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I live nine hours from Madison, WI where my grandfather is stationed on his deathbed, hospital-ridden. I just spent a week up there pretty much watching him decay; cut and dry, I know, but that's what it was. It was emotionally draining to see and the drive, there and back, was just as physically draining. He's still fighting but my family is on close watch because the second he passes, we're on our way back up there for a funeral. I love him so dearly but I can't rest easy down here knowing that at any moment, I'll have to pack up and leave for Madison again after just getting home; not to mention, I can't make plans with anyone because my grandpa's death could be a minute after posting this or weeks from now...
Is it self-centered of me to think this way? I've made commitments to friends, gf, etc. and I want to just live my life but the dread of my grandpa's illness is killing me (and him, quite literally) and will keep me from doing so. Tell me if I sound like an asshole; I just need to vent.
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>>18476249
a little. but its also normal. people arent the perfectly moral beings we see on the surface. beneath every layer there is something dark. its naturaly to be conflicted.
are you asking us if its okay to /not/ go to his funeral?
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>>18476249
This is unfortunately how it works. I've gone through it with 4 grandparents, and both my parents. It's fine to feel this way. No one is completely selfless. Just live your life the best you can for now, and when the time comes, do the right thing and be at your grandfather's funeral. No reasonable human being is going to be pissed at you if you have to cancel plans with them over it.
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Just don't go to Madison again and skip the funeral. Who cares he'll be dead you just spent a week with him at his side spending time with him on his deathbed what more do you owe him.
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