Childhood Abuse

I wasn't abused, though one of my earliest memories is my mother shouting at me what a fucking idiot I am. I had a problem being neglected badly. First by my father during the childhood and then by both of my parents once I hit the puberty and after that. I don't hold any grudges.

However as a biggest issue I recognize that I do not know if it made some mark or not. I have plenty of personal issues, but I can't identify the reasons.

>Dad: I didn't want you, your mother was the one that made it happen so she can deal with you
>Mom: *destroys science books I bring home from library* you're going to be a Pastor Anon! A pastor! You're going to Tulsa Oklahoma to become a Pastor!
>Dad: Why aren't you more like me?
>Mom: These things you like is the spawn of satan! *rubs baby oil all over little anon to try to banish demons*
>Dad: Your sister can kick your ass! (but I was in weightlifting club and on the baseball team and she was a pill addict that ruined her free ride to college so I always knew that was him being mad that his daughters were fuck ups)

I could honestly keep going forever. My mother died 2 years ago and we didn't say much to each other while it was happening other than she was sorry and was just trying to do what she thought was best. I forgave her.

My father misses my mother immensely and realizes he fucked up by never treasuring me or mentoring me or you know, being a dad at all other than bringing home money(its all he thought he had to do apparently) now that he is 64 years old. He annoys me by calling me all the time and trying to make things up to me but I feel no connection. When my mother died, I forgave her but I still felt nothing.

Once, when I finally got a car my mother put her hands around my throat when I said she couldn't use it that I needed it to commute to college. I was a 18 year old by then and much stronger, so I grabbed her wrists and pushed her to the wall and said she can't overpower me anymore. Then I left and found my own place and we just didn't talk much after that despite their pleading.

Sure I wasn't a good son but they pretty much made me that way. Deep down, I still love them because there were some good times here and there, but they really fucked with my head something fierce.

I don't know if this is sexual abuse but when I was 4 years old, in the 90s, my dad would help me take a bath and help me dry with a towel and would tickle my penis and laugh. I had forgotten about it but now I suddenly remember.
As for punishment when I was a kid my dad and sometimes my mom would slap me in the face. When I was 11 I once got fed up with my mom so I pushed her and she fell to the floor so the next day she kicked me out of the house for half the day.
Throughout my whole life whenever my mother was mad at me she would stop talking to me. My dad just yells a lot and tells me to kill myself. Ironically both my parents freaked out once they found some suicide notes I was making, a few years ago, kek.
I'm 24 and still live with them. I'm their only son.

Threw me into an oven because she thought I was Satan, she's certified insane though, still love her and will never want a family because I do not believe women are capable of loving and the redpill hasn't helped in that corner of my life either.

Also, I grew up socially retarded, only friend is my drug dealer.

I told my mom that didn't believe in God to get out of going to sunday school. In return my mom stopped inviting me to any christian/religious holiday events, including christmas. I think i was 12 when i said that out of anger, im in my late 20s now. She still treats me the same till this day.

My dad threw me through a wooden staircase after taking a few swings at me. It's been over a decade and my elbow never healed properly. I actually hit it against something a few months ago and it's still tender, to the point where I still can't put any weight on it at all.

>>18481559
>What is the worst thing your parents have done to you or said to you?
"Kill yourself."

>Do you remember the worst argument you had?
Yes, it was over the fact that my dad wanted me to cut my hair despite the fact that I'm an adult. It led to the above statement and him cutting me off and not paying for my tuition while I was a semester away from graduation.

>What were your parents form of punishment (abuse)?
Hitting me with a belt until I was 19, punching/slapping/pushing me through walls etc.

>>18481588
Neglect can definitely cause internal pain that may be hard to identify. Do you find it hard to connect with others?

>>18481599
I'm so sorry anon, good for you for standing up for yourself with your mother. It's so hard to love people that are so tough on you, especially when those people are supposed to support you and love you unconditionally no matter what. It makes you a good person to still be able to look past the abuse and admit that you do still love them.

>>18481616
Fuck, thats hard anon. I never understood how parents can be so blinded by their own doings and still be amazed once they realize that their actions had consequences on their children. You're still here and that's great. Know that you are great and try your best to stay positive. As hard as it might be, next time just go for a walk to let off some steam if they're getting in your face. It'll give them time to reflect on their words and realize they're the assholes.

>>18481619
I'm so sorry, that's awful. Again, looking past the abuse and admitting that you still love her makes you a really good person deep down no matter how much you may not believe it. Keep in good spirits however, you may meet someone down the road that can treat you right.

>>18481634
How do you feel about religion today? Do you truly not believe?

>>18481645
Jesus...do you still have contact with your father?

>>18481650
Were you able to finish your last semester? How is your relationship with your family today?

>>18481707

You wouldn't think I'm a good person in all honest anon. I appreciate the sentiment, but as my mother was dying my feelings were so conflicted. I loved her yet hated her. I dreamed of the way things could have been the weeks leading up to her death and those dreams tormented me so much that a friend recommended that I started smoking weed because it suppresses dreams. It worked, but now I feel like life sort of sucks without weed now that I don't smoke it much anymore so I guess I got a little dependent on it.

Anyway, I still try to not ignore my dad when he calls because he's a sap now. He's a completely different man and gets offended when I get weirded out about how different he is. I've been told to let people try to make up for things so its what I'm going to do.

>18481707
Do you find it hard to connect with others?
Not sure if I would call it hard, I just can't make myself to care. I'm not sure man, I can simulate those things well enough to not stick like a sore thumb, and there are some people I genuinely care about, but everything seems like a chore to some point.

I just can't see a motivation to connect with the people, especially with a women. And in the same time I sorta miss it.

>>18481749
Fug I screwed up the quotation. Sorry.

>You're an idiot/retard
>You're fat, nobody will ever want you
>You're ungrateful and you destroyed my life
>(about me) Don't end up like your sister, just look at how horrible she is!
>Don't cry, you have no reason to cry, you're just trying to manipulate me emotionally! (after they reduced me to tears through constant shaming)

The funny thing is that I was an exceptionally good child. A straight A student, very obedient, eager to please. I was a bit chubby, yeah, but everything else was total bullshit.

>>18481559
from age 5-8
>my father beat us
>he was always coming home drunk from work
>never bought us anything, never wished a happy birthday unless mom reminded him
>hit us with a belt
>it was our fault we were born

8-12
>dad worked abroad, haven't seen him for years
>said he enjoyed it because it reminded him of being single
>mother worked too so home alone mostly
>every parent/teacher meeting when I'd get bad grades (I used to cause trouble back then) my mom would come home and hit us with a belt as punishment

12-19
>move in with dad with the family
>dad forces me and my older brother to work with him on his 'side job'
>it wasn't optional so I missed every other weekend and most summers and barely got any money (about 60 euro over summer, I did most of the work)
>ton of verbal and emotional abuse
>whenever dad wouldn't want to do something that would embarrass him/make him go through too much effort, he would send me because "other people don't have feelings"
>at age of 18 I wasn't allowed to do anything for my birthday, but my brothers were allowed on theirs (I was the middle kid so maybe that was relevant)
>on my 19th birthday, dad woke me up for work, I didn't want to go, I told him and as a result I became homeless

19-22
>I was called a "mistake" by my dad
>made fun of the way I look all my life but it just got to me so I always feel like I'm the ugliest person alive
>emotional/verbal abuse since I'm too old for physical abuse
>22 now and feel like I will never be loved, messed up my first relationship this year because of insecurities
>mom thinks of getting divorced
I want to have a good life but I just feel so 'dead' inside all the time, especially in recent years.
I'm happy from time to time tho, mostly when playing guitar so I'm not entirely 'damaged goods', it gives me hope

>worst thing parents DID
My dad does not understand the concept of a personal bubble. I was never sexually abused but he definitely got really creepy with some things. I told him I was uncomfortable and he hit me.

Another time he walked into oncoming traffic over an argument with my mom. He made it out okay but that left deep wounds.

>worst thing parents SAID
Dad routinely threatened to kill himself if any of this screwed up in the slightest on anything. Mom threatened to leave us all behind if we were ever difficult. Too many examples to be honest.

>worst argument
Well the aforementioned traffic incident was pretty gnarly.

>punishment
Yelling. So much yelling, screaming, and throwing things not at me but in my general direction (or at me but I got really good at dodging things). To this day loud noises put me on edge.

>>18481727
>Were you able to finish your last semester?
Not yet. I was supposed to graduate this Spring. I'm currently in my college town with my own crappy apartment, car and two jobs. I'd have more money saved up if it weren't for this one job I used to work at screwing me over and my current two jobs being stingy with hours.

The soonest I'll come to graduating is Fall 2018.

>How is your relationship with your family today?

My dad tried to sort of make things better by getting me a car (that I have to pay the lease for) and paying for a trip to Jamaica to visit family. But outside of that, we really don't talk. He makes no efforts to try to talk to me, so I don't either unless it's something I need. I was a little short on rent, so I called and asked for a little money, he said yes while trying to guilt trip me. I guess I forgot to thank him since he didn't do it right away, but he got mad and tried to make it seem like I'm spoiled. I really didn't feel like arguing, so I thanked him, but now he's mad at me saying he's done buying my love. And I couldn't care less.

My mom's dead.

My brother is low key brain-washed by my dad and excuses everything he does "BECAUSE MONEY."

I don't really spend much time with anyone.

>>18481790
>I want to have a good life but I just feel so 'dead' inside all the time, especially in recent years.
>I'm happy from time to time tho, mostly when playing guitar so I'm not entirely 'damaged goods', it gives me hope

This.

>>18481790
theres some bits I didn't put in because I wasn't sure if I reach text limit.

>I have ocd and tourettes (non verbal, just weird muscle twtiches/coughs), would be yelled at whenever I'd twitch or cough or spend too much time washing hands or as a result of washing so much I always had wet sleeves and I was made fun of for that
that was when I was still a kid, I didn't know what it was back then.

>around 3 years ago my dad got us into a car crash, he got out first and assessed the damage, told me to go do something about this, he left me in charge of the whole situation and didn't even bother asking if I was alright. It hit me the most when dad was more worried about his car than about me
he makes jokes about that accident every now and then, like it wasn't a big deal just to make himself feel better. I think I have ptsd after that, few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night after a panic attack, felt like re-experiencing the accident.

It could've been worse, I'm still able to socialize and all that, I just feel extremely self aware and I think too much, I'm always on edge thinking that I can't be that normal, like the effects of all this will eventually present themselves fully and ruin my life, I just don't know when and how, or even if

>>18481727
Elbow guy here, yeah our relationship is pretty good now, actually. He has a habit of sometimes giving me attitude when he drinks, which was where that had come from, but he's genuinely sorry for how things between us were.

He has no idea that my elbow is still injured tough. He never knew I fractured it, I left home that night and didn't see him for years.

>>18481599
you were a good son. A lot better than they deserve, and worlds better than they can take credit for.

Bio Father: Left when I was 6, started a new family.
Mother: Never let me participate in....anything. I could watch TV or read or clean.
Step father: Drill sgt who threw me through a wall when I turned 16

Step brother: duct taped me up left me in a closet for 18 hours, almost shit myself before my little sister came and cut meout. No one else noticed.

>>18481619
>Threw me into an oven
INTO an oven? or like, she threw you and you hit the oven?

1.My dad humiliated me in front of his friends many times i was a teenager.
2. My dad asked me seriously why cant i be like my best friend.
3. My dad moved to another country when i was 16 without informing me.

I have a very low self-esteem thanks to him.

My dad used to rape my mom in front of me, then beat me up for crying while calling me a little faggot.

My dad shot my dog in the head while making my mom and I watch, because my mom didn't want to share her alcohol with him.

My grandma used to spank me until I couldn't cry anymore to "give you a reason to cry".

I don't really remember much else. My childhood was kind of a blur.

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>some of my earliest memories are of my parents fighting
>they divorce when I'm 8
>mom gets custody, see dad every other weekend
>weekends with dad are torture, he has no idea how to teach children
>if I have trouble in math and ask him for help he sends me to my room with a textbook and I'm not allowed out until I finish my work
>often went to bed without dinner, teachers believed I was malnourished but nobody ever did anything about it
>bullied in school for being a weird tomboy, asked my parents for help and they told me I had to deal with these problems on my own
>develop social anxiety, can't seem to make friends
>parents berate me for being a loner, they don't understand why I escape into video games
>if I ever asked to go outside to try and socialize I was told no because I might get kidnapped and raped (this was during the big pedophile scare of the 90s and 2000s)
>actually was molested by a family friend, told my parents and they didn't believe me, father only cut ties with the family friend when he owed him money
>mid 2000s mom begins to go crazy, tells my sister and I we are spies from the government and that we aren't her real children
>she constantly asks us what we did with her "real babies"
>she stole our cell phones because she thought we were texting information about her to our superiors
>one night she was adamant that the house had been bugged so we slept in a Walmart parking lot
>she would put voice recorders in discreet places and interrogate us on things we said in private
>tell my father I wanted to jump off the balcony and die, he responded by calling me stupid
>at 17 the bullying in school becomes unbearable and I drop out
>tell my father I never want to see him again
>move out of my mother's house and in with my highschool sweetheart
>haven't spoken to my father in 10 years
>mother gets 1 email a month and we have dinner with her once every 3 months
>she pretends her delusions were "just a joke"

They fucked me up pretty bad.

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>>18483390

Bonus round:

>father had no concept of empathy, would frequently buy puppies and kittens and let them starve to death or beat them
>his idea of a 'homecooked meal' was Totinos party pizza, if I had more than 3 slices he told me I was greedy and spoiled
>would frequently withhold birthday and christmas presents if I didn't behave the way he wanted
>I would often fight with my sister over petty sibling bullshit, parents always took her side because she was younger and was "daddy's angel" and that "I should know better"
>mother would laugh at me for not knowing how to do basic chores that she never taught me how to do
>grandfather got me a GBA, Zelda Oracle of Ages and Seasons, and the guides for both games for Christmas, mother took the box from me before I could remove the shrinkwrap and sold it all to Fucking Gamestop so she could get something for herself
>parents never taught me how to drive, mother because she was a terrible driver and gave me PTSD regarding vehicles, and father because he taught me mother how to drive and "didn't want to go through that again"
>somehow they're surprised when I have poor social and practical skills

>>18481619
You sound like someone I use to know

>>18481559
probably beating me up because i walked down the stairs wrong
or telling my mom to leave the house so she couldnt see him beating me
funny enough i hate my dad to death but i couldnt care less about my mom, i havent spoken with her in two years and i dont think about her at all beyond getting the odd notification from my text blocking software that it blocked a text from her number

>>18483390
Jesus Christ

As a kid I was forced to sleep in the laundry room when I misbehaved according to her.
She beate with a belt, buckle side to my back regularly so I could not attend PE or swim classes.
When I turned thirteen to fifteen mom got a bf.
He threatened me with knives and raped my aunt and cousin with the threat that he would beat me senseless if they did not comply.
I tried to hang myself when I was thirteen. All I got was yelled at. No help wvatsoever.
Much more too painful to recall.
As an adult I have been told by mom she wished I would have died instead of her brother.
While on the phone with my then pregnant gf she screamed that I had fucked a drug addict prostitute underneath a bridge where she lives. Blatant lies. Also been accused of stealing her stuff even though I no longer have keys to her appt.
She is also suicidal. Every time I have called EMS to save her she has left the bills till the final day before they declared foreclosure on her home and told me to pay them.
I vave spent a small fortune on her antics.
Much much more painful shit I have blocked out.
Last memory of dad before he died was of him threatening to beat me up due to having one tiny speck of dirt on my pants in my grandfatjers funeral.
I turned my chin to him , said ypu get one free shot. After that it is all bets off. My cousin that had the same belt as myself in kickboxing and was six months preggo plus all my uncles stepped in. Otherwise I would have probably beat tje crap out of him. I remember all of tjem struggling to resttain me. I only calmed down when my cousin told me in order to get to dad, now cowering behind her back. I would have to go through her.
I had no intention of going against her in her condition.

I basically had a shitty childhood, my dad used to get drunk and high everyday, beat the shit out of mom (and me sometimes depends on his mood). He was one of those "hood" niggas, used to trap out the house selling cocaine and crack. I remember I used to cry everyday and feel hopeless as a kid, I even remember crying during school. Later down the line my dad's drug addiction and "hood" life spiraled out of control, contracted AIDS and me and my mom escaped to a sort of refuge center and lived away from my dad. My mom would recieve death threats from him, etc. I then started going to his house every weekend and he would have some friends over and they would party all the time later on one of those friends would end up diddling me and I couldnt do anything about it. It was in the middle of the street where he pulled me to a staircase and grabbed me tight and touched me. That really scarred me and I was already feeling suicidal at a young age (9). I was not actually abused abused like dudes in foreign countries that get beat up day by day but my childhood was still hell. The only things that would help me cope with the pain were video games and cartoons. Fast forward and now im a rapper making about 8k a month and am having fun in my life daily. Im drunk as fuck right now and I just felt like venting. I hope everyone has a good day.