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Anonymous
Marriage though evil bridesmother? 2017-07-05 08:47:53 Post No. 18486942
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Marriage though evil bridesmother? 2017-07-05 08:47:53 Post No. 18486942
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Dear /Adv/,
What is your experience: Is it possible to have a good marriage, despite the bride's mother hating the husband's guts to the core, and actively trying to undermine the relationship?
Since I am engaged I noticed just how much my fiancee's mum apparently hates me. We are forced to have a Long distant relationship since a while, and since we are engaged her mum started to call her and say that she should meet me less often cause I'd "prevent her from her studies" and we would see each other too often.
Due to the distance we see each other once a month for two days. (!)
She as well started to attack my personality and put it in a bad lite for not being as conservative a christian as her mum is, when my fiancee and I visit, and I leave the room, apparently.
It is quite obvious she tries to destroy us.
Her dad arranged with me.
Can that marriage work?
And if so, what to do about the mother in the long term?
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It depends on how much your fiancee is willing to stand up to her. Also you sound like the two of you are quite young, which makes me think you're too young to get married and that your future MIL may have some valid reasons to be hesitant.
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>>18486942
>>18486970
Yea Op, how old are you and wife to be? If you are both 25+ then what she is doing is fucking stupid. If you are younger than say 20, then you might wanna extend the engagement for a year or two. Also there are plenty of marriages where the in-laws are hated by someone in the marriage.
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>>18486970
>>18486970
Thanks for the answers.
We are both 25, she some months older than me. We are at the end of our studies. with 2-3 Semesters left (Regular Study time for that topic in Germany, since it has no bachelor & master differentiation in it yet 12 semesters, though I will need 13).
We both study Lutheran theology and are on the waiting list for the pastoral office of two different German Lutheran state churches, she in Saxony (ELVKS), I in Bavaria (ELKB). Due to the way both churches theology studies are structured we both have to finish our studies in our respective states, wich is why I moved back to Bavaria (-> LDR), but after the final exams she wants to change church to Bavaria.
The thing is we kinda have to marry before we enter Viccarage (kinda pastor in training) after the final exams. If you are married the bavarian state church puts you in training congregations max 50 kilometers apart, if we are not married they could very well put us on the opposite ends of Bavaria. While we accept the LDR till the end of the studies, we don't want that situation to continue in viccarage.
I am quite liberal in my faith in comparison. Her family is a conservative pietist one. That plays a reason as well.
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>>18487066
*EVLKS
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The key is how your wife handles this. Unless she defends you then you will resent her taking her mother's side, even if she doesn't actively do that.
I had the same issue in my marriage and it caused a lot of problems.
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