I had a girlfriend for like 1 1/2 years. Before that we were

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I had a girlfriend for like 1 1/2 years. Before that we were best friends for a long time. After a lot of fighting and breaking up/getting together it finally got really good. Then one day i was like na fuck that i don't love her anymore, so i broke up (This is the point were i went full retard). This is like 5 years ago and i still miss her every fucking day. After i broke up with her i even had another girlfriend but she killed herself. But i miss my old 1 1/2 year girlfriend so much. But she had other boyfriends and shit and once i tried to kill myself and wrote her so the last time we wrote is like me apologizing for my "goodbye text" after i didn't die.

What can i ever do to finally get over her? Getting another girlfriend is not an option becuase i managed to be an anxiety filled fuck not able to talk to other people with no friends at all. I'm an alcohol addicted failed piece of shit, please help.