Depression

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If you love him, don't give up on him. There is something that is really bothering him, even if he says he told you everything, he's hiding something. That's not to say he won't ever tell you what it is exactly, but that the moment is not right.

Give him the attention that you believe he deserves, but don't make is seem like you are deliberately going out of your way to tell him to "cheer up! It's a wonderful day to ____". He's going to believe he is only being a hassle to you. He will eventually see a part of himself that will motivate himself to improve for you, and for his own health.

Depression is a terrible thing to fall into, and to get out is hard. You feel as if you are a failure to your family, yourself, and to everyone around you. Don't let him loose all hope. I've been holding on to the little I have left.

I really do wish you and him the best. Good luck.

Is he in therapy? Is he on medication? Does anyone else know?
I don't really have an answer for what you should do, but I have some answers for what you should not do. Yes, I have been in your situation before. I was terribly codependent and enabled my ex. I tried to shield him from any hurt in the world, any efforts, any consequences. I did everything for him. I thought I was being loving. What I was doing is making him rely on me, and making him unable to be independent. I thought if I told him that everything was going to be okay, that it would. But after a couple years, he started spitting back at me that I had been using that line for ages and "nothing had gotten better". Of course, things really had gotten better, but he couldn't see that when he was at the pit of a depressive episode.
Things started looking up when I (literally) dragged him to therapy. He was scared to go alone, so I went with him for a month or two. It was helpful for me to see what kind of skills the therapist was trying to teach him. But maybe I shouldn't have been so involved, because it played in my desire to control his progress.

I understand that you don't want to make it worse. But do be careful that you don't sacrifice yourself in the process. Keep your boundaries and be sure to call him out if he starts lashing out at you. "Hey. I understand that you're having a hard time, but you can't talk to me that way."

>>18459560
>>18459605

Simple things to not make it worse are just basic human decency things. Common indecency really hurts the emotionally compromised, whereas a neurotypical might be able to brush it off. A lot of those can be boiled down to getting mad and being insensitive. Say his apartment is always a mess. You hate it. The indecent thing would be to yell at him, accuse him of being lazy, and say that you just don't understand how he lets his environment be so awful, because you know it'll just make him feel worse. All that isn't very nice. But you also shouldn't have to put up with his mess. Certainly DON'T clean it up for him. What you can do is say, "I don't feel comfortable coming over when your apartment is like this. Let's come over to my place instead."
He might be hard on himself about that, but you CAN'T pretend that everything is okay when it clearly is not. You might be able to put up with his mess. But he shouldn't lull himself into believing that it is in an acceptable state for company. You would be doing him a disservice to teach him that.

If he turns to you for answers, try to guide him towards answering his own questions. Ask him what his options are and try and get him to say some pros and cons of each option. In the end, ask him what he thinks is the best idea. If he's lost and floundering and wailing that he can't do it any more, push getting help. Be a broken record to any excuses. "Go to a professional. They'll know what to do." Consultations are usually free.

>>18459560
>>18459619

In the end, he is responsible for himself. If he doesn't ask for help, it's not your job to ask him if he needs help. If he's looking down, ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he says no, then it's his responsibility to be honest. You can say, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" but that's all you can do. Plus, something that bothered me when talking to people about my own depression was their babying me and walking on eggshells. I felt like I had to pretend to be better around them, because they obviously didn't trust me to take care of myself. It made me feel a little pathetic. So you'll get to avoid that issue.

I know that I'm being a little dramatic. My experience was extreme and bordered if not crossed over into abuse, so it's not like this is what it'll be like. I just wanted to present the worst case scenario for you, so that you can feel a little prepared.

I'm not the kind of person who will be impatient and annoyed with the depressed. If you have that issue, yes, it'll make it worse. I'm the kind of person who is a bleeding heart and has a hero complex. So these things were hard for me. If you relate with the latter, then I hope that my story helped you.

>>18459601
Thank you! I hope if he is holding a secret Its something I can forgive him for. Hes a wonderful boyfriend, hes just been different lately. He seems to be a little better after talking about it though.. We'll see. Thanks again!

>>18459601
>There is something that is really bothering him, even if he says he told you everything, he's hiding something.
What does that mean? I hide my depression from people, but it's mostly that I don't want to ramble about how I think I'm a lazy, selfish, useless, pathetic piece of trash. You're saying that those who are depressed are hiding something? Like what? What were you hiding?

>>18459605
No one else knows & he refuses to get help right now. I told him if he thinks there is anything that can make him feel better, we can try & make it happen. (like going to the beach or visiting family, or therapy).. Thank you for your advice! Im sorry that happend to you :\

>>18459619
Thank you for your advice. We live together & it does get messy. Especially when I work alot, but he is pretty good with helping clean when I mention it and or ask for help. I have yelled at him a few times for leaving dirty dishes & things, which in turn made him upset. Ill try to be less tempermental with things like that

>>18459626
Thanks again, I definitely am trying not to "baby" him or "walk on eggshells" with him. Im very impulsive so i have to correct myself with that sometimes