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been dealing with borderline personality disorder for my whole life, but over the last two years it has gotten significantly worse. i dropped out of university, lost many friends, and isolated myself from people who actually care about me. i've been on hundreds of BPD forums and have gone to countless therapists/physiologists in the past 7-8 years, and while my therapist now is the closest thing i've gotten to help, i am still in a constant struggle. i push people away when they're trying to help and every time someone close to me hangs out with someone else i isolate myself. i know it makes me a pile of shit and i feel like garbage doing it but i have no idea how to help. anyone with BPD who has actually recovered/gotten help, or should i just kill myself\?? idk ive attempted twice (once for attention because BPD makes me shit, the other honestly wanting to die but i stupidly didnt takeenough\) and now i just am drunk every time i dont have to work lmfao.
tldr; bpd sucks, thinking about killing myself, let me know if you have recovered or if i should just do it
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Don't worry about other people at the moment. Who cares if you've pushed people away, they can fuck off for now. You need to treat yourself like you are physically sick, and until you get better everyone else can fuck off. I'm not saying push them away further but don't worry about them right now. It sounds like on top of having BPD you are obviously suffering from depression. Now fair enough, it probably seems like a rational reaction instead of a chemical imbalance or whatever but that's bullshit. Depression shifts your perception of the world and makes you only dwell on the negatives. You need to get help for the depression, and until you do don't trust your thoughts at all.
I'm sure you probably have already if you've seen therapists for 8 years but go again anyway.
I'm dealing with a lot of the same things you are but I'm undiagnosed. I have no sense of self, no interests, constant mood swings and i'm really finding it hard to deal with right now, but I've always had these struggles, and even though suicidal ideation was occasionally there, I was still able to offset the negatives by enjoying things and seeing some value to life. Right now though I'm severely depressed and I can't enjoy a thing. Focus on healing though.
Sorry if I'm not much help.
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>>18482713
stop it
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>>18482816
This actually really helped me, thank you. And I am diagnosed with BPD, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder so that makes sense. I've been seeing someone recently and they've been helping to an extent, but every time I read up on BPD it's like "just kill yourself" and that seems to be making more and more sense to me the past couple months.
>>18483036
I wish
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I also have BPD and it's causing problems with my relationship with my gf,i get pissed off and I just have mood swings randomly and it bothers her.
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