Hey /adv/, I need your help. My gf is really fat, like 100kg.

Nothing you can do if after 3 years you have tried with no success. Move on or put up with it.

>>18461802
Whether she consciously knows it or not, the reason people of both genders want to look attractive is to attract mates. It's likely that as long as she can keep you around, she won't feel like her weight is big enough of an issue to work on it.

I'm not saying she's a bad person trying to exploit you, I'm just saying that's literally how humans are programmed to function.

>because reasons
Those are nothing but excuses. If she wanted to lose weight bad enough, she would do what she needs to.

>>18461802
I also used to be the exact same. My boyfriend literally told me "either do something about it or shut up, because you're not a victim here and you're unhappy out of your own decision. I won't listen to you complaining about something if you aren't working to solve your problems".
I was about 100 kg and I lost over 40 kg now, I've been dieting for 2 years.
I started exercising when I hit 70 because I was too self conscious before.
Honestly being on a diet made me love food more. I cook like a pro, and make tons of healthy stuff. I appreciate eating unhealthy food more since I do it more rarely.
Therapy helped me tons too.

Maybe try swimming? It's easy but burns a good amount of fat. Otherwise get a new gf.

>>18461812
This

Congrats for keeping up with this for 3 years, you're an awesome human being. But if she doesn't want to see a shrink, it's time to abandon boat.

I've been in your position, tried absolutely everything, left her after a year over other issues that had the same root. It's impossible to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

>>18461818
To be fair her reasons for losing weight would be buying clothes, she feels really bad trying on something and realizing it doesn't fit.

I know they are excuses, she doesn't want it enough in my opinion. It's just that I tried literally everything, from being nice about it to straight up telling her she is fat and she needs to do something about it but still nothing.


>>18461819
Thank you for this, maybe there's hope.
I'd love to take her to therapy and I honestly asked her a few times but never tried hard enough like with the gym or running. Her excuse for that I think was something about "how do I tell my parents and other people that I'm seeing a therapist what will they think of me".


>>18461828
I honestly don't know much about swimming so I never really thought about it. She already knows how to swim. How does it work, does she need a trainer or can I just take her to the pool and swim with her like twice a week?

>>18461812
>>18461832
I am indeed about to give up, I'm quite desperate which is why I'm asking you guys. I'm not leaving her but if this doesn't work I'm just going to put up with it and fuck it

>>18461833
>"how do I tell my parents and other people that I'm seeing a therapist what will they think of me"
Why would she need to tell anybody? It's not like you need to sit all your friends around and tell them.

Anyway I go swimming 4 times a week for 1 hour. It is great exercise and especially good for fat people because it doesn't ruin the joints. It is pretty cheap as well.
I lost 2 kg/month since I started swimming.

I guess you really love her, right? If you stayed with her for 3 years despite being fat.
One thing you could do is go to the gym with her. If you're also fat (not saying 100kilo but 90,80 etc.) and even that is not a factor because of height, ppl will think its cute and inspiring that both of you are trying to improve

If you're fit ppl will think that you're her trainer and will be surprised when they realize that shes your gf.

Dont leave her alone do this things. You must be her pillar.
If someone makes fun of her just smite that motherfucker with words but be sure to reassure your gf

If she doesn't want to go to the gym and you loose all intrest in her its not your fault. After all you've been talking the her for 3years now.

WARNING
Do not do this unless you absolutely have to as it may fuck her up mentally.
Maybe tell her that you're starting to loose intrest in her body and dont feel the same way as you did before but still love her(if you do love her, if not why are you even trying) and if this continues you'll break up.

>>18461842
Do you swim by yourself in a public pool or do you take courses or something?

>>18461844
I already go to the gym, always have so obviously my idea was always to take her with me but she doesn't want to. I even asked her to talk to my trainer who's a very nice woman and a friend of mine but nope.

To be fair no one has ever made fun of her, even though it's like her biggest fear in life. Her friends are like me, trying to convince her to do something

>>18461854
>Do you swim by yourself in a public pool or do you take courses or something?
Swim by myself in a public pool. I go there at 6 AM, swim for an hour, then get dressed and go to uni on Monday/Wednesday/Friday and go once during the weekend.

>>18461859
Cheers, I will try that

>>18461802
She doesn't need to exercise anon. 80% of losing weight is diet. She has no excuses when it comes to changeing what she puts in her mouth. Try the keto diet I did it and in 3 months I lost 60 lbs. it's a great motivator to continue changing ones life style.

>>18461865
Thanks for the advice. I've never pushed that much on diets because I know food is one of her favorite things in life. If we know that we're going to eat pizza for dinner she gets really excited and can't stop thinking about it all day.

Having said that, >>18461819 said that a diet made them love food more and after your post I'm surely going to try harder on a diet.

>>18461872

Anon, I know exaclty how you feel.
My girlfriend was about 95kg and constantly whining about it.

She can't do a diet, because she likes eating and she needs eating to feel better, because of all the stress she is having in her studies and later in her job.
She won't do teamsports because she is bad at it, and does not want the others to laugh at her.
She won't go running because it is just to hard and it takes ages to see some improvement (her opinion).
She won't go cycling because her bike is shit and she can't afford a new one.
She can't loose weight in general because of the minor thyroid dysfunction she is having (her doctor told her, that it is no problem, though).

I stayed with her for 4 years (she was at 75kg when we started dating). She finds excuse after excuse and cried in my arms about how she really wants to lose weight, but it is just tooooo haaard'. I even said: 'Choose any sport you like, and I will do it with you. No matter what'. I was up to any solution, and I always tried to be gentle and calm. 'Do it for yourself, you will feel so good', I said several times. Still, I never pressured her and stayed by her side.

I left her half a year ago.
Wasn't able to listen to her self-loathing anymore.
She is still fat; she hasn't changed a thing; and she is dating again.
Not my problem anymore...

Don't know if my story is any help for you, tough.

>>18461837
From what you're telling us she has a problem of being self conscious about everything. Use this as just another argument to take her to a shrink, because this isn't normal to be so worried about what others will think about the pettiest shit.

>>18461872
You don't have to give up on food to eat clean.
I usually eat on a 500 kcal deficit all week and then eat rather normal during the weekend. This and exercising moderately.
I don't fill myself with junk food - if I have pizza for lunch, I just have a salad for dinner or viceversa. If I get icecream cravings, I don't fill myself up or skip a snack during the day. It's not that hard, really.

>>18461878
Jesus, that sounds exactly like her. I'm sorry man, it sucks.

>>18461882
She does. Not just with her body, really, she's always looking at how her friends are doing with uni exams because she doesn't want to look bad. She might even get upset if someone does much better than her.

>>18461884
That's great to know. Will surely try it, thanks.

>>18461837
Real talk dude this situation doesn't get any better. People like her make excuses because they are too weak to hold themselves responsible. It just goes around in a spiral getting worse.
You'll wake up one day with 3 fat kids and a sick whale of a wife and wonder how your life is just being a slave to them.

Take your own advice here and cut the problem out of your life.

>>18461893
If you are willing to stay with her and you are strong enough and patient enough to go on for many more months/years(?), then do so.

Work with her and help her as good as you can, and you maybe will get the best relationship you can imagine.

But also ask yourself: Are you willing to continue living with her, even if she won't change a thing in the future and her habits stay?
If the answer is "no", then you I would maybe take the hard exit and leave her.

>>18461802
OP, the exercise thing is not gonna work.

Diet has way more of an impact that exercise, and you're not gonna get a lazy person to suddenly start working out.

But if her issue is being ashamed to be seen out in public working out, get her like Tapout tapes or something. I did that and lost a ton of weight. I started seeing results really quickly and that motivated me to keep going. You should torrent them or something. Do the first one with her to make sure she doesn't quit.

>>18461905
>>18461913
Honestly, this whole thing is hell for me but I'm not perfect either. She's helped me a lot through bad times and she's always been there. I really don't think it would be fair to leave her for this, even though she's a fucking baby

>>18461919
>Tapout tapes
I have no idea what those are. It might be my bad English but Google is giving me nothing too.
Could you elaborate?

>>18461928
Workout videos. This is like a combination of aerobics and body weight exercises.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfrtyGvi8cg

I was a out of shape tub of lard but I saw this infomercial one morning and decided to download the series and give it a shot. I wasn't even able to finish the first workout but my body was so sore the next day I knew if I kept it up it would really work, and it did.

>>18461937
Damn, never thought about workout at home. I'll think about it, cheers.

Thanks /adv/, you've actually given me hope and lots of ideas. You guys are great.

>>18461920
You are working on yourself with her help. You are improving and you seem to have a certain perspective on your future that includes her loosing some weight. You are offering help, but she is not really working on the problem.

From all you have told until now, she seems to be a bit weak when it comes to the hard things in life.
Sure, you have your problems too and she accepts your problems without trying to change you, but this is no excuse.

The only question, in my opinion, is whether you can imagine a future with her and all her habits and little problems.
If you already know, that you will be sad and depressed when you are 40 years old some day, and she weights 130kg and still whines about it, maybe this is your answer already.

>>18461854
>I already go to the gym, always have so obviously my idea was always to take her with me but she doesn't want to. I even asked her to talk to my trainer who's a very nice woman and a friend of mine but nope.
Was about to suggest this. Nothing more you can do. No shrink is going to help.
2 types of women:
>There is a problem
a) Let's try and solve that problem. Hell, we'll do it together
b) "Waaah, why am i having this problem"

I would never date a girl that is b). Ignore the current issue, ignore the weight and whatnot. Say you end up marrying the grill, and a financial problem emerges. Wouldn't you rather have a partner that works with you to solve the issue instead of just complaining about it day after day and not doing anything? I would.
Reading the thread, you deserve someone like that.
Best of luck buddy

>>18461949
While she is weak with this she's actually doing pretty well in university, getting a degree in engineering while doing a part time job for her uncle. I'm not worried about her life apart from this whole mess.
That's a very hard question to answer, man. I think I'll try a bit more, then think about it.

>>18461819
this is the kind of solid advice we ought to be getting more of on here, thanks, miss.

>>18461893
>She does. Not just with her body, really, she's always looking at how her friends are doing with uni exams because she doesn't want to look bad. She might even get upset if someone does much better than her.

Predictable. Like I said, being fat is hardly a problem rooted in diet and lack of exercises only. If she could get thin at the snap of a finger, she'd still have undelying problems.

Shrink first, gym next.

>>18461802
>100kg

Honestly, do fat couples really exist? I'm not a prince charming myself--I'm actually obese right now. I've struggled with yo-yo dieting all my life. It's definitely a psychological issue, as others have alluded to. That said, I find myself repulsive and I don't know what woman would want me in this state. Are men so desperate that they would settle for a whale? Being in a fat couple must be so embarrassing, I'd rather remain alone, as I am now.

>>18462080
I dated a fat guy and I am pretty thin. Nothing weird or gross.

>>18462094
Seriously? Are you a chubby chaser or what? Maybe I should start trying.

>>18462218
Not her, but I see it all the time. Attraction works a bit differently for women I guess. They don't necessarily write off someone for being fat, there are other factors that can balance out being out of shape. For example, even if you're fat you could still have a handsome face and a good personality that makes you fun to be around, etc. If you a guy a lot you tend to see him through rose colored glasses and not be bothered by physical flaws or even find them endearing.

>>18462242
*If you like a guy

>>18462242
I see. For men, it's more heavily skewed to physical attractiveness, especially with the advent of pornography and Hollywood 'ideals'. Including myself, and most men I've talked to, we seem to rank women immediately, without even knowing their personalities. It's like Trump, who got criticized for ranking women as 'seven, eight, nine, or tens'. Except that seems pretty much the norm with most men. Well, I guess OP was the exception to the rule.

>>18462218
Not really - the other guy I dated before him was a model, the guy I'm dating now is a skinny lanket.

I loved him. He was a really good man and a very thoughtful, intelligent person. It never bothered me that he was fat. He was losing the weight at his pace, I loved him for who he was.

>>18462257
Aww.. that's touching. I would say, that I want to meet someone who is as open minded as you one day... But it's strange that you've been a serial monogamist, based on what you're telling us. Well, I guess I shouldn't pry or speculate about a stranger's life.

>>18462268
>it's strange that you've been a serial monogamist, based on what you're telling us.
What is strange exactly?
I dated the model for... 5 months? The fat guy for 4 years and half. And the current boyfriend for 4 years. I am just old.

>>18462281
I guess, I'm more conservative and naive than the average person. And, I suppose, I expect everyone on this website to be between the ages of 14-24. If I'm being honest, my interpretation of your comments was that you liked to upgrade boyfriends every few months like a new pair of shoes/purse/whatever.

Maybe my time on places like /pol/ and /r9k have warped my views to cynically think that most women are 'loose' nowadays. I'm willing to admit I've been brainwashed.

>>18462297
I'm 27.
I dated the model when I was about 16, he was 20. He was my eternal crush through all high school. Fucked a girl at my birthday party, said it was my fault for not giving him my virginity. Really nice guy. Ended up getting AIDS.
I started dating the fattie when I was 17, he is a couple of years older. We were good friends for 8-9 months before and I came to really love his personality. I confessed like in trashy tv shows. We broke up during college because we were very distant and our plans for life didn't coincide. Still in decent terms, tho.
Met my fiancé 6 months after breaking up with the fat guy. We met online, met after a couple of months of texting, he moved here 6 months after we met for the first time. Been pretty happy since.

I haven't even kissed anyone else, had sex just with current boyfriend and fattie. I'm mildly conservative myself.

>>18462331
Fair enough. My apologies. Like I said, my time on this place is probably rotting my mind and has probably already made me a jaded person.

Good luck with your new life with the fiancé. And if I may ask one more personal question: what online site did you use? Was it a dating site?

>>18461812
This.

I am sorry op, but she could be 60 kg after 1 year instead of bitching. Drop her fat ass. As your break up nessage, send her link to
>>>/fit/ sticky

>>18462344
>what online site did you use? Was it a dating site?
We met on 4chan, lol. He is American but came to my country (in Europe) for work regularly, asked to work here after 8 months we knew each other.

>>18462356
Wow. Meeting people on 4chan. I don't even know if I want to ever try this. I'm guessing /soc/, right? Well, once I'm desperate enough, I'll go over to there.

>>18462363
Nah. We were shitposting, he mentioned a writer I really love and no one gives a shit about, so I dropped a skype.
He called me, we talked for 15 hours straight on the phone. I didn't even know how he looked like and I already thought he was the one. Funniest guy I've ever met.

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>>18461802

You have to reward her for her efforts OP. It's the only way.

>>18462381
Wow. It was meant to be. Good for you. Maybe I should become a literate man...

Has she tried a calorie tracker like MyFitnessPal? It's shocking what calories actually come from. A Starbucks drink can be 600 calories. A tablespoon of sauce can have more calories than a serving of meat. She could start out just learning what she's eating, it might open her eyes. I still eat junk foods, but this made me cut down the portions. Seriously, ask if she'd try one day of tracking.

She could start small, like switching to drinking water only and exercising just 5 minutes in the morning. Any changes she makes, she needs to be able to accept as a permanent change, so it should feel doable to begin with. She could start with gentle youtube exercises meant for old people, which hopefully would be less intimidating. Try Leslie Sansone or Peggy Cappy.

Therapy would help with emotional eating and having self discipline. It's difficult to have discipline if you're stressed or depressed and desperate for quick fixes.

Might also help for her to be aware of how she feels after eating junk. It usually feels gross after the sugar crash or grease settles. Noticing the consequences can be a deterrent.