Nostalgia, depression, vent.

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Here to vent. Any input is appreciated.
TLDR- having nostalgic feelings about my ex, while thinking about how awesome of a time shes having and sinking into depression.

Basically i was with my ex for two years(first girlfriend, we got together in 11. Grade and im now in first year of med school; toxic relationship, we werent compatible and broke up like 5 times, only to get back together in a week; the relationship eas like a drug and i miss it oddly enough). During most of our fights she talked about how we should break up and find new people. After our last breakup I got together with a new girl(we have been together for 3 months now and the relationship is GREAT).y ex was furious, since i got with the new girl four days after the 5th breakup with the old one. My ex tried to get me back, but i ended the cycle.

Even now, months later i still often think about her and wonder what shes up to. She was distant when we were together, she never drank(only on her birthday), she never partied. After i broke it off she started getting wasted on the regular and i hear about it from friends. This usually saddens me, since i cant help but think about how shes having fun and socializing with people. Well today i got the worst of it. A ton of people that i know went to seaside resorts for the first few days of summer which is a big deal in my country. Im stuck in my hometown because of exams. A friend of mine called me and mentioned how he saw my ex there and i immediately started imagining how much fun shes having and how im here and shes there. I think im about to sink into depression, i havent felt like this before. I feel like my soul is ripping and have tears bulging to come out of my eyes. I dont love her, i know that even if we were together it will all be the same as all the times before. But i still hurt from her. I feel like if she were dead (or if i were)it would be the best thing to happen in my life, just so that i can finally stop thinking about what shes up to.