Control problems

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I have serious problems controlling emotion spurs,be it anger or sadness.

When it starts all I want to do is destroy myself,destroy someone,destroy something,or a mix of these 3.

I'm aware when it's happenning but it's so intense I cant really control my emotions,to such an extent that I broke my hand months ago and had surgery,thanks to that, deep inside I'm scared of going further with my self-destruction because I know next time will be much worse and my life will be over because it will only lead me to more self abuse.While i'm in that state I dont care about what happens to me and I could easily kill myself or seriously injure myself if it wasnt for my broken hand experience and the thought of my parents.

I also feel like an animal when someone looks at me in the street and I instantly feels anxious and angry.I usually resist any impulse to ask them what the fuck they are looking and or starting fights but sometimes I cant even do that.I also have constant thought of harming others,but to this day I havent gone that far because when i'm calm I know they havent done anything bad to me,but if this keeps going I dont know what will happen.

My existence is miserable I cant function like a normal person and it hurts my soul thinking about what I must be doing to my loved ones with my behaviour,but I cant help myself.

I blowed up on them twice,I would never hurt them but its still not ok and I know it,the irony is that if it wasnt for them I would be gone.

I'm really grateful to anyone that have read this far,and I will appreciate any post,thanks again.