I Wish I Was Dead

>>18454533
It really makes me wonder why God puts people like you on Earth

You need help, and sadly not many places and many people will be attentive enough to help you. But keep trying: if those therapies don't work for you, you need to keep searching for the right one. Try connecting to people, it can be an anonymous group since you have trouble with people; I know it should be hard, but once you get to know good friends, you'll feel a lot better.

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You have whole eternity to sleep, enjoy the pains while you can.

>>18454594
>He doesn't know that existence is a never ending cycle of death and rebirth

>>18454533
God this could have all been avoided if you mom and dad raised you right. Fucken hell.

OP here.

I just got told that I'm going to start this procedure either this coming Wednesday or the following Monday.

I'm mandated to get this done. Either I have someone that is family/friend/other take me up to each session or I surrender my rights and the state will take me and control me to do whatever they say.

I have chosen to have the only person available to take me to each session... my psycho father who has done shit loads of drugs, cheated on my mother, didn't pay home bills, and tried to kill my mother and me in the past.

Here goes to incoming 4 weeks of this shit...

>>18455891
>Here goes to incoming 4 weeks of this shit...
I can tell you right now that with that kind of attitude nothing will ever work. What pulls us through life is a carrot called hope.

>>18454533

Well Anon, the way I see it, if you don't wanna die, there's two ways to go about it.

Let your feelings for your shitty parents fuel your desire to beat depression. It will be a lifelong endeavor, but, just think about their shitty faces when you make something out of your life.

Or two, volunteer for every experimental drug they have for your ailment. Worst case : you die, best case: you find a drug that works. Both helps other people with your issues.

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Can I be your friend?

Self diagnosed or actual?

>>18454533
Ever found a pen buddy to chat up and stuff?

>>18454533
How does one even get this many (clinically diagnosed?) disorders at once?

You seem perfectly normally expressive in writing.

>>18455891
So your relationship with your psycho father is better now?

>>18455968
>volunteer for every experimental drug they have for your ailment.
The doctors have said they've exhausted pretty much all options for oral medication and that this ECT is a last resort.

>>18455999
Actual diagnosed on all except self diagnosed on agoraphobia.

>>18456008
I seldom message people on Discord about trivial stuff. If asked about what's wrong, I message about stuff mentioned above.

Sometimes I'll mention how I'm stuck inside my bedroom where I've hung blankets in front of the windows to create a dark room, how I sleep through the day time and sleep on average 10-12 hours a day, how I shower about once a week, and how I can't get food from the kitchen when I am hungry if there are people who can see me between my bedroom and the kitchen.

If there are people who can see me, I just don't eat until everyone leaves or there's just my mother left and she's asleep in her bedroom. So I eat about once a day.

>>18456041
>So your relationship with your psycho father is better now?
No. He somehow found out where my mom and I live and somehow found out my phone number.

He's been stalking the place and texting me since January of this year when it's been years since I've had any contact with him because my mom divorced and took me with her to an apartment to get away from him.

He texts me stuff like "I miss you. Can you send me picture or text? Forgive me of my shortcomings, I was wrong about a lot of things I say this in sincerity. God is in your room. Time for a change." And a voice message once saying "I'm on top of the world."

I don't want to be around or text with someone who is crazy and almost killed me in the past.

I feel like something bad is going to happen.

Eat an Activia yoghurt. They're probiotic. Peach is my favourite

>>18456079
>He texts me stuff like "I miss you. Can you send me picture or text? Forgive me of my shortcomings, I was wrong about a lot of things I say this in sincerity. God is in your room. Time for a change." And a voice message once saying "I'm on top of the world."
That doesn't sound very confidence-inspiring.

> I don't want to be around or text with someone who is crazy and almost killed me in the past.
Since you're doing it anyhow: I'll advise you to think a moment and then react clearly and honestly to his comments if you deal with him.

Maybe make it clear that re-approaching him even to this degree is not an easy thing for you to do. Even if he feels in tune with god or happy to see you or whatever, you still feel instinctively afraid.

Crazy people usually feel unspoken resentment etc. anyhow but the result of them deciding how to deal with them all on their own is usually worse than you talking straight with them. Hard as it may be.

Seems like it's over for you boyo, I'm sorry. See you on the other side.