General Advice Thread pt. 3

How to act on my first date with 10/10 grill? (Also, first serious date in my entire life. I'm 18.)
I know the basic rules-
>Be groomed
>Get fit
>Get smert (written smert on purpose*)
>Be nice
>Be assertive
>Tip the waitress

But I can't recognize visual cues and hints. If she'll signal me "HEY FUCK ME" or more likely "Hey, kiss me", I won't be able to tell unless it's REAAALLLLYYY visible (as in, she leans in and closes her eyes. Other than that I wouldn't tell).
And I don't want to say it out loud "Hey, wanna kiss?" "I want a kiss" "Lets kiss" because it sounds pathetic.

SAVE ME OLDFAG

How do I get laid in high-school?
> Good looking.
> Artist kid.
> Aware of body language
> Confident
> Not many friends

>>18472481

Firstly, I would just say that in my personal experience asking out loud for a kiss has never gone over well for me.

Secondly, I'm going to acknowledge that while "go with your gut" is typically contrived and unhelpful advice, it is the general idea of what I am going to suggest to you. I think the most important thing you can do on this date is have fun.

In my personal experience women don't necessarily enjoy being agonized over and treated like a standardized test that requires pain staking detail and effort to achieve at. The best dates I've been on have been relatively effortless. If you have a genuine connection with this person and she truly reciprocates the feelings you have about her then having good dates and escalating your relationship physically will kind of just happen.

If you want just broken down advice I would just say to have fun, enjoy yourself, use a lot of eye contact and if she goes out of her way to touch you or be physically close to you then chances are the opportunity to kiss her is not far off.

Of course, what I'm saying isn't a formula for successful dates I am merely explaining the extent of what you can personally do to make it one.

>>18472510
Thanks. It's actually really helpful, since none of my friends have any experience so they can't give me any advice.
I opened a more detailed thread (cus I have problems with touching and shit) just for more input.

But really, thanks, you helped me to calm down a bit.

>>18472506

To be frank with you, I don't really know how I ever got laid in high school. I was wild and vulgar and poorly dressed with even poorer grades and possibly the worst sense of social timing.

If I had to take a guess now I'd just say that I was just in the right place at the right time. I went to parties, I had the shitty "cool guy" persona because I smoked cigarettes and cut class to do cookies in the mall parking lot so I had an appeal to at least a handful of girls here and there.

Everyone in high school is going through terrible spikes of hormones and sexual outbursts and I think, realistically, my success can be attributed to the fact that I just so happened to be around when those moments occurred. I really was a terrible kid.

I guess my advice is to participate in as many social events as you can. Take my advice with a grain of salt because cell phones weren't a thing when I was in high school so I can't even begin to fathom how social media has enhanced the sexual adventurousness of stoned teenagers.

>>18472517

No problem, anon. Good luck. Just remember that she agreed to go on this date because she already likes you. She's already at least remotely attracted to you or she wouldn't have agreed. Don't worry about getting her to like you. That part has already started. Let her get to know you, thats all.

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>>18472543
holy crap I didn't even thought about it like that. This really helps me out.
Thanks OP, you're the man!

my post is from a thread I made but im not getting much traction so im pasting here

My brother in law just got caught stealing money from his work. My parents have been giving him and my sister money because of them going through hard times. I knew he has taken pain pills but hes now confessed hes addicted to them and has been stealing the money from his job to fund said habit. Not really sure what to do. My instincts say get on the phone with his boss and try and pay back the money in exchange for them dropping the charges. We have no idea where my brother in law is at the moment and he has a cc pistol, we're hoping he doesnt do anything stupid. Should we hire a lawyer right now or what? I nor my sister or family have been in trouble with the law so we have no idea what to do

>>18472612

I don't know anything about your family dynamic but, if I were in your situation I would get together with my family and let him know, collectively, that unless he immediately goes to rehab we refuse to support him financially or allow him in our lives. That is just me, personally.

I believe that allowing any room for his addiction to disrupt or destroy your lives is a form of enabling. Unfortunately, it will allow him to continue to believe that he has a way out from underneath this other than accepting responsibility and seeking treatment. As long as he has you guys to come to his rescue and bail him out, statistically, his chance of recovery is minimal.

Addiction does terrible things to people. More so, you cannot save him from himself. He got himself in trouble and now he has to deal with the consequences.

>>18472634
were trying to be very supportive because they have a child, my nephew needs his father even if he is a piece of shit, im more worried he kills himself

>>18472638

There is a fine line between supportive and enabling. I understand it is difficult but allowing him to essentially hold his child's well being as ransom in exchange for your continued financial and emotional enabling is a bad move. I'm just speaking from my personal and, in this case professional experience with addiction.

The longer you and your family allow him to believe that he has options other than rehab the longer his addiction will have control of everything. The best chance he has of coming out of this and being a good father is rehab.

Basically, his addiction is an animal in a cage. It will look for any and every way out of the cage and running away from the responsibility inside. If you truly want the best outcome for him and your nephew you and your family have to collectively trap him. You have to corner him into a situation where he either has to choose between accepting treatment or losing everything. It may sound cruel but its your best shot. I do this for a living.

I'm 28, obese, unemployed and a permavirgin. Should I even bother? It feels like I've become an absolute failure.

>>18472967

You didn't list anything that isn't completely in your power to change. I think you know exactly what your problem is and what you have to do to solve it but when you get in a pattern of apathy and self-loathing it almost becomes more comfortable to convince yourself there's nothing you can do about it than it is to accept the possibility of trying to achieve happiness and failing.

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Thinking of starting a new life in another country.

Basically, I am too shameful to tell my parents i fucked up in university. I've been lying to them since the fall semester of last year and the fallout would be huge. My parents would be so disgraced and my life as well as their life would drastically change.

My plan would be to go somewhere where I can become wealthy, make something reputable of myself and come back and apologize in say 15 years.

Where should I go? Was thinking a latin country below mexico. I'm non-white but not latino either but i think i can make it over there as opposed to somewhere in asia.

>>18473039

First off, I'm not sure if this is a real post but in the event that it is I have to say I think we both know you're being silly.

>>18473049
This is really real m8. I do not know what to fucking do.

They're getting very close to finding out and honestly, i think i need to man up and do somethibg for once instead of just being a yes-man all the time.

>>18473055

>i think i need to man up and do somethibg for once instead of just being a yes-man all the time.

In that case, I double down on my theory that you don't need me to tell you that running away from accepting responsibility for your actions in order to achieve a fairy tale life in a land far away is not manning up.

I want my death to be the result of a fight to the death, as violent as possible for both sides, testosterone oozing out of our bodies' pores, while the winner is left deformed or otherwise disabled.
It'd be nice to die peacefully with all your family gathered around you, but the thought of a fight to the death gets my blood pumping.
What do you think I should do with those thoughts?

Also getting back with my ex on monday. She has the sweetest ass in the world and looking at her gabber gives me a bit of happiness among all the anger and hatred that I've been feeling for the last 6 months or so.
Good or bad? Should I really feel this when she left me once already?

>>18473072

2/10

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>>18473079
Well, I guess I'm just gonna go and figure stuff out on my own, then.
Was nice talking to you.

>>18473085

Good luck.

I really messed up. I've been on pretty good terms with this girl I know. I mean, I know her from online so that's where we talk. Anyway, she has been transitioning for a while now, and I typed he instead of she when referring to her a couple of times without realising. Not out of malice, just a lapse of thought.
She said she's not mad, but that it does hurt because I've been trying so hard to treat her like a cute girl. That people can say one thing but feel in their heart another. She doesn't quite believe me anymore, unless I could prove it through actions, rather than just words.
Point is, I want to prove to her that all I see is a cute girl. But I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what action I can take. It's all new and pretty confusing for me, desu. I was never good with keeping friends. I don't want her to be eternally uncomfortable around me. Or have I irreversibly fucked up?

I;m dating a girl who is interested in chicks and wants to have a threesome.

How do we find the third?

How to triforce

>>18472470
I grew really close to this girl and I've developed feelings for her. We talk and hang out a lot but she has a boyfriend, so I can't ask her out. She is very supportive and kind. How do I deal with having feelings for her while being her friend?

>>18473135

I'm very hesitant to believe your story but just in case, I'll throw in my two cents.

Obviously she's super sensitive right now about her identity and how people view her so just be patient. You don't have to flagellate yourself to prove to her that you care about her well being and, ultimately, if she's a reasonable person she won't want you to either. You haven't fucked up.

>>18473175

You gotta hit up your girl up about that one. I don't know what her criteria is.

>>18473200

The short answer is no. This is not standard customer service. I don't know if this person is playing games or is actually genuine but it seems to me that its worth at least a date request.

>>18473254

Firstly, you aren't friends. Maybe you were at first, but at this point you're maintaining a friendly relationship with her in the hopes that a romantic one pans out. That isn't friendship, unfortunately.

The unfortunate truth is you can't really deal with having feelings while still being a friend because once you develop feelings your friendship is no longer a friendship, at least not a mutual one. I don't think I have to tell you that these feelings aren't going to just dissipate, especially if you chose to keep hanging out with her and essentially pretending like you're ok with being her platonic friend.

You have to decide whether or not expressing your feelings and leaving the door open to her for a future relationship is worth risking the relationship you have with her right now because, obviously, once she finds out things can't go back to the way they are.

>>18473255
I know it sounds like it might be hard to believe, but that's my situation.
you're right that she's sensitive about it. I just want to be a good, supportive friend, but I can't help but to trip over myself. It means a lot to her, and she means a lot to me.
Thanks for your advice though

>>18473257
Well OP, you've said what I've been thinking. Only issue is, I was going to drop her as a friend but her and I managed to become... closer. We're one another's confidants. It would be beyond difficult.

>>18472470
Hope this doesn't fall under PUA, but I'm at a weird place right now with my ex:
>got dumped because she lost feelings
>explains to me it was basically her becoming frustrated and that frustration displaced the love
>wants to stay friends
>tell her okay but I need time to heal first
>Still see her the following weekends because I need to get my belongings from our apartment
>once I left for good, cut all contact
>two weeks later she contacts me
>conversation leads to her telling me she misses my dick and wants to be fwb
>tell her I still miss her more than just physically but agree anyways
>agree on just sex, kissing only as foreplay, cuddling only minimally and right after sex, no sleepovers, dating etc
>had amazing sex, talked about how we both slept with someone else but it sucked
>extensive cuddling and spooning ensues, lots of kissing as well
>not "being in a relationship"-kisses, but also more than sexual, more like back when we started dating
>makes me something to eat, offers to let me stay the night, says she'd be down with going out together
>says she misses being in a relationship and that I set the bar so high she fears nobody out there is as good as I was
Thing is, while I still care for her I need to make some changes before considering a new relationship, and even then it's bound to fail since ultimately she doesn't want kids. But at 24, there's still plenty of time. I guess I just don't know what to make of all this.

>>18473014
How do I get out of that pattern?

Alright, I'll bite. When would you stop chasing your qt. I'm talking about breeding stock lvl but is already surrounded with beta providers vs me who hasn't spoken to her in a months and won't have a good paying job till a few years.

>>18473267

I completely understand but I'm sure you know deep down that while this decision is beyond difficult it will be more difficult in the long run trying to hide the true nature of your relationship from her. You aren't being honest with her and I think you know the ends don't justify the means in this case.

>>18473309

>I guess I just don't know what to make of all this.

It seems pretty simple to me; you both realize that the relationship doesn't work but out of fear of having to feel the loss of one another you come up with shortcuts and justifications for "playing house". Essentially being in a relationship without calling it a relationship.

Its obvious you both miss each other and still want the comfort of being intimate but you know deep down its because you're both scared to formally end the relationship.

I find a lot of familiar patterns in my advice where I end up telling someone something I think they already know. In this case, I feel like you already know this charade you're playing with her is just a glorified security blanket. I know she's familiar and comfortable but you and I both know there isn't much of a future to this if her motivation for wanting to stay with you is because she's afraid this relationship is the best its going to get. That's fear, not love, anon.

>>18473541

I would suggest seeing a therapist. It sounds as though you have quite the myriad of issues that require an outside perspective to properly process. The human mind is terrible at being objective about itself, thus the need for people like therapists and counselors. Only when we get outside of our own heads and see ourselves without the filters of egos, self-loathing and depression can we actually see what our problems are.

Without that outside perspective we tend to only see the things we want to see.

>>18473548

I don't understand any of the memes you're referring to. I don't know what "breeding stock level "or "beta provider" means.

Hey fellow oldfag(I'm 36!) Just saying "hi" as I pass through giving young people advice!

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My ex-GF decided that she didn't love me in relationship, so she broke up. Having said that, in the first month of relationship I had a feeling that she loved me even more than I love her. What bothers me is that when I advanced things forward, she said she wants to "try", and if we fail to live up our expectations, we break up.
I will skip our every conflict and confrontation we had.

As soon as we made out, the first time, first week after I told her I like her, she asked me to be FWB. I said that I'll think about it.

Now she insists to be friends. Asking, like, why we can't stay friends? I told that I can't be friends with someone who is still attractive to me, who I still like. What was my mistake that I said it'd be OK if we were FWB. What I have got as answer, is that I only care about sex, she thought I was a good guy, I fell down in her eyes.

I went super angry, then I cut contact, completely. Said that we should talk only if it's related to university. Said "sorry" for everything I have done, I want to forget everything we had. Also added, if you think I fell down in your eyes, then there's no sense about friendship either. I said to her that you'd do fine without me. She said if she could, she wouldn't have been writing to me now.

This story sounds like a story of two immature pricks, but now I don't know what to do. I miss her. I'll have to see her every day. I don't know how to move on. Yesterday I went to the bar with friends, drank so much that I've been crying in the toilet, loudly, vomiting here and there. I feel pathetic.

>>18473700

May I ask why you have to see her every day?

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>>18473713
University classes. I think, I fucked up, because I didn't want to stay friends with her, thinking it would lead to the point where I expect something would happen between us but friendship. As I said, I decided to cut contact completely because she thinks I am an asshole who only need sex, so we shouldn't be friends if she thinks so low of me. As soon as I wanted to stay FWB, she thought how could we be FWB if I don't want to be friends. I got really angry and went completely irrational. I still want her, I miss her. But I am afraid after I cut contact she'll get over me. I think I regret everything I have done.

>>18473728

I think your situation is very similar to my earlier post >>18473650

You're scared and not ready to let this relationship go so at this point you're willing to endure any amount of abuse or dysfunction just to keep the connection going and, as you know, its killing you.

In the end, there is typically no other choice than to let them go and experience the loss. You cannot go through the grieving process if you don't allow yourself the time and distance necessary to do so. In essence, you can't get over the death of your pet because you insist on keeping it in the house. You have to bury it.

I can say from experience that only time and perspective can heal these kinds of wounds but you can't begin to heal until you've let go, anon. I may go even so far as to say you might not truly still want her or miss her but actually you just miss and want the feeling of comfort having her around because your mind knows that as long as she's around you won't have to process the loss of this relationship.

You just want to stop hurting and I understand that but clinging on to this dysfunctional relationship isn't the answer and I think you know that. I think you know and dread the fact that you can't bear to continue to exist this way with her influence in your life.

Hi, I'm 27 years old male if that's could help for your advice, how do I gain respect from my peers, oldfag? What's the healthiest way to gain respect from people, so I don't get underestimated by people.
I'm asking it because I've spent childhood until graduated bachelor degree with low self-esteem, so I'm kinda confused since my job and position now would require me to command a charisma and respect.