Whenever I think about my spectacular failure in life and in uni and my deteriorating mental health I get massive panick attacks and sometimes psychosis lasting 40 minutes-2 hours, severely impacting my will to seek help. To stay stable I delude myself into believing everything is fine and all my problems will just dissappear, so long as I don't accept any evidence that would contradict the fantasy I've created. How do I escape this vicious cycle?
Just know I was arguing with my mother over the phone about not seeking help and it triggered massive anxiety combined with feeling a hand on my shoulder, the presence of people surrounding me, incoherent thoughts, and voices coming from the ceiling fan.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s05Y2ZOG9CXP