What's next

The issues I have all revolve around low self worth, and dispute my best efforts I always fail myself. I've tried to make myself proud of little things but honestly it never feels genuine, it's just words I say in my head, like when I try to tell myself I love myself, it just feels like echoes. I guess my hope is patience or whatever it is is coming to an end, I've hit rock bottom before, it fucking feels like I live there, I just want a change but I can't change myself. Hope someone reads this and reaches out to a lonely friend, I know there were alot of times in the past I wish that had happened, though when it did I always ended up ruining whatever remnants of friendship were left.

>>18478348
Have you tried seeking professional help beyond rehab? What do you think is the primary source of your problems? Is it drug additcion/abuse and you not being able to kick the habit, or are you abusing drugs because of a bigger issue... or both?

The treatment you were receiving that was not related to drugs, why didn't you continue it? Mentally stable, healthy people see therapists consistently too. I know I would if I could financially support it.

Brothet you probably have chronic depression. Just re read what your wrote. You seem to know exactly what is wrong with you. I had similar issue that i fucked up going to college.

I live with chronic depression. Undiagnosed untreated. You must do things in order to make your life more comfortable. Live simplier thats what i did. Dont work yourself up over succeess because success is subjective. Wheter society tells you it is or not. I had to accept my mortality. I would not use meth but i would recommend maybe shrooms ? It actually helped my depression because i felt pure bliss. You need something to remind yourself why you exist. Its extremely difficult and something you have to think for yourself. I can offer more of my POV if you want to tell us more about whats troubling you.

>>18478371

Yea I've had professional help before. The reason I stopped was because I got kicked out for smoking spice, I was 18 and had been in those programs for 3 years. My issues are both addiction and mental, mostly anxiety and paranoia that people know how "worthless" I am that leads to me using and isolating.

I've thought a few time about talking to someone but my family (dad and brother) hold it against me, like i am sick or broken, so they feel as if they have a right to constantly question and watch me, and that I don't get a choice.

I've kicked iv heroin twice by myself in am effort to turn my life around so I know I can abstain.

You are probably right though. I know my mom will pay for a professional, I'm just nervous to talk to her about how i have actually been feeling. The more I think about it it's really my the best thing I could do for myself. I know it's silly but I appreciate your response alot. I've not talked to anyone about this stuff in years

>>18478414
>Dont work yourself up over succeess because success is subjective. Wheter society tells you it is or not. I had to accept my mortality

I think you're right about the chronic depression. I've never heard someone describe depression as knowing the answers but not taking action, but that's exactly how I feel.

As far as success I know that I struggle with narcissism, and have since I was a kid, I always thought I would be famously smart and my brother would say "if it wasn't for our mom we would cure cancer" which is messed up but i remember it because it shows how full of ourselves we were growing up.

Letting success be subjective to me is hard, I feel vulnerable to being made fun of and that makes me feel unwanted.

And as for the meth it's really making my depression bad when I'm not on it, it's sort of what sparked making this thread but I'm glad I said something. Mushrooms are nice but I've had bad trips twice, and I think my mindset right now is not ideal for them.

I need to smoke pot again, I stopped this week when I started the meth.

Anyway, thanks

>>18478452
It's good that you are willing to talk about these issues. I would definitely reach out to your mother, and it may be good for you and her to share your recent thoughts. Just try to focus on one step at a time instead of the greater picture of your life.

>>18478493
I do agree with putting psychedelics on a hold while you get things in order. As for the pot, I can't say whether it makes depression worse or not. I would like to know the answer myself as I have been smoking every day for a long time now. My partner, who suffers from depression, seems to think there is a correlation between the two, but it's hard to find the evidence to support that. Either way, it definitely makes it easier for him to cope with his empathy and depression.

I'm sorry I can't be much more of a help besides just hearing you out, but I do think that it's very important for you to consistently talk with a professional. Don't think so much about your past and your "failures." Thinking about stuff like that too much will only bring more anxiety over something you can't even change.

>>18478550
>empathy
Meant to say lack of empathy