, no indication of what happened
>looks like a car or motorcycle accident, she's super beat up
>continue investigating, discover that she's in a lot of pain, having a hard time walking and functioning in general
>my heart sinks to my feet as I continue to scroll through pictures of this person who was once so precious to me, covered in bandages, on the verge of tears in every photo from the pain she is feeling
>It seems she's going to be alright, but she has a long recovery ahead of her
>No broken bones or head injuries, in a few months she'll probably be good as new
The part that is troubling me about this is that part of me feels so bad about her situation, like I should have been there to protect her or like I should be there now to comfort her, but I also know that I don't have any desire to date her ever again and that it would be a disaster if I were to somehow wind up back together with her. I guess I'm just having a hard time figuring out why this whole accident seems to have effected me so much when my ex's existence up to this point has been basically meaningless to me. I can even recall telling one of my friends not that long ago that I wouldn't care if she got run over by a bus. Now that she (sort of) has, it's got me feeling things I wasn't prepared to feel.
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