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Anonymous
Depression, (sexual?) sadism 2017-06-26 07:34:32 Post No. 18457350
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Depression, (sexual?) sadism 2017-06-26 07:34:32 Post No. 18457350
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I have been depressed for years and have consistent periods of suicidal thoughts. I had a very controlling and emotionally abusive father and a mother who neglected me. I used to strangle and beat my family's two kittens as a teenager and gained pleasure from it. I vividly remember having strong erections when I was hurting the cats. After a while my mother gave them away and I'm pretty sure she had found out what I was doing.
In my late teens my family adopted another two cats and I resumed my old habits. I moved out soon after that. I'm 26 now and last year when I lived at my parents for a while I hurt those cats again. Now I'm living with them for the summer and the urge to hurt the cats is almost irresistible.
My adulthood has been very unfulfilling sexually. I lost my virginity at the age of 19. I have had 9 partners, 5 of which happened in the span of the last year. I always have trouble maintaining erection and I manage to climax maybe 10% of the time. I have settled with a girl from my class and I'd really like to have a healthy sexual life with her, but when we are in bed I feel like I have zero libido. Even with sildenafil my boner turns into a semi when I enter her. Then I get insecure thoughts that turn dark.
Stuff that keeps me from acting out my fantasies:
>the fear of getting caught
>my loved ones finding out and getting sad over it
What the fuck should I do? I don't want to get on record, i.e. talk to a psychiatrist.
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Leave the cats alone for fucks sake.
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>>18457350
You need help
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>>18457350
I think you're a psychopath. Leave the poor cats alone. Also go get help
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I'm certain I am not a psychopath. I love and feel loved. I have strong internal moral standards. I feel guilt sometimes, just not for the cats. I won't hurt them this time, though. I know I would kill them and my mother would know it was me and it would devastate her.
I also used to be a bedwetter until the age of 10, which probably adds to my feelings of worthlessness when with women. I'd like to get to the root of this all.
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>>18457350
Couldn't you find a partner who is a masochist?
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>>18457419
Yes, you are not a psychopath, you are a sociopath. You're an extremely impulsive person.
You can't get your d up, because in your mind there's this "love barrier" you set yourself up, convincing yourself to love her. You could only get it up if you beat the living hell out of her.
You're a pure sadist. Actually, you remind me of Peter Kürten. He always said, he loved his wife, too, but couldn't get it up for her either, so he beat up and murdered women and children.
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>>18457644
I think I could but would it feel the same if she took pleasure from the pain? I honestly can't imagine this scenario, I guess I will have to try.
>>18457948
I don't love her, though. She basically threw herself at me and I didn't want to reject her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I find her physically attractive, though. And I still want to fuck women. But something is missing. I feel like I am half a man as long as I keep suppressing my needs.
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Just make the world a better place and kys, this will solve your problems too.
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>>18457350
>hurting cats for fun
fuck you dude. I hope your life sucks forever. go hurt a dog or something
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>>18458273
>hurt a dog
Just as bad you inbred cretin. He just shouldn't hurt anything.
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>>18457350
Get a furr cat costume for your rib. She should be happy to please you, as she was created to be at your service. If choking cats it's what pleases you, choke your rib on a cat costume. That's what you need.
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