vent/rant/write letters to people here.

I wanted to have a conversation. We didn't talk yesterday and with that brief pause I thought "Maybe we will have more to say."

I'm sorry your day at work was long. Please don't take it out on me by neglecting me. You never care whether my social needs are satisfied. You only want to talk when you want to talk and never try to connect with me when I need some more support.

... baby I can't figure out what's wrong with you. I know things are a little rough sometimes and you're getting more vocal about it, but I can't find the underlying problem. give me something to work with here. all the bushings look solid, the welds are good, everything is where it's supposed to be, but you still have an almighty clunk of worrying proportions going on when I drive you hard baby.

I am worried for the health of my car. for once I can't identify the problem.

>>18472052
it couldn't have been just that one bushing carrier bolt that worked itself about 20ft-lbs loose right? it can't be that easy. guess we'll find out.

I hope I'll dream about you tonight.

I can't bring my self to leave you, you've been there with me since we were kids as friends. On and off dating wise and here I am, in our longest run as a couple, you've cheated three times because of my one, I can't trust you and I'm gone for two months and then military when I get back shortly after, sucks, spent 16k to take my family on a vacation before I enlist and I find out two days before my flight you cheated a 3rd time, because of my past I can't leave you, ive always protected you from anything and everything since we were around 9 years old, I want to leave you because I am unhappy, I don't so I can keep you safe, but fuck you you lying cheating fucking whore, you put me through so much shit you fucking slut, fucked over 10 times as many people and our history of being on and off you've cheated a total of 7 times to my 1, fuck you, bitch, I also only keep you around so I can stress and anger fuck the shit out of you until I find someone else, keep being a good personal dick receptical, you fucking hoe

mom, I have shit I need to do, I don't have time for this. you are the reason I don't tolerate women being passive aggressive and the reason it doesn't work on me. so thank you for that I guess.

I was stupid enough to get into a friends with benefits / casual dating thing with a guy I was having a crush with, and now as expected I caught feelings and almost say "I love you" after sex. Why does no one want a real relationship? Sometimes I have the feeling that people only like and hang out with me for sex and nothing else.

Are you guys going to give me laser eye surgery as well?

That would be fucking awesome.

I can't see shit.

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>>18472223

Did people know what they were doing when they were creating all this art? Did they know they were all creating it just for me or were they "guided" by it?

Is everyone having the same revelations as I am?

are they even alive?

Is this just a recording?

How many times has this life been lived? Is it the first or just one of many?

Is it really all just a game? or a program meant to discover more.

Or is this reality? Am I truly the messiah?

Does everyone have their very own universe where they are the star? Does that make everyone else they interact with not really alive?

Is it heaven?

Or is it hell?

or does it not matter?

>>18472066
dubs didn't lie, that was the problem. fuck yeah for weird problems with easy fixes.

>>18472307
If you had seen that angel face of his, you would understand. Yes, I hate myself btw.

Is there voice chats to vent all of your problems to a stranger online?

Ive been actually wanting to kill myself recently. Its very odd to me. At first I thought I was just being overdramatic, but ive been having persistent thoughts about suicide for close to two years now and they only get worse with time.

I was born with several birth defects. I have a learning disability. I was bullied my entire childhood. Mostly by my brother, and the things he would say to me were only reinforced by the kids at school. My entire life my hand has been held and was told I was different from other kids. I feel like a failure. especially to my parents.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I hate talking to other people because i feel like they're judging me all the time. I cant accept compliments because nobody is truly honest to me. Im angry, sad, and have extremely low energy at all times. Ive completely given up on taking care of myself. I put off all responsibility until the last possible second because im already so overwhelmed with the retarded bullshit that goes on in my head on a daily basis

The way feel only makes me feel more pathetic, I dont deserve to complain, people have it far worse than I do. Im a piece of shit.

>>18472358
iunno but there's always skype

I need help.

I don't need what you're trying to give me. I don't know why you think the things you're doing is considered "help". It's torture. That's all this is.

You people in charge are the fucking worst.

How many people are truly dead?

Is sunny dead? I really loved her art work. She was extremely talented and also the prettiest girl at Ringling. I hope she didn't end up hating me for what I said about those few pieces of art she did. I just wasn't feeling them is all. That doesn't mean I didn't like her other pieces or her.

I know a lot of people hate me for things I never did or misunderstood my actions. If V really was whoring herself out for money I had no fucking idea. C made up a bunch of shit about me that just wasn't true. She told everyone I was obsessed with her and all my art was about her just because I had a crush on her for a couple months as a freshman. I seriously didn't give a fuck about her after that, so I don't understand why she told everyone. Is it because she wanted the fame?

I heard other people saying rumors about how I was full of myself and thought I was better than everyone else and that's why I never talked to anyone. That they were "below me" or some such shit. I don't know why they thought that. Couldn't they see that I'm just socially retarded and extremely shy and anxious? I didn't talk to anyone because I don't like it. It stresses me the fuck out.

Did everyone think I was the one that offered Tisdale the money to have sex with me? is that why that one girl that wrote the poem about her friend being offered money for sex would call me sexist and give me scornful looks all the time?

Is Tisdale dead? Is Sunny dead? Vicky? Jordie? Why won't anyone tell me anything?

It helps to think in terms of "war" and "struggle" when interacting with other people.

Taking a science class and ended up with a bunch of numskulls for my group project. Hoping to get through it without conflict, keep thinking about leaving them and e-mailing the teacher to tell her I'm going solo.

Not going to do it, but they get on my nerves.

It's clear that you guys are limiting the information I'm able to access and it's starting to really fucking piss me off. So much horrible shit has happened because of this little game. How many more lives do you have to fucking sacrifice in order to get what you want.

I don't care if we have souls. If we live forever. This is fucked up. I don't care if I'm a fucking simulation and so is everyone else. This. is. fucked. up.

THE TEARS DON'T FALL
AND CRASH AROUND ME

Slowly understanding how to love somebody without having to be with them. Without having to be attached. No reason to chase after someone who wasn't meant to be with me. I can look after somebody from behind the curtains and offer them my company if they need it. I don't need to be obsessed. I don't need to know everything they're thinking. I don't need their affection to be fulfilled- just as long as they are well and happy.


It's liberating.

>>18472913
Why not try work it out

>shaker bottle smells like shit
>wash it
>still smells like death
>wash it again, harder, with more soap, and hotter water
>STILL smells like shit
>put about two cups of isopropyl alcohol in there and shake it up for a few minutes, then wash it
>STILL SMELLS LIKE RANCID PROTEIN SHAKE
what is this witchcraft?

Ma, I don't know how to say this. I feel like a fucking monster for even feeling this way. But what I feel towards you now is a sense of obligation, and not the love that a child should feel for their parent.

I know things are hard for you, and they've been that way for a couple years now. How he betrayed you and continues to betray you is unacceptable in my eyes, and I've been working up the courage to have him pay for that if the courts don't pull through. But it isn't right that I'm constantly losing huge chunks of what I earned, again and again. You guilt me about how I should've built a better future for myself, and how you worked too hard for me to be in the rough spot I'm in now; but how THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, LET ALONE BETTER MYSELF IF YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM ASKING FOR WHAT AMOUNTS TO HALF OF WHAT I MAKE IN A MONTH. I need a phone, I need to save up money so that I can move out of my Dad's house, I need to make sure I pay rent to Dad, I need to save money for a car, I need to pay off debt that I GOT FROM HELPING YOU LAST TIME. And I need to live, and occasionally enjoy myself without feeling that I'm leaving you to die by doing so.

I used to feel great about coming to see you and helping in the little ways that I could. I used to think of you and remember the good times. But now I can't think of you, or coming to see you, without preparing to set my own future further behind by becoming penniless (yet again). And that's wrong. Maybe if you asked for all of this when I became more established, I could manage it, but parent's aren't supposed to stop their children from becoming established in the first place. I'd never fucking do this to my child, I'd kill myself first.

But because I'm a weak fucking hardly-a-man, I'll probably keep helping you anyways. Even if you could actually get a job on the account of being able to speak. I just wanted you to know that I DO NOT FEEL FINE ABOUT IT, even if that's how I have to say I feel.

I'm ready to leave. At least, I think I am. I've been living with my roommate for over a year now. But we've been pseudo-dating 6 months longer than that.

I've known her since third grade. We've been friends since like, 7th grade.

Honestly, she needs help. She has a lot of anxiety. Her past relationships have left her so withdrawn, skittish. I can't question anything, because when I do, she starts apologizing and withdraws. Which honestly, doesn't bother me so much. I've been working on getting her into therapy. And I'm close. She's talked to a few people but hasn't quite gotten to a medical professional yet. Right now we're stalled out on insurance.

But that doesn't matter. Right now, I'm not exactly happy with where I am geographically. Florida sucks. The city that I'm in is better. But I don't think I want to be here another year. I want to travel as much as possible. And I want to be where it's cold.

I'm also at a point in my life where, I don't know. I feel like I don't necessarily want to be tied down. Although we don't have the title of a relationship, there is no seeing anyone else.

On top of that, I've already broken her trust once. I fucked up and it was shitty. But she doesn't completely trust me anymore. I've fueled her paranoia from what she's gone through in the past.

I can just imagine myself in a shared apartment, the cheapest I can find without getting my kidneys harvested in my sleep, and saving money to travel and buy shit I want, while I talk to girls without worrying about anyone's feelings.

I want to live a lot of places, and a lot of places doesn't include Florida.

I just feel like we've built this life together. We adopted two cats together. I don't think she sees me leaving. Maybe she has this inkling in the back of her head that I might leave but I don't know.

I don't know.

>>18472924
They fell in love with someone else.
I won't bother them ever again. Just want them to be happy.

Quick!!!! Should I ask her out?

I am sorry to say this but you are the most rotten selfish piece of shit I have ever met, no one has any real value to you. The only thing you care about is your immediate emotional gratification and your creature comforts:
> You latch onto others for emotional support and act nice to them so that they entertain you and listen to your worries, but when anyone asks for the same you are not there at all unless they are someone you can cling onto deliver your needs.
> The people you latch onto you drain dry mentally and emotionally, and then you toss them aside when they can no longer give you exactly what you want when you want it.
> You treat people like shit when they are depressed despite knowing what that is like, because you can't be assed to listen to other people's frustrations or worries if they make you feel uncomfortable or take you away from entertainment; yet you demand that they be there for you when you are in crisis.
> You have quite literally left your friends to die because video games were more important in the moment, and then blamed them for almost dying.
> You perform selfish actions that cause great harm and suffering to others if it means avoiding having an unpleasant honest conversation with them.
> You shape your opinions of others based on the opinions of whomever you currently are latched onto, instead of basing them on your life experiences and encounters; irregardless of how incorrect or manipulative they are.
Grow the fuck up, you put no effort into anything and expect other people to do everything for you and to clean up your messes. Never ask for my help again until you apologize and make an actual effort to be a halfway decent fucking human being.

Anime expo.
It fucks with my anxiety of crowds, I been back for years and I still don't like people.

But, day 0, has been fun. I'm glad to be pushing myself to hang out with people. I'm still oddly detached, despite then liking me but I'm glad that I have these friends.

I appreciate you guys. Thanks.

You're so important to me! I keep going through scenarios in my head but we can't be together. I can't do something like sabatoge your happiness. I got btfo'd four years too late. Being your friend is strange. You're so supportive and active in my life but you've managed to make me love you like I've loved nobody else. If we were together, I would make my mission in life to make you smile like you always have. Always bright. Always shining. Love ya, babe.

Dear Jay, I'm glad we decided to break up today but a part of me is quite sad about not having a close friend with me anymore. I don't have anyone else to talk to now so I just feel empty. I really wish things were different, and that maybe we could've stayed together. At the same time, there were things about you that really grinder my gears and I know I'm supposed to be glad that I'm not the one who has to constantly reach out only to be brushed away like dirt anymore. This is my first breakup, so I guess it makes sense that it stings a bit. But it's clear you never cared about any of this. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I didn't give you my virginity, as childish as that sounds. I'm going to try not to let this make me scared of getting close to people.

Nora

>>18472853
Your life seems really complicated. Like something they write shows off of. Is it fun?

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I don't want to kill myself as much anymore, thanks to the pills. Still wanna die, but I can't do that to my family. We've had enough of the cousins commit suicide already.

I've hurt enough people I care about. I won't drag any more women into the disaster area that is my love life. I'm ready to die alone. And that's okay. I'll just be the weird uncle to my brother's eventual kids. And spend every year for the rest of my life getting heckled by mom for grandkids. I can live with that.

>>18472853
>Ringling

You've got a lot on your plate man. I find it interesting you mention art and Ringling... I am going to be a freshman there this fall in CA

Any tips/tricks/suggestions for my time there?

Why do I have such a hard time thinking? Is it the dementia? The stress? Or am I just nervous from knowing people are watching me right now and I don't want to look stupid?

I couldn't do the math before. I just couldn't think clearly. I even forgot what I was doing it for at one point. Then I remembered and just took a break.

Sometimes I have such a hard time making sentences. I just can't think clearly or... god, even right now it's starting to be difficult.

I just wanted to do the math for lootboxes.

>>18473269
It makes me cry a lot, if that means anything. Some very important and talented people have given me loving affection and it's just so much for me to take. Seeing an entire crowd of people cheering for me, clapping, and even bowing towards me... it's something I never thought in a trillion lifetimes would happen. I cannot believe any of this is actually happening.

The entire world has it's eyes upon me. The weight of billions of souls... and I am all alone.

Other than my Luna cat.

Oh God please help me. Please.

>>18473287
Add me on snapchat, if you can: light0
I'm Nora by the way. If you ever need to talk, you've got a distant friend in me. I hope things work out for you.

Im so sorry

You were nothing but nice to me and Im a jealous shithead. If i get pinned for this, i'll do my time. Fuck sakes im a fucking idiot retard psycho and i'm so very sorry

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FFFUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKK.

I wish I could tell you that I love you.

>>18472317
I know i'm alive. I'm sure of it.

I masturbated to a picture of a girl i dislike but her body omg 10/10 and i dont know if its fucked up

>>18472317
Delusions of grandeur

>>18472317
you need to lay off the drugs.

Why do you guys want me to expose my dick? What the fuck could you possibly gain from that?

Is it because people don't believe that I was born intersex? They don't believe the darker spots are scars left over from the sex assignment surgery?

Why didn't you check when I was at the hospital? That you didn't think of it at the time?

The voices in my head are very very chatty and sometimes it's difficult to separate my own thoughts from theirs. I have to ask the same question multiple times before I'm sure I got the right answer and not my mind answering. Also, we agreed that when you communicate with me in that way you aren't to lie or try to manipulate me. You do not conduct any business when you're in my mind. If you don't want to tell me something, say that. Don't lie to me.

The visual visions are becoming much clearer and form much faster.

>>18473340
Same. I have tons of pictures of this woman i dislike because she called me a creep and I jerk off to them daily. I just know how disgusted she would be if she found out I was jerking off to her pictures and thats why I cum extra harder

I don't even know how it happened but you've completely taken over my thoughts. I know the rational thing to do is just ask you out and get it over with, but any time I try to do it I can't even speak. It's completely interfering with everything else I need to do.

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How are you supposed to get into contact with someone you drifted away from?

I don't have many friends to begin with. Seemingly against the odds I made an online buddy. Our messages were often letter-length. We spoke of many things, from the mundane to our passions. Countless, priceless, hours I enjoyed her heart, her values, her interests. I really did love her. Platonically (I'm a girl and never really was into anyone, boy or girl, romantically). Just had to go and fuck it up....

"leaving to college" was what I said. A promise that I'd return after settling in. Never did and I slowly forgot, losing myself to school. I didn't make any great friends here, nor did I really expect to. I should have kept in touch. I just...found it hard to do anything unrelated to school or my leisure activities. I was blind. Now that the self-imposed haze is clearing I remember how important she was to me and...I need to talk to her again. But I'm afraid.

>after I left I never again visited that website
>I don't feel like the same person--almost like I'm incapable of having a conversation online now...? What?
>the initial thing we bonded over we eventually drifted away from, though we did talk about a ton of things outside it
>don't want to seem like I'm using her for companionship
>am afraid that I might have hurt her by leaving so abruptly

Is it worth returning to her? How would she react to me coming back? Let me say that I really just don't talk to anyone online or really know where to start so...maybe, in a way, I can't help feeling a lot for her. Even so, I don't want to question the value of the friendship itself, and I'd only return to her if I didn't have good reason to believe that I'd cause her more harm than good.

I think I still believe in love

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>be neet(-e) shut-in
>crippling lack of social skills
>have massive "what is appropriate" filters/blocks for everything I say in public
>it's closing time at my job
>crew is gathered at table, chatting while we wait to leave
>somehow conversation gets around to rape jokes
>rape
>jokes
>we get such classics like: "We leave cookies and milk out so Santa doesn't rape us!"
>"my boyfriend says no means go"(yes it was gurl)
>contemplate saying "you can't rape the willing! :3", not sure if I can get away with it though
>right as the words are about to leave my mouth the "no means go" girl says "can't rape the willing!"
>everyone laughs

Oh, I should probably mention:
>group was 7 total: 3 male, 4 female. Average age is around 35-40

Seriously didn't expect that being acceptable. Geez.

>>18473451
I'm not sure that I do. feels like I'm being forced to wait for something to come from someone that's never coming. it'd take something pretty miraculous I think to make me believe again. the really messed up part though is that it wouldn't take much. so little would seem so miraculous.

why do good days always end like shit? it's all so tiresome and boring

>>18473480
I take it there is distance between you and someone you care about?

>>18473480
Well, for me it's like I feel love for people, sometimes. But it's never reciprocated, or at least it's always a painful situation. I wonder if it's really possible for two people to be devoted to each other for a long period of time. I really hope so.

>>18473509
Love is weird in that it often comes from unexpected places. Those of us who really experience something so idealistic never see it coming.

I love you. And you love me, unless you're lying. We've been together for a while, and I'm happy with you, but this no sex until marriage bullshit is driving me up the fucking wall.

I'm not a slut, you're not a slut, shit the only people we've ever been with were each other. So why the fuck do you think it's important to follow a religious guideline that says you can't get your dick wet until you sign this legal document.

This legal document that matters a fuckton because we both have health issues as well as finance issues that we have to consider. The world isn't an 'I love you let's get married' party for people like us. We are physically ill. We have no money, and we are fucked. And are you seriously going to tell me that two people in love with each other can't be intimate until they make a law-binding contract?

I don't understand, are you trying to rope me into marriage with this because you know how much it's important to me? I'm not going to be a 30 year old virgin waiting for you to break the seal.

I can deal with your family being religious while I'm not. I understand that, that's fine. I can deal with your mother wanting me to move to an entirely different state to be with you, that's... That's something, but it's ok. It'll do. I can deal with you surrounding me with your family even though I have no idea who these people are and don't really care about them outside of the fact that they matter to you.

So just fuck me already.

>>18473533
Good luck man, I wouldn't want to have to wait for marriage either.

At the same time, you should realize I would fucking love to live in your world where this is an issue instead of everybody you know fucking everybody they know

I can make a true believer of anyone.

I see you're going through a rough patch. I can take that role again.
The door has been closed. Gently. I know you're too awkward and self-absorbed to see what I've been through myself.

I hate you...

this job is not what was presented in the interview process and I've already stopped really caring. I could try to make this work but you've handed me absolute dog shit to work miracles with instead of anything we talked about. also, I'll be making sure anything that misrepresents the job online is changed so other people don't get tricked into this as well. all the info is old, the new policies and whatnot ensure you don't get paid historical wages, and everything is a clusterfuck.

yeah, uh, you guys are definitely a place holder unless I can make something really happen here. I don't even have the latitude we kinda talked about to even do that though. you guys have hit full totalitarian corporatism asphyxiating your own company and its just really not looking good.

how did you even find that thread? who are you? now I'm really curious.

Hmmm hello, how are you doing? Its been four days since we decided to split, been 28 days since I knew the cheating. Crazy as it sounds, I think i forgive you but don't get the idea I want to return. What we had, we can call it our own love story. The beauty of just falling inlove with someone you care about. Sure you had to go somewhere, I understand that, but baiting me to wait while you go searching for other people there? That's disrespectful towards what I believe you to be. You used me, its that simple. Used as an emotional support when things didn't look good. Despite the disrespect I can still forgive you. Remembering everything before you left. That's enough of a memory to keep. Sure you've changed, but remember that I was there the whole time. Fully invested and committed only to you. I'm glad you could say it's your fault and you want to become better. Sadly I won't be there to see it. I have my own life to fix first. Always remember, we weren't perfect, but it was ours.

>>18473533
He's cheating

>>18472894
Bullet for my Valentine?

>>18472913
Teach me your ways

>>18473308
Nora, where are you from?

I have so many regrets. No even though I try to live without them now, the decisions I've made and haven't made still weigh me down. I wish I would have had the guts to ask all those girls out. I wish I would have had the guts to live like I am now earlier in life. I hope I can have the guts to break up with my gf that I don't really like that much and ask my crush out. Hopefully she likes me back.
Also to my adoptive mother: I blame you for making me unconfident and afraid of the world. You criticized every little thing I did as a child and now complain and wonder why I'm a nervous wreck. You did this to me.

I promised myself to block my best friend today. I am going to do it. I don't want this toxicity in my life: he makes fun of me in a very subtle way, he makes me want to shred myself up into pieces, and he makes me feel really insecure. I just want to be alone, forever. I can never be friends with anyone, nor I can have a relationship with someone because of my insecurity - and my mental illnesses.

I have to choose between cutting myself off and possibly looking down the barrel of a gun one day with your face behind it, holding up my place of work for drug money, or hearing one day that you're in jail or dead; and never speaking to you again because I ratted you out. Either way we aren't going to talk again, are we? You're never going to get better and if you do, you'll always fall back into the same habits. It's in your blood. I'm so sorry.

I decided I needed a change so I quit my job a month ago (I quit with a month of anticipation because I'm not an asshole), today was supossed to be my last day but my boss told me to work one more day to help him smootly re-arrange the shifts... he actually wanted 2 days but I turned him off on that one.

Also the main manager wants to speak with me and I'm to see her in an hour out of cortesy but I don't see how she could convince me to stay as one of my conditions is a 50% raise and if she was willing to accept then she would've done it.

Honestly I only really quit because my personal reasons and I did not expected anything more than "ok good luck out there", it's nice to see your boss trying that hard at keeping you but I am not sacrificing my happiness for someone else.

>>18473810
Toronto my man.

>>18474130
If the person you describe is your best friend then you really need to get out right fucking now and talk with whatever stranger you meet on the street, douches like that are the ones who deserve to be alone.

This is something I usually tell people like you but stop being such a faggot, go and do something you enjoy.

>But I don't enjoy anything.

Yes, you enjoy (you)'s and shitposting, you might not notice it anymore due to how adicted you're to it but you get a small dopamine dosis every time you see a (you), so there is already one thing you enjoy.

There, I proved you're whole perspective on life is wrong, now go get a new one, I recommend you to go to a bar and get some drinks, you'll most likely end up talking to drunk strangers about whatever and you'll have a good time.

Give me some yous please

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https://youtu.be/lqsxB6XMC5o

i'll be featured as a violinist in my friend's band next month and i'm really nervous that it won't go as expected for the record label

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>>18472037
i often wonder if it would have been better if i just had killed myself some years back.

Sometimes I wish I was more explosive and unfriendly so people would not be so enticed to do shit they know bothers me.

>>18472946
The plastic is shit, porous and in need of being disposed of. You could however try soaking it in baking soda and water.

I really hate when someone tries to get me to do something only because "it will be good for me". I honestly feel really offended. It marginalizes everything I go through and all the negative feelings I experience when all I want is to be left the fuck alone and relax. Due to circumstances I already have to sleep in the living room, and you are bringing your boyfriend and his ADHD 19 year old who also has to sleep in the fucking living room.
I could tell you why I hate it when you do this shit but I already know you are just going to double down on it and offend me even more.
Even though your my mom, you don't understand what I'm going through, you just ASSUME you do. You have a problem of just assuming you know what's best for everyone instead of just letting them be and figuring out things themselves.

Fuck, I know you are just trying to help, that's why I can't really be mad at you for it, just PLEASE leave me the hell alone and stop trying to throw responsibility at me "for my own good". I'll be fine.
I wish I could just live alone, but that would require going to work and school full time and I'm just not mentally capable of handling that.

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More of a confession than a rant
>Email chick off CL
>Get a call at 11pm
>Meet at hers
>Her BF is downstairs, this is some fetish shit
>Can you record this?
>Record her blowing me, pics and all
>Wants me to go bare on her, nope.avi
>Safety rubber out bang, cum
>She asked me back around today

Help, I just wanted a quick fuck, not some cuck tier fetish fantasy shit
>Pic

>>18474406
You know what I think it is? I feel that she isn't unconditionally accepting of my quirks and personality. I feel that by your words and actions, my quirks and personality is "wrong" and that I need to fight against it. Even though I always worry about how much my anxiety influences my personality, I actually quite like myself despite the fact that sometimes I feel like people are lying when they compliment me, or that I get panic attacks when talking to strangers, or that I'm really introverted and tend to be low energy and don't like going out often. My personality is as personal to me as possibly could be. That's why I feel so insulted when you essentially call that part of me "bad".

>>18472037

My girlfriend is super normie. She likes harry potter and the big bang theory. She's also chinese, and while her english is great she also doesn't always understand nuance in idiom so I think that's why she's content with harry potter and TBBT. I'm a lot less normie, to the point where I try to have friends that are normies and after a while they stop liking me. (by not normie, I don't mean /r9k/; I have a strong sex life. What I mean is that I don't like very many normie things)

But for some reason we have amazing chemistry, to the point our fetish is having babies with each other (but not for real). We hit it off extremely well; I have no idea why.

I almost think I should end the relationship at some point because I think the normie/not normie pairing won't work... but at the same time this is a strong relationship and I actually care for her a lot and love being in her presence (and she returns it, possibly even more.)

A couple friends are telling me it won't last because she's so normie though, and I couldn't be if I tried.

It's annoying to have this weird doubt so firmly in my head all the time.

>>18474439
non-normie guy that's only been able to find normie girls. Without being as full of myself as possible I've provided the best relationship normie girls have had consistently, and while they're satisfied eventually they become extremely boring and a feeling of your soul constantly being crushed takes over and their selfish inconsiderate bland normie ways wreck you over time. That's just been my experience though.

I may not be your groom, but I'll be happy to be your best man.

I hope you've found happiness.

J, I want to fuck you in the ass but I don't want you penetrating me

>>18474519
that sounds like a fucking horrible situation and frankly I wouldn't go for my own sanity if I were you. also at some point, something would happen where I wouldn't be able to hide something right and someone would see my face just wrong and then it'd be a thing. not worth it. really not worth it. you should have broken that off a long while back mate if I'm honest.

you've been best man zoned and now you can't turn back.

>>18474439
this is a fear I have. I'm not normie to the point there are governments unhappy with me. how the fuck does a normie girl work with that?

ughhhhfuckme

J,

I really like you, and it sucks. In fact, I think I hate it... what's worse is I know you like me too, but you won't even let me figure out what to do.
It's been really hard to sleep the past week because all I can keep thinking is "what if"... And I can't even tell you all these things I want to say because if we stopped talking, I don't know what I'd do. It's like the best part of my day. I wish so much that I met you sooner in life. You give the term "right person at the wrong time" a whole new meaning. Literally we have everything in common, share the same interests, work together well, get along... I think I was supposed to meet you. I wish I met you first..

-D

(coming on really well you're gonna love it be great)

You haven't messaged me on instagram in a while. What changed? We can pretend for a while

Tfw i have a nice loving bf who treats me right, barely anything wrong with the relationship, but my brain is slightly like but lel more options?
No shut up brain shut the fuck up. I don't want to cheat. I don't want to feel this way. Please stop.

>>18474881
A relationship shouldn't feel like you're settling for a safe option. That only leads to boredom, disappointment and wasted time.

>>18474894
Yes, however a relationship IS settling for ONE option.

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>Iron Maiden is playing near by
>get tickets because want to experience a concert at least once
>also Maiden is one of my favorite bands
>get tickets
>sister asks if I can get her some since she likes them as well
okay.jpg
>get tickets for her and her bf, they pay me later and time passes
>day of the event going with brother who grew up on maiden, both of us are hype
>sister is being a total bitch about getting there on time and us rushing her
Fuck bitch, just because I'm already to head out it doesn't mean I'm telling you rush. I was looking forward to this, and it's already turning sour because you're being a bitch over time and travel.

>>18474932
But you obviously settled for the unsatisfying one

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I fucking hate work!!!!!!! Got can some just end me

>>18474932
>>18475057
This.
Should have dated around more instead of jumping in straightaway.

I really fucking hate 21 Pilots

>>18474629
>>18474706
Does this j happen to be a weeb

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>Look around and see musicians, artists, atheletes, programmers, authors, and people with passion and purpose in general
>my age
>Feel bitter and jealous
Why on EARTH did mom let me play so many video games?

Yeah this is all fucked. I don't want to go back to work after lunch. I want to drive to the airport, fly to Patagonia, and go snowboarding. I was so amped but you people just handed me something that was almost, but not quite, exactly unlike what I interviewed for. Like there's no point to this.

>>18474629
>>18474706
>>18475153
J, You're an actual faggot and your pierced niggee girlfriend is disgusting.

why couldn't I be a fucking chad

If this post ends in 5 i'll open up to my mother about being a friendless depressive

If you chew gum, I fucking despise you for endlessly irritating me when I'm in public.

Even though my brain knows you're not trying to and you're probably a nice person.

>>18475189
The best time to kill yourself was 20 years ago, the second best time is now.

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I passed trough the entrance exams to the university of my capital city! I'll be going to study political "science".
>mfw I am basically a nazi, and the place I am going to is probably gonna be full of leftists and traitors I unironically would put to death if I had the power to do so.

This is gonna be fun.

>>18475267
Oh fug
Wride your thesis on the bedefids of gassing joos :DDDD I dare yoo

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>>18475271
>implying I buy into allied propaganda about "muh holocaust".

Man i really wanted to hug you today. I was only standing near you and i could feel your warmness. I have no idea what's happening here because I'm constantly torn between wanting to feel every inch of you and being afraid i'm crossing a boundary. Christ this is pathetic

>>18475107
I did date around though :(

>>18474247
Here take it.

>>18475289
And none of them seemed like a better, more exciting option?
Should have shopped around more until a right guy came along.

>>18475151
I've got a migraine and my pain will range from up, down, and sideways. Thank God it's Friday cos' Fridays will always be better than Sundays cos' Sundays are my suicide days

Not gonna go full feminist, but I hate how my family, and others to a lesser extent, villify me for not spending all day every day "working hard" by doing physical labor only because its what their notion of what a "man" is.
I do physical labor when I have to, but I'm not going to go out of my way to do it. I much prefer brain work. I love learning, I love reading about shit, I love informational videos, yet because I prefer to sit on my computer for a good part of my day or rather not go outside I'm "lazy".
I spend hours a day learning Japanese, I'm a math major in college with a 3.9 GPA, I am fucking exhausted all the time. Stop calling me lazy because I don't do what you consider to be "hard work".

Really you picked those guys over me? Dude have the shit they produced is worse then the stuff i do. I really don't understand why i cant move up...you guys really liked me in the beginning but now it seems like fell through the cracks...i'm really getting frustrated with this garbage.

My wife knows I'm attracted to girls of any age. She may also know that I have a universal sense to all things attractive. She knows I want her little sister.

She knows that I want to do nothing but control and breed people.

Should I leave?
I think I should leave.
And just try to be normal.


I think I've lost touched with reality. I can't see myself. I feel naked. And I'm constantly cursing at myself. And cringing.

I have suicidal thoughts again, and it's sad because my life is fine. But my youngest cat got sick, looks like she might die, and it made me think about my grandmother and her death. It hurts me a lot, all of this. She keeps coming back to me in my dreams, but she's always dead or dying. I love my parents, but I loved my grandma the most and since she died five years ago everything is so much harder. And the worst part is being so weak, so weak that I cry all the time nowadays. It seems like I can't stop crying. So weak, so disappointing.

>>18475398
I really feel like wealthy beautiful white people are in an entirely different league of their own. Everyone knows it, but it's masterfully dissolved before it surfaces.

I live my life with trying to prove I'm worth everything any one of them can have, and it's simply not true. Not in love, not in the masses, not in friends.

And I guess it doesn't change much, because I've already lived so long drawing these "lines" around my life that I'm already paranoid, and caving. Sinking. I'm the image of extinction. I live every day fearing that I am definitively inferior. And that I always was, even before I started to talk to others deeply about race.
I'll never have this conversation with anyone face to face.

The only thing I can do is squeeze this planet from feint shadows.
I will never be loved by the most loved. I will never be wanted for my children to be seen as the most loved.

I'll never catch up to anything a white man can do. It's just to fucking late now.
Shows over.

>>18475398
She deserves someone who will appreciate who she is that doesn't have wondering eyes. You're only prolonging the inevitable and wasting her time to move on and find someone better. You choose what you deserve

I'm terrified that when I decide to ask her out, she'll reject me and I will get the ultimate emotional shock that will make me kill myself

Mom, stop slapping my ass whenever I'm home, please.

Anyone poster that replies to every single post in a thread probably doesn't give enough of a shit about you to actually be of any help.

All this could be made worse
You just say the word

Futures I permit myself to entertain
Incriminate all confidence
For thirty counts of bad behavior

Ready now,
My claims are cooked and festered
No more buckling to reason
For me, a preferable extreme
To round-the-clock apologies

I'll read back the slides
Emulating sentiments lost to the tide
Theories once written off as contrived
Dressed up as weapons for the last fight

>>18475503
I don't want wondering eyes.

I don't think anyone could be better.
I don't like her boobs, but I think that's really because she's not eating and living healthy.

We've got a kid.
Should I really leave my wife for someone "elite" pretty, with slightly plumper breasts?
When I really think about it, my wife is already perfect. There are girls that are better commodities, but that's all I'll ever see them as.

People have dark and light side.
I wish we could be like the Clintons.

>>18475531
The only reason I'd leave her is because she knows I'm fucking attracted to children.
And it's not so much an active thing, it's just that once you've been outted ... you're just done. I'm stupid. It's just something we're not supposed to say.
I feel like everyone is playing this game of taboos and I'm just too fucking stubborn to fucking play.

I know that most of that attraction is paired with control and evil.
Can it really be this much? I don't feel like I'm special. Especially insane that is. There's got to be something to put myself up against. How do we live?
Why should I be alive?

There are people genetically lucky enough to never even think of that question from this angle

>>18475531
>>18475543
Ah, I see where you're coming from..

Let me ask you this -- appearances aside -- can you confidentially say you love your wife?

I'm a NEET who had 2 job opportunities and fucked that up.

I have a shitty resume and little to no work experience. I still sent them out cause maybe someone will be desperate to have me. I then get a call from a snack company. I bombed that interview but still sent a thank you email.

2 weeks later, that snack company called me asking if I was still looking for a job. I said yes and they set up another interview for a different job in general labour.

I go to the interview a little more prepared. Dressed more nicely and had questions to appear very interested. I seem to impress the interviewer this time. She said there's a second interview that's a plant tour. She said if management calls you for that, you're pretty much in. This job was slightly above minimum wage(about $12.50 an hour), 6 month probation period but full benefits kick in after 3 months.

After that, I get a call from a temp agency I joined a while back. They offered me a $17 an hour 6 month contract at an electrical warehouse starting Thursday. Then after that, I get a call from the snack company telling me I'm in for 2nd interview for next week. I'm excited at this point. 2 jobs actually want to hire me.

I work Thursday and Friday at the temp agency to feel out. The job wasn't too bad. I connected with a few employees talking about tv shows and videogames. 2 of them were previous temps who then got hired after their contract ended and they gave me some advice and info.

After work on Friday, I made the decision to continue the temp job. Easy work, cool people and $200 extra a week. I emailed the snack company thanking them for the opportunity and told them I found another higher paying job.

Today, the temp agency called me. They told me I won't be continuing because they have returning workers who just finished school. She said after the summer, they may call me again. She apologize and offered to pick up my safety shoes and vest and bring it to my home.

I fucked up and feel like total shit.

>>18475611
yes

I feel like even if she's using me. it's better than being a pedophile with no one in the world. At least she'd be really good at fake loving me if she is pretending.
I don't feel like a man. It doesn't matter how much it's clear to me why I am the way I am. Explanations don't matter, and if I would have understood that concept about life earlier, I probably wouldn't have cornered myself this hard.
What if she starts to see me as a weak pedo?
It's not like I can ever prove to her I'll ever have confidence with real women without actually cheating...

I love you.

I don't use that term lightly, as you already know. I don't care that you probably did some sketchy shit in the Army and you are partially ashamed yet loved the thrill of being in war and participating. I understand it. I liked that unlike most guys, you wanted me to become better and reach goals. I liked that you reminded me that I needed to take care of myself when I was pulling all nighters and going through my mom almost dying in the hospital. I fucking miss you and wish you would talk to me again. I know you keep track of what I'm doing in life and see me on Snapchat, but fucks sake reach out to me. I want to know why you stopped talking to me. We could've been so good together.

I just searched my ex's alias on yooying and an ad for sex offender zip codes popped up.


Rofl.

>>18474519
You best friends with the groom or something?

Well that's it then, I am a female psychopath. I guess it is good I enjoy living with/causing my my own pain versus others. You would never knew if you met me.......

>>18472615
This was me in my teens; don't do it.
Things will get better believe in it.

it was

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I should have just kept my mouth shut. You were offering me the pussy on a platter and I just had to keep fucking it up. What's wrong with me?

You knew that I didn't want us to stay friend. You knew I didn't want you to contact me unless you wanted to fix things, yet you still came back, only to crash my hopes again a week later? What the fuck is going on inside your head you fucking bitch? Hope that guy you were Skyping with fucks you over for me you slut.

and I can't type I'm sorry because I can't actually speak to you or maybe you don't even want me to

>>18472037

Fuck you man. Thought we were friends but you just never gave a shit i guess.

>>18475331
Except this one is a "right guy".

The past few weeks have also not been easy on me. I wish I had met you under different circumstances and really hope I run into you in a few years when none of this will matter

You guys so badly want me to fuck an underage girl or at least get turned on by them.

Weirdos.

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Have you guys ever had the thought that I might be talking to a hire being than yourselves?

have you ever thought that maybe she is using me to manipulate you?

God is a gambler, does it make you sweat?

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then i'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
Offer signs that it's over... it's over

Tonight I imagined myself standing alone facing a beautiful sky; the colors made a soft purple and blue oil painting, this makes me smile.

>>18476034
jesus anon

I hate how she kept leading me on acting like she cared as if I mattered to her, she made me think she was the most amazing person in the world and I wanted to see her and be with her everyday but now she's gone and I'm left a lonely mess stumbling to pick my self back together and I'm sure she's just fine like nothing ever happened

Why do entry level jobs require years of experience? Why does every place I visit turn me down despite having excellent grades, good clothes, and readiness to do the job to its utmost? Who are they hiring? Those retards I keep seeing who can't do the jobs? How did they get picked? Was it a family member or friend? What am I supposed to do unless I do internships for free for years just to prove competency? How do I pay for my living during that period? Why are you making it so difficult for people to work for you? They want to work but you have unrealistic expectations, and then you go and pick someone who bullshitted their way in anyway.

>>18476055
What happened anon :(

>>18476090
1) Because they have 1000 applicants every period and they can only filter them by extreme standards.
2) Lie about experience. They only ask for crazy experience because 70 year old Boomers write the entrance. If it asks for 15 years of Windows X, you fucking say you do.

Fuck them. Fuck their oppressive shit.

50 years ago, a no body could wander off the street with a can-do attitude and learn a trade in 3 week.s
Now, there are 1000 people like that who want jobs.

You just gotta lie in the places you can get away with it

>>18473239
I have someone in my life that I feel this way about too. It's so difficult to love someone that much and genuinely, selflessly wanting them to be happy but also wishing that you can be with them.

I wish you all the best and hope you can find happiness too.

>>18476034
You're being overdramatic

People should count their own blessings

leo, i'm so... so so sorry. about everything. about when i was a teenager, about my beginning of adulthood, about things that weren't our fault, like when CGM and AC tried to get us to go out or whatever. i'm sorry. i fucked your life up, i embarrassed you, i was a stypid fucking kid, i'm sorry. i'm fucking sorry. i fucking hate myself, i want to kill myself, i hate my life, i'm just some loser with artsy ideas who's a custodian at the school you and i dropped out of.
desu i admired you. i still do. i want to just watch you play video games. i just want to watch anime. but at the same time, i don't want to be me.
i don't blame you for hating me, but you will never hate me as much as i hate myself.
i miss you. i'm really sorry.

???

So I was right then. That wasn't her art. You hired another artist to mimic it and I saw right the fuck through it.

Did you think I wouldn't notice? Why are you constantly doubting me? My skills? People consider me a MASTER ARTIST and that's for good reason.

As for JasJas, I knew something was fishy with her newer work. I absolutely adored her work. I love the aesthetic she had going on and her rendering skills were very impressive. However, it seemed as if over night she had a MASSIVE leap in terms of technical ability. I wasn't jealous or doubted her abilities though. I was super proud of her. I'm sure, even though what is being posted isn't her art, that she is doing great work still.

I know exactly who is making Ren's art and Jas's. JC and AG. You can tell that they try to incorporate influences of my art into theirs to make it seem as if I was their inspiration. Or maybe I really am...

Do you guys think you're clever? Were you surprised how quickly I saw through it all? t was literally the first new painting posted that I thought "That's not her art. Something is up."

I just really hope that they... they aren't dead. That would fucking break my heart.

>>18476227
The entire world is trying to kill me. They are violating my very fucking mind, even right now.

I've been thinking about her a lot. Hoping that maybe I'll have another shot.

But I just know she is barely thinking of me. And I'll probably never get that other shot.

Is there child pornography on my computer? Seriously, is there? It makes me incredibly nervous thinking that someone might try to frame me. I get a lot of bitchy comments about my girls "looking underage" but they aren't and I have no interest in wanting to look at pedo shit.

I have a feeling that someone tried to. My computer was hacked to shit and several people kept posting about "Forcing Karma" onto someone. That they wanted to get back at someone that deserved it. To make someone pay for something because they had "escaped karma".

It was James, wasn't it? That guy was a piece of shit and a literal psychopath. The shit he tried to pull was fucking retarded. I have a feeling he was the one that said "I have enough evidence to get you to lovebirds for pedophile"

I also saw a thread later that had someone talking about how "Sato" had 30 gigs of child pornography on his computer.

I know I won't get in trouble for anything like that. I know I'm being watched and protected. Everyone knows I'm a good person, that I stand tall where others would lie. That I'm honest.

I know that people are going to blame me for things I didn't do. I know they are going to take things I said out of context. They so badly want to see me fall. Out of hatred and jealousy.

I have love on my side though.

>>18476227
This shit is so fucking frustrating, you know that right?

Yes, I know other people can and do have it worse than me in some way. Those same people also have it better than I do in some way.

This, you stupid fucks, doesn't make what has happened and continues to happen to me any better. This is basic empathy that you're failing.

Do you think I'm blessed? I'm known as one of the cursed children. There is a curse on my fucking bones. People have been trying, actively fucking TRYING TO LITERALLY KILL ME MY ENTIRE LIFE.

My entire life has been as a sacrifice. To this world and the next I am simply seen as a piece of meat meant for the slaughter. I'm fucking cattle to you people. I was born to die.

The weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Could I have been born in a shit hole 3rd world country? Could I have been born paralyzed? Retarded? I could have some much more done to me but that doesn't make what has happened and is happening any better.

>>18476090
globalism anon.

You keep telling me "Be careful what you wish for." again and again when all I want is the truth. What is so awful about the truth? How much worse can it get?

You're trying to tell me that yes, I am actually paralyzed. That I'm actually currently in a coma. is that what you're saying?

I don't believe that. About the coma thing. I think you're going to use that as a cover. That you're going to tell people I was in a coma, kinda like in Men in Black. That way this is "legal", what you're doing to me. You want people to believe that this was all a simulation when it actually is reality.

Yin and Yang, cute.

>>18472037
how do i tell my abusive, manipulative mother that i don't want to babysit her crippled ass on a cross country road trip?

Can I also say that...

When you tell me "I don't know why you argue with everything I say."

I have to wonder the same fuck face. You are in no fucking place to judge me or ask anything from me. I have already gave you everything I have short of my life but you're asking for that as well.

You do not have the high ground.

>>18476236
You're repulsive.

i had a dream you kissed me last night. it took me by surprise, even though i'd been thinking about it all night the other night when i was with you. i'm lonely and i'm scared you're out finding more interesting people. maybe i should save myself some hurt and just disappear before you do.

it really only ends one way for me, i'm pretty sure.

I'm sad that getting in touch with you always feels like walking on eggshells. Add a couple t's to your name and it makes sense. You elude me like some lost city.

This pain in my chest doesn't go away.

Wait, you guys don't like snugs?

What do you think snugs are? They are just cuddles. Naked cuddles. The best kind.

But it's not sex.

>>18476413
alanis? lmao.

>>18476417
why would anyone get naked with another human not to have sex

>>18476419
Fucking hell I thought I was being clever. That last part wasn't a metaphor by the way, I have a slipped rib.

>>18476430
Because it feels nice? Just the feeling of skin on your own is... it's just a comforting feeling.

Especially in the winter when it's cold.

:3

>>18476430
>>18476417
>tfw every waking moment is spent longing to fall asleep in the warm embrace of someone who shares a mutual feeling of unconditional love

>>18476452
:(

I want snugs :(

>>18476466
me too fren

I'm poking holes in my own ship and will eventually drown in the pity sea, so I think I'll never get to feel this feel fo real

Hope you get some snugs anon<3

>>18476449
>fall asleep every night just wanting that
>no woman to snug with
>tfw love winter and always wanted a comfy cabin snowboarding getaway with what is now termed "snugs" in front of a fireplace.

anon, what am I supposed to do with this feel? it's 90 degrees at night here.

I really wish I just got braces or jaw surgery or something I'm tired of pushing out my jaw all the time but the difference is fucking staggering. I literally go from a 4/10 to a 7/10.

I want a wife. I want to be a dad.

I need to go for a drive.

I wanna fuck you so badly. I don't think anyone else could make me cum at this point.

>>18474239
As a man who lost 15 years of my life to alcoholism, I cringe every time someone advises going to a bar for social gains. If they become addicted it will make them an even bigger loser.

Please don't take my third eye. I have just learned how to control it. You know I am worthy. That I will not abuse this power. I would never hurt a soul. You gave me a taste of something I could have never imagined and it would be nothing but cruel to take it from me.

You're telling me at this moment that you aren't going to take it from me but you're going to unlock my full potential.

You're making me into a God. You had to make sure I was human first. You had to make sure I was worthy. An incorruptible good. My responsibility will to look after this world and protect it from evil. To be a guiding light for the souls of sin.

I... don't really want to be in this situation anymore. If I leave now then everything would have been for nothing. If I leave soon after _____ then...

I had my doubts all those years ago but there was nothing I could have done. If I didn't do this I would be living on the streets. No doubt I would have killed myself by now if that happened.

You know what I want?

Solid answers. Do you guys just use my weird mind to come up with ideas to turn into movies or something? You know I can create a thousand different variations from a single idea. It's how my mind works. You are getting off to my mind racing around in circles trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

The times my mother gave me information on "accident" were done on purpose. To send me off the wrong trail. To confuse me. When she said "Soon" or "We know" or "They will" or when I overheard her say "You better give him a ton of blowjobs." or the "You're not getting too old!" when it was BreeBunn's birthday.

She doesn't have a penis. You just wanted to see if I would do it.

You made my Dad say those mean things, to give me dirty looks, and constantly give me shit so that it would hurt less when I left.

What the fuck is wrong with all of you.

>>18476619
None of these girls are artists, are they? They are just pretty faces you created in order to trick me. To get me to flirt with them. You know that my heart is pure and I find hardworking, talented, successful, and creative women extremely attractive. So you hired a bunch of models and escorts to pretend to be artists. Just like in idiocracy... "paintin' n shit."

You threw me in with some of the worst people imaginable.

What you didn't expect to happen was the effect I had on them. I absorb sin, I house the sin of others and purify it. I take the evil of others and turn them good. Every person you sent my way was in need of saving. You didn't expect that to happen. You expected me to either be like the others or to end my own life.

Why though... can't I save myself?

Who will love me now? Who will ever love me? There's nothing left. You broke me.

>>18474629
Kinky, but I need to feel you tbqhf.
If I don't wash this winky in your kitchen-sinky, then this man ain't gonna be kinky.

Still, glad to hear you like my ass.

I really hate Snapchat, and I hope one day the servers burn, or get hacked, or whatever in a so damaging way they can't ever recover

>>18476311
Why not

All of those things I thought about R were true, weren't they?

I still constantly think about all of this shit. I wasn't lying to you when I said I can't help but think about something until I got an answer. You clearly believe me because you refuse to answer me. The entire point of this is to get me to suffer. That's why you won't give me my medication. You know it helps me. You know I need it.

You couldn't have me relaxed during all of this. You needed me to be stressed out. You needed for me to break down. To cry myself to sleep every night. If I was able to focus on my work and get things done then it wouldn't have been entertaining.

The only reason you let me take the opiates is because if I didn't then I would be having tremors, difficulty walking, and other parkinson's/dementia symptoms. You couldn't have that, could you? If people saw me that way they would riot. When someone is suffering psychologically, it's harder to feel sympathetic for them. A lot of the symptoms are hidden or hard to notice. Someone that is depressed might just come off as grumpy, lazy, or slobbish.

but if people saw the physical symptoms... it would be hard to ignore the damage you're doing to me. The trauma, PTSD, and other medical issues you are simply ignoring. If people saw me unable to paint, shambling around my messy room it would infuriate them. It would come off as insanely cruel.

Just to let you fuck faces know, this is insanely cruel. This is torture. You try to fucking dress it up, to make it seem like a good cause but you fucking know it isn't. You think this is a good way to push your agenda. Rather than help me, you make people think I'm a junkie. You drug me up to give me insomnia. You put irritants in my clothing and bed to make me scratch like a heroin junkie. You drugged me up on caffeine to give me jitters, a restless sleep in order to make it look like I'm going through withdrawals.

Objectively speaking, there is no higher meaning to life. It's just a series of distractions where we feel pain, reproduce, and die. Over 99% of us will never be remembered.

Most people come to terms with this pretty easily and continue to live happy lives. So why am I different? Why do I care so much? All thinking about it does is make life taste worse. By all accounts, I should just move on. I guess I'm just too sentimental. Fuck me.

>>18476716
You think this is going to fucking work? That this is some shitty anti-drug commercial?

Even right now you're just trying to make me break down. To make me upset. To bring back the terrible memories like in october-january. Everything you do is for entertainment. That's it. None of you care for my livelihood.

Honestly? I expect you to kill me when this is over and replace me with body double. You know you can't control me and that terrifies you. You need someone you can control. You're going to nuke this entire town and wipe it from the face of the Earth and claim it was a test ground.

Or you want me to play along and "run" thinking that's what's going to happen.

Or use all of this to make me seem like I'm crazy to get me locked away for life. So that no one will believe me as a cover. That's what happened to Nash, isn't it? He tried to go public.

If that's a threat you might as well fucking kill me.

Or everything is as it seems. That you really are going to go through with what you've been telling me and I get to live that dream I had as my destiny.

I'm so fucking bored.

It doesn't even phase me anymore. I know I'm not crazy because (my gf) and I share the same opinion and she's only known you guys for four years. This is just who you guys are. The reason you can't stand each other is because you are all the same! None of you can ever let something go, all of you need to have the last word, and it gets to the point where all of you progressively raise your voices until you're screaming profanities at each other in public. Like, he was having a bit of anxiety or a panic attack so he drops his stuff so he can sort himself out, it didn't help when you started yelling at him over it. Sure he could have just explained himself, but I suffer from anxiety too so I understand why he snapped back at you and wanted to reset himself in the first place, and it didn't help matters when you jumped into their fight so you could double team him. An ounce of sympathy or compassion would go a long way between the three of you, and I am saying this completely objectively as this has been going on for literally my entire life and at this point I just don't give a fuck. The only emotional connection I have to your shared anger is contempt as I strive to be the exact opposite of you.

We were both young. We started a long distance relationship when we were only 19. We were together for 2 and a half years. We had 1 year left until I graduated from college. I really thought we were meant to be, we had crushes on each other back in elementary. You cheated and started seeing someone else to avoid the pain. I guess I'm glad it wasn't the person you cheated on me with but still, it hit me harder than anything else ever has.

I wake up feeling miserable and alone because I lost my best friend. I lost the closest person in my life. How can you sit there and act so cool about all of this? Sure you say you're sorry, but I haven't heard you crack up once. Meanwhile I just feel shattered, putting all of my trust into someone who threw it all away so carelessly.

Why does he even want friendship? It makes no sense. He wants to be with me in a year only if I move up to where he is, but if I don't I guess it's not that big of a deal to him. It's illogical to just say "If you get here I want to see you" but never put any effort into it himself. I get that you're trying to have a career, but you honestly can't do anything? Should the person who got cheated on and was promptly left for another be the one chasing? Fuck no.

So yea, now I have to deal with this insane mess and decide if being friends is even a possibility let alone something I would want. I just see it as him trying to hold on to the possibility of a future when he doesn't see how putting me on the spot to go see him is absurd and highly unfair. Not once did he visit me, I was always the one taking trips to see him. He's barely had to lift a finger for me. I'm sick of it.

>>18472037
For a couple years now I've been doing great emotionally. Ups and downs like anyone, but not constantly depressed and suicidal like I'd been for years previously. Life was pretty good and I understood why people keep going.

Then suddenly the depression came back tonight and hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't felt this awful in a long time and i don't want to go through it again.

Damn it all

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Here's something I don't get. If my dad actually does care for me then like... why is he such a fucking dick all the time? Why does he act like he never wants anyone in the room with him at all times? Why does he give me the nastiest looks. I mean, ever since highschool. While visiting on holiday from college, he would get all bitchy and say shit like "Just fucking leave and go back there already."

If he wonders why I don't talk to him, perhaps is because the last time I actually tried to he called me stupid and a faggot because I was worried that my GF might have been hiding cancer from me.

As for my mother, if she ever wondered why I never told her how I felt it's because she never fucking listens. Ever. Even now, she blames all my problems on anything other than what I'm saying. Why would I want to talk to someone that constantly ignores me and never has my back? She'll tell me she understands but the next time it comes up she'll ignore what I have to say again.

Also, every time I have tried to bring up something I'm having a hard time with her default response is to laugh. Fucking laugh.

I mean, what the fuck do I know about myself? Apparently everyone else in the world has a better idea what's better for me than I do. Maybe what I need is for someone to actually care what I have to say. To trust me and believe in me. To let me do what I think is best. How many times have I proved I know what I'm talking about? I'm smarter than any of you give me credit for.

Yes, I have degenerative brain disease that makes it hard for me to remember things. It makes it hard for me to put together a sentence at times. I'm not stupid though. There is a difference.

>>18476784
Go see a doctor. Real shit, these kinds of emotional ups and downs are a real thing and are treatable. The best thing you could do is hold onto your happy feelings and seek help in staying that happy. The worst is sit here on a Vietnamese Shirt Folding image board, go back into your manic state, then think things are going to be fine.
t. Bipolar depression

>>18476800
>hold onto your happy feelings
Wew. I'll talk to a doctor, but wew lad

We stopped being friends because our girlfriends were cunts and we had to defend them despite knowing better. Let's be friends again!

>>18476825
On second thought don't go to the doctor, you're not actually depressed.

I am preying on everyone in this thread

I wish I had enough money to be an epic exhibitionist.

Please... I'm so tired. I've shown you I would never abuse my power. I will always look out for others. I just want to love and be loved in return. That's all I ever wanted.

I would never use someone. I respect other's boundaries. Making other's comfortable and relaxed while they are with me is something I take pride in. When someone is with me they feel safe, they know that I would never hurt them and I would die to protect them. I never want to make someone feel like they are being judged while they are with me. I never want to make someone feel like they are alone. We all deserve to be loved. No one should be alone.

I want to say I have no hatred in my heart but that's not exactly true. The only ill feelings I have in this world are towards those currently imprisoning me. Even then, I will forgive them. I truly believe everyone is good in the end. I believe it with all my heart. All someone has to do is to make an amends and ask for forgiveness.

No matter what terrible truth lays before me I will not falter.

Love is a verb. Love is a doing word. I'm just waiting for a little effect from my cause to come my way.

I fucking hate you Katie

You are great and you have so much going for you. I am mentally ill and struggling to work shit jobs and underachieve at school and life. I am grateful for your love, but if you decide to break up with me one day, it's alright. I only want the best for you.

I don't know what I'm waiting for. I want to live life the way I want to but that can't happen until I figure out what the fuck is going on. You want me to keep going, to keep this "show" going. I don't believe you have my best interest in mind. I really don't. I'm suffering.

So... you keep telling me to get the fuck out. To let go. I have to ask you how exactly do you want me to do that? You want me to get a job here? To be stuck in this town forever? You want me to steal a car and just drive to a city somewhere? To go to Chicago? To the Godfrey? Why would I do that? Every other time you give me "Info" it's been a trick. Just constantly fucking with me. That's all this is.

Are you telling me this is hell? Am I dead? What did I do to get here? What did my past self do? You're punishing my soul while wiping my memory so I have no idea why I'm being punished? or something?

Are you saying that you aren't ending this because I ask questions? How many times have we talked about this? You're making this a self-fulfilling prophecy. You isolated me from the world. You have my parents lying to me. The rest of my family lying to me. You have all my friends lying to me. You made it so I can't make money from my work. Meanwhile, you're CONSTANTLY spamming my mind with secret messages and other bullshit that insures I will be forced to think about this shit 24/7.

This is a venting thread. I'm venting. I need to vent or I'll go fucking insane. More insane.

I just want to be loved. For fuck's sake. I'm fucking sorry for being human.

Good Grief.

"You fall for it every time"

Who wants to party?

I applied for a promotion. 260 applicants, 60 didn't make it to next level, next stage only 45 got to interview. I get interview but feel I blew it. Now feeling suicidal even though I should be happy I got so far.

How dare you that is awful apologise

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Wow, I know who was hacking into my computer for sure now. I know what this is all about.

I know who the conspirators are. They all went to prison or are going to. That's why they hacked my computer. They had to go through and delete all the messages that contracted their plot. Why did you guys do that? What did I do to you people? I wanted to talk about a past trauma and in response everyone attacked me for it. I became the bad guy... even though... Well, you all know the story.

I forgive all of you. I don't understand why you would want to hurt someone on purpose. I don't know why. I don't understand. I know I never will. Are they all going to tell me what happened? Why they did what they did? That's all I would want from them. Is for them to be honest about their actions and intentions. I want them to stand tall.

I hope they are all ok though. No one should get hurt because of me. I know I'm broken but they shouldn't blame themselves. Even if they did try to hurt me, it was never outside actions that caused my depression. I always tried to tell people that. I never cheated on anyone. I've never hit anyone. I never tried to hurt anyone but I have made mistakes. I always try to make it right and hope I will be forgiven for those mistakes. I'm not perfect. No one is.

If any of you are reading this, don't beat yourselves up for the things you did or planned to do.

I mean, after all...
I was made for it, right?
An object to be destroyed.

It would behoove us all
To remember that all we are is what we love
And not a fragment more

Is it over?

Am I as wicked as they claimed? Is it as easy to hate me as I think?

<3 <3 <#

>>18475998
How? You're clearly unsatisfied with the relationship.

>>18475641
Story

A,
She and I fucked last night. I don't know if I will date her, but I told her not to get her hopes up.
I guess you and I are both playing this game now. I hope you hear about it. I hope you become insanely fucking jealous.
I can't wait for you to leave this town you twat. You are seriously fucked up but nobody else seems to see it.
I hope you'll never be fulfilled in any other relationship. I gave you everything I had.
A

>>18476564
Come on over

>>18476842
t. big strong supa e-predator

I miss my ex so much. He ended things with me months ago without saying why. I want to text him really fucking bad and tell him I still love him and ask him why we can't be together. How fucking pathetic am I? I don't care if I make ass of myself. I just want some closure.

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Oh thank god today i'll go back to living alone, i'll be able to go back to my diet and work out routine. And i got an entire free month, i'll get back to my normal weight in no time

When that' done the next thing on the list is learn how to tolerate humans, last time i tried getting along with them and learning how to do the things they do, but that didn't work at all, so i guess i'll just have to learn how to tolerate them instead, im not going to risk losing my sanity again i barely managed to get back up again this time

>>18477462
And here I go. I'm an emotional masochist. The worst thing that can happen is he ignores me which won't be any different then current circumstances, except maybe I can finally accept it's over.

>>18477534
Actually I think the wait for a reply might actually kill me. I'm going to be drunk before noon today.

>>18477560
Maybe I should have wrote a letter instead. I might as well if I get no response. Really, if he wanted to be left alone, he could tell me to fuck off. I think he secretly enjoys the fact I still fawn over him.

>>18477569
You're obsessed

>>18477569
I agree with >>18477591. You're obsessed and he can smell your desperation. Meet someone new and move on, you're acting pathetic

>>18477603
I'm trying. I'm bad at socializing, I used to be a shut in. I met him at work (we don't work together anymore). He was the first man I ever went out with and I'm in my late twenties. We bonded over our mental illnesses and loneliness. He told me he loved me and wanted a long term relationship right away. We were together only a few weeks, but it was obvious he had more serious issues than me. He started saying stuff like I deserved better than him. I told him he was perfect the way he was. He started acting real off right at the end, and then he suddenly cut me off completely. I worried about him a lot at first, but it seemed like his friends had his back. Now that some time has passed and the pain of rejection has passed, I want to know know how he's feeling.

I've kind of accepted it's been over for awhile, but every once and awhile the loneliness creeps back in and I want to see him so badly.

>>18477668
>We were together only a few weeks

You are beyond pathetic. Jesus fuck.

>>18477668
As hard as it is to accept it isn't your responsibility to reach out to someone who dropped you like that. All the closure you need is within you, mental illness(es) aside. The only outcome of reaching out will be the unsettling comfort that he's doing well/better without you with a missing reason as to why or you will be ignored like you have been -- both of these are negatives making your urgency to reach out all the more a bad idea. Accept he is no longer with you and invest in some hobbies. Loneliness is a temporary feeling that will pass, seek comfort in spending time doing things you enjoy alone and hope for the best that someone else will come along and catch your eye and spike your interest

>>18477678
I don't think she's pathetic, she's in love

>>18477712
No, she is pathetic. Being in love is not equal with being an unreasonable emotional mess. Also, it seems like she is obsessed with this guy, and obsession is not the same thing as love.

>>18476389
>on /adv/
>calls themselves repulsive

>>18477679
Thank you anon for your kind words. I struggle with self worth, and have been so introverted in the past I worry about becoming completely reclusive again, but I'm tired of feeling lonely the more I try to surround with people. Honestly I just want to focus on getting a better career right now.

I hate my town. I was walking up our high street and noticed most shops were either fast-food, betting or booze joints. All the residents are fat, lazy, alcoholic gamblers who pop out as many kids as possible for welfare while being too incompetent to cook a homemade meal nevermind raise a child.

>>18477817
Start there, girl. Focus on finding a better career and betting yourself along the way. There are many insightful videos on youtube and the net you can watch about developing better social skills as well as coping with loneliness. Keep your chin up

>>18472953

You are not weak. What you feel is righteous and just. Little would be worse than for your life to be over before it begins.
Contrary to what you wrote, you are not weak: you are a true man and a good son. Bless you.

Last night reminded me of how fucking ugly I am. Seriously, I'm hideous. There's no way in fucking hell any of those girls I was with found me attractive.

my girl was involved in a poly relationship thing some time before she met me. even though it's over and she goes out of her way to avoid having anything to do with either of the people in it, the whole thing disgusts me and i feel like i'm going to throw up/get lightheaded whenever i think about it. at some point i know i'm going to have to meet the guy who was fucking her and it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. i hate it. i know my feelings are unjustified but i still feel this way and can't do anything about it outside of try to keep a lid on it for her sake.

he still messages her thinking he's going to get sex out of her. she refuses to give him what he wants, but the fact that he thinks he can get with her is what fucking pisses me off. she's too nice to tell him to go away.

does anyone know how to get rid of unjustified jealousy?

what.

Is there a fucking bomb in my head? Does it come off as an aneurysm?

What the fuck

>>18477668
>weeks

Don't worry you will get over it sooner or later, i just got out of a similar boat

I knew her in highschool, then i found her again while i was in college, she is what i would call a perfect girl,probably the only girl that ever understood my crazy talk after a few dates i told her how i felt but i was never special enough for her, she hasn't talked to me in months

But it's not the end of the world, now im ready to recover my shape, i could try to see her again but it would be a waste of time, hey at least you had an special someone for a while that means you can get another one, i haven't even been able to get a gf once

>>18472037
Female friend texted me earlier asking me if were still friends. I haven't really talked to her a few days, she's been doing her own thing. I find this pretty concerning, I feel like she feels guilty about something or just baiting me for attention.

If you don't want to do it just tell me instead of lying and then letting me down

>>18478085
do what anon?

>>18478091
THE DINOSAUR

>>18478072

Just say "why wouldn't we be?"

So I don't really know what I'm doing. I've gotten myself into an LDR with a girl I didn't even want to be in a normal relationship with. She's so fucking nice though and I don't feel I'm capable of hurting her by breaking up. Maybe I just need to grow some balls. But I don't have a reason to break up. Things have always gone great between us. Things are still great between us, it wouldn't make sense to break up. But overall we're not a good match. She's a 32 year old woman looking to start a family and have kids and I'm 22 and just want to fuck whatever. But somehow I can imagine myself with a family. I feel like I love her but hate the idea of relationship. And she definitely loves me. The way she loves me is rare, I can feel it. It might not come again.
I think I need to wait until we see each other again until I make that call.

Love to be stalked and have my ideas taken from me because people are too fucking dumb to think of their own shit

Why are women so weird ??

They talk when they have the need to and then just ignore and have fun with their environment and then talk to you when they are bored or need company

While I have to wait all day and worry about what is happening with them


I don't know I need to change myself and liberate my path into void rather than hope

>>18478150
I am in ldr as well

I feel like you except the sex part .. but I feel confused most of the time like wtf am i doing by being in relationship

I would suggest don't cheat on her .. if you feel sexual urge sext her or talk a lot about it with her

If you feel you are too young just let her go but be honest with her


I tried to be honest I only hurt her feelings
And I feel it sucks to hurt each other

Lonely is the greatest gift I have ever had
Hope it stays with me as long as it can


Leaving friends and family and responsibilities was so much fun to being with

But it haunted me the fear of being a failure it still haunts me till today

I talk to only 5 people in this entire whole big universe

None to share my thoughts and ideas with
It is me and this room and a laptop and some music and my bed

It sucks lot of times

But when I look back all I ever wanted is this

To be alone and independent it hurts and it sucks

But it is also liberating to know what I have done

Being stupid or brave

I have done something

I have set in motion things I have dreamt about every day for 3 years

To be alone .. to be voiceless .. to be void .. to be nothing

To not to exist in other people's memories

I don't know what made me do it, a single trigger point .. may be the fakeness and meaningless life I had !!

Or the pursuit of truth of life

I don't know

I hope 4 people I talk to are safe and healthy bcs I am not near them to see and feel

I hope I make it to my destination

And I hope I trust myself

I hope I am good to all the people


I hope I will not hurt any others anymore

I hope I forgave all those who hurt me

>>18478194

Yeah, I don't want to hurt her so I don't really want to break up with her. But the immature part of me just tells me to do it anyway
I have this thought that I'd rather she broke up with me because I would rather be hurt than hurt her. But I don't believe she'll do that. She opened up to me about a lot of things and told me stuff she hadn't told anybody. She would hate me if I broke up with her after that
I'm confused too bro, I'm confused too...

I keep pushing away everyone who is close to me. The worst part is, I'm normal enough to make new friends, good friends who like me at first, but as time progresses, the worst parts of me leak through the cracks. I trust people and tell them about myself and they're okay with it, but the more comfortable I am, the more they see what I should never show. Now, I am surrounded by people who walk away when I approach but know things I would never tell a stranger. The only person who hasn't run away is my wife, and I believe this is only because I have built up such a persona of normalcy around myself when I'm with her; a wall that would collapse if a single brick fell.

From the outside, I seem sane and adjusted. I'm a man who is pushing his 30s with a wife, a son that we adopted and a successful career that has taken me to four continents and has made my family proud. I legitimately try to do the best for everyone I meet because I have so much faith in humanity, but on the inside, a mixture of depression, untreated adhd, ocd and ptsd have left me completely isolated. I live humanity, but I really feel like I'm not part of it.

I self harmed for the first time in about four years. There were just a few scars around my wrist before, now my left arm has a lot more. And this was just with my nails, I actually used something sharper before and drew blood, and yet somehow, despite only basically scratching myself, it was still hard enough to leave scars.

I am a fucking idiot and now I'm going to be extremely self-conscious about who sees it, and now someone brought up: what if I try to get a job? I have to cover this up somehow. I did this because I just hate myself that much, and this...

This.......... absolutely didn't help at all.

I undersell myself and act retarded so people feel superior to me, so that they can be happy and there would be no major conflicts in my relationships.

I didn't count on me starting to live the lie, I became dumber and started to suck at everything I did or tried to do. So I have high expectations from home that I will never reach and I hate myself for becoming like this and I don't even know how to become my old me again, so I just distract myself from life with vidya and overly loud music.

I just want to be me again.

I'm sick of feeling this need for love. It's not going to happen.

I don't want to need something I'll never get.

>>18478290
Go spend time with a family member/friend/pet. Take deep breaths, counting to 10, while looking at a single object. This will help ground & center you. Best of luck with what you are going through

>>18478085
If you are a princess fond of castles, pink, and glitter... I want to do the thing lovers do. Even if I'm left scratching my head wondering what goes where.

I absolutely adore you.
<#

I am falling ridiculously fast for you and I'm not sure you're going to catch up. You're way too good for me, and somehow you still like me... I should be happy, so why am I so worried that my neuroticisms and my insecure tendencies that you are so completely aware of are going to fuck this over for me? Like you're just going to be like, "Nope, I'm fucking done. Girl you fucking crazy, bye."

I latch onto one word or one sentence and twist it and let it spiral in my head until I have a completely warped view of everything.

I hope you don't leave me. I haven't been this happy in eight years.

I am a male and cute enough to camwhore for a while. What should I know? Can I outlive it/not be shamed for it irl?

It's between that and street performing/vagrancy until my music is good. But physical/mental health isn't currently great, would be in pain if I left now.

Love to have several people impersonate me at once just because they're jealous

>>18478364
I don't understand what you're saying to that poster but your first sentence is things I'm insane about -- I'd replace castles with princess palace though

I hate excessive PDA. People who have to hold hands literally fucking everywhere, and feel the need to be affectionate even when doing absolutely nothing like standing in line. It reeks of insecurity and its just disgusting to look at. My ex gf would annoy me to high hell whenever she insisted on holding my hand everywhere.

Why can't you guys just like, hang out without having to reaffirm your affection every 20 seconds or so? Its embarrassing.

You're a true artist, one of the very very few.

I want my name to be synonymous with Love, Creativity, and True Good.

I want people to say "I Eve You."

I dont get why I am no longer good enough. You say you want a new relationship with someone just like me. That I being with me makes you happy and you missed me. Well guess what, I missed you every day since you decided to contact me again. If you like me as much as you say, why can't we go back to dating, even if it's non-exclusive this time?

>>18475153
No, not really, he's a bit more social and we're in the same guild.
I've also asked and he doesn't really use 4chan anymore ;c

>>18478406
Because it feels good and we don't care about you.

>>18478301
You need to get out and find people like yourself

>>18478443
What makes someone a "true" artist?

>>18478172
Are you an artist? I know the feeling.

>>18478231
yes I understand your confusion, but If she is lovely I would say dont break her for something that is out of reach..

if you are into kinky sex, tell her I think she will give it try

if you are into drugs, I think she will experiment

I dont know wht is there anon or whts is in your mind that makes you feel weird

but if you feel weird about kids tell her your fear .. but be careful with words .. tell her you are afraid about kids .. who knows she might not like kids as well

but I feel LTR will be boring n sucky .. if you love her you will fight for her n she will do the same ..
but at the same time hookups get lame
all the best anon

I feel the same like when I get a fight or when my girl throws a fit .. I wish she would say I m leaving you

but I think it is catch 22 ..//

I would say evaluate your life goals .. see if she will match it up

dont end up hurting her n hurting you n feeling guilty out it .. be open ..

ll the best anon

>>18478239
I dont know you anon .. but I feel you are older me


>>18478215
I made this .. n reading yours I relate to your words

thanks for making me feel sane today night

I AM NOT IN A CULT LED BY POPPY.
I AM NOT IN A CULT.
I am not in a cult.

Y'all are try-hard. Relax. Take a step back and chill out. The world is so fucking big. Stop trying to make it so goddam small.

The world doesn't have to make sense. Stop trying to figure it all out. You are small, and mostly insignificant. That's good. Enjoy it. You're not responsible for the world, just what's in your life. Do good. Be good. It's that simple.

>>18478601
Someone that creates for the love of it. Someone that has a message inside them so complex and intense the only way for them to communicate such an idea is through their art. Whether it's music, painting, dance, or acting. A true artist will find themselves creating not just because they can but because they have to. It's what they live for.

A lot of people make art for attention. They make art for money. Their creations are just a means to an end. A true artist creates to create. The journey and process never tops. It blends from one piece into another.

(I'm super tired right now so that might be a bit scrambled)

>>18478715
I am not a cult leader

I just... I found...

I'm 100% female aren't I? I wasn't born intersex. You just moved my bits down and gave me a fake penis, didn't you?

You want me to soooo badly have "gay" sex so that I'll get pregnant.

When I went to the hospital that one time for extreme stomach cramps and other gross shit I was given an enema. That wasn't just an enema, was it?

You guys tried to get me pregnant. And it worked. That's why I was throwing up in the morning. That's why I was getting nauseous and dizzy all the time. That is why I gained so much weight so quickly. I was fucking pregnant.

But it didn't work. On January, 2016 I had the worst stomach aches ever. Not to mention that my entire body felt like it was filled with death, decay, and yeast. It was in my mouth, my nose, and the smell was atrocious from my hiney. I thought I had sat in something or had burst a hidden sinus infection but.... I shit out for 2 days a nasty green spew that had that intense death smell.

It was a still born fetus, wasn't it?

All those times... when I turned 12-13 I started to get these intense stomach cramps that would just put me out for the day. I got them every 3-4 weeks it seemed. Had no idea what they were. When I got them I would just be in pain and grumpy as fuck.

And... there would be blood in my stool.

Jesus fucking christ, what did you people do to me as a kid? What is wrong with my body? What did you fucking try to do?

Should of went to college just to meet people.

>>18478859
You should see a doctor...that was not a still born....
>inb4 bait

I got 1% off a grade cutoff at college. Is it worth emailing and asking for the extra 1%? Seems pretty painful being just 1% off the grade cutoff.

I'm suicidal. I don't cry out for help, but my life is slowly caving in. I've had a pretty extensive history with drugs of all kinds, but I'm too old for that stuff now and all I want is an end. I'm so tired.

>>18478702
There's a lot of us out there. You aren't alone.

>>18478778
My world is fucking tiny. I still have several months stuck on this god forsaken base with literally six females.

>>18478853
Titanic Sinclair is not a cult leader.
You've got it all wrong.

I'm so obsessed with art and music and I want to spend my life doing the same thing as the people I practically worship. I'm taking vocal lessons, practicing, studying, brainstorming, painting, writing, doing all I can to achieve a level of skill I can finally be satisfied enough with to put myself out there.
Unfortunately I am never satisfied. I want to be better- and each time I reach a goal it's never good enough. I want to be so much better.
I have a YouTube channel and it's mediocre- but it has received some attention in the past couple of years but I am not happy with the content. I am so broke and want to create so much more. I'm currently taking a break from the project while I get myself together but all I want to do is create.
Every day I go to work all I can think about is how I could be so much more if only I were better. I just want to be better.

>>18478975
I'm just like this with programming. It's such a weird life.

People want me to be social again. Being a guy hanging out with other guys there's always that implied intent to pick up women. I worry that this will fuck things up. I need to know if you're ever coming around. Ive gone so long on ephemeral dreams of your hand on my chest, your hair in my face, holding your hand. I need something solid. I get attention as is, and now people want to help push that more... I feel like I'm waiting on something that will never happen.

Who am I kidding, i know there's only you for me. It would be so much easier if I could just say, "I've got a girlfriend that I'm really happy with" instead of trying to navigate everything without pissing people off

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I overpaid by a lot for some thing and now I feel really, really bad

I had multiple chances to walk away but I didn't listen to myself and purchased it anyway. Can never tell anyone how much I paid for this item since they will think its a joke and I'm a fool

>>18479020
you can tell us here.

and why did you think it was a good idea?

>>18475428
Equality is a lie. Genes are everything, they determine your potential from the moment of conception. The Caucasian race had heavy eugenic selection pressure in the middle ages that made them the way they are today. Other races are not really inferior but just too different to mesh well with us. Everything would be so much better if people would just stick to their own kind.

I hate being fucking ignored. If you don't like me, just fucking say so. Don't pretend you were too fucking busy to give me a simple yes or no fucking answer when you've been posting shit on facebook all fucking day. Fuck you, bitch.

>>18479074
I don't know why it was a good idea but I was alone at the time, and right now have a lot of money burning a hole in my bank

I can't control myself sometimes and need to understand wasting money doesn't bring happiness

Did I waste money on this, not really

I did overpay by about $350-400 :(

They know I'm a sucker, and I'm never going to shop there again

I had a chance to walk out multiple times, I'm never shopping there again and I really need to get my shit together

>Be me
>I have a pretty good job
>Most people don't know what it is like to live my life
>Spend money left and right to feel better for a day
>Now I feel even worse

>>18473132
Go for it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

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>>18472223
>Why does no one want a real relationship?
Because you're the kind of person that's actually dumb enough to get scammed into shit like "friends with benefits", and as a woman no less. You're signaling that you are bottom of the barrel as partner-material. Men who want real relationships want women that are relationship material, not used up sluts.

It's just such a shame, you might be a nice person but what self-respecting man could be okay to marry a women that sucked god knows how many other men's cocks? How could you think of a woman like that as the mother of your children? I certainly can't. It's a shame that many women seemingly don't understand this or haven't been taught this. If you only associate with the kind of men that fuck anything then yeah that's all you're ever going to get (other than some beta cuck) and all you deserve.

>>18479125
What did you buy anon? Sounds like you spent quite a bit.

>>18473533
Just fucking marry already. You should be glad to have a partner with standards so it's the least you can do. Honestly it sounds like you're thinking with your dick. If your partner really means that much to you you should marry and if you can't do that when it's so important to hem then you don't love them enough.

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>>18479146
>Sounds like you spent quite a bit.

>>18479129
We ended up fucking and I'm not sure about it anymore. She's really fucking clingy.

>>18479155
Wasn't judging, only curious. I'm sorry.

I like pizza.

I drink because I'm Christian

>>18479163
Its fine

I made this mistake once before and I'm getting tired of living like a cuck

Sadly this happens all the time to me, I'm sure other people just lie and use me and I sit there thinking its ok and I don't speak up

I signed a lease on an apartment a while back, I was lied to by the staff and I'm still here paying about 1500 in rent even though I requested a specific apartment. They gave me shit and I took it with a smile

>I really need to get my shit together

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>>18474439
I think your biggest problem is the race-mixing. Please think of the kind of abominations your mongrelized children will be. End it now before you make a huge mistake.

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>>18475267
Are you sure about that field of study? Will it lead you to a good job/career afterwards? Is the cost worth the benefit? Is it worth financially supporting a leftist indoctrination "university"?

Know that you can always learn about what interests you on your own. It might be better to study something that will allow you to put bread on the table.

>>18479179
You live, you learn.
Don't beat yourself up too much. You sound like a kind person. Just don't make the same mistake again honey. Stand your ground.

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>>18479182

You're a long way from Stormfront, comrade.

I'm only sexually attracted to people I have a strong emotional connection. I tend to fall in love with other artists because they know how to speak the same language as me. When I listen, look, or feel their creations I'm able to get a better grasp of who they are as a person.

In doing so, I might even be able to recognize a piece in their art that I find within my self. If that happens, they may be able to find the same within me.

CB, if you're reading this, if you are the one they have been telling me so much about... please come find me. I would go, even tonight.
-E

>>18473465
You're not the weird one, they are.

>>18478030
Wow, I feel you man. Jealousy is often a result of your own insecurities (yes it's hard to admit), so the best thing you can do is to work on yourself. Develop yourself in a way that you can be confident and proud of yourself. And I'm not talking about just feelings, you have to work on yourself by developing your talents or learning new skills that add to your worth as a person. So that at the end of the day you can be confident in yourself and know that, even if this particular relationship won't work out you can find someone else and make it work. Don't be too dependent on your partner for your self-worth and happiness, be your own person and walk your life WITH your partner not FOR her.

That said, what she did was utterly disgusting though. You should ask yourself the hard question if you actually respect this person and if you could trust her at all. Old habits die hard after all.

Best of luck to you.

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>>18478239
Humanity is not a whole of equals, in reality it's a biological collection of several hominid subspecies with markedly different abilities and predispositions. The concept of "one humanity" only exists in your head and is not representative of reality.

As long as it doesn't interfere with our direct ability to survive from day to day humans can believe the craziest things huh.

>>18474439
>it can't work because we have different hobbies
Fucking retard.
Take a two month break from this site and forget the word "normie" for good.

I can't wait to be a woman. I want my hair dyed white/grey, bigger eyes, smaller nose, puffier lips, sharper and pushed forward jaw. I want large breasts, an hour glass figure, a heart shaped ass, and I just want to be a pretty gothic princess.

Look, the truth is that i love you more than you could ever possibly imagine. Every waking moment is spent thinking about you and i want to be with you so badly. I know I act like an asshole and like I don't care but the truth is that im just shy as fuck and as soon as you are near me I lose all concentration and the rest of the world stops and i freeze up and don't know what to say. I know you like me and i know that you wanted me to ask you out, Well the truth is that all i wanna do is hang out with you, eat pizza and just hold you. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you're all i have ever wanted and i can't even imagine being with someone else because they don't even come close to you.

Should I finish cleaning and make food or should I go to sleep?
What is more important? Why am I like this?

>>18479297
Better keep that a fantasy and learn to manage it. Your gender is determined by your chromosomes. Hopefully you don't have toxic enablers in your life that make your mental disease worse.

>>18479297
You'll never be a woman, ew. You don't even sound like one.

>>18474706
Diana?

Am I really happy alone? I fucking advocate for this shit, fuck I practically preach about it when I'm asked if I have a partner. I say being alone is for the best, improve yourself get healthy get smarter get more interesting.

I think locking myself down to one person is a bit of a cop out to becoming a better person.

But am I really doing those things I say I'm trying to do? I'm fucking slacking at going to the gym, every attempt at learning something new I give up way too early and I'm fucking up in school. Am I just a spiteful fucking loser?

I still don't believe that yet, I still think there's a learning process for what I'm becoming. And until I find myself satisfied and I find the right bitch that isn't some fucking instagram baddie sadbitch I'm not settling.

>>18472317
Ugh

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Happy birthday, me. You did so well this year. I'm proud that you got out of a tough situation; even if your heart was a broken mess most of the way -- you pulled through! Good job for eating regularly and finding a diet plan that works for you, good job for being six months sober, good jobs for focusing on you and not others, good job for helping someone through the same situation you went through (with the same guy, yeesh). Bless the Gods for bringing me an honest man into my life and new friends who are very supportive of me. It's been fun, let us creature more new and happy memories together on this insane journey. Lastly, thanks /adv/ and all posters who have anonymously replied to me that have helped me out in rough spots this past year, you're great when you're not shitposting. (Hugs), W.

>>18479677
Job*
Create*
Hoh geezey petes..apologize for the typos

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>>18472037
To: Me
GET A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND YOU LAZY FUCK

Love,
Me

I don't understand why I like you. You're cute, but boring. You base your entire personality on being "pretty nice" as you put it yourself, but the prettiness of it has worn off for me. Everything is a lie with you. I used to think you were one of the most caring and special people in the world, but you're actually one of the most selfish and most self centered person I've ever met in my entire life. You're incapable of putting yourself in others position, and everything "nice" you do is really to make yourself feel better. You just love being complimented and hearing about how great you are. I get so annoyed when I see others like you, because I know they're just making you worse.

Someone out there just needs to hate you.

Maybe then you'll start to change.

I've been so stupidly depressed for the past week or so after losing my bestfriend. I'm like a dog waiting for its owner to comeback, I'm literally waiting for her to contact me again one day, but regardless she doesn't feel the same as I do. It'll always be friendship. This mentality is fucking me mentally so bad, she was the person who made my day mean something, gave my existence a meaning...but she's gone now.

I think I've decided that sometime this year I will man the fuck up and take my life. I'm 23 a highschool dropout, have never worked ever in my life. Even if I did get my shit together, I am so far behind in simply being an adult, that I dont think anything will change.

If it wasn't for my tight group of online friends I would've been gone a long time ago.

>>18475882
Sounds like my situation. I blocked my ex months ago for choosing his racist (boy)friend over me, only for him to contact me through a sock account a couple months later to tell me that I was right and he was wrong, but then says that he still doesn't know what the "right" thing to do is.

I have never wanted so badly to reach through a computer screen and punch someone for their stupidity in my life.

>>18472037
Jesus fucking christ one of my closest friends mom passed away yesterday and i didnt get the message from my mate yesterday until today because messenger wasnt installed on my new phone and I didnt check facebook. I feel like a complete shithead.

On top of the fact that even though I got a new job, back into hockey and play video games with my friends im shit at all of those, letting my friends, teammates and colleagues down but too much of a lazy cunt to actually try to get better.

I used to think I was smart and good at things but now I just feel like a big piece of shit at life and as a person, which I am, but im starting think that I always was. And even if I know im not doing anything to change it which is probably worse than just being ignorant.

I dont even feel better writing this out but at least its out.

Idk anyone else been in a similar situation where someone passed away?

just wanna come home, shower, and just slide into bed with a comfy woman, give her a kiss, and just pass out.

idk what anon said it the other day, but snugs sounds really good right now.

my bed is too big and too cold.

i just want someone to help me fix that, but i'm a totally unfuckable, small-dicked, fat, bipolar manchild loser addict who fell head over heels for a girl he's never met in person. i know full-well that i will die alone one day, and nothing i could make myself do would change that for the better.

she's probably going to end up with my best friend who i encouraged to share his feelings with her and now i feel like shit every time he talks about his upcoming trip to fly out and see her.

i just don't want to be alone anymore.

>>18480160
>but i'm a totally unfuckable, small-dicked, fat, bipolar manchild loser addict
if it helps you at all, being the opposite of all that doesn't necessarily change anything.

I'm >>18480117. there's three women I could easily fuck right now, none of them are viable. I still wish I could meet the girl I've never met in person, though now my life is a knot and I'm not sure where to pull to make it right again. just keep going.

you're not the first to piggy back on me to get the girl. it's not going to end well. the last one got married, then booted me, and was divorced three months later. you are nothing. you are a leech.

it's all so unfortunate.

you need to do something big or I'm done. I've done more than enough.

>>18479677
Happy birthday, W.

Not a shitpost.

make up your mind, do something. you put me in a holding pattern and I fucking hate it. stop screwing around with our future.

to put my feelings and the general situation bluntly. everything is waiting on you.

My biggest secret is I'd take you back in a heartbeat. My biggest fear is that you'll ask me. Dunno if I'll ever get over you but it's time to move on now. I'm sorry if I hurt you and I'm sorry that I lied, I'm sorry for pushing, for hiding, for eluding. Bye stinky

I think I'm in love with my cousin. I just saw her for the first time in a few years and she's really grown. She's really pretty, but more than that, she's has a really bright and vibrant personality. My best friend feels the same about her and has become obsessed with her, even though he already has a great girlfriend. Nobody has ever had this effect on me and I can't tell if I want to be like her, or be with her. I'm very confused.

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Did you think that I wouldn't be able to see your vagueposting?
You're really funny for being a huge fucking faggot.
Why don't you show that you have some balls and say that to my face, you brainlet? I'll be waiting for it tomorrow.

>>18480375
Are you A?